tritritri:


My brother i thought women r only wicked to there house maid.never knew to her own kids.

Save ur money and turn ur child to illiterate . U didnt even pity ur husband ..he is trying to build a comfortable home for u and ur child . ur trying to rub shoulder to ur husband . 2-3yr now if that man finally make it and go marry a new young pretty wife .u will say he is wicked u suffered with him.. Look at the stress ur giving him ? U knew HE DON'T av d money for Daughter schl fee. and U have but u refuse to pay. Giving the man high blood pressure..let me ask u a simple question..

even if u divorced , will you be able to bear it knowing well ur child is at home all day with u ?

Calm down and take a chill. I'm a woman and not a bro

mrphysics:


Pity your fellow woman

I pray she pull through this minor problem in her marriage

Mindfulness:


I just love you my sister.

I love you too Sis, and I miss you, us.

But I understand that it is all as it should be.

Always connected we are

I don't care how irresponsible or abusive your husband is, you are both adults.

Your daughter is your RESPONSIBILITY, and part of that responsibility includes sending her to school. It doesn't have to be an expensive school, whichever you can afford will do. SHE DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN.

Laeroy:


I love him and have ever submitted to him except my finance....

I'm sorry your marriage is far from a healthy one from what we read here. Before it breaks down further, do something. Speak to your family, your pastor, anyone he holds in respect and both parties re-evaluate the relationship or the T.O.C. of the divorce, don't stay with him any longer before doing this evaluation before things turn messy

Oyindidi:
I pray she pull through this minor problem in her marriage

This isn't minor. You call this minor...Gosh..Its going to lead to more and more issues, the environment is already toxic

Laeroy:


I love him and have ever submitted to him except my finance....

This is hell wrong @


This man does not include me in his plan, he will only just say it literally dat all that he is doing is for my kid and I but when there's an issue he is usually quick to use the phrase "If u can't submit to me, GO"...

YOUR HUSBAND HAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM ABOUT HIS ROLE IN THE MARRIAGE, AND FIXING THIS ISSUE WON'T FIX HIS PROBLEM. A MAN HAS TO INVOLVE A WOMAN SO SHE CAN KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. THIS IS SO-SO WRONG


Open a new bank account, and dont tell him what you have in your savings. Never tell an abusive lover what you have in your savings, although in this case, it has helped, he knows you have something to bounce back on should things go back. You have a leverage nice one.

Don’t punish your child for an irresponsible man. Please send the child to school. she/he will appreciate you when they grow up. This should be a lesson to women who quit their means of income to please men. It hardly ever ends well.

Seahawk:
Don’t punish your child for an irresponsible man. Please send the child to school. she/he will appreciate you when they grow up. This should be a lesson to women who quit their means of income to please men. It hardly ever ends well.

It will always be a cause for argument, if she opts to send the daughter to a very good school, he will revolt and not contribute in the payment of the fees this will drain her finances. The man has an ego problem, this problem doesn't seem like one that can end easily. She needs to appeal to someone he respects to talk senses into him. I don't see any problem in this her marriage beside a man who assumes his wife is trying to be bigger than him.

MizMyColi:


I love you too Sis, and I miss you, us.

But I understand that it is all as it should be.

Always connected we are

We are. I can never forget you. You can always reach me. You know how.

@ Everyone who has advised me about this pending doom or disaster, I Say thank you so much......I have learnt one or two things from the advices Given.......I'll work on getting my child to school and leave the rest for God
......Thanks so much once again for taking time out of your busy schedules to answering my questions......
It's my prayer that God blesses every one of us beyond our expectations......

Shalom...

Laeroy:


Yes I do love, however I don't want to mistake love for foolishness, I resigned my well paying job for marriage, I remember how hellish that year was for me.........So he said I should start a laundry business, he made out the plan but I was the one who paid for the shop and bought necessary equipments in it.....Both of us are the only one running it, although he works somewhere else....but his net income is actually very small cos his salary has been mortgaged....

