₦airaland Forum

In Jesus name. Lord give me the sagacity, knowledge and patience to lead her right because marriage and children are very weighty issues.

Now, dear lady, I don't blame those who think you are writing this to win likes for your blog.

Why is this even an issue? He was Throwing you AND the Children out when he realised you put your name in the house you built with your own share of some profit, he too used his as he liked.

You still say he is a good man. Lol.

You are saying you can't cope without him. Another Lol. You should just start practicing because you will have to, eventually. (Was he not Throwing y'all out of the house?) But I tell you what, a broken marriage with a roof over your head and your kids, is much much more better than being a single mom without a roof over your head (ask me. No, mine wasn't a divorce, my husband died).

So you will tell your kids exactly what happened. Initially, they may blame you because they are children. Eventually they wont. They will appreciate you. They will thank you.

Ps. And he does not want Mr. and Mrs., which I wont even advice. He wants it only in his name. And you still call him a nice man. (It will be interesting to really know your definition of "nice man". Phew)
All the vital signs of being set up for a miserable future, with your children, are so glaring. Can you really not see?

Pss. I can bet you are going to put only his name. That you already made up your mind because "you cant do it all alone", because this your question wouldn't have come up otherwise.

HEseesall:
You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

If I man can under any circumstance threaten to send you and your kids packing, then I think it would be stupid of you to change it to his name if indeed it was your money that was used to build it.

He is playing the victim card. He built a house for his parent with his money, you could have also done same for yours.

If the man has a problem staying in that house with you simply because it's not in his name, then he has something up his sleeves.

If you are going to change that name, kindly change to your maiden name as yeye dey smell for this una matter.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity

MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

I feel like sending men to beat your husband. What a selfish bastard! He cares nothing for you or his kids. Leaving you like that to another town.

Anyway, wise woman, do not change the document name.

sacramento1212:
Yes sir and that was why i mentioned that previously. The woman in question was first of all at fault here. Putting her name as the sole owner of the property without the consent of the husband on a property jointly built by both parties is fraud to me. That was what further angered the man even though his choice of words were wrong. But sincerely, this woman messed up big time.

Her husband was aware she bought the land with her own share of the profit from their joint venture, so it was not in doubt that he must be aware that the land receipt was issued in the wife's name. Sequel to this, it is the name on the land receipt that will be on all government forms filled and documents generated thereon (such as building plan approval, certificate of occupancy etc.).

So I don't understand why some people are saying she put her name as the sole owner.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Never u try that

HEseesall:
When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

Am sorry, not like I don't trust you or anything but without hearing the other side I can't offer anything, marriage is sacred, I don't wanna destroy anything without having a full understanding

@op I have taken my time gone through your posts and this is my submission. Am also a married man with children. And a minister of the Gospel.

1 what you did was wrong and make your husband not to trust you again. Why? Both of you entered into an agreement. When both of you got married your properties became his and his became yours. In evey indication you re well to do and can take care of your children. 2 your husband feelt betrayed here, mind you his parents are now your parents do you believe that?

Pls if your still interested in your marriage though you didn't tell us why the man wanted you out in the first place. Now go and correct that documents accordingly, beg him and resolved your issues amicably.

Don't allow all these posters to deceive you.
Your pastor can accompany you to do that.

Peace.

No, she did not say that. She said he used his own part of the profit for what he wanted to use it for (a laudable project too, by the way), and she used HERS to build a house. The house.

adubiay:
One major problem we have in Africa is that we don't pay attention to details before we start saying rubbish, @op said she bought the LAND with her money in her name, but they BOTH contributed to build the house. I guess the husband never knew the land is in the wife's name when he was pumping his money into the project, that might have formed basis for his anger, though he is over reacting, pls madam don't scatter your marriage based on some advise here from children who are not married, admit you are wrong by putting only your name, and bring your husband back home. You have ego too, so ur caption here that your husband has ego is wrong.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

I'm a man but pls don't change it.. If he wunt allow Mr n Mrs, don't change it... I never liked how my father treated my mother all bcox she did not have her own.. It had an effect on us. Ur children may suffer such too.. Pls don't..... U share me ur mobile number n let's chat

PLS DO NOT CHANGE THE HOUSE NAME TO HIS, IF HE CAN MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIS Children, AND BELIEVE ME THERE IS A WOMAN THERE FOR HIM, PLS KEEP THE HOUSE AND THE CHILDREN LET HIM BE ONE DAY HIS IS GOING TO COME BACK.

Princewell2012:
@op I have taken my time gone through your posts and this is my submission. Am also a married man with children. And a minister of the Gospel.

