₦airaland Forum

ImaIma1:
If the father can run away, why should the son take over his responsibility. She is his wife and his cross to carry. The son has his own life and future to build.

It is because he is staying there...that's why he is being stressed with responsibility.

do you have conscience at all?
How can a man be bear the whole burden for about 20years because the dude said his mom deliberately stopped working 20years ago.

why won't he run away? do you want him to die?
I want the guy to leave the house.. the woman will rethink .nonsense

Elder001:
you can't force the man to take responsibility because he's obviously tired.... didn't you read his last thread where he said his mom deliberately stopped working! because she became a born again.. like wtf does that? they tried setting up business for her up to 3times but she squandered the money
The father has no choice but to run away because he's tired of the burden

If the father can run away, why should the son take over his responsibility. She is his wife and his cross to carry. The son has his own life and future to build.

It is because he is staying there...that's why he is being stressed with responsibility.

Elder001:
Naija men will never learn! Never take your Nigerian wife with you to Europe or America!
If they accuse you of anything there you're doomed.
They can accuse you of domestic violence even if there's no proof and your own is finished.
they can accuse you for marital rape and you'll be sentenced...


if you two get divorced there she'll surely be granted custody! and you'll be forced to pay child support unless you run back to Nigeria with all your money.

Was he staying over there ?

Yup. This was one woman he did everything for,even sacked his family members from his house because she always had issues with them; but her siblings were welcomed. I just tire for d guy. It wasn't like we everyone of us just surrendered our problems for him to solve o. It is just those usual things younger siblings will expect from a big brother. Personally for me,I wasn't expecting freebies,i wanted advice and exposure as a mentor.Dat iz all.

Elder001:
do you have conscience at all?
How can a man be bear the whole burden for about 20years because the dude said his mom deliberately stopped working 20years ago.

why won't he run away? do you want him to die?
I want the guy to leave the house.. the woman will rethink .nonsense

So if the son runs away too, there is no problem. Father can bail but son should stay and carry the responsibility.

This has nothing to do with conscience. What if his son didn't have job?

Whether the father is bearing the burden for 20 or 50yrs, the fact is that they are his family and responsibility. He has to figure out a way and not dump the stress on his son and run

/
Buy a bible and wait for your mom.

When she shows up, pray and vibrate with her for at least an hour....binding all the forces of darkness.

After the prayers, tell her to have faith because God will provide for his children.

Encourage her to embark on dry fasting for 14 days.

/

Elliot2:
Yup. This was one woman he did everything for,even sacked his family members from his house because she always had issues with them; but her siblings were welcomed. I just tire for d guy. It wasn't like we everyone of us just surrendered our problems for him to solve o. It is just those usual things younger siblings will expect from a big brother. Personally for me,I wasn't expecting freebies,i wanted advice and exposure as a mentor.Dat iz all.

so he's not in Nigeria now?

j

ImaIma1:
[s]So if the son runs away too, there is no problem. Father can bail but son should stay and carry the responsibility.

This has nothing to do with conscience. What if his son didn't have job?

Whether the father is bearing the burden for 20 or 50yrs, the fact is that they are his family and responsibility. He has to figure out a way and not dump the stress on his son and run[/s]

is the kids not also the woman's responsibility?

madam.. the man is tired! too much burden isn't good for a man's health

Elder001:
so he's not in Nigeria now?

to n fro

Elliot2:
to n fro

is he paying child support to the gold digger?

Elder001:
is he paying child support to the gold digger?

I wouldn't knw abt that. we don't get along. My point in the thread is, we should endeavour to help our blood. I understand that most times it ain't easy,but one shouldn't stop. I advise that op try n save up some money at a point he can use to leave the house and still give to the mother to start a small trade. Breadwinners easily get tired trying to bake for the whole family instead of teaching them how to do it themselves.

Elliot2:
I wouldn't knw abt that. we don't get along. My point in the thread is, we should endeavour to help our blood. I understand that most times it ain't easy,but one shouldn't stop. I advise that op try n save up some money at a point he can use to leave the house and still give to the mother to start a small trade. Breadwinners easily get tired trying to bake for the whole family instead of teaching them how to do it themselves.

