HEseesall:
The property only is in my name but we built it together

Since you built it together, then put Mr & Mrs (insert both your full names) on the property document. Chikena!

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Don't change anything into his name, else just immediately after the change he will ask you and your kids to pack out.
If he doesn't come around the fact that the house is yours and his too by reason of being married then let him get out.
What "Nonsense".

MarieSucre:


But right thinking men chase their wives out of their house. Let's turn the tables. Right thinking women will take a man chasing them out of both their matrimonial homes se They way you men make excuses for each other sha.

Madam, why focus on me na? I am not the man in question but only commented based on the OP narration and also my own opinion

paulynpen:


I understand your position but you were biased, now when the MSN spent his money in treating his dad, did he told his dad that the money was from his wife? Of course no, so how did he still expect his name to be solely on the property without considering the wife who sacrificed her share?. You try to put holes in the story in favour of your friend without criticizing the MSN inhuman act of throwing his wife and kids out of the house they laboured to build, even if the man had used his portion to join in the building is is fair to remove his wife's from the ownership? Obviously you were biased. Treatment or not, do you think the woman does not have pressing need at that time? If she had used it like him would he have come to drag the house. What I am criticizing him for is his inhuman act, over bloated ego and wickedness

You're still not getting it. And I think you are the very biased one because you are making conclusion already without trying to dig deep on the story.

Your worry is that according to the ops he wants to throw the wife and kids away from the house which of course is unpalatable but nobody have told us why? What exactly happened to warrant that. And if I ask/suggest has it to do with anything extramarital or has the man now have a mistress, some one like u will jump immediately and say I have blamed/condemned the woman to have committed adultery. I ask these questions to get the whole picture before jumping to conclusion. The story have to be sequenced and questions asked at key stages to understand the motives of each key actors.

In my first response to ops, I ask questions, suggest example and scenarios and always add is it correct? This is trying to get more out from the source.

The only thing you understand in the whole story is, he wants to push her out, he has spent his own share of money and the man can now go to hell. Yes, but it will make more sense to know why the turn of events in the marriage.

So may be we can say we are of different school of reasoning. Logical versus surficial.

EagleNest:


You're still not getting it. And I think you are the very biased one because you are making conclusion already without trying to dig deep on the story.

Your worry is that according to the ops he wants to throw the wife and kids away from the house which of course is unpalatable but nobody have told us why? What exactly happened to warrant that. And if I ask/suggest has it to do with anything extramarital or has the man now have a mistress, some one like u will jump immediately and say I have blamed/condemned the woman to have committed adultery. I ask these questions to get the whole picture before jumping to conclusion. The story have to be sequenced and questions asked at key stages to understand the motives of each key actors.

In my first response to ops, I ask questions, suggest example and scenarios and always add is it correct? This is trying to get more out from the source.

The only thing you understand in the whole story is, he wants to push her out, he has spent his own share of money and the man can now go to hell. Yes, but it will make more sense to know why the turn of events in the marriage.

So may be we can say we are of different school of reasoning. Logical versus surficial.

No, you refused to understand my position. You feel the has the right to throw out his wife and kids from the house they built together, you feel he can do so provided he has a reason that is why you keep asking for the reason he went that far, but I am saying he has no right for whatsoever reason to do that because they both have equal share and or stake in the property. You are refused to understand that the man has ulterior motives to want the sole ownership of the house even when his wife has a larger share of the house. He is just looking for a way to place the woman on a tight corner and swindle her of the property and afterward pushed her away, if not he would have agreed to joint ownership since it was a joint effort. Thank God for the wisdom of that woman we would have witness another disheartening scheme of dubiousness from men fired by ego and pride. I repeat, the woman knows her husband and she is justified now. The man would have pushed her out of her house, she is justified

crackhaus:
There are too many holes in this story and I find it amusing that the discussion has spawned so many pages without getting any clarification from the OP.

How is it this woman's husband had no idea the name on the documents of a home they built together up until now?

