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I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! - Family - Nairaland

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I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Ezkid(m): 10:39pm On May 20, 2018
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by ReinaFarine: 10:41pm On May 20, 2018
Hmmmm.... I can only comment based on your post here.

Please move out of the house. Not only because your parents are 'burdening' you with financial responsibilities that's crushing you, but because you're an adult. Living with your parents keeps you in a cocoon like state. You're not as independent as you should be. You are not learning what it means to handle some things as an adult living on his own. You cannot be as hardworking as your mate because you live in your family house. So, save enough, get and apartment first. It is going to toughen you up. And from your post, you need some toughening.

Secondly, although it is the African (Nigerian) Culture for a child to take care of his parents in appreciation to them for taking care of him, don't do it to your detriment. Calculate your salary. Maybe you can say:
20% for transport, airtime/data and other day to day expenses you incur...

30% to your parents which includes food, utility bills and etcetera...

40% for savings towards your rent...

10% as emergency fund... Sickness, contribution for some unprecedented situation.

(If you're religious you can make it 15% out of the rent money for tithe and offerings)


After getting the apartment, make sure you set aside at least 20% towards investment in your own dream. After working 6-7 hours, you can't just sleep and chat for the rest of the day. Start creating your legacy. You don't want to 'burden' your kids too do you?

So, explain to mumsi in a calm respectful manner that things are getting a little tithe for you and you have a very very important project so... Your income is automatically deducted by say... 50%. Trust me, if you explain it patiently, she will understand. Don't sha tell her you're moving out yet.

Take care...


PS: you can also get a part time job to compensate...

127 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Peachess(f): 10:46pm On May 20, 2018
Move out of your family house.

24 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Blakjewelry(m): 10:47pm On May 20, 2018
this kind advise go hard o

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by MANNABBQGRILLS: 10:49pm On May 20, 2018
Blakjewelry:
this kind advise go hard o
E go hard seriously o.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by oshe11: 10:53pm On May 20, 2018
Its good You know the problem(going back to live with them)


So the reasonable thing is to MOVE

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Ezkid(m): 10:55pm On May 20, 2018
Peachess:
Move out of your family house.
I'm seriously considering this. I've moved out once but I was just plain stupid to come back!

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Ishilove: 10:55pm On May 20, 2018
Eleyi gidi gan o
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by eleko1: 10:57pm On May 20, 2018
sad u aren't a slave but a GOOD SAMARITAN.Dnt over stretch urself.Give what u can give them.Dnt allow anybody to put u unda duress. E GO BETA

2 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Ezkid(m): 10:57pm On May 20, 2018
ReinaFarine:
Hmmmm.... I can only comment based on your post here.

Please move out of the house. Not only because your parents are 'burdening' you with financial responsibilities that's crushing you, but because you're an adult. Living with your parents keeps you in a cocoon like state. You're not as independent as you should be. You are not learning what it means to handle some things as an adult living on his own. You cannot be as hardworking as your mate because you live in your family house. So, save enough, get and apartment first. It is going to toughen you up. And from your post, you need some toughening.

Secondly, although it is the African (Nigerian) Culture for a child to take care of his parents in appreciation to them for taking care of him, don't do it to your detriment. Calculate your salary. Maybe you can say:
20% for transport, airtime/data and other day to day expenses you incur...

30% to your parents which includes food, utility bills and etcetera...

40% for savings towards your rent...

10% as emergency fund... Sickness, contribution for some unprecedented situation.

(If you're religious you can make it 15% out of the rent money for tithe and offerings)


After getting the apartment, make sure you set aside at least 20% towards investment in your own dream. After working 6-7 hours, you can't just sleep and chat for the rest of the day. Start creating your legacy. You don't want to 'burden' your kids too do you?

So, explain to mumsi in a calm respectful manner that things are getting a little tithe for you and you have a very very important project so... Your income is automatically deducted by say... 50%. Trust me, if you explain it patiently, she will understand. Don't sha tell her you're moving out yet.

Take care...


PS: you can also get a part time job to compensate...

Excellent!

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Ezkid(m): 10:58pm On May 20, 2018
eleko1:
sad u aren't a slave but a GOOD SAMARITAN.Dnt over stretch urself.Give what u can give them.Dnt allow anybody to put u unda duress. E GO BETA
Thanks Alot
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by KanwuliaExtra: 2:17am On May 21, 2018
Your mother became a “born-again” that does not work? cheesy

No wonder your father runs away from the house! grin

You have younger ones too? embarassed


Sorry to say. . . . . Your parents are SHAMELESS to put such a burden on you.

Leaving will not solve the problem. You have to send your younger ones out into the STREETS!

What a sad situation with no way out! embarassed

19 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by tunjilana: 8:41am On May 21, 2018
Your mum is the real issue here, you need to work on her. Even if you move out of the house, you will still need to reach out to her needs except you are the type "wey-no-just-send"

Engage her on the need to get something doing cos neither you nor your dad can carry the whole weight. Get your Dad to put in some fund for her to do biz and also add the little you can(if necessary). Involve pastors or people she respects to make her see that there is no correlation between being born again and not working.


