Good morning everyone, kinda long writings but please ensure to read and understand.

Been dating this beautiful stubborn lady for close to four years now. Sure there’s up and downs in the relationship but we always find our way around it.

The issue is, she’s unapologetic, she hardly gets remorseful. She hardly say “I’m sorry”. When things go wrong from her end, even when she’s at fault she always has a way to twist it and make it seem I’m the one at fault. Most times she knows she’s at fault but she’ll ridicule me and make it seem as if I’m saying trash. She sees nothing wrong in most of her wrong acts, I’m always the one at fault.

Immediately I’m at fault, I hardly wait three seconds to apologize. I do it immediately and let peace rein.

When we have issues, let’s say we gone into little or even a very heated argument, it doesn’t stop me from caring, or checking on her, after quarrels, few hours later I pick up my phone, call her or visit her and talk as if nothing happened before, but she can keep malice on this same issue for close to 3 to 4 days. Giving me cold answers whenever we talking during those period. Until I playfully tease her, maybe a hot romance or sex, will calm her down and brighten her up. At times I deliberately give her the space to get over it on her own.

But when there’s no issues between us, it seems as if we are in heaven on earth. Too much sweetness! Despite all these we don’t threaten breakup. The love we have for each other goes deep by the day.

But the issue here is I’m very HOT TEMPERED! On few occasions I end up beating her!! Other times slap her. But she doesn’t just sit or stand for me to slap her, she do retaliate.

I fear if we end up together and she continues being stubborn!! I’m really trying hard to always calm myself down when pushed to the limit. I’m the most caring and sweetest guy ever when it comes to handling my woman, (she praises me with this, so are other ladies I was involved with) even my close pals sometimes tells me they want to become a girl so they can date me and enjoy the treats I give my woman!

And again the only issue is when the fuse in my head burns, I just can’t take it. Not as if I do get my woman angry, I don’t even dare it, but when she’s the one at fault and she doesn’t see this and still claim rights over me, this is what burns my fuse. I just can’t control it, to make it worse, she’ll say words that will hurt me and make me seem less a man! At times she say she’s right because she’s a lady. Or when she’s wrong, she’ll carefully wait for me to say something bad to her and then turn the table around. I WAS AT FAULT.


I need help, I really love this girl and want a life time with her, several times I promised never to lay my hands on her, I end up doing it again. Because of this I’m scared of getting married, to her especially!


The physical abuse with my woman started at the very year we started dating. And it didn’t happen on every argument we had, it happened maybe once or twice in a year, it just happens when I can’t take it from her, I respect my woman a lot, and I also demand respect from her, I carefully pick things I say just not to annoy her.

In all this, we are still good, she just can’t get enough of me, she always want to be around me and if she could wrap herself around me and hung there while I’m going about my daily activities, she’ll.

I’m planning on settling down with her soon, VERY SOON, but how can I solve this? I seem not to be able to help myself, there are few times I expected her to say she can’t marry an abusive husband and bow out. Instead she keep asking me to reassure her I’ll marry her.

we aren’t living together yet, when we get married and live together, I fear for us. I need help.

Try reverse psychology...

Also, don't care too much.

Lastly, You need Jesus to overcome the spirit of Anger and very importantly, sin. You're living in fornication and sexual immorality.

You and your girl have personality issues. Won't advise you marry a woman who would bring out the beast in you, t guess her beauty is blurring your sense of reasoning that you guys aren't compatible

Hmmmm..

Olalan:
You and your girl have personality issues. Won't advise you marry a woman who would bring out the beast in you, t guess her beauty is blurring your sense of reasoning that you guys aren't compatible

I’m speechless

Am just here to read comments, because my own won turn me to water yam oh

pyyxxaro:
Am just here to read comments, because my own won turn me to water yam oh

lol. Water yam ke! Can you explain more please

The next time u quarrel, give her space. Don't talk to her for sometime, don't apologise, don't beg, don't even visit, then watch her reaction. if she is still the same , then u can't solve it. she thinks you can't do without her but she can do without you. Don't be surprise, she is in love with another guy whom she kneels to beg at the slightest provocation. that girl do not truly love you coz if she does she will do anything to make you happy including apologising for her mistakes. Either u run or u marry her and watch your life force cut into two. that bad habit will equally get to the kids.

Stainlessq:
The next time u quarrel, give her space. Don't talk to her for sometime, don't apologise, don't beg, don't even visit, then watch her reaction. if she is still the same , then u can't solve it. she thinks you can't do without her but she can do without you. Don't be surprise, she is in love with another guy whom she kneels to beg at the slightest provocation. that girl do not truly love you coz if she does she will do anything to make you happy including apologising for her mistakes. Either u run or u marry her and watch your life force cut into two. that bad habit will equally get to the kids.

thanks a lot. Learnt from this!

a man goes to the shop to buy a pair of shoes, tries it and it doesnt fit, but regardless buys the pair shoe, then will complain for the entire time that the shoes dont fit. lol!

you already know you guys are NOT compatible but have the audacity to think of continuing dating, and possibly marrying, this babe.

ok bro, safe journey o!

