proffemi:


Dalerudaleru. Are you married?

She gave the impression that hubby's parents were in dire need. She never suggested that hers were.
If you are responsibly married, then you should know that while striking a balance in terms of expenditure on the two sets of in-laws can be hard, when one side has a dire need, the burden doesn't get transferred only to the spouse from that side.

She never gave the impression in her write-up that she was against spending on the hubby's family at that point. Her view (a very selfish one!) was that the burden for treating hubby's father and making them more comfortable should be borne by him alone. This lady has been selfish and calculating for a very long time.

I will hold that view till she provides additional information.

I TOTALLY DISAGREE.

Even if the husband contributed to it, he cannot be the sole owner or have only his name on the documents.

The lady " @HEseesall" new who his husband was from the beginning. Greedy yet callous and selfish.
That Dude cannot eat his cake and have it.

Ire O.

My parting (I hope) shot is however to Op. I notice you keep on slipping online, but refuse to answer the questions of the more discerning ones among us.

Madam, I have no business advising you on whose name should be on the deeds to your house. That one is entirely in your collective hands.

What I know with increasing certainty (given your silence) however is that you have betrayed your man's trust. I think you know it, and it gnaws at you. I think it bothered you from time to time over the years, as he spent his life savings building on a land that you secretly bought in your own name. I believe that as frictions arose in your marriage, you began to see that fact as a joker you could play anytime things went south. Now the stuff has hit the fan, you pulled the joker. But rather than a feeling of satisfaction, you feel empty. Although you cling to the excuse that he angrily asked you to leave (for reasons you are too ashamed to state here), a part of you realizes that you have played this man.

Your next steps are entirely up to you, but know this: just as some of us see through your ruse, there's a God (per your own beliefs) who sees you, and who will not fail to judge. The issue is not the property; the issue is that of sincerity and trust.

* I cannot, in any way justify your hubby's attempt to chase you out of the house, but I stayed off that topic entirely because I'm old enough to know when someone is not being forthcoming with the full story.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Please madam, I beseech you by the mercies of God.
Do not change the name on the land documents. Give your husband some time, his senses will return.
He is not a gentle man at all.

How can he reject you and the kids over a quarrel?

Permit me to ask: Is it infidelity issue or you called his mother a witch?

My wify once left me for some months over a quarrel on my Mum.
Guess where she went to?!
My wife went to her Parents and they were able to resolve it.

PLEASE TELL YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER ABOUT THIS.

Do not bear the burden alone.
A problem shared is half solved.

Then, get a legal counsel to know what legal options you have.

REMEMBER, Do not change the name on the document.
He cannot reap where he has not sown.

Imagine if you are the one that used your part of the your share to treat your parents!!!


May you live long and reap the fruit of your labour on your children.

PLEASE DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE.

Try and adapt to the absence of your husband for now.

Lastly, take solace in God, tell your Pastor to join you in prayer

dipoowo:



I TOTALLY DISAGREE.

Even if the husband contributed to it, he cannot be the sole owner or have only his name on the documents.

The lady " @HEseesall" new who his husband was from the beginning. Greedy yet callous and selfish.
That Dude cannot eat his cake and have it.

Ire O.

Greedy, yet callous and selfish?
People rush to judge based on incomplete information.
Do you know how much the land cost? Do you know how much the hubby spent in all on the house? How much did Op spend?
Do you know why a man whom the OP herself, after all this, describes as a "good man" asked his wife to leave the house? Do you know if she cheated on him? Do you even know if the kids are his? Does it not bother you that Op has refused to answer all these questions?

And yet, you know he is callous and selfish. You must be a mentalist* sir.

What I believe (Op should feel free to correct me) is that the husband spent the lions share of the cost of building. He's proud enough to be bothered by the fact that the family house is not his. What would give him the right to think that way but the fact that he spent such a large share of the money to build the house that he sees it as completely his?

* I hope you know this is not an insult. Sarcasm, yes, but not an insult.

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

dont agree o

Put the house for rent, then move into his new(rented) home., after all he spent his own share on something personal

If he no gree, leave him alone

This issue makes me feel so pained because it is clear and obvious that only the woman was in love in this relationship.

