NoToPile:
Am I the only one seeing that the husband said she should do most of the laundry work ( washing, ironing and starching) plus the house responsibilities and taking care of the child.

Is it too much for her to ask for the laundry work to be shared equally between them, yes any woman would ask for that noow?

Is laundry that easy a job to do for a woman at a commercial scale? What man would want to overwork his woman to that extent, I am almost certain it's being ironed and starched by hand.




That's where I had a problem with this whole story.

This has also been the major cause of our disagreement, infact it was exactly what caused yesterday's, Conflict, I simply told him to go Starch the clothes he went to pick up himself, the next he said was, it was my job to do it and not his and that infact, he created the laundry business for feeding purposes and since I don't have a job I should be in charge of it.....The work of starching isn't easy not to talk of ironing.......Just this morning I have ironed one Ghana must go full of clothes , but he was in the room pressing phone and chatting himself away......

I have always challenged him it's our both duties to do the laundry work.......Starching and ironing shouldn't be left for me alone...but I noticed He doesn't like starching at all,
my major Fuss bout it all is dat he wakes every morning and press phone....while I wake earlier before him to run the house chores before doing laundry work...


Last year when I was into Laundry, and side income jobs......I worked myself thin just to ensuring I make ends meet....... Sincerely if it wasn't for my contributions (I'm not praising myself) , his families would think i probably brought bad luck to him....But I keep patching things up just to cover up for him......

Sometimes I feel like just closing up the laundry business and just fold my arms doing nothing, but the truth is I can't help it, My baby will definitely suffer for it.....

Laeroy:


I love him so much, meanwhile I said before in my previous post that we have always argued and fought about this issue even wen I was idle and had no kobo on me....Anyways thanks for the advice sir or ma...

The role of the woman in the life of a man can be liken to that of the heart to the body.. Both are useless without the other and the heart is most important only in the body..everybody sees and admires only the body but not the heart.. The body most times does what causes injury to the heart but that does not stop it from performing it's lifelong duty of pumping life the body.. Stay blessed.. Am a man

Laeroy:


This has also been the major cause of our disagreement, infact it was exactly what caused yesterday's, Conflict, I simply told him to go Starch the clothes he went to pick up himself, the next he said was, it was my job to do it and not his and that infact, he created the laundry business for feeding purposes and since I don't have a job I should be in charge of it.....The work of starching isn't easy not to talk of ironing.......Just this morning I have ironed one Ghana must go full of clothes , but he was in the room pressing phone and chatting himself away......

I have always challenged him it's our both duties to do the laundry work.......Starching and ironing shouldn't be left for me alone...but I noticed He doesn't like starching at all,
my major Fuss bout it all is dat he wakes every morning and press phone....while I wake earlier before him to run the house chores before doing laundry work...


Last year when I was into Laundry, and side income jobs......I worked myself thin just to ensuring I make ends meet....... Sincerely if it wasn't for my contributions (I'm not praising myself) , his families would think i probably brought bad luck to him....But I keep patching things up just to cover up for him......

Sometimes I feel like just closing up the laundry business and just fold my arms doing nothing, but the truth is I can't help it, My baby will definitely suffer for it.....

We still need to gist o. When i'm settled, i'll type what's on my mind

Zykod:





Yes, please be silent. Don't talk about issues that led to your quarrels anymore.

Please forget about the loan, it's not his fault the business didn't go as planned.

PLEASE MADAM, DO NOT INSULT YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE A THIRD PARTY ANYMORE, OR CHALLENGE HIM EVEN WHEN HES WRONG. FIND A TACTFUL WAY OF DELIVERING THE MESSAGE IN YOUR HEART TO HIM.


THIS IS WRONG@

.I told him to his time one time dat he is an asslicker and full of eye service, he always love to be seen in good light....dats why most time in church, sometimes people talk anyhow to him but he will be dere laughing like a fool, but try dat with him at home.....all hell will be let loose......


IF THEPROBLEM PERSISTS, I STRONGLY ADVICEYOU VISIT AN ELDER PASTOR IN YOUR CHURCH FOR SPIRITUAL OVERSIGHT. BUT I SEE LOTS OF INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES BETWEEN YOU BOTH, IT'S PROBABLY ONE OR BOTH OF YOU CHANGED IN THE MARRIAGE. IN THE END, YOU BOTH NEED REGULAR MENTORSHIP, SOMEONE TO MENTOR YOUR MARRIAGE SO YOU BOTH CAN NAVIGATE THE STRAIT BEFORE YOU. THIS MARRIAGE CAN STILL PULL THROUGH....I DON'T SEE THE NEED FOR A DIVORCE, BUT LIKE I SAID EARLIER, PREPARE FOR AVERY LONG ROCKY RELATIONSHIP...