MrBrownJay1:
a man goes to the shop to buy a pair of shoes, tries it and it doesnt fit, but regardless buys the pair shoe, then will complain for the entire time that the shoes dont fit. lol!

you already know you guys are NOT compatible but have the audacity to think of continuing dating, and possibly marrying, this babe.

ok bro, safe journey o!

lol, bro you need to see us when these arguements aren’t happening. We become the best couple every other couple desires to be. At times I feel maybe it’s because I can’t control my hot temper, while in reality she’s the one turning me into something else. I’m not justifying my reasons for hitting, I always feel bad afterwards. I want to stop it, but if she can change too.

.

MrBrownJay1:
a man goes to the shop to buy a pair of shoes, tries it and it doesnt fit, but regardless buys the pair shoe, then will complain for the entire time that the shoes dont fit. lol!

you already know you guys are NOT compatible but have the audacity to think of continuing dating, and possibly marrying, this babe.

ok bro, safe journey o!

thanks for contributing

.

JoshVI:
lol, bro you need to see us when these arguements aren’t happening. We become the best couple every other couple desires to be. At times I feel maybe it’s because I can’t control my hot temper, while in reality she’s the one turning me into something else. I’m not justifying my reasons for hitting, I always feel bad afterwards. I want to stop it, but if she can change too.

the reality of life is that.... you certainly dont evaluate a r/ship on the GOOD of that r/ship, you value it on how low you go in that r/ship (she brings the worst in you, instead of making you the BETTER version of yourself). you guys are INCOMPATIBLE, and the writing is on the wall, whether you want to go ahead with marrying this babe or not.

Both of you are very useless people. I pity the innocent children that you two will bring into this toxic environment. You will end up raising boys that when they become men, they’ll think it is ok to beat women and you will raise girls that when they too become women, they’ll think it is ok for a man to turn them into his punching bag bc it is love.

You both have serious ego problems. I am taking you as the type of man who likes his ego to be stroked all the time so you can feel like a man and when she doesn’t, you will beat it into her. She also seems like the type of women that like to be beaten bc it means love and good sex.

For the sake of the innocent children that you two are planning to selfishly bring into your toxic relationship , do those innocent kids a favor and part ways. You are not compatible at all on any level. But if you both insist you must continue on with your demonic toxic relationship, please please please, do not bring innocent children into it, just so they can suffer and have a misconstrue mind of what relationship is. We are tired of self parents breeding abusive men and low self esteem women that think abuse is ok.

OmoAlata1:
Both of you are very useless people. I pity the innocent children that you two will bring into this toxic environment. You will end up raising boys that when they become men, they’ll think it is ok to beat women and you will raise girls that when they too become women, they’ll think it is ok for a man to turn them into his punching bag bc it is love.

You both have serious ego problems. I am taking you as the type of man who likes his ego to be stroked all the time so you can feel like a man and when she doesn’t, you will beat it into her. She also seems like the type of women that like to be beaten bc it means love and good sex.

For the sake of the innocent children that you two are planning to selfishly bring into your toxic relationship , do those innocent kids a favor and part ways. You are not compatible at all on any level. But if you both insist you must continue on with your demonic toxic relationship, please please please, do not bring innocent children into it, just so they can suffer and have a misconstrue mind of what relationship is. We are tired of self parents breeding abusive men and low self esteem women that think abuse is ok.

ahh, aunty, did I or my lady offend you? Demonic relationship ni? I only asked for an advice, but this is too much, I don’t need advice again. you just destroyed my day. Using pliers to crush my balIs is better than what you just did.

Sweetie it is called tough love. You and her have no business being in a relationship at all not to even talk of marriage. Have you for once thought of those innocent kids you are planning to birth? Do you think they will be happy in that toxic environment? Please think of those children that are yet to be born and go search for your own true wife while she go search for her own true husband.

Or else if you continue this into marriage, you are going to breed more abusers and abuse receivers into our environment. We, as citizen, are tired of domestic violence stories. We want to reduce it, not expand it.

JoshVI:
ahh, aunty, did I or my lady offend you? Demonic relationship ni? I only asked for an advice, but this is too much, I don’t need advice again. you just destroyed my day. Using pliers to crush my balIs is better than what you just did.

JoshVI:
ahh, aunty, did I or my lady offend you? Demonic relationship ni? I only asked for an advice, but this is too much, I don’t need advice again. you just destroyed my day. Using pliers to crush my balIs is better than what you just did.

but she was absolutely right though... so dont shoot the messenger, just make sure you get the message.

