sweetlaw:
i put it to you madam, that your husband is only angry at the fact that u could make something good out of your life aside just been his wife.

some men usually dont like it when their wives succeeds where they have failed.

he thought u will just sit down in his house as a foolish wife and be answering "sir, Sir everywhere.

good thing you have a house in your name otherwise, the story would've been diff from what we have just read.

i will advice you NOT to change it to his name, if he loves and respect you enough, he wont ask u and his kids to leave his the house that you both built over the years.

his ego has been wounded, let him be, with time, he either respect himself and come back home or remain the f**k aside.....his choice.

You're a Product of a broken home. Your alternator isn't charging your battery.

mark2sunny:



Your bad experience can't be used to evaluate all men. He doesn't need to prove anything to you. She even affirmed her husband is a good man. And who told you he wouldn't have built a house all by himself if he wanted by now. The cost of running some homes in 3 years alone can build a house. Your parents experience is not same with this.

Hahahaha, my “bad experience” is the norm in that country you live. The fact that he had the audacity to ask her to leave is proof of his goofiness. If he doesn’t have anything to prove, why is he in rebuttal here?

Please, let him prove his love by being a man. The Bible said a man should take care of his own household. He is a trickster. I know his type. I am married, I have not asked my wife for a dime but a house. Did she tell you she isn’t helping in taking care of the house too?

Why on earth will he even think of asking her to LEAVE the House? Check that out.

HEseesall:



The property only is in my name but we built it together

As a lawyer I would advice that you contact your lawyer to amend the title to joint ownership between the both of you as the law deems any property purchased after marriage as a communal property.Also don't forget to register it with the land registry as an unregistered property is almost as worthless as a piece of paper

Slimsly100:


Then he has ulterior motives.
If he doesn't want joint ownership, let him be, his brain would reset soon enough!

Waiting for you to reset his brains ma'am.

My dear , firstly you have evil friends advising you, because I know you would not have out the house in your name if it was left for you alone... You married such an understanding man, that can go, trust you enough to handle projects, and don't even bother to ask the details because he trusts you will do the right thing and put the house in both of your names!! But greed and over calculation made you dissect the whole thing because he had to go treat his father with his some of his money...that's where you did wrong#

Now this is the solution, tell him with what has happened, you can't put the house in his name, you can either change it to both your names or you out it in your first child's name# it's that simple..you guys had a wonderful marriage, why did you let material greed spoil it for you, you bruised his ego woman!!�

Martinez19:
lol. The woman has more solid grounds on this issue. She used HER MONEY to build the house. It's not advisable to force love. It's either he loves her or not. He should recognise what has happened has happened, If he can't stop his wickedness, manipulation and pride and accept 50-50 ownership for the sake of love, then he Bleep off.

The op has played her part in trying to mend the relationship by offering a 50-50 ownership of the house. If the husband can't humble himself and change his ways, he should Bleep off. He is meant to apologise for trying to kick his wife out. How callous!

The house was never the woman's, it's a joint business and joint profits, and marriage oversees all#

So you distorted the truth looking for support from Nairalanders... well, your husband has said his own side to balance things.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Martinez19:
lol. The woman has more solid grounds on this issue. She used HER MONEY to build the house. It's not advisable to force love. It's either he loves her or not. He should recognise what has happened has happened, If he can't stop his wickedness, manipulation and pride and accept 50-50 ownership for the sake of love, then he Bleep off.

The op has played her part in trying to mend the relationship by offering a 50-50 ownership of the house. If the husband can't humble himself and change his ways, he should Bleep off. He is meant to apologise for trying to kick his wife out. How callous!

He no longer wants the house.. she has won. He just doesn't want to be near her anymore.

https://www.nairaland.com/4629255/husbands-pride-wants-ruin-home

The property should have been in both ur names, don't know if ur decision was intentional. If your parents were sick and you used ur part, will you be happy if he uses his name alone? For him, it was childish sending u out if house

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

bros Eketem; your brain is exactly where it needs to be.

Evacroft:


This is so on point, poster read this.

EVA FOR THIS I CROWN YOU THE MOST INTELLIGENT WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY; I LOVE YOU FOR THIS.