I'm the one who does the bulk of the laundry job from washing to starching and iron, coupled with running the house and taking care of our child, So I insisted That we will do the job equally (what I mean Is if I'm starching he must starch as I can't be only the one starching), he sticks only to ironing which I also do....so he said.....I should be the one doing the bulk of the job and it must be for feeding purposes, I said I cannot which he then said I can leave if I can't...

I insisted dat if he can't help me with domestic responsibilities.....I can't help him with providing feeding allowance (this is only wat I do) for the family...

madam u are stubborn , from ur write up u sound like u are not ready to bend , there are ways u can handle these issues without throwing it in his face like u are a rival . you do not see him as a man anymore because of the help u HV been giving him. u no longer respect or regard him as the man of the house .

I'm a little surprised that u can watch your daughter sit at home even when its obvious the father can't afford it , but u can!

darlenese:


madam u are stubborn , from ur write up u sound like u are not ready to bend , there are ways u can handle these issues without throwing it in his face like u are a rival . you do not see him as a man anymore because of the help u HV been giving him. u no longer respect or regard him as the man of the house .

I'm a little surprised that u can watch your daughter sit at home even when its obvious the father can't afford it , but u can!

I don't agree entirely. They both have sharp incompatibilities, an it's manifesting in several ways. The lady sort out means earlier because of the man's " belief system ", what if she didn't work ahead of time and followed foolishly? Both of them are not compatible, if the man doesn't make adjustments, this marriage won't last long. The man has issues he needs to tackle not the woman, the woman being fore-sighted only took to measures to keep herself safe which wasn't her typical actions before all the hubby's display...This is how i see it, i may be wrong, but this is my candid opinion based on what is presented here

It doesn’t have to be an expensive school. I know men like him. They hardly change. The child will be the one to suffer it.

I just hope she will be able to save the child’s future instead of waiting for him. Men like him are insensitive and do not care. She is going by the traditional expectation that men provide and women nurture. This is not the truth by any means. Not in the workd today (I don’t even think it has ever been). Many women are providing and they hide it because they feel something is wrong with their marriage if they have to help with the providing. Another untruth .
The only unfortunate aspect of it is that she will still be expected to be the sole nurturer even when she’s providing. If I was her, I would ignore him.Take care of me andmy child and make sure the child knows I am the one doing it.
I won’t leave. He can leave if he wants to. Not leaving my sweat for him to squander. Until she can figure out how to take what's her fair share. I don’t believe in fighting for dead love. A man who loves you won’t be okay to see you stressed out over his responsibilities.

He will still head of the family on top of all this nonsense. Na wa

Zykod:


It will always be a cause for argument, if she opts to send the daughter to a very good school, he will revolt and not contribute in the payment of the fees this will drain her finances. The man has an ego problem, this problem doesn't seem like one that can end easily. She needs to appeal to someone he respects to talk senses into him. I don't see any problem in this her marriage beside a man who assumes his wife is trying to be bigger than him.

Seahawk:
It doesn’t have to be an expensive school. I know men like him. They hardly change. The child will be the one to suffer it.

I just hope she will be able to save the child’s future instead of waiting for him. Men like him are insensitive and do not care. She is going by the traditional expectation that men provide and women nurture. This is not the truth by any means. Not in the workd today (I don’t even think it has ever been). Many women are providing and they hide it because they feel something is wrong with their marriage if they have to help with the providing. Another untruth .
The only unfortunate aspect of it is that she will still be expected to be the sole nurturer even when she’s providing. If I was her, I would ignore him.Take care of me andmy child and make sure the child knows I am the one doing it.
I won’t leave. He can leave if he wants to. Not leaving my sweat for him to squander. Until she can figure out how to take what's her fair share. I don’t believe in fighting for dead love. A man who loves you won’t be okay to see you stressed out over his responsibilities.

He will still head of the family on top of all this nonsense. Na wa

You are not seeing it the way it's happening. I'm a man let me explain, the man doesn't give two hoots about the daughter, he also cares less about the family.