Stubborn wife=Feminist!
Givvirup!
No husband can win that war.

Red flag! Alert!!!!!

You can't change her.

Do you read the news? better break up that relationship. Potential victim(s) of marital violence unless you both seek counsel and rehabilitation.

JoshVI:
lol, bro you need to see us when these arguements aren’t happening. We become the best couple every other couple desires to be. At times I feel maybe it’s because I can’t control my hot temper, while in reality she’s the one turning me into something else. I’m not justifying my reasons for hitting, I always feel bad afterwards. I want to stop it, but if she can change too.

how old are you?

OmoAlata1:
Both of you are very useless people. I pity the innocent children that you two will bring into this toxic environment. You will end up raising boys that when they become men, they’ll think it is ok to beat women and you will raise girls that when they too become women, they’ll think it is ok for a man to turn them into his punching bag bc it is love.

You both have serious ego problems. I am taking you as the type of man who likes his ego to be stroked all the time so you can feel like a man and when she doesn’t, you will beat it into her. She also seems like the type of women that like to be beaten bc it means love and good sex.

For the sake of the innocent children that you two are planning to selfishly bring into your toxic relationship , do those innocent kids a favor and part ways. You are not compatible at all on any level. But if you both insist you must continue on with your demonic toxic relationship, please please please, do not bring innocent children into it, just so they can suffer and have a misconstrue mind of what relationship is. We are tired of self parents breeding abusive men and low self esteem women that think abuse is ok.

I don't even know what else to type cos you've summed it up!

Well,her stories might be different,u guys already have a pattern in ur rlt,happy,sad,anger,stubborn,malice, makeup sex etc. This are the normal activity of every relationship but when it includes put downs,violence,verbal ,emotional and mental abuse then that is no longer a safe place.
My advice ,pull out and u both work on urselves first even if u will come back together ,u will come back cherishing each other, and if u wont u still need to work on ur own anger issues for future purpose (New relationship)Pls work on urselves individually by seeing a psychologist...

ArinzeRaph:
how old are you?

approaching 40.

i won't judge any of you. you see, we humans want to be the best of ourselves to our spouse, but we find ourselves failing. you both need help now before you proceed to marry. you need to walk on your anger and your abusive nature. if you dont now, and go ahead to marry her, or another lady who is sweeter and apologetic, you will still beat her. if you have been beating her since four years now despite not being married, my dear you will beat her when you begin to live in same space. your fiancee is manipulative and proud, yet with low self esteem who is probably scared of leaving due to the "treats " she receives. will she stay if the table turns? you know the bad news? it is quite hard to break the act of being manipulative. this set of people appear sweet and act subtly to make you feel loved. truth is you are being used to achieve a ulterior motive.
ask yourself, do i want i want my children to watch me beat their mothers? i'm i fine with a manipulative and unapologetic wife? forget what people think of you two, marriage is just for you two.

yettymuse:
I don't even know what else to type cos you've summed it up!

no you shouldn’t support her bitter words please. She could have made her point without terming my relationship DEMONIC. Calling me and my lady USELESS. She sounds frustrated, bitter and seems like a lady approaching 50 without a man in her life.

Even if marriage changes anything, it's not this kind. May she not turn you to a beast that will finally kill both of you.

OmoAlata1:
Sweetie it is called tough love. You and her have no business being in a relationship at all not to even talk of marriage. Have you for once thought of those innocent kids you are planning to birth? Do you think they will be happy in that toxic environment? Please think of those children that are yet to be born and go search for your own true wife while she go search for her own true husband.

Or else if you continue this into marriage, you are going to breed more abusers and abuse receivers into our environment. We, as citizen, are tired of domestic violence stories. We want to reduce it, not expand it.

you see how matured you sound now? Your first post sounded bitter and frustrated. You don’t give advice abusing and bullying those your advising. Don’t be like that your first post in real life please.

JoshVI:
you see how matured you sound now? Your first post sounded bitter and frustrated. You don’t give advice abusing and bullying those your advising. Don’t be like that your first post in real life please.

Keep the savage reply. You're about making a mistake. This is my 11th year and I am not able to make him wash his cloth once. You can't change her.

Oyindidi:
Keep the savage reply. You're about making a mistake. This is my 11th year and I am not able to make him wash his cloth once. You can't change her.

im not being savage please, y’all adviced I leave the said lady, But the way the lady I quoted up there posted her reply. It’s not supposed to be like that. What has calling me and my lady useless and demonic got to do with she advising me? I bet you Oyindidi can’t take that. It’s not necessary. I’m human like y’all and not what she should be venting her anger on. I came here to learn something and which I’m learning.