WOULD LOVE TO LOVE YOU FOR THE SAKE OF THE REST OF YOUR BRAIN IN MY LIFE

Evacroft:
U guys did a joint business and shared profit ,then ur husband decided that all his own money will be put back to his parent thinking he will fall back on urs,did u guys discuss ur own share will be for both of u and did u both agree the money should be use for his parents?
Your husband is selfish by using all his money which I doubt cos if the money was as much as using it to build a house then that is no small money and I doubt he gave everything to his parent except they were sick and he was treating them with d money,that aside.
What is the stance of his parents on this?
The highest compromise u can make is Mr a and Mrs b, let ur first name show also on d docs. Don't give him full access since he has already told u to pack out he will leave u cos he strongly believe u cheated him out. And I don't know why he went running to his parents as soon has u guys had issues.

Don't go to any pastor or imam,they will compound ur problems,go to God in prayers to change his heart . If he remains adamant then leave him be. Cos I don't know why he will pack out and seek for a transfer because of this issue, except u wronged him badly earlier. Stand ur ground and goodluck

I LOVE THIS CHIC, IS GOOD TO KNOW THAT INTELLIGENT WOMEN STILL EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY.
JAH BLESS YOU DARLING...

@heseesall, I just read your husband's thread.

I can't imagine how you feel right now. Wish I could give you a hug . You probably have a lot of emotions running through you right now but don't make decisions based on emotions. At the end of the day what will be will be.

Keep your head up. This too shall pass.

To all those saying oh don't change the name.. In the eyes of the law it is already a joint property. It was acquired after marraige. The marraige is already seriously broken. For it to work the wife has to now over play the fool and in this day and age it is almost impossible. My advice: call family meeting, act submissive and in front of the family members agree and then put the house in his name, even after that he still will not trust you and continue to test your patience and love. But be rest assured if you guys were ever to divorce in the future, you both are entitled to the house, if you are really in a litigious mood. The problem is that most wives do not know the law, just want to end the marraige and move on or don't hire good lawyers.

You have got alot of wrong advice here. I don't really have much time to comment, but listen very well if you can. Never involve family members or Pastors now because it has not got to that. Obviously, you know where he is right now. Put on your best seductive dress and visit him, kneel down and tell him you have started the process of changing the name. (Don't forget he is your HUSBAND, the only one out of millions who came out publicly to marry you and not vice versa) Ensure that you give him his food before opening up to him that as husband and wife the right name would be MR & MRS ABC.
I must confess to u that you erred by using only your name. It questions your love for him or shows that you don't believe in the UNION (marriage). No man can bear it except you built that house before the marriage. YOU REALLY BRUISED HIS EGO. Stop believing those things you watch in TELEMUNDO and ZEEWORLD.
The man equally erred first by sharing the money (are u co-workers) secondly by allowing you to buy a land in his absence, you could have been duped. His signature was supposed to be in that document . I don't know how long they stayed in the Hospital but you could have waited. By and large, don't forget your topic "My Husband's Pride Wants To Ruin OUR HOME "
And not "My Husband's Pride Wants To Ruin MY HOME.
Many men see this as a coup or a set-up. From my recent experience, in every Nigerian home whenever there is misunderstanding of this sort "ONLY THE WOMAN CAN SETTLE IT."
This piece of advice is based on the fact that I have heard from both of you.
(They pay for my advice but am giving it to you free of charge here)

I first read your hubby side before coming to yours. The problem here is not about the house ownership, but rather trust issue and lack of respect... From what ur hubby said, if that is to go by, he trust and love you, but while u had started suppecting him of infidelity, that is why you let it loose, to abuse him, his parents and his family. As a man he got angry with you and ask you to live, which of course, he don't meant it, and most men will normally say so, and that is when u decided to tell him that the house is not his, even though he never ask you about the documents all this while and you as a woman could have let him know from the beginning but u kept it as secret, and now you have achieved your goals, cuz u knew it that someday that you gonna tell him that the hus is not his. Well, madam you are totally wrong. You bring all this to yourself. And who knows how abusive you were to him, the kind of words u used to insult him. And thank God you admitted he is a good man. He earlier asked for his name to be included in the documents, but now he don't need it anymore. The simple truth is that u hurt your man deeply. Don't mind all these pple here telling you that you did the right thing O, woman the right thing to do now is go and bring your hubby back, ask for his forgiveness and I know at this point, u can't achieve this alone; involve others, your pple and his pple as well. At long run, I believe you guys will start living peaceful again. Don't let this good man slip away from you, a good man is hard to find these days my dear. Dont, let this ego destroy your home. The ball is in your court now woman. Thats my candid advice. Good Luck...

