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My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With - Romance (11) - Nairaland

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:07pm On Jul 12, 2018
Mac2016:

It's all wrong to ask you to break up with her as many people are suggesting. I am certain she does all these cos she knew you are afraid of losing her. Bro, brace up and switch ur status from lovey-dovey to platonic. Let her realize you wanna be her true friend and that's what you've always been when correcting her and not that you dread losing her. Openly keep female friends and let her observe by herself that you are not worthless and rejected by even ladies more beautiful than her. Keep her close thru all these steps but not the fuckin partners u guys might be. Be her friend and keep other friends openly... Let her see how much other ladies crave for you. She might love you but scared you love her more and dread losing her.. That's repugnant to most ladies.
Don't call it quit yet, she might eventually be the most loving wife it all depends on you.

I understand you quite well. And I'll put that into action. Thanks bro
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:09pm On Jul 12, 2018
Cumtroller:
Weak Bastard. You’ll soon get tired of the free pvssy she’s giving you and come to your senses...

The fact that you are a bastard doesn't make everyone here a bastard. OK? It would have made sense you keep your mouth shut, else we'll teach you some sense here
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:09pm On Jul 12, 2018
Cumtroller:
Weak Bastard. You’ll soon get tired of the free pvssy she’s giving you and come to your senses...

The fact that you are a bastard doesn't make everyone here a bastard. OK? It would have made sense you keep your mouth shut, else we'll teach you some sense here. Fucking fool
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:11pm On Jul 12, 2018
Abdogood:



Please are you sure we are not dating the same girl here. Because I am exactly passing through the same thing right now.

There are Rich posts here. Please let's learn from the good and bad.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:11pm On Jul 12, 2018
Abdogood:



Please are you sure we are not dating the same girl here. Because I am exactly passing through the same thing right now.

There are Rich posts here. Please let's learnt from the good and bad
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:13pm On Jul 12, 2018
sammylink:
Dear Brother, please drop the lady as soon as possible. I am a 51 years old man. This same mistake i made years ago. i married a lady with similar characters with your lady. The marriage with 02 children collapsed irredeemably after 7 years. Though i have moved on with my life (remarried and have other children) but am yet to recover from the consequential negative effects of the collapsed marriage. It gave me a serious drawback. Please drop her now now.

Hmm. What an experience. You surely gave me a way and I appreciate it. Thank you sir
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:17pm On Jul 12, 2018
urose93:


Op see one of them here o. Confused feminist.

I don sight am tey tey and I don find him size give. He's obviously bittered
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by MissRaine69(f): 1:20pm On Jul 12, 2018
How old is she?
The problem is you have been persistentlly rewarding bad behaviour. By apologising and trying to make amends all the time and taking blame even when the fault is not yours makes it look like you are a walk over.
If she is not talking to you tell her to leave your house and tell her why you are asking her to go as no one wants to have an adult who behaves like a petulant child.
And also make it clear that unless she changes that will be the end of things.
You are both adults and her behaviour is beyond juvenile.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Nobody: 1:24pm On Jul 12, 2018
Not married yet but I have learnt a lot from this thread.

There are good women out there...

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:34pm On Jul 12, 2018
isybeke:
Don't beg her dis time, ignore her totally nd see if she will calm herself nd make peace but if she didn't then tell her u are tired of her attitude nd break up with her

Yes. That's what am on now. It's painful tho, but I'm trying all my best to do that and I think I'm having headway
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:40pm On Jul 12, 2018
SOPAW:
For your sake i signed up in this forum. My advice is flowing from the first response you got underneath your post--which urged you to discontinue with the relationship.

Your post about the girl you want to marry is very striking, it's a perfect description of my wife of 9 years, whose 'i don't care attitude' has caused me my worth as a man; up until today I've not stopped thinking of divorce and how to go about raising my kids single-handedly.
Take my advice, leave her as fast as you can, and build a relationship with a woman who would welcome your chastisements with gladness. The easiest way to kill a man is to strip him off control and authority! If that happens to you, you might not survive the complications that would follow such as stress and high blood pressure.

What you are seeing now is just a tip of the ice berg. By the time you marry her, and she bear a child, you would be surprised at what she would become; she doesn't love you, your money is providing the comfort she needs. Remember, she might not cheat on you but she would make sure you are reduced to nothingness.