These are reasons i say so:

1. With all that transpired the woman still respects the man and loves him to the extent she obviously chooses him rather than her family. That is why she refused to tell her family. Women are such big fools.

2[b]. The wise man on the other hand who has no love for this woman quickly went to his family to run her down. Do you see the difference? I am a married woman too and i never take issues to my parents, I always put my husbands respect first because am aware my family may be sentimental n so will his. The act of running to his people to join forces and fight a wife who is his life companion and mother of his children shows that he never loved the woman. I mean, we are all in Nigeria a place where many inlaws from husband side already view the wife as a threat, then her husband does this?



3. Are yall saying that the woman on her own side had no issues to solve in her father s house too? Are you saying her own people were problem free and thats why she did not use her money for her own family? CAPITAL NO! The woman really cared about the welbeing of her immediate family. Women pls never neglect your father s house. When the chips are down, they are all you have got i tell you.
[/b]
Women Women Women, Never never put your spouse before your family, i tell you , he will never choose you over his. Be wise. Love with your eyes open, thats if you choose to call it love. Women have suffered enough of all these now.

Thats how some will leave the comfort in their fathers house to go and manage in one room with an ingrate who will throw them out and maltreat them the moment a little money comes.


Madam you better use your head now, at least stop being an emotional fool before you regret it.

This is the clear picture from my understanding


* Husband and wife did biz and make profit. While husband thought it's our money, wife already made a mental note of how much of the money is hers.

*Husband used part of the money to treat his sick parent. (He presume is our family member, but wife see it as his family member only.)

*Husband asked wife to use the remaining money to buy land. (Thinking it's our money. Wife already mentally divide the money and deemed it that the remaining one is her money.)

*Husband and wife started building house later on (husband probably contributed more than 70% of the building fund, thinking that they are building their house without knowing that he is building her house.

When she dropped the bombshell, husband felt betrayed.


Of course anyone in his shoes will.

JLM:
This issue makes me feel so pained because it is clear and obvious that only the woman was in love in this relationship.

These are reasons i say so:

1. With all that transpired the woman still respects the man and loves him to the extent she obviously chooses him rather than her family. That is why she refused to tell her family. Women are such big fools.

2. The wise man on the other hand who has no love for this woman quickly went to his family to run her down. Do you see the difference? I am a married woman too and i never take issues to my parents, I always put my husbands respect first because am aware my family may be sentimental n so will his. The act of running to his people to join forces and fight a wife who is his life companion and mother of his children shows that he never loved the woman. I mean, we are all in Nigeria a place where many inlaws from husband side already view the wife as a threat, then her husband does this?



3. Are yall saying that the woman on her own side had no issues to solve in her father s house too? Are you saying her own people were problem free and thats why she did not use her money for her own family? CAPITAL NO! The woman really cared about the welbeing of her immediate family. Women pls never neglect your father s house. When the chips are down, they are all you have got i tell you.

Women Women Women, Never never put your spouse before your family, i tell you , he will never choose you over his. Be wise. Love with your eyes open, thats if you choose to call it love. Women have suffered enough of all these now.

Thats how some will leave the comfort in their fathers house to go and manage in one room with an ingrate who will throw them out and maltreat them the moment a little money comes.


Madam you better use your head now, at least stop being an emotional fool before you regret it.

Let me remind you because it seems you have forgotten the crux of the matter.

Two issues are involved.

An attempt to chase her out of the house, the reason for which she is ashamed to let out.

Criminal breach of trust

You can comment on these if you have a piece of advice for her.

Saltwater:
This is the clear picture from my understanding


* Husband and wife did biz and make profit. While husband thought it's our money, wife already made a mental note of how much of the money is hers.

*Husband used part of the money to treat his sick parent. (He presume is our family member, but wife see it as his family member only.)

*Husband asked wife to use the remaining money to buy land. (Thinking it's our money. Wife already mentally divide the money and deemed it that the remaining one is her money.)

*Husband and wife started building house later on (husband probably contributed more than 70% of the building fund, thinking that they are building their house without knowing that he is building her house.

When she dropped the bombshell, husband felt betrayed.


Of course anyone in his shoes will.

Oga I hope, i really hope you have sisters. Sometimes we just spew trash without thinking. Are you telling me this woman had no problem to solve too in her fathers house when she got this money? Most selfish women i know would have sent that money to her family but instead she still stood by the original plan as her immediate family s comfort was important to her.