This is the only information that will reveal exactly why he's so upset about her name being represented as the sole owner. The OP must have played a fast one on him from the beginning and led him to think otherwise.

Every other thing written about how 'he said this' and 'he said that' is just sensationalism at its best designed to tilt opinions in her favor - it's that obvious and I must be nuts if I'm the only one sensing this.

I absolutely agree with you, I was shocked initially thinking he's a chauvinistic pig but now I'm left confused and I have more questions than answers.

She said she agreed to his half being spent on his parents, this suggests that they had a conversation about how the money is spent. If they had this conversation why didn't she say there and then that the deed will be in her name ONLY

Why did it only come out when they had an argument She obviously lied or she wasn't honest about all the details. I could understand his rage because there's nothing worse than being taken for a fool.

As per usual she only gave us half the story, like she gave her husband half the story. I don't trust or believe her

I dey vex now because I searched the thread for her comments hoping she'd chime in and correct people or clear things up but she didn't.

She doesn't have the intelligence or strength to win this battle so she should throw the towel in and give him what he wants so she can have a husband and a father.

LivingFree:


I absolutely agree with you, I was shocked initially thinking he's a chauvinistic pig but now I'm left confused and I have more questions than answers.

She said she agreed to his half being spent on his parents, this suggests that they had a conversation about how the money is spent. If they had this conversation why didn't she say there and then that the deed will be in her name ONLY

Why did it only come out when they had an argument She obviously lied or she wasn't honest about all the details. I could understand his rage because there's nothing worse than being taken for a fool.

As per usual she only gave us half the story, like she gave her husband half the story. I don't trust or believe her

I dey vex now because I searched the thread for her comments hoping she'd chime in and correct people or clear things up but she didn't.

She doesn't have the intelligence or strength to win this battle so she should throw the towel in and give him what he wants so she can have a husband and a father.

If she renames that file then she is a monumental fool. She bought the land with her money which is why the property is in her name. I have never heard that a land and a building has different ownerships. Whichever way you look at it, she owns it. Look at it as a stakeholder, she bought the land and still contributed to the building which means that she owns at least 60%. Offering him equal ownerships is doing him a big favor. He should've known that the land wasn't in his name because he didn't sign the papers. The OP just dodged a bulled if not she would've been on the streets. Why will he decline shared ownership and demand full ownership of the property? He is wicked and egocentric. Even the woman papa no go gree. Why did he run to complain to his own family? If he used his own part of the money to sponsor his dads treatment and also completed his parents house then that money is huge. He used his money for his own problems. If the lady's father was the sick one would he have contibuted that much? If the lady had used the money to buy designers and gold jewelry will he flog her? Is her part of a deal and she bought land with it. When he looks at his father today and the family house, he will know that is where he invested his money. If she looks at the property, she will also be satisfied with her investments. If he gets co-ownership then she has been cheated badly. He used his money to his own benefits, why can't she use hers? She deserves better than a co-ownership. She is begging to be married cos a lot of ladies would've been throwing parties in the house already. For him no to even know for a long time means that the lady is a good woman. So many women will even be threatening him with it. If he is feeling funky, she should sell the house and share the money or carry his building elsewhere. If Na my sister, he will understand.

paulynpen:

No, you refused to understand my position. You feel the has the right to throw out his wife and kids from the house they built together, you feel he can do so provided he has a reason that is why you keep asking for the reason he went that far, but I am saying he has no right for whatsoever reason to do that because they both have equal share and or stake in the property. You are refused to understand that the man has ulterior motives to want the sole ownership of the house even when his wife has a larger share of the house. He is just looking for a way to place the woman on a tight corner and swindle her of the property and afterward pushed her away, if not he would have agreed to joint ownership since it was a joint effort. Thank God for the wisdom of that woman we would have witness another disheartening scheme of dubiousness from men fired by ego and pride. I repeat, the woman knows her husband and she is justified now. The man would have pushed her out of her house, she is justified