Though this issue seems trivial but it can cost you your marriage. There’s no ‘I’ in marriage but a ‘we’. You can not shake hands with a clenched fist,you have to compromise. You messed up when you used your name solely for the house,you should’ve atleast regarded your husband by putting his name as the owner or co-owner. Even when he told you to get out of the house in the course of the argument,what stopped you from saying things like I won’t leave my matrimonial home or I won’t leave you my husband. He wouldn’t have touched you but you chose to hurt his ego one of the important thing that makes him a man. My sister, my advice is to you go back and beg your husband. And change that document to his name because he’s your husband and the father of your kids. If you don’t, you might lose him

Always remember that he saw you and asked you out and finally married you... your pastors,parents,brother can never feel the void in life if you quit your marriage or he does

HEseesall:



Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

You are not evil. Your husband seems to have an amazing talent in completing things. don't you think so? Takes his father abroad and completes his health then returns to complete the family house and the one you started.

He's a good man. Posture for peace and for the greater good.

HEseesall:



I am not a blogger who wants traffic, you can choose not to believe if you want, i just need advice and other options,

Looking for an advice in a wrong place? You will end up being more confused u less u have a divine discerning spirit of God.

Your husband trusted you more than you do to him. He was so sure of you. He never bothered about the content of the document in your possession till you exposed yourself. You are a hidden feminist. You are snitch for sure. You would have been fair and just by making the document in the name of your son or in couples names. You exhibited a 100% selfishness , lone heart and a lady with plan in this deal.

What happens to his little contribution? Mrs land lady. You just came to the man's life not for the union and marriage but just to prepare for the worst and the draw down. OK here is the draw down. You have won!

Make that ammendment as he demands. That's my sincere advice.

From my observation. This story is half truth. You're leaving out some things, when you're done modifying this story. I'll come back and give my input

If the house is not his. What other things are not his, probably the kids also. You're a snitch of a woman, an ungodly one. I don't pray I meet someone like you in this life or the next

LewsTherin:


Ok, got that.

Now like I said, normally, I am all for playing the fool in a relationship but your husband has set a bad precedent. First, he changed a joint agreement meant for your joint family in favour of his own family. Then he kicked you out of his house (as he thought it was). Then he insists you use your share of a joint decision, a decision that he reneged on, for his own benefit. Insisted on that twice ie before he knew it was in yiur name and after he knew it was in your name.

That is not good. Basically he has shown he is willing to abandon you and your kids if he “feels” like it. Sweetheart, no offense intended, but you don't have a good husband.

My advice to you and those in similar straits is
First, pray for your husband. Pray for God to change his person, to change his ways. If he claims to be a Christian, he sure as heck isn't showing Christ-like characters

Plan for your kids. Not to the exemption of your husband, but until he shows he can be different, plan to be able to live without him for your kids. I didn't say leave him. I said to be able to live without him. Different things.

Like you have been adviced, get an independent third party to mediate and see how that goes. I understand why you don't want to let your family know but it is dicey if they don't especially as he has involved his family from the beginning. I don't agree, but I understand. Maybe a compromise will be to tell your dad. Not your mum, not your sisters. Women by nature are very emotional and they can let their emotions overwhelm them. Tell your dad in confidence and ask him to keep it that way.

Finally, under no circumstances whatsoever should you add his name to that document. In mediations, the best you should do is to place the property in a trust for your children. Children! Not you, not him, not Mr and Mrs. Put it in the names of ALL your kids with a caveat that it cannot be sold by any one until all kids are above 18 years old.

Most of all, seek mediation and pray a lot for him.

My own advice.

You failed to see that they built the house together. She acquired the land in her name and kept quiet allowing her husband to contribute towards building the house. That is betrayal at its peak! Why didn't she build the house alone since she wanted only her name on the papers? The land and the house which one required more money? She is just greedy.
Her husband has given her the option go choose between him and the property. The choice is hers to make.
From the look of things they may not grow old together since the husband will not accept combined ownership and she won't let go.
As for all of you advising her to divorce the man i believe you are not married or you you don't know the value of marriage and family. For property of how much? I don't think the richest woman in Nigeria is divorced.
FAMILY COMES FIRST.

divinelove:
you are his wife so building the house with your name alone is a big red flag, moreso without his knowledge what type of wife does that? It shows you are preparing for divorce.

There are two sides to a story and I know you are not telling us the whole truth. In the building of the house there is no way the man could not have made a lot of contribution n sacrifice (may be not financial) to see it completed believing it's our house, complete betrayal.

If you are a Christian then always Know that your husband is your head.

He asked you to leave the house but believe me he doesn't mean it, it's just a way for men to show they are in charge.

There is alot of trust issues already but the only way out is to have joint ownership that allows him 60% if you still wants him as your husband. There is no way he will stay in a house u own alone as the wife.