Are you telling me that a woman who used the part of money that was hers to buy land to shelter her family without thinking of her giving her parents is the selfish one? Something must be wrong with your way of thinking, its very obvious!

JLM:


Oga I hope, i really hope you have sisters. Sometimes we just spew trash without thinking. Are you telling me this woman had no problem to solve too in her fathers house when she got this money? Most selfish women i know would have sent that money to her family but instead she still stood by the original plan as her immediate family s comfort was important to her.

Are you telling me that a woman who used the part of money that was hers to buy land to shelter her family without thinking of her giving her parents is the selfish one? Something must be wrong with your way of thinking, its very obvious!

View the issue with an open mind. The husband treated his father of life threatening ailments. It's not as if he pulled their money to give his parents. Stop being bias.

If the situation was the other way round, will he abandon his father in law? He will be a callous person to do that.

HEseesall:



Thanks, i am thinking of telling our pastor, i dont want to tell my family cos they may antagonise him, thanks for your imput

Telling pastor. your pastor will compound your issue, why should you trust your pastor with issues like this? He will push you into changing to his name since he does not want Mr and Mrs even at that your husband will sell the house after Mr and Mrs change. Rather than let your family know the death trap you are into you want to tell pastor, i pity you.

OgaInnocent:

Your story is missing many points. U did nt tell how the house was bearing your without the man of the house knowing. You lack respect and loyalty, for using solely your name in a house you are living with your husband, as if you don't know that your husband should be the head in everything. Now the chips are down, he is showing you why he is the man of the house. Don't boda changing the name again, before you knw it, another woman will be picking his calls wen u call. By then you will understand. Nonesense!

Nonsense. So the man will scatter his whole family because of pride but if it's a woman in the receiving end you will advice her to tread with caution, wisdom and humble herself. Why do you men even bother getting married when you don't regard the marriage institution. At the slightest thing you think it's your right to disrespect your wife and show your children what kind of scum you are? Keep jumping from woman to woman. Don't worry all those women will take care of you when you're old and attend your funeral rubbish.

paulynpen:


You are just trying to form your own story, what she wrote here is very very clear and straight forward but your crooked mind will not allow you see it that way. You prefer to think his father was sick what if it is true the man used his share to build for his father thinking he will use Hus wife's to build for himself?. Stop putting women in shackles its a sign of weakness.

Please always read critically with understanding, not with emotion. And don't label one "crooked mind" just because u don't agree. Put your own opinion and we'll weigh it. If you have been in marriage for such a long time you will know the story is still incomplete even though the woman is at advantage at the moment.

Read the front page on some of her responses and know that there is still something unknown or untold.

I am looking at motives behind each decisions. I broke it down logically with questions which I expect the ops to answer and you just came thinking, I have asked her to surrender the title doc. Haba!

You don't build house overnight and I will repeat was the man in the know about whose name is in the land document before collabo in building. What percentage did he contribute? What did he do for his parents with his money? Treatment or building? These are critical questions to know the truth.

It's sad that the marriage is crashing simply due to poor communication and mistrust. What is the cause of the quarrel in the first place. Is it connected to the issue at hand. The best would be to share the title but we need to know the side of the man's story. why is he man refusing.

divinelove:


In Godly marriage that I believe in, the woman is under the man, infact she must submit to the man. Submission is more than respect it's only below the word worship. Marriage is not a partnership par say because the man has the final say on all issues in the union. He is the head of the union.

The word husband literally means "Master" most ppl don't know dt.

The maker of marriage also gave us the manual for it and it is called holy Bible.

The holy Bible is not there to please any one it is the eternal and timeless word of God.

If you don't wanna submit to a man then don't marry, marriage is a place of submission to the will of your husband.

When a lady says she is looking for a husband what she is saying without knowing it is that she is looking for a Master

Even the Bible says the head shall be the tail and the master should be the slave. Jesus himself to gave a lesson on submission in leadership when he took a bowl of water and insisted on Washington, drying and oiling the feet of all his disciples, a task meant for house help/slaves during those bible times. A lot of marriages fail like the above one because men are more obsessed with seeking for submission without realising that they too have to wash the feet go their wives spiritually.