The man is all about the money, he wants the woman to make the money, give to him and he'll do what he wants to do, anything less than this is a NO-NO for him. He can't afford the woman making decisions and ascribes it as pride, the woman may be willing to work with him, but he wants none of it.


I've seen this kinds before, they want to be the one dishing out goodies at all time and won't settle for being a beneficiary of anyone's goodies, she married a man who needs some psychological re-adjustment if the home will stand. Little wonder why single lades are not taking some of serious. If i have a wife that can bring something to the table,i'll gladly accept it, call her to the dining table, and discuss, this and that is the way forward this is what's gonna happen.

I'm too-rich for now, but you take the lead, while i go hustle, but na lie, the pride-demon in him will not let him to the right thing, she should be helpless while he should be the one doing the sepnding is his fixated ideology about marriage. This woman here has no issue oh, her hands are clean, its the man that needs to grow up..


Not a prophet of doom, but the only way this woman can enjoy her marriage is only if the man earns more money, which wont happen, no be curse, God seeing and knowing the kind of man he is will bless this woman more and more, and more. She will keep earning more and more than him, and if he can't deal with it, it's going to create more tension between them....Divorce is not the case here, i suggest oP settles for a long term rocky relationship. This is not a happy union obviously....She married a wrong man.


Give me a woman that earns more than me, and i'll happily pull my chair saw woman kneel down, pray for her to continue to earn more, ask her to make me chicken peppersoup every night, while i hustle, i'll enjoy her success without envying it. Marriage is not a battle ground. Competiton creates strife even in marriage, the both genders are meant to complement one another and not try to kill one another in the name of you earn more than me and i can't take it. God give me a millionaire wife, i will gladly accept it, as long as it comes with humility, submissiveness and Godliness...

darlenese:


madam u are stubborn , from ur write up u sound like u are not ready to bend , there are ways u can handle these issues without throwing it in his face like u are a rival . you do not see him as a man anymore because of the help u HV been giving him. u no longer respect or regard him as the man of the house .

I'm a little surprised that u can watch your daughter sit at home even when its obvious the father can't afford it , but u can!

Yes I just wanted him to know that, he is not the alpha and omega of the family....If he is a man who is in position of authority and power in the home, a man who wants total submission and wouldnt like his actions questioned, let him go ahead and pay the bills of the child who bears his name.......

please note, I didn't save 1 naira from the laundry business, Its because of his constant Threats dat my eyes became opened to other opportunities I could do online and offline.......
it's even that statement that pisses me off so bad....He thinks if I better job I'll be perturbed by the rubbish he throws at me all the time......No I can't...

And as for those Calling me stubborn , yes I am stubborn, I'm just being stubborn for my right...I'm just fighting for my cause and future......U can not cheat me all in the name of submission......If he insists I park out of his house, we must go though all necessary divorce Procedures....if he wants it physical,i m ready to damn the consequences......

I'll put my child in school but I'll continue to plan out my own future right here or there if he doesn't do the needful......

You’re basically agreeing with me. Just in different words

Zykod:




You are not seeing it the way it's happening. I'm a man let me explain, the man doesn't give two hoots about the daughter, he also cares less about the family.

The man is all about the money, he wants the woman to make the money, give to him and he'll do what he wants to do, anything less than this is a NO-NO for him. He can't afford the woman making decisions and ascribes it as pride, the woman may be willing to work with him, but he wants none of it.


I've seen this kinds before, they want to be the one dishing out goodies at all time and won't settle for being a beneficiary of anyone's goodies, she married a man who needs some psychological re-adjustment if the home will stand. Little wonder why single lades are not taking some of serious. If i have a wife that can bring something to the table,i'll gladly accept it, call her to the dining table, and discuss, this and that is the way forward this is what's gonna happen.

I'm too-rich for now, but you take the lead, while i go hustle, but na lie, the pride-demon in him will not let him to the right thing, she should be helpless while he should be the one doing the sepnding is his fixated ideology about marriage. This woman here has no issue oh, her hands are clean, its the man that needs to grow up..