I can never prioritize my wife over my immediate family
.....wives can never be trusted

Elder001:
I can never prioritize my wife over my immediate family
.....wives can never be trusted

true talk. both d wife n house help he went with disappointed him. Imagine house help too exposure spoil her begin form right? lol. see me here for naija,dey roast. Even if na me go n i abandon am, na still plus for d family o.

Elliot2:
true talk. both d wife n house help he went with disappointed him. Imagine house help too exposure spoil her begin form right? lol. see me here for naija,dey roast. Even if na me go n i abandon am, na still plus for d family o.

He was foolish for taking them there in the first place..,

post=67763058:
I like the part you said earn more and keep spending plenty on them. It's amazing to still have a family and share the love among each other.

There's nothing too much to do for them, the prayers of a mom when she receives the alert is enough to gladdens ones heart. Many out there wish to have a mom. Family is family! One can only pray for more money.

Especially in the OP's case, his family is not demanding, he just couldn't take his eyes off the murmurings and needs in the home which somewhat makes him a good son.

Your comments are making me emotional. I have elder ones who don't see helping each other as a duty but a burden. I am aware that they suffered greatly to make it,but that mentality is over clouding their thought processes. They believe that since they suffered,you must suffer too and not depend on them. The worst of my elder ones is the most senior. That one lacks the charisma of a good leader as being the senior in the family.

Elder001:
He was foolish for taking them there in the first place..,

i guess he didn't think it through; he just wanted to give his family the best life he can. but that is the irony. he lost one family while trying to gain one,but has lost both. What I feel abt d ish is that,his love for his new family blinded him while his wife was awoke. Now to d op,if he can complain now that he hasn't started his own family,what if he does now-- what will he do adding the both pressures? From my understanding from personal experience,the Op does not have a good relationship with family, so deep conversations is rare,and therefore understanding is none.

Ezkid:
I'm seriously considering this. I've moved out once but I was just plain stupid to come back!

Don't blame yourself dear, it's never to late to make a decision to move out again.

People will always ask, you always have the liberty of saying no. Its really that simple.

Create a budget of a certain amount specifically for giving and don't go beyond it. When they ask for more than you can afford to give say no and learn to be strong in your emotions.

chronique:
Stop talking like a fool. I don't come from a family where helping out feels like a burden. Shove your stupid advice down your arse.

Ok thanks. Dont you worry the internet doesn't forget. You are suffering from youngness and youthfulness.

Ezkid:
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

You have started the journey of a full fledged man, it's not an easy journey but God will see you through.
Have you ever asked your mum why she chooses to stop supporting the family. If her response are not making senses to you then don't give her all she required of.
Start making plans to relocate by getting an accommodation for your self.
I only feel for your junior siblings and let them know that situations have changed and put them to the reality of life.
As for your dad's change of behaviour since you started working, he needs a relief talk to him that both of you have to move the family forward.

Phut:
The OP is being very uncharitable to his mother. His Mom is not working, not because she is a born again, but because she had a nervous breakdown and other mental health issues. The OP seeks to minimize her health problems by putting things off on her born again status.

OP’s mother used to be a hair dresser and supported the whole family, including the OP’s father. OP’s mother had a breakdown and ends up getting ensnared by a pastor who convinces her that hair dressing is not a godly profession. OP’s father promptly married another woman and is not taking care of his children.

OP does not seem to see this and for some strange reason, all his animus seems to be directed at the mother. Read his old thread: “What is wrong with my mother”

My advise to OP is to move out, while still helping in any little way he can. However, it is very important that he gets the right perspective, otherwise he might end up hating his Mom who was just as much a victim as himself

I've just looked through his threads and you are right.

He's not realizing his problems are from the fat Rick Ross stepmother he now has. No, he blames his mother. His father has absconded responsibilities because he has a new family, but on this thread he makes it appear as though the man is still there but his mother isn't working because she just does not want to.