A lot of women wonder why men change and stop "sending"...If a young man can feel this way about his own mum's laziness and lack of ambition, wonder how he will feel about another lady(girlfriend, fiancee or even wife) with same behavior


Regards

16 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by ImaIma1(f): 12:28pm On May 21, 2018
Please move out and be scarce and allow your father handle his responsibility. He married the wife and had the children. He should take care of them.

Help when you can after you move out. And don't move to a place close to your family house.

15 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Richy4(m): 1:25pm On May 21, 2018
You really need to start saving now for rainy days man... No one can trust job security nowadays...

I guess you are wearing the shoes only you knows where it pinches..You have to advise yourself on this one..

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Chubhie: 5:42pm On May 21, 2018
How can someone be born again and refuses to work?

In wealth creation, you must engage everyone of your family members. Everyone must bring something to the table.

Train and lead them out of poverty. it begins with your born again mum. Re-engineer her mind and let her know one can't go wrong with hard work.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by MANNABBQGRILLS: 9:22pm On May 21, 2018
This is seriously serious
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Nobody: 9:23pm On May 21, 2018
I would seem from the emotional state of your post that you already know the answer to your problems, you're just too afraid to admit it.


A lot of firstborns become the breadwinner in their family, it's nothing new. Move in with a flatmate to reduce rent expenses. That way, you get better privacy and respect. People tend to easily lose respect for who they see everyday or who is readily available all the time. Be a man now or you'll regret it later when your family hates the woman you marry claiming she's the one who took you away from them. Please act fast.


But, never neglect your duties to your family. Remember they're irreplaceable.

16 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Buffalowings3(m): 9:23pm On May 21, 2018
im in a dark place.
I just thank God my mum is understanding.
It is just so annoying she would call me about money problems on a monday
and Spoil my mood for the entire week
Even then there is this unsaid deadline that i have to send something to her before the end of this month.

We guys dont have it easy.
And the economy has gone to shit.


Bro hang in there
But then you need to be firm with her.
Or better still live and work in another state

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by roqrules04(m): 9:24pm On May 21, 2018
Get out of that house bro..
If they see you have your own personal responsibilities to take care of, their common sense suppose let them know that they shouldn't be billing you too much.

You have your own life to live too, you can't just come and be worshiping them just cos you're related by blood.

Remember: Emotions doesn't pay bills

2 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by KINGwax007(m): 9:24pm On May 21, 2018
I don't think you should be debating this; if you want to live, have some savings and become someone important in this life, you should "escape from Congo" right now!!!

Truth is, if you stopped working, you are no more important to them. You are having this feeling of responsibility now because you have to give. What if u don't? They see u as the first option. If they don't get from u, they'll definitely try their luck elsewhere.

Now, as said, escape from Congo, right about now!!!
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by duduade: 9:24pm On May 21, 2018
Ezkid:
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.




Abeg relocate...


They are sucking your blood

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by asawanathegreat(m): 9:24pm On May 21, 2018
So go and hold ur family responsible and leave us alone on nairaland.

1 Like

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Nobody: 9:24pm On May 21, 2018
Baba, na to dey able to afford EMOTIONAL RANSOM sure pass o.
Na the best advice be that grin grin grin.
Pay up and regain freedom grin
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Metuh: 9:25pm On May 21, 2018
This matter pass me o
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by SalamRushdie: 9:25pm On May 21, 2018
There is nothing better for a man than paying your parents back ...in the wise world we call those moment .
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by DozieInc(m): 9:27pm On May 21, 2018
You better move out of that house, trust me your mum and siblings won't die of hunger.
Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by Nobody: 9:27pm On May 21, 2018
Gentle heart, considerate but in life especially as a man, you must learn how to make tough necessary decisions without attaching emotions. Just make sure its fair on all sides andon yours too.

It is what it is.

8 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by BlackHatNaija: 9:27pm On May 21, 2018
I think it's beautiful knowing that you've your loved ones around you, many wish for that though.

Having said that, you actually put upon yourself the position of a acting daddy which you're not. The issue is not whether your mom is working or not or whether they make a face that makes you give even when they don't ask, the issue is you acting like you're their daddy on the little income you earn. You see, family is delicate and they're meant to be loved.

You can either voice out and let them know you're trying to survive also or leave the house.

Looking at it in a comical way, if you're living in a house, won't you pay rent? If you chose to live with them consider it as paying your rent.

5 Likes

Re: I'm Experiencing Emotional Blackmail From My Family! by noble2faith(m): 9:28pm On May 21, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:
Your mother became a “born-again” that does not work? cheesy

No wonder your father runs away from the house! grin

You have younger ones too? embarassed


Sorry to say. . . . . Your parents are SHAMELESS to put such a burden on you.

Leaving will not solve the problem. You have to send your younger ones out into the STREETS!

What a sad situation with no way out! embarassed

You and the person dat liked your post need brain resetting club on your head. Must you insult his parents!

3 Likes

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