1 what you did was wrong and make your husband not to trust you again. Why? Both of you entered into an agreement. When both of you got married your properties became his and his became yours. In evey indication you re well to do and can take care of your children. 2 your husband feelt betrayed here, mind you his parents are now your parents do you believe that?

Pls if your still interested in your marriage though you didn't tell us why the man wanted you out in the first place. Now go and correct that documents accordingly, beg him and resolved your issues amicably.

Don't allow all these posters to deceive you.
Your pastor can accompany you to do that.

Peace.

I don't want to offend God through u minister.. Are you saying she shud change the name to the husband name or to Mr and Mrs... If it's Mr and Mrs, I agree but if u say to the full husband name, never.... Fine she betrayed he husband trust but which good husband will send a wife packing thinking that it was his own house when the wife built it with her own share.... Minister don't let me offend God through you... Ur home may be so cool but don't mean others are.... Pls sir

Who financed the business? What was the sharing formula? The story is not complete. And I doubt if he's the owner of those kids to want to throw them out. Speak the truth to yourself and GOD will give you a solution. But for now you can kiss that marriage goodbye.

Nice. Except that he wants the property solely in his own name. Please don't set her and the children up for a miserable future.

We are all married. We all have tiffs in our marriages. By the time a man starts sending a woman AND the children out of the house, this is not easy any more. The love is gone. The crack is HUGE. Every other thing is sandpapering a huge crack. Na management remaim.Can the marriage still work? Im not God so, Sure it could, but dicey. Very dicey.

Lady, please don't Sign the roof over your children's head away.

Thank you.

Princewell2012:
@op I have taken my time gone through your posts and this is my submission. Am also a married man with children. And a minister of the Gospel.

1 what you did was wrong and make your husband not to trust you again. Why? Both of you entered into an agreement. When both of you got married your properties became his and his became yours. In evey indication you re well to do and can take care of your children. 2 your husband feelt betrayed here, mind you his parents are now your parents do you believe that?

Pls if your still interested in your marriage though you didn't tell us why the man wanted you out in the first place. Now go and correct that documents accordingly, beg him and resolved your issues amicably.

Don't allow all these posters to deceive you.
Your pastor can accompany you to do that.

Peace.

Thank you.

DeIfesinachi:
PLS DO NOT CHANGE THE HOUSE NAME TO HIS, IF HE CAN MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIS Children, AND BELIEVE ME THERE IS A WOMAN THERE FOR HIM, PLS KEEP THE HOUSE AND THE CHILDREN LET HIM BE ONE DAY HIS IS GOING TO COME BACK.

Thank you.

Timekeeper:
I don't want to offend God through u minister.. Are you saying she shud change the name to the husband name or to Mr and Mrs... If it's Mr and Mrs, I agree but if u say to the full husband name, never.... Fine she betrayed he husband trust but which good husband will send a wife packing thinking that it was his own house when the wife built it with her own share.... Minister don't let me offend God through you... Ur home may be so cool but don't mean others are.... Pls sir

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

correct...........your head dey there

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

The man is a baby pls treat him as one don't go too hard on him ....lol keep praying too God may change him for you

Anextin:
Your wife goes out to buy land with her money, please be sincere, do u naturally expect her to use your name on it, especially since it was a shared money BTW you too.
I understand they built it together, so the papers should have changed to accommodate the Man's name,
But, see how life works, they had issues, tensed disagreement and the man immediately asked her to leave a home they built together. Built together as if he's the sole owner, and this is before he found out its her name on the docs, even forgot that the initial investment was made solely by her.
If he hadn't sent her packng before finding out, I can understand his anger, but now .....

Even if the man is the sole owner of both the land and house, it is wrong of him to have asked the wife to leave the house, we all knows that, but the issue here is the wife trying to paint the husband bad starting from the topic of the tread, absorbing herself of any wrong doing, she is here to feed her ego, and she's getting what she want from kids here who didn't even study the tread and details b4 telling her to call her husband bluff. Do we know how long it took the husband before he finds out. The husband has not bother to check when he was investing on the land(maybe he has the lion share) because he trust his wife believing it is there land. The husband didn't just dash his money to his parents, he spent it on there health. She has to mock her husband that the house belong to her at the heat of argument. hmmmm what a wife. Women always belief that husband money is OUR money but her own money is her money. Me can't stand such woman either

Hmm let him go if u do that's ur end

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution n sacrifice (may be not financial) to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

If you are a Christian then always Know that your husband is your head.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

Bullshit

sholatech:
Change it to Mr & Mrs ABC. It is allowed. That way, it is now for both of you.