The first time He threatened to use a cutlass on me if I don't pack out of the house before he returns from work,I cried Very hard, immediately I called the Venerable of my church, But he didn't respond the calls of the vicar, I then called my parents and siblings to inform them about his intentions...

Immediately he returned from work, He started going out and coming in with fury in his eyes as if he was looking for something , the next I saw was his Fathers wife and aunt, who came in to settle the matter........after that episode of quarrel and disagreement, I didn't mention it to the Venerable and the Ven...likewise didn't ask me about it...

I also noticed that he doesn't want me to involve church elders and leaders , I guess this is due to his reputation in the church...

Laeroy:



The first time He threatened to use a cutlass on me if I don't pack out of the house before he returns from work,I cried Very hard, immediately I called the Venerable of my church, But he didn't respond the calls of the vicar, I then called my parents and siblings to inform them about his intentions...

Immediately he returned from work, He started going out and coming in with fury in his eyes as if he was looking for something , the next I saw was his Fathers wife and aunt, who came in to settle the matter........after that episode of quarrel and disagreement, I didn't mention it to the Venerable and the Ven...likewise didn't ask me about it...

I also noticed that he doesn't want me to involve church elders and leaders , I guess this is due to his reputation in the church...

Cutlass, this is not a healthy clime o... Jesus Christ.

Can you outline the problems you think are the main problems between the both of you? While i was meditating this morning, i, how do i put it, there are some things i wish to share but i don't know if i have the time to type.In the main time, i will like you to outline the root problems you feel are the core problems in your marriage with him...

Zykod:





Cutlass, this is not a healthy clime o... Jesus Christ.

Can you outline the problems you think are the main problems between the both of you? While i was meditating this morning, i, how do i put it, there are some things i wish to share but i don't know if i have the time to type.In the main time, i will like you to outline the root problems you feel are the core problems in your marriage with him...

Ok, I'll break them down as much as possible as I can....

(1) Responsibility Sharing: (We have different ideologies on this), U should understand this by now....

Let's assume he takes responsibilities for everything in the house,I tell u there ll be less issues in here...
He doesn't have to clothe nor feed me, I'll be fine


(2) Respect / Submission... ( He says I dont respect nor submit to him) Maybe becos i usually Oppose most of his actions, he feels I'm not respectful enof, he wants me to pamper, cuddle, sweet talk and say yes to everything he wants, I've told him that he should have married Aunt Ramota from ososa village if he wanted all that...

(3) Allocation of resources ( I have stopped fighting him on this),I have said he can do whatever he wants or desires with his Money and I can do whatever with mine, but he wants me to support him with mine yle not doing anything to ensuring dat I have a bit of security in the marriage....

These are few of the problems I can think of

Laeroy, if you know what is good for you, if you really want to have complete body organs intact, pleeeeeaaase seperate from your husband for a while until this issue has been settled. Your husband is suffering from a serious case of low self esteem. Until he sorts himself out, you are nothing but meat ready to be slaughtered! Do not add yourself to the statistics of women that have either lost their body organs or have died due to domestic violence. Focus on what you have to do and leave that toxic environment. Women, once a man threatens you with sharp objects/weapons to harm or kill you, even if they are just mere words, pleeeeeaaaaase leave that relationship asap! I have said my own o! Don't say you were not warned!!!

Oyindidi:
My sister, I'm being careful not to be judgemental but op is not humble. If the husband should create his own thread here , you'll understand what I'm talking about.

I am inclined to agree with you.

When one reports an issue to you, he will never reported it in a way to show that he is guilty. People rarely say where they are at fault

Moreover, women (with all due respect) can be funny in narrating the sequence of domestic issues.

Laeroy:


Ok, I'll break them down as much as possible as I can....

(1) Responsibility Sharing: (We have different ideologies on this), U should understand this by now....

Let's assume he takes responsibilities for everything in the house,I tell u there ll be less issues in here...
He doesn't have to clothe nor feed me, I'll be fine


(2) Respect / Submission... ( He says I dont respect nor submit to him) Maybe becos i usually Oppose most of his actions, he feels I'm not respectful enof, he wants me to pamper, cuddle, sweet talk and say yes to everything he wants, I've told him that he should have married Aunt Ramota from ososa village if he wanted all that...

(3) Allocation of resources ( I have stopped fighting him on this),I have said he can do whatever he wants or desires with his Money and I can do whatever with mine, but he wants me to support him with mine yle not doing anything to ensuring dat I have a bit of security in the marriage....