What a conclusion?

appsdope:


If she renames that file then she is a monumental fool. She bought the land with her money which is why the property is in her name. I have never heard that a land and a building has different ownerships. Whichever way you look at it, she owns it. Look at it as a stakeholder, she bought the land and still contributed to the building which means that she owns at least 60%. Offering him equal ownerships is doing him a big favor. He should've known that the land wasn't in his name because he didn't sign the papers. The OP just dodged a bulled if not she would've been on the streets. Why will he decline shared ownership and demand full ownership of the property? He is wicked and egocentric. Even the woman papa no go gree. Why did he run to complain to his own family? If he used his own part of the money to sponsor his dads treatment and also completed his parents house then that money is huge. He used his money for his own problems. If the lady's father was the sick one would he have contibuted that much? If the lady had used the money to buy designers and gold jewelry will he flog her? Is her part of a deal and she bought land with it. When he looks at his father today and the family house, he will know that is where he invested his money. If she looks at the property, she will also be satisfied with her investments. If he gets co-ownership then she has been cheated badly. He used his money to his own benefits, why can't she use hers? She deserves better than a co-ownership. She is begging to be married cos a lot of ladies would've been throwing parties in the house already. For him no to even know for a long time means that the lady is a good woman. So many women will even be threatening him with it. If he is feeling funky, she should sell the house and share the money or carry his building elsewhere. If Na my sister, he will understand.

All this 'his and hers' for a husband and wife... who needs an enemy when you have a spouse

His papa no be her papa, now? Because of money?

Marriage is a scam to some people

You can't answer a question with a question

If you are a graduate or still a student you should know it's wrong

So answer the question

HRHQueenPhil:
wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u

NO pastor please
Pastor might use opportunity to try F the woman

LivingFree:


I absolutely agree with you, I was shocked initially thinking he's a chauvinistic pig but now I'm left confused and I have more questions than answers.

She said she agreed to his half being spent on his parents, this suggests that they had a conversation about how the money is spent. If they had this conversation why didn't she say there and then that the deed will be in her name ONLY

Why did it only come out when they had an argument She obviously lied or she wasn't honest about all the details. I could understand his rage because there's nothing worse than being taken for a fool.

As per usual she only gave us half the story, like she gave her husband half the story. I don't trust or believe her

I dey vex now because I searched the thread for her comments hoping she'd chime in and correct people or clear things up but she didn't.

She doesn't have the intelligence or strength to win this battle so she should throw the towel in and give him what he wants so she can have a husband and a father.

You have my respect for not being narrow minded

reprobate mind, may GOD Hav mercy on u

GoodFaith:

NO pastor please
Pastor might use opportunity to try F the woman

HRHQueenPhil:
reprobate mind, may GOD Hav mercy on u

Real sad you have narrow mind
Lot of pastors has created more problem in Marriages
Cut your foolishness and BS
Yes there are lot of evil pastors out there
If you are one may God make you a better person and pastor

i prefer a narrow mind dan a reprobate mind, how can u utter such a thing as dat..even as a joke. I repeat, no pastor has eva caused d wreckage of a marriage, everyone is absolutely responsible for d outcome of ur life, Now if u decide 2 listen 2 false doctrine, dat is ur fault, becos d bible prophesied dat there will be many of them. pls lets learn 2 watch wat we spew from our mouth , the book of james says if u cant control ur tongue, it shows ur Christianity is fake.

GoodFaith:

Real sad you have narrow mind
Lot of pastors has created more problem in Marriages
Cut your foolishness and BS
Yes there are lot of evil pastors out there
If you are one may God make you a better person and pastor

Try to stay calm,, never fall victims no matter how much pressure your husband or the family will put on you to change the name to his own name,, instead secure the house for your children because I could imagine what your husband will have done if he has throw you out of the house,, leave him and let him transfer to anywhere he want,, be wise and use your wisdom...

cjeriia:
Do not make dat mistake. It's d product of ur own share of d biz. Find a way to settle it amicably but whatever you do, make sure d name on d property remains urs

At the expense of her marriage? For how long? A year 2 years? How else will she settle it amicably if he insists?