Nairalanders, please NOTE there is nothing like Mr.& MRS. ABC in Nigeria.

It is a dangerous nomenclature to use in Nigeria.

Instead use Mr. ABC & MRS . ABC.

Arobake:
Thank you.

I'm sorry if I'm disrespectful sir but I feel so sad for the lady.. I pass through such in my dad place against my mum too. I don't want this lady to pass through such too

Unmarried people shouldn’t give advice to couples. Women always feel with pride and ego if they knew they have something you want. We didn’t know what cost the miss understanding, its only does that knows the details we give you cool and perfect advice. Believe me, you will never get any maturerd answer from this forum. The forum is filled with single men and woman, under 30. So i will advise you to meet some married couples and give them the full details of what happen. Remain bless.

abimic:
The man is just like a chameleon with hidden agenda, why the fuss when you agreed to sharing the name on the property between you two. I'm sure he's probably seeing someone outside, because when you love your home, you would be willing to do anything to save it, ego would be needless. Come what may, don't ever let him be the only one whose name appears on the property because when you succumb to his selfish demand, another woman would Just chop and clean mouth on top your sweat! When he finally asks you to leave.

Did you read her addendum? She has perfectly used a woman's script for you and you bought it.

I have a feeling that the man didn't 'share' money with her as she's painting it. She said the man used it to treat his father (her father-in-law) of terminal illness and she agreed and most likely supported such. I even imagined her calling often to see that the man is in good health. I envisaged the man being so happy that his wife is like-other-one. How great to find out she's bought a land for the family with what remained? The man must be so happy he had find a 'reliable' wife!

But, she was obviously scheming to protect her own interest (and we can't fault her for that). I only imagined that the hubby never saw that at all! She probably CAN NEVER SAY she singlehandedly built that house. That man could have 'sunk' hundreds of thousands on 'their' property. But now, she showed the card! The man has trusted and toiled in vain.

Listen men, if a woman ever becomes worry of a man, it's because he's serving a purpose. This man still has a lot of purpose to serve and that why this woman still want this marriage. However, that man needs to search for wisdom. Who's lying to him that the next woman isn't worst off? He does not need a new woman but just managing this one properly. He needs to help her unwind her desire to be selfish and that can only be done by him being selfless. I'll be happy to rapport with him.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

I've gone through this and your other posts. It's obvious that your husband is trying to blackmail you. The house belongs to you and not to him.

Did he not spend his own share on his family? If he claims he was forced to use it because of his father's ailment, what will he say about completing his family's house? Was it his responsibility? And when he was doing it, did he not do it in his name? Was he not the one that got the credit? Did any of his relatives call you to thank you for completing your husband's family house?

Don't you yourself have a family? If you had used yours for your family, would you have been able to build a house? Or if the reverse was the case, would he have built the house in yours and his name.

Madam, use your head. I won't even advise you to go for joint ownership of the house though you can agree on a joint ownership for the sake of your children. But don't dare allow him own the house. You'll end up in regrets.

Arobake:
No, she did not say that. She said he used his own part of the profit for what he wanted to use it for (a laudable project too, by the way), and she used HERS to build a house. The house.

@Arobake, plus go tru the first page and check out for the op further comments on the issue. I guess you read only the op first story. She makes further comments after that where she mentioned they jointly built the house

The mere fact that it was registered in your name only shows you had reservations about how he used his funds

dafemnet:
Wives be submissive to ur husbands and husbands love ur wives so they can both live in peace. A woman that can't be submissive to her husband should leave the husband and stay single afterall there are so many single women in their 40s,50s,60s etc

So asking his wife to pack out was love. Na only submit u remember. Ode

HEseesall:
You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

My advise.
Peace is golden.
At this point, everyone is hurt and needs his/her ego massaged.

Your biggest mistake was building the house with your Name without his knowledge. How does it sound to your ear? It means you never trusted your man enough right from the onset.

Now the deed has been done. Why not change it to his name for peace to reign? From the way you sound, he is a good man and whatever prompted him to ask you to leave must have been grievous.

Please don't let pride take away your man. Do not listen to those asking you for divorce. They will break your home.

HEseesall:
He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Your properties, your future. Have you thought of what would have happened to your children if he had sent you out thinking he owned the house? why not change the ownership to all your children. That way none of you own the house. By this time, I suggest you get yourself a lawyer. your best interests and that of your innocent children is of little concern to your husband.

LewsTherin:
Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

Good advise