Not a prophet of doom, but the only way this woman can enjoy her marriage is only if the man earns more money, which wont happen, no be curse, God seeing and knowing the kind of man he is will bless this woman more and more, and more. She will keep earning more and more than him, and if he can't deal with it, it's going to create more tension between them....Divorce is not the case here, i suggest oP settles for a long term rocky relationship. This is not a happy union obviously....She married a wrong man.


Give me a woman that earns more than me, and i'll happily pull my chair saw woman kneel down, pray for her to continue to earn more, ask her to make me chicken peppersoup every night, while i hustle, i'll enjoy her success without envying it. Marriage is not a battle ground. Competiton creates strife even in marriage, the both genders are meant to complement one another and not try to kill one another in the name of you earn more than me and i can't take it. God give me a millionaire wife, i will gladly accept it, as long as it comes with humility, submissiveness and Godliness...

Seahawk:
Don’t punish your child for an irresponsible man. Please send the child to school. she/he will appreciate you when they grow up. This should be a lesson to women who quit their means of income to please men. It hardly ever ends well.

My dear it doesn't end welll, It's usually sweet at the beginning but the end thereof is bitter, especially when they are aware u have nothing to fall back on, Ull be treated like thrash and threatened at the slightest provocation...

Mindfulness:


We are. I can never forget you. You can always reach me. You know how.

Of course I do.

For now, I'm cool with just thinking of you every now and then, and smiling

Laeroy:


My dear it doesn't end welll, It's usually sweet at the beginning but the end thereof is bitter, especially when they are aware u have nothing to fall back on, Ull be treated like thrash and threatened at the slightest provocation...

You really need a mentality overhaul.

Be fluid!

Laeroy:


My dear it doesn't end welll, It's usually sweet at the beginning but the end thereof is bitter, especially when they are aware u have nothing to fall back on, Ull be treated like thrash and threatened at the slightest provocation...

Exactly. I’ve been attacked in the past for telling women to never listen to such suggestions but will they learn? I won’t hesitate for a minute to dump a man who wants me to be dependent on him. Number gateway to abuse.

Laeroy:


Yes I do love, however I don't want to mistake love for foolishness, I resigned my well paying job for marriage, I remember how hellish that year was for me.........So he said I should start a laundry business, he made out the plan but I was the one who paid for the shop and bought necessary equipments in it.....Both of us are the only one running it, although he works somewhere else....but his net income is actually very small cos his salary has been mortgaged....

I'm the one who does the bulk of the laundry job from washing to starching and iron, coupled with running the house and taking care of our child, So I insisted That we will do the job equally (what I mean Is if I'm starching he must starch as I can't be only the one starching), he sticks only to ironing which I also do....so he said.....I should be the one doing the bulk of the job and it must be for feeding purposes, I said I cannot which he then said I can leave if I can't...

I insisted dat if he can't help me with domestic responsibilities.....I can't help him with providing feeding allowance (this is only wat I do) for the family...

its well. I am sure u guys can reach an arrangement. As u can see, its not an issue worth separation. The work is much on u, employ a helping hand dear. Its worth the extra cost. U guys shld resolve with a good love making and push foward. Its a small issue. U can do this!

What you need from your husband is separation for a while and not divorce. U and your husband need toiss each other for a while so u can both appreciate each other. No marriage is perfect. what keeps it going is how u guys can make it work despite all the flaws and shortcomings. please visit my blog
www.coloredsupergirls..com

*miss and not toiss

Zykod:


It will always be a cause for argument, if she opts to send the daughter to a very good school, he will revolt and not contribute in the payment of the fees this will drain her finances. The man has an ego problem, this problem doesn't seem like one that can end easily. She needs to appeal to someone he respects to talk senses into him. I don't see any problem in this her marriage beside a man who assumes his wife is trying to be bigger than him.