God bless you.

Did he assist you financially in completing the house??
When you say property ,do you mean a land or a fully completed house ?

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

Most advice you will get here will either makr or mar your decision

Just follow your heart.

Your intuition will never betray you.


BTW, what business did you guys do that brought so much of a money?
can you fill me in?

jst an info...datzall.

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

my guy trust me if she is begging him ,it means she knew she bleeped up.but why would she build a house and not even tell her husband that it is in her name.i am sure her husband trust her and she know he is a good man.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

nawaooo.. Women and wahala

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

There are always 2sides to a story,i read your husbands version also,but my only advice is this,if u listen to anyone here on this thread,then that will be the bigining of your doom. 2 of u are the solution to your problems,its only 2 of u that really knows what happen so pls just leage thus t h read,meet ur husband and u guys solve your issues. Thank you

HEseesall:

The property only is in my name but we built it together

Well, if I consider the statement above, you just pointed out that he is a stakeholder.

The unfortunate event is what women tries to avoid in marriage but that is what you just did to him.
His demanding for it to be changed to his name (in my opinion) is a way of making it clear to you that he's disappointed and "can't" trust you. He's rubbing that in your face. He is intuitive that you won't change it, would rather like alone, rationalizing and justifying his fair and sincere actions (that led to him pulling out his share of the money from the project).

His conclusion seems like "for now, I just want to be on my own, away from a woman that I can't trust"

If you don't understand the above long talk, rewrite the story and switch roles.
- He brought the idea
- You both pooled fund for the project
- You have to help your ailing dad so you pull out with his "approval"
- He used his share to build
- You used part of your remaining fund to complete your parent's house
- You added fund to complete the said project with him
...
- You eventually found out that he did all in his name during a disagreement.

1. How will you feel?
2. What will people, (and if course nairalanders) say about such a man?

*************
Jesus said "as a golden rule of life, do unto others, what you'll want them to do to you".

In life, whatever you think, think the opposite. It helps your judgement.

He'll forgive you if you realize your mistake and he'll let you keep the house.
You may have to sell it off eventually it change it to the kids' name.

CodeineJunkiee:
From my observation. This story is half truth. You're leaving out some things, when you're done modifying this story. I'll come back and give my input

Of course it is so obvious the story was well baked.

She still have issues that her husband spent money on his dad...just imagine how evil women can be, so he shouldn't treat his dying father?

2. She went behind to use her name alone for the house they both built together meaning she already had the motive things may go wrong and a day like this will come.... She's betrayed her husband's trust, she's a traitor and a pessimist. Wicked world.

3. They had some misunderstandings,....it was obvious she was hiding some facts here, biko madam should tell us what misunderstanding they had and what caused it... Well she knew she was guilty so she made no mention of that. Worst of all she had to remind him the house belong to her alone! Betrayal!!!!!

4. She knows she was wrong all along then in the concluding part of her baked story she said and I quote "he is a good man".... No woman, you don't deserve such a good man, you can have the big house to all yourself and let the man move on and marry a new wife that will make him happy.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

The mistakes you made were 1) Not realizing that even though you contributed more to building the house,it still belonged to both of you and 2) you never should have bragged about being the sole owner of the house and challenge his authority. You said your husband is a good man so why not respect him. Unfortunately your mistakes are not the type you can correct coz whatever you think your husband has done wrong is a reaction to your betrayal and disregard for the marriage order. May God help you

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Firstly, I can see there's love in your heart for your husband as you said he's a good man and so you will want the issues on ground worked out; that's good and commendable.

You see my advice here will not be based on sentiments or on popular opinions but on the words of God. If indeed you are a Christian, please be always guided by the word.

A fundamental problem I noticed in your family from your narrative is that you are not one! A Christian home is never divided. It's already a failure that both of you have things separately - this is mine and that's is yours already pointed out that there's a problem except you're talking about bra and underwears but with properties, NO! God already made you one, don't divide yourselves with things.

Now, what should do? Well, maybe this may not be an appropriate question since there are many options as some had even suggested. The proper question should be, what would God want me to do? A major problem with believers today, including pastors, is that we only hear the word, some even preach but we don't allow it to rule or direct our lives!

I believe and will suggest you submit to your husband just as the Bible commands. "Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their OWN HUSBAND IN EVERYTHING" (Eph 5:24, NKJV, emphasis mine).

Please don't misunderstand me. I value and appreciate women and will in no way subjugate them, not even with the Holy Bible. I quoted the reference above because I believe every aspect of a believer's life should be directed by God's word.