The reason he is the breadwinner is because his father bailed out on them and he is too cowardly to accept that so he blames his mother and says a lot of nasty things about her online. Can't he man up and tell his father to take care of his siblings rather than abusing his mother, who appears to be under some mental strain, and naming her as the cause of the family problems?

Horrible child.

If his mother is experiencing health issues he should take her to the hospital so that she will get better and be able to work again. Instead he's online blaming her while his father who is the real cause of the problem is living with this stepmother of his.

Bro code with his father even when the problem is from his father.

Elder001:
j

is the kids not also the woman's responsibility?

madam.. the man is tired! too much burden isn't good for a man's health

So what do you suggest he does? The burden is not good for him but it is good for his child to bear?

What was he doing when his wife decided to pause her life for church sake? He watched her all these years. If one parent is foolish, the other has to take charge. Their failure is not the children's business. Theu still need to take care of them.

Is he not the head of the family and the man of the house? Too many men these days running away from their responsibilities.

Sorry about byour experience. I pray you fins succor and comfort

Ezkid:
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

1 wealthy man, among 50 destitutes, destitutes don become me 51!

Yoruba Saying

Elliot2:
Your comments are making me emotional. I have elder ones who don't see helping each other as a duty but a burden. I am aware that they suffered greatly to make it,but that mentality is over clouding their thought processes. They believe that since they suffered,you must suffer too and not depend on them. The worst of my elder ones is the most senior. That one lacks the charisma of a good leader as being the senior in the family.

I'm happy you're doing it differently. I hope they know no matter their sweats and efforts it's still God that blessed them

post=67768894:
I'm happy you're doing it differently. I hope they know no matter their sweats and efforts it's still God that blessed them

yup!

Ezkid:
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

your mum became "born again" and STOPPED WORKING? so those who are born again dont work again? religion is really bondage! guy, make 20% of your monthly money available for them even if its 10k that it amounts to, reserve the rest for yourself and your future plans. my mama tell me say "small pikin no de use BANGA "bunch of oil palm" learn how to carry load" before he go know d tin don scata him hand with shukushuku. shine ur eyes.

whether u move out or not..remember these simple RULE..YOURSELF FIRST THEN U AGAIN BEFORE OTHERS..I STILL LIVE IN MY PARENTS HOUSE WORKING BUT NOT ENUF TO RENT MY OWN APARTMENT AFTERALL WE NO DEY PAY RENT AND I CONTRIBUTE IF AND ONLY IF I WANT TO AND HAVE TO..NO ONE CAN BLACK MAIL ME U HAVE TO HARDEN UR HEART O BE FIRM N TOUGH A LIL FLEXIBLE BT NEVA DO PASS UR BUDGET BECAUSE TO BE BROKE NIGGAR IS NOT A GOOD THING I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE AND PRAY NOT TO EXPERIENCE IT again..aluta continua

samuelchimmy:
this is what i am facing even now,yours is good,mine is worst,because they dont appreciate the little i do,i cant save because of them,they literally tag me wicked once i refuse to do their biddings,even if im barely an adult,and still have a father,(just like yours doesnt live us),ive been paying the house rent since,december,this evening,they are accussing me of being wicked and stingy,because my mum asked me to give her some money so she can go to the market,and ii said i didnt have ,which is true,but i brought a friends new shoe home,they didnt bother asking me if it was mine ...... before jumping into conclusion,im so down mentally right now

When i ready ur story i was just angry not with your family but with you... You are just seeing a glimpse of the future...

Just pray that what happens to others do not happen to you...

No offense though.

wamiikechukwu:
When i ready ur story i was just angry not with your family but with you... You are just seeing a glimpse of the future...

Just pray that what happens to others do not happen to you...

No offense though.

what do you mean

samuelchimmy:
what do you mean

With what you just said, just imagine you lose your source of income....

samuelchimmy:
what do you mean

With what you just said, just imagine you lose your source of income....without any savings.