Exactly my thoughts......I do not have a problem assisting the home with my finances, the problem I have with him is his incessant threats,

Yes he carries me along his plans and everything, but dat one Na for mouth.......After one small fight as usual, the next utterance is, If u can't work according to my plans, it's The usual phrase, Leave and go, I can't count the number of times I have knelt and begged him about it, I also remembered while I was p pregnant with my child, I was idle and this same man starved me for several weeks just becos I didn't ask him money for food.....I cried out to my friends and dey all came out to support me...


U think If i had a major contribution on the possessions he has, he will be threatening me Everytime,No He won't dare try dat with me..


So this morning he said I'm being proud and rude to him becos of the shikini money I have, we have always had same argument even when I didn't have 1 naira, I don't even consider what I have Money, as money is bound to finish with time, what I hate bout men is always blackmailing u cheaply and always wanting women to always be at their mercy.....I hate it....Call it ego or whatever....I'll rather walk away dan stay around a man who wants me to always be at his mercy.....ill rather drink garri and have my self respect or even die dan beg for crumbs like Lazarus and the rich man....

Coloredsg:
What you need from your husband is separation for a while and not divorce. U and your husband need toiss each other for a while so u can both appreciate each other. No marriage is perfect. what keeps it going is how u guys can make it work despite all the flaws and shortcomings. please visit my blog
www.coloredsupergirls..com

we have discussed this seperation thing severally, and I categorically told him dat he can go away from us for weeks If he wants so we can have a rethink but the reverse is always the case, he wants me to go.....I told him it won't be comfortable for me leaving with the child but it would rather be easier for him leaving us alone....But him.no wan gree...


So this morning I said if u want me to go do the needful, let's go THru the necessary divorce Procedures....But he said lailai I should go the same way I came......then I told him he has an hidden agenda....He even said I can go with the child

This is a money problem
Madam pls get someone to run the laundry business and go back to work so you can sort your child out and stand on your own 2 feet

He asked you to resign so that you will be at his mercy. Psychological imbalance. Do whatever you want to do but never allow the grass (child) to suffer in the process.

Laeroy:


we have discussed this seperation thing severally, and I categorically told him dat he can go away from us for weeks If he wants so we can have a rethink but the reverse is always the case, he wants me to go.....I told him it won't be comfortable for me leaving with the child but it would rather be easier for him leaving us alone....But him.no wan gree...


So this morning I said if u want me to go do the needful, let's go THru the necessary divorce Procedures....But he said lailai I should go the same way I came......then I told him he has an hidden agenda....He even said I can go with the child

he should go? from his house? WOW am sure if you were in america you would have purseud this man from his house. my sister calm down

yvelchstores:
Its well. I know how annoying things can get sometimes. On this one, if u two can't resolve it, give it time, either together or apart. Despite the severity of ur misunderstanding, u love each other.

very sound advice.
divorce is never easy having seen examples with others. give time...maybe his senses will prod him to realization...

Laeroy:


we have discussed this seperation thing severally, and I categorically told him dat he can go away from us for weeks If he wants so we can have a rethink but the reverse is always the case, he wants me to go.....I told him it won't be comfortable for me leaving with the child but it would rather be easier for him leaving us alone....But him.no wan gree...


So this morning I said if u want me to go do the needful, let's go THru the necessary divorce Procedures....But he said lailai I should g o the same way I came......then I told him he has an hidden agenda....He even said I can go with the child

I beg can you throw more light on...."he said lailai I should go the same way I came"?
where you not legally married? did he pay a bride price? has he no relations? and what about your relations?

Seahawk:
Don’t punish your child for an irresponsible man. Please send the child to school. she/he will appreciate you when they grow up. This should be a lesson to women who quit their means of income to please men. It hardly ever ends well.

That is the last thing I will ever do!! Never!

I think OP's marriage can still be salvaged. They both have to calm down a bit,though I understand her anger.

The child should go to school too, he/she doesn't have to be punished for the sins of the father.