I am a daredevil person, i take a lot of risks, otherwise I would not have married my partner. Today, I've lost self-worth, happiness and drive; which are the essentials that keeps a man going; that is why i said I've not stopped thinking of a divorce...

Ohh thanks for signing up and the rich advice. I would definitely learn from you. Thanks a million
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:49pm On Jul 12, 2018
SlimBrawnie:


Before you eventually break up with her, I want you to do something please, next time she does something wrong, laugh, smile and jokingly tell her, tease her in the process of correcting her, try not to be rude. I used to be like her, and maybe I'm still like her but not towards my partner anymore... I hate it when someone corrects me rudely, with a loud voice, shouts at me or with a stern face...it could even make me cry. Imagine it was someone like Basket mouth or Bovi trying to tell his wife to close the toilet door, she will definitely find herself laughing while closing it because of the humour attached to the correction, and in cases where she is at fault and you are angry, always let her know that she doesn't need to defend herself but say a simple "I am sorry"...with time it will sink into her brain and she'd find herself apologizing especially when you are angry. If she doesn't love you, then all these won't work. It worked for me, and surprisingly, I and my partner hardly remember any offense now compared to when we were dating and wanted to kill ourselves our minor misunderstandings. We laugh and joke over almost everything while taking corrections. All the best

I understand you. Even though I don't sound rude when talking to her, and of course am an adult too, I would definitely address her the way I want to be addressed, so I do that with some humor, but I though not all times but in most cases. But the later you said, about her not defending herself is what I'll put into trial. I have decided to call it off, but I will give a last chance with this you've said and if it ever repeats, it will be our last moment together. Thanks a millie

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 1:52pm On Jul 12, 2018
Victoriaomotola:
It is well o... Person we get head no get hat

So pathetic
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by drnoel: 2:07pm On Jul 12, 2018
Raskasal:



I have been reading your comment since you started this your advice or such, but the thing is you seem not to get it. Of course am not Mr perfect to warrant correcting her all the time. But then that doesn't mean I'll leave things out hand when errors are made. Over times she correct me as well and I heed to her correction, even more than I do for her. Does that mean she's overbearing? Correcting each other isn't bad in a relationship and the way I do it doesn't make me overbearing. Don't assume what you don't know if you can't get more facts. I kept quiet because I wanted to garner experience and tips from married people. And if you can give that, better not assume what you don't know.

Actually it wasn't an advice. Surprised u thought it was one. It was an assessment based on Ur comments and how u came through in Ur writings. Maybe a little assumption also raised its ugly head there,.....(ah! falling into the same thing I was accusing u of). For that my apologies.
My take on this issue is alittle contrary to others here. It's not the end of the world and u could still have the best of both worlds. You only need to make more effort to effect change where such is possible and if at all she was/is willing to learn. But where I agree with the rest here is that if she is unteachable and refuses to learn then u let her go, though I don't thing anyone is unteachable.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by drnoel: 2:12pm On Jul 12, 2018
CoolAmbience:
Firstly, I would like to let you know that I have been married for close to a decade now.

Secondly, I will only advice you when I can ascertain that you have escaped to safety from that lady. For now, please keep running...run for your dear life. Life has no duplicate.

Let me know when you are absolutely sure that you are in a very safe distance from her. Please, do not heed any advice aside from ones that say 'run', for now.







I don't agree with u. I have also been married as long as u have been and I always believe in the good in others. One can still teach the lady and there is room to change.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 2:15pm On Jul 12, 2018
hollagokay:
Bro i can relate and feel your pains. is she from the heady tribe- i mean Ondo and Ekiti if she is from those tribe, na their way oo. they are so heady and full of themselves even when they don't have nothing. i am currently going through thesame drama with my wife and it's not the first time. we have been at this since sunday and still on. we ignored each other right under thesame roof and i have stop eating her food since the same sunday when it all started. and guess what happened that led to all this, i inquire to know how come the money we have in our business account and the one we have in the safe has gone so down. i reminded her that the agreement was for her to give me daily updates on any money that leaves and enters the account and safe daily, but she doesn't. i have deceided not to beg her nor settle things i don't even care anymore sef.