That is how Sapphira submitted to Ananias, where are they now? Being a husband is a good thing but it does not mean that your automatically intelligent or will have all the knowledge in the world or will never make any mistakes. Most of these men make worst mistakes in their work place, with their extended families, with the pen.is, with their health but in all these they want you to just submit to their decisions blindly haba!!! A man whether he is husband or a father is also human and prone to making mistakes.

sacramento1212:


That’s the very 1st mistake the woman made. She secured the land in her name and this same house according to her was jointly built by both parties. The man knowing the property was in her name felt betrayed and she, the woman further told the man this that it’s her property.

Uncle there is good mistake and bad mistake. Just imagine she never made this mistake, that is how the man will just throw her out with the children, who are also his. Uncle stop making excuses for the guy. It's God that just saved her.

Acidosis:


Same thing I have been saying.


The OP needs to apologize to her man asap.

Most of the comments on the first page will destroy her home.

You're acting on the premise that they built it together even tho, she clearly said that he used his to take his father for treatment abroad and also bulk his father a house.

Okay now that you have found that it was her share of the profit that built their family Josie what do you advice her?

dafemnet:
please tell them you cannot have 2 masters in the house

That is how most of you will raise your daughters to be slay mama's, with low self-esteem who beg for recharge card up and down and become liabilities in their marriages. Which one is master and slave here. Can a woman not own a property that is truly hers without having to shrink herself in stature and esteem na wa ooo.

MarieSucre:

Uncle there is going mistake and bad mistake. I Just imagine she never made this mistake, that is how the man will just throw her out with the children, who are also his. Uncle stop making excuses for the guy. it's God that just saved her.

Who is trying to justifing horrible behavior here? Good mistake? Or do you mean good betrayal?
Long ago when everything was great between them, she made a decision to deceive her husband. She agreed that he could spend money to treat his seriously ill dad, and that they could spend the balance on a property. But she used only her name, and hid the fact from him for years . I have little qualms believing that such a woman can cheat on her hubby.

Now years later, after a serious fight caused by something she's apparently ashamed to admit, her self-described "good man" asked her to pack out in anger. And you're using that to justify her years-old betrayal?

Jeez.

MarieSucre:


You're acting on the premise that they built it together even tho, she clearly said that he used his to take his father for treatment abroad and also bulk his father a house.

Okay now that you have found that it was her share of the profit that built their family Josie what do you advice her?

She never said her share built the house!
She said she bought the land. But obviously, hubby spent vastly more on the project, else he wouldn't see it as his.
Comprehension 101! Sheesh.

Your husband is good man you said. Please don't Change to his name, not even Mr and Mrs. The moment you change to whatever name he wants he will sell your house. He used his money for his parents to do what? He parked out, are you sure he did not built another to harbour another woman? Do you know if there is somebody beating the drum to his head? Worry less and take care of your children. Like someone said, change the document to your children's name. He is comfortable where he has move to as he is seeking for transfer immediately he has agenda. Don't change the document to his name. Please tell your parents and take pastor out of your problem as they don't it all. Pastor will help him to fool you to change the document to Mr. Be wise.

MarieSucre:


You're acting on the premise that they built it together even tho, she clearly said that he used his to take his father for treatment abroad and also bulk his father a house.

Okay now that you have found that it was her share of the profit that built their family Josie what do you advice her?

How did you arrive at this?

He is doing all the Shakara to make you do his wish after which he can send u packing immediately you oblige to his wish. please don't ever change the entire ownership to him. Ignore him if he insists trust me he will come begging afterwards. If he is interested u should add him as a joint owner of the property let it be Mr A. B and Mrs. B. thenYou name. Because the Law does not recognize Mr and Mrs A.B as joint owners.

MarieSucre:

What book is this?

Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time

In my opionion, the second greatest fantasy series after J.R.R Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and its accompanying books (The Hobbit, The Silmarilon, The Children of Hurin and the volumes written in that world)

Acidosis:

How did you arrive at this?

Me sef I tire o. So many people projecting their own insecurities and resentment.
The irony is, as I have pointed out repeatedly, op keeps sneaking online (last seen 8.08 pm) but refuses to answer questions that will no doubt prove her guilt. All this while her advocates are going to town with all manner of conjectures.