These are few of the problems I can think of

Okay. I'm still in transit, i'll reply you within the next 24-36hours

Zykod:

Okay. I'm still in transit, i'll reply you within the next 24-36hours

Alright sir...

From all the write up I have read from ur part.

All u kept doing is, saying all the bad things he does and doesn't mention the one u do, or u just justify them.


If u want to leave ur marriage, leave.

Apparently, u have been listening to people outside. The same way u want our opinion here.


Young lady work on ur home.

chigoizie7:
From all the write up I have read from ur part.

All u kept doing is, saying all the bad things he does and doesn't mention the one u do, or u just justify them.


If u want to leave ur marriage, leave.

Apparently, u have been listening to people outside. The same way u want our opinion here.


Young lady work on ur home.

Thank U, but obviously u didn't read all my write ups...

Laeroy:


Thank U, but obviously u didn't read all my write ups...

Tell him to create a thread on Nairaland, I'm interested in his own version of this whole issue. Truth be told, you are a self-centered person. Judging from your post here. Work on yourself too as you intend to control him as he is contributing little for the family's upkeep.

Oyindidi:
Tell him to create a thread on Nairaland, I'm interested in his own version of this whole issue. Truth be told, you are a self-centered person. Judging from your post here. Work on yourself too as you intend to control him as he is contributing little for the family's upkeep.

Saying she is self centered is harsh, very harsh. I really don't see what's wrong with some of her demands.

Apart from not paying school fees to prove a point that's the major offence here.

What still strikes me is how a full grown man will sit down and allow his wife to do the muscular jobs of washing starching and ironing clothes commercially without wanting to share when he's available and the money is for food right? She does other jobs too oo plus normal wifey chores.

That's slavery

Outspoken and a bit rigid yeah, made some mistakes here and there yeah but self centered? No


The major problem is they are ideologically different and it will take a miracle for them to agree on these issues.

Which woman doesn't want to feel secured in her marriage?

He doesn't pay his child fees, the wife does most of the work in the laundry business for the home( this is the most annoying to me because he could always help out), she's constantly threatened ( including a cutlas threat) she knows she means not so much to him (because of the I am doing this for my child statement), he's perfect to outsiders and doesn't want them to know wats up in their home.

So what exactly does he use his little income for?

It's not today men have had challenges with money but I do have a problem with a man like this.

He doesn't care about his wife simple.

NoToPile:


Saying she is self centered is harsh, very harsh. I really don't see what's wrong with some of her demands.

Apart from not paying school fees to prove a point that's the major offence here.

What still strikes me is how a full grown man will sit down and allow his wife to do the muscular jobs of washing starching and ironing clothes commercially without wanting to share when he's available and the money is for food right? She does other jobs too oo plus normal wifey chores.

That's slavery

Outspoken and a bit rigid yeah, made some mistakes here and there yeah but self centered? No


The major problem is they are ideologically different and it will take a miracle for them to agree on these issues.

Which woman doesn't want to feel secured in her marriage?

He doesn't pay his child fees, the wife does most of the work in the laundry business for the home( this is the most annoying to me because he could always help out), she's constantly threatened ( including a cutlas threat) she knows she means not so much to him (because of the I am doing this for my child statement), he's perfect to outsiders and doesn't want them to know wats up in their home.

So what exactly does he use his little income for?

It's not today men have had challenges with money but I do have a problem with a man like this.

He doesn't care about his wife simple.

She painted her husband as the devil. She is flawless

Oyindidi:
She painted her husband as the devil. She is flawless

she never said she was noow, she did admit she was stubborn at some point in this thread.

NoToPile:



she never said she was noow, she did admit she was stubborn at some point in this thread.

She don too talk. I be one of those wey first post for this thread. Her husband na devil himself according to her.

Oyindidi:
Tell him to create a thread on Nairaland, I'm interested in his own version of this whole issue. Truth be told, you are a self-centered person. Judging from your post here. Work on yourself too as you intend to control him as he is contributing little for the family's upkeep.

U've told me this severally. ..and oh yes I'm a self centred person.....When u have anything else to say let me know......

Laeroy:


U've told me this severally. ..and oh yes I'm a self centred person.....When u have anything else to say let me know......

Your husband can't speak for himself after all you've said about him. You are angry

Looking from ur write i wont totally blame ur husband fully, but wat he has definately failed to do is carry u along. U cant lead by just taking decisions that might affect others without fully carrying them along. I know u dont want ur husband to turn u into the man of the house hence ur refusal to spend money, but nah! Thats where u got it all wrong ,that child is ur future invest in it if and while u can. May God heal ur marriage.