Really? Women could be funny atimes. Thanks for the tip anyway
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by drnoel: 2:23pm On Jul 12, 2018
MissRaine69:
How old is she?
The problem is you have been persistentlly rewarding bad behaviour. By apologising and trying to make amends all the time and taking blame even when the fault is not yours makes it look like you are a walk over.
If she is not talking to you tell her to leave your house and tell her why you are asking her to go as no one wants to have an adult who behaves like a petulant child.
And also make it clear that unless she changes that will be the end of things.
You are both adults and her behaviour is beyond juvenile.

Exactly, this is my own mindset too.
I didn't want to advice the op before now but his comment to be before has pushed me to do so and I do agree with u.
I will be speculating now but I believe in his bead to please he created a monster that is the girl's character. That is why I kept saying from the beginning that that is not the end and their is room for changes.
My wife was very stubborn when I met her and quite prone to similar behaviour as the Op described.
I worked on her intensively, showed her pepper when the case arose till she changed and now she is wonderful.
The op can work on the lady I question but it's not by force.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Cumtroller: 2:27pm On Jul 12, 2018
Raskasal:


The fact that you are a bastard doesn't make everyone here a bastard. OK? It would have made sense you keep your mouth shut, else we'll teach you some sense here
I pity you. Spineless Bastard. Guess you are menstruating already. Bitch Nigga
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by MissRaine69(f): 3:28pm On Jul 12, 2018
drnoel:


Exactly, this is my own mindset too.
I didn't want to advice the op before now but his comment to be before has pushed me to do so and I do agree with u.
I will be speculating now but I believe in his bead to please he created a monster that is the girl's character. That is why I kept saying from the beginning that that is not the end and their is room for changes.
My wife was very stubborn when I met her and quite prone to similar behaviour as the Op described.
I worked on her intensively, showed her pepper when the case arose till she changed and now she is wonderful.
The op can work on the lady I question but it's not by force.
You don’t sulk because you can’t have your own way that’s juvenile but because he enables all that behaviour how will she change? Imagine she is a guest, eating your food, staying in your house but does not talk to you?
That’s unacceptable.

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by CoolAmbience(m): 3:33pm On Jul 12, 2018
drnoel:


I don't agree with u. I have also been married as long as u have been and I always believe in the good in others. One can still teach the lady and there is room to change.


You are at liberty to disagree with me, and I guess that is because you didn't understand the OP.

He was crystal clear that the ugly attitude had lingered and that there hasn't being any sign of an improvement despite his efforts....and you think he should marry her and ruin himself? You can only teach someone who is willing to learn and make amends, not someone who is incorrigible.

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by gbogboija: 3:46pm On Jul 12, 2018
Kindly read Proverbs 21:9 and decide on what to do.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by HEFAIROHLUWA(m): 4:00pm On Jul 12, 2018
hollagokay:
Bro i can relate and feel your pains. is she from the heady tribe- i mean Ondo and Ekiti if she is from those tribe, na their way oo. they are so heady and full of themselves even when they don't have nothing. i am currently going through thesame drama with my wife and it's not the first time. we have been at this since sunday and still on. we ignored each other right under thesame roof and i have stop eating her food since the same sunday when it all started. and guess what happened that led to all this, i inquire to know how come the money we have in our business account and the one we have in the safe has gone so down. i reminded her that the agreement was for her to give me daily updates on any money that leaves and enters the account and safe daily, but she doesn't. i have deceided not to beg her nor settle things i don't even care anymore sef.
lol..we aren't heady ooo... grin grin..
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by HEFAIROHLUWA(m): 4:04pm On Jul 12, 2018
cityabbey01:
[
I know you have read so many suggestions now and your head probably bursting. A stitch in time saves nine o...

I have an uncle we work in same office, he would come to office 7am leave office 9pm every day, he doesn't smoke, drink nor womanisel why? Initially other staff would question me why my uncle stay late at work that I should talk to him. Meanwhile, I know d reason but I couldn't tell them cause I lived with him before I got married. He married the wrong woman. When you close from work and u av a woman at home but no eagerness to quickly go see her, that kinda feeling of trouble dey house if I go quick, ;Dare signs that things are not well at home in the marriage. To avert such words "If I had
Known". So my candid advice stay away from her. There are multiple better females than her.
o lord.. shocked he married a terrrorist

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by drnoel: 4:18pm On Jul 12, 2018
CoolAmbience:



You are at liberty to disagree with me, and I guess that is because you didn't understand the OP.