I care about this case because so much wrong advice has been given for this woman to torpedo her own marriage.

proffemi:


Who is trying to justifing horrible behavior here? Good mistake? Or do you mean good betrayal?
Long ago when everything was great between them, she made a decision to deceive her husband. She agreed that he could spend money to treat his seriously ill dad, and that they could spend the balance on a property. But she used only her name, and hid the fact from him for years . I have little qualms believing that such a woman can cheat on her hubby.

Now years later, after a serious fight caused by something she's apparently ashamed to admit, her self-described "good man" asked her to pack out in anger. And you're using that to justify her years-old betrayal?

Jeez.

I'm not justifying her actions but you know what Nigerians say about when God uses some situations expose somethings about your friends or spouse that you never knew. Well, God has just done it for her.

Now what does it matter what they were quarreling about that justifies him telling her to get out with their children.

MarieSucre:


That is how most of you will raise your daughters to be slay mama's, with low self-esteem who beg for recharge card up and down and become liabilities in their marriages. Which one is master and slave here. Can a woman not own a property that is truly hers without having to shrink herself in stature and esteem na wa ooo.

it looks like you are a slay mama ur self, and pls tell us how many people u av begged for recharge, cards

LewsTherin:


Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time

In my opionion, the second greatest fantasy series after J.R.R Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and its accompanying books (The Hobbit, The Silmarilon, The Children of Hurin and the volumes written in that world)

Hey please could you send the pdf to me please.

MarieSucre:


I'm not justifying her actions but you know what Nigerians say about when God uses some situations expose somethings about your friends or spouse that you never knew. Well, God has just done it for her.

Ha madam, no no no no. Marriage shouldn't work like that. Women make this mistake so often: so many of you think that the mere passage of time makes a transgression less bad. No ma. There is absolutely no way to clean up her deceit.

Now what does it matter what they were quarreling about that justifies him telling her to get out with their children.

What is the quarrel was about her cheating? By the way, from her own words, he never asked the kids to leave! She herself concluded that asking her to pack out meant she and her kids would be homeless. I'm not saying he was right on that count, but what if it was due to infidelity?

proffemi:


She never said her share built the house!
She said she bought the land. But obviously, hubby spent vastly more on the project, else he wouldn't see it as his.
Comprehension 101! Sheesh.

"But obviously..." How do you know that the BUT OBVIOUSLY HAPPENED. It's you that is forming ideas from thin air claiming comprehension guru.

nams77:
Heseessll. Quite a dicey situation. I wouldn't stay in a house built by a woman but I must say your husband is a chauvinist and has no sense of goodness in him.
I see two options. You can be magnanimous and do a joint ownership or rent another flat and Put up yours for rent. That's is if what you are saying is true.
If he doesn't pick up any of these options then he is a devil.
If I were him, I would be crossed finding out at that moment that I was not part of the ownership ( you stuck to your own plan, nothing wrong with that, but he should be aware from the onset)
I would request we move out to a rented apartment ( can't live in a woman's house cos I know how they talk,)
Or I will ask for a joint ownership With an agreement to refund a portion of the cost of building to you on instalments.
Just pray to God for solution

Trust me even men talk anyhow too. Tue valve story and countless stories also prove that. We need to raise a generation of financially independent women but even that won't solve the problem.

proffemi:


Ha madam, no no no no. Marriage shouldn't work like that. Women make this mistake so often: so many of you think that the mere passage of time makes a transgression less bad. No ma. There is absolutely no way to clean up her deceit.


What is the quarrel was about her cheating? By the way, from her own words, he never asked the kids to leave! She herself concluded that asking her to pack out meant she and her kids would be homeless. I'm not saying he was right on that count, but what if it was due to infidelity?

What if it was infidelity on his part, and in the kind of arrogant way most African men feel, he wanted to throw her out and bring in a new woman under the excuse of "men are naturally polygamous"??


Yes, she was wrong to do that. But maybe she has seen something we don't know, something about his character afterall she is the one married to him for some many years. She can smell that he might be selfish and self-centered in the future.

sassysure:

How old are U?

The topic here is not about my age. Don't shift attention to me. Don't castigate any party but give Logical and Godly advice that can the two couple together. Thank you