Have you seek the face of God in your family? The scripture says; the heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord. Speak to God concerning your husband.


Surrender your life to Christ. Let his love fill you up. He will strengthen you . He alone can work through your husband.


Don't give the devil chance to destroy your home. Think about your little one. Do you really want to punish her for your actions?


Pray & Communicate more. May the peace of God be restored in your home. Amen.

Oyindidi:
Your husband can't speak for himself after all you've said about him. You are angry

We've just had a round table talk, i'll give u updates later, I love my husband so much just incase u don't know, but when my Security in his house is threatened, Its definitely not out of place when I begin to restrategize.........
But after tonight's discussion, using a subtle tone unlike Yesterday morning's rant, I'm able to view things from a different perspective....

More updates later...

Laeroy:



We've just had a round table talk, i'll give u updates later, I love my husband so much just incase u don't know, but when my Security in his house is threatened, Its definitely not out of place when I begin to restrategize.........
But after tonight's discussion, using a subtle tone unlike Yesterday morning's rant, I'm able to view things from a different perspective....

More updates later...

Good luck dear, I'm happy you are calm now

Pearl05:
Have you seek the face of God in your family? The scripture says; the heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord. Speak to God concerning your husband.


Surrender your life to Christ. Let his love fill you up. He will strengthen you . He alone can work through your husband.


Don't give the devil chance to destroy your home. Think about your little one. Do you really want to punish her for your actions?


Pray & Communicate more. May the peace of God be restored in your home. Amen.

Amen....Thanks so much for this kind piece of advice...

Oyindidi:
Tell him to create a thread on Nairaland, I'm interested in his own version of this whole issue. Truth be told, you are a self-centered person. Judging from your post here. Work on yourself too as you intend to control him as he is contributing little for the family's upkeep.

Obviously, youdidn't read her comments you just rushed to type. Nah, on this one you're wrong

Laeroy:
Dear Nairalanders!!!

I'll express myself the best way I can as my writing skill is poor...

I'm a female and In the midst of a Marriage Crises, Yes my marriage is on the verge of a crash for so many numerous reasons.....

Each time there is an issue between my Husband nd I, He usually threatens me with packing out of his house, so this morning....we had an issue again, and he started spelling out his usual Terms and Conditions, so this time around, I've made up my mind to leave, But I asked him to do the right thing by going to Court to do the necessary divorce Procedures, but he insists that I leave that way dat he has no problem with me leaving.....


But I want it done the official way
.....We have a child and he has said I leave with her or drop her......

As regards the properties in the house, he bought majority of them.....we also have a small car we bought together......I mean how do I get a share of my investments in the home we both built?



And this is an advise to all ladies out there, do not be totally dependent on your Husband for everything.......If you do not think about anything, think about Death, it is no respecter of any persons.......

Marriage can be very sweet experience for some people while it could be bitter for others.

I would advice that you take two steps back and analyse everything that has been happening since both of you got married.

Are there issues that could have been resolved easily?
Could both of you have done somethings differently to ease friction?

If you reason and see that there is no way out (there is always a way) then you can amicably dissolve the union.

As long as there is no battering in the union, I would say you should always find a way to settle things amicably.

@Oyindidi, thank you very much! how can I have N450k in my account and my daughter will not go to school, I think you are too money conscious.

Zykod:



Obviously, youdidn't read her comments you just rushed to type. Nah, on this one you're wrong

Please, I don't type for likes. You are encouraging her to be disobedient to her husband

Oyindidi:
I wonder how a mother can sit back and watch her child stay out of school. Everything I earn is for my son. I am working for my son, his happiness is my gain.

Op, needs to be humble. The husband is really trying to be with a self-centered woman like her.

I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I see so much blind anger, pride and unsubmissiveness in her post. She even admitted that her husband is not earning much, but doesn't want to assist him financially.

She has come here to demonise her husband but from what I'm picking up, she herself is not an easy person to live with.

Well sha, let me not talk what is in my mind. Every man for himself

Oyindidi:
Please, I don't type for likes. You are encouraging her to be disobedient to her husband

I am not. It feels like it, but you're encouraging her to stay in abusive marriage without taking caution. The man has issues. Its clear to see

Ishilove:

I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I see so much blind anger, pride and unsubmissiveness in her post. She even admitted that her husband is not earning much, but doesn't want to assist him financially.

She has come here to demonise her husband but from what I'm picking up, she herself is not an easy person to live with.

Well sha, let me not talk what is in my mind. Every man for himself

Hypocrite

Zykod:



Hypocrite

Whatever. Na you get your hand to type wetin you wan type, so I really, sincerely DO NOT GIVE A FVCK what you think. Sincerely.