He was crystal clear that the ugly attitude had lingered and that there hasn't being any sign of an improvement despite his efforts....and you think he should marry her and ruin himself? You can only teach someone who is willing to learn and make amends, not someone who is incorrigible.







U guys forget bad character doesn't necessarily mean bad person or bad wife. Everybody needs a second chance.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Elliot2(m): 4:29pm On Jul 12, 2018
BestDude:
lol... This guy. I know the kind of people you hang out with. One day you will learn a bitter lesson!
I dey teach u for free nw! b damn gud in bed n u will nt b disrespected by any woman with a pussay.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 4:55pm On Jul 12, 2018
Cumtroller:
I pity you. Spineless Bastard. Guess you are menstruating already. Bitch Nigga

I know your brain is already working anti clockwise. And like I said, not everyone is a bastard like u
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Skmoda360(m): 5:02pm On Jul 12, 2018
Elliot2:
it gives confidence to tackle her
tell it to that nigga as per his relationship cuz I think it can never help.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by CoolAmbience(m): 5:06pm On Jul 12, 2018
drnoel:


U guys forget bad character doesn't necessarily mean bad person or bad wife. Everybody needs a second chance.


You make me laugh...what is good about a stinking character?

Isn't it character that define whether someone is good or bad anymore? I never said that people can't improve for the better. My point is simple and clear, if they are unwilling to change, you have to move on without them. Spousal offences are on the rise. People must go for partners that they are compatible with. Relationships and marriages shouldn't be imprisonment.

2 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by lanresodiq: 5:07pm On Jul 12, 2018
Have played this kind of game on my girl and it worked. It is better u ignore her for that attitude becos it will affect u on the long run, but if she comes back to apologize fine n if she does nt, it is better for u to look for another lady... the ends speak a lot in any relationship cos u may end divorce wen married. But I believed if she loves u she will do the right thing.
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by rosalieene(f): 5:57pm On Jul 12, 2018
Raskasal, nairalAnd is the wrongest place to bring your relationship to. of course, the lots of immature ones would end up insulting your Queen and you know how annoying that is.
Truth is that no one is perfect. Everyone has something odd about them. That's her temperament. You know her better, so you should seriously talk to her, there is need for a compromise.

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by NightHound(m): 6:47pm On Jul 12, 2018
Let her go; you seem to be no good for each other.

Okay, this is Africa; let's not pretend like some men don't carry 18year old girls from the village to "make" them into compliant wives. And let's not pretend like some women don't let themselves be molded for men who would look after them. On that premise: The next time you look for a wife to "train" be mindful of the fact that every human being has an ego regardless of gender, and as such they should be treated with respect. Even if you get someone from the village who is used to a different way of doing things, don't assume you can simply bark orders like "Shut the toilet door! Don't you know this is the city?". You have to be kind when "training" your wife to suit your purpose. I'm saying this because, from your story, she closed the toilet door as soon as you asked her to, but she was still upset. I believe that you might be condescending when "correcting" your wife-in-training. That would explain her reaction. And it would also explain why you would want to make her apologize for her mistakes after the toilet door was closed upon your instruction.

Not all women might be teachable, but not all men are good teachers either, and vice versa. Which is why some people just find compatible mates and prepare themselves to live with the quirks. But, if you are the type of man who doesn't want to make adjustments yourself in order to blend with a woman who is already refined, learn skills to train your wife. Even dogs get rewarded with treats, which means that their will isn't taken for granted, what more a person. Learn to "correct" someone with love and see if the lesson won't take. Just ask yourself: if this was me, how would I want to be told? Empathize!

In her mind, she may not just be keeping malice, she may actually be thinking "I'm done! what does he want? I cook, clean, support him, and still he treats me like trash". And when you come begging, she's thinking "He's not so bad after all, let me give him another chance". It's all a matter of perspective. So, while everyone seems to be calling her names, I'm saying check yourself too.

3 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by LabUdegbe(m): 7:07pm On Jul 12, 2018
Raskasal:
whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.
Pls explain this line... grin grin

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