HRHQueenPhil:
i prefer a narrow mind dan a reprobate mind, how can u utter such a thing as dat..even as a joke. I repeat, no pastor has eva caused d wreckage of a marriage, everyone is absolutely responsible for d outcome of ur life, Now if u decide 2 listen 2 false doctrine, dat is ur fault, becos d bible prophesied dat there will be many of them. pls lets learn 2 watch wat we spew from our mouth , the book of james says if u cant control ur tongue, it shows ur Christianity is fake.

There are fake pastors too?
I think you need to go play with yourself kid
You can not school me on the wreck of marriages pastors has cause or contributed to
Pastors are human with flaws
Pastors fucking people wives
If you are ignorant , I am not
Go play

LivingFree:


I absolutely agree with you, I was shocked initially thinking he's a chauvinistic pig but now I'm left confused and I have more questions than answers.

She said she agreed to his half being spent on his parents, this suggests that they had a conversation about how the money is spent. If they had this conversation why didn't she say there and then that the deed will be in her name ONLY

Why did it only come out when they had an argument She obviously lied or she wasn't honest about all the details. I could understand his rage because there's nothing worse than being taken for a fool.

As per usual she only gave us half the story, like she gave her husband half the story. I don't trust or believe her

I dey vex now because I searched the thread for her comments hoping she'd chime in and correct people or clear things up but she didn't.

She doesn't have the intelligence or strength to win this battle so she should throw the towel in and give him what he wants so she can have a husband and a father.

Lol, may they find peace.

LivingFree:


All this 'his and hers' for a husband and wife... who needs an enemy when you have a spouse

His papa no be her papa, now? Because of money?

Marriage is a scam to some people

As in, the matter dey taya me. His own, my own... His share, my share... His father, His family.. Lmao
All this happening between two people who invited guests that could have been busy with more important things, to come watch them make a spectacle of themselves taking vows to be ONE.

Like Gloria Gaynor said when asked by a French Reporter recently about what she thinks is the most pressing issue in the world today, her response:
The disenchantment with what love is supposed to be about... people don't know how to love or be loved anymore..

Everyone is now too smart the way I see it

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

how will i tell them we are no more together because of property This shows you place greater value on your relationship than the property, kneel down, go apologize and tell him you don't want the property to become a big deal between the both of you, it's trust he's bothered about, and that you didn't trust him enough to love and take care of you, with the transfer you'll win back his heart for the "risk" you took, or go to someone he listens to to facilitate the transfer and immediately you do the transfer don't go back home, rather wait for days for him to make the first move, if he doesn't call him and ask him if he isn't taken you back, he only wants an ego booster, give it to him. you said he's a good man, then try to trust him with the property, if you lose fine, but the gain's worth the consideration.




Allow me correct myself or suggest something better, change the name of the property to MR & MRS ( Not to his name )

Your husband may be good, but he's a very selfish man, he built his own family's house and then used yours to build one he wants to call solely HIS, why are so many Nigerian men this heartless, WHY?

LewsTherin:


Dude! You are the first person on Nairaland that has gotten my name! May you shelter in the palm of the Creator's hand!!

Sick dude

Human beings are partial especially when it comes to matters involvimg dem...

like we already know in every tale like dis, there's is d wife's side ..d husband's side and.... d TRUTH..


BTW Who builds a house wit a partner's money and den claims to own d house.....except of course there is sth the OP is not telling us..

i put it to you madam, that your husband is only angry at the fact that u could make something good out of your life aside just been his wife.

some men usually dont like it when their wives succeeds where they have failed.

he thought u will just sit down in his house as a foolish wife and be answering "sir, Sir everywhere.

good thing you have a house in your name otherwise, the story would've been diff from what we have just read.

i will advice you NOT to change it to his name, if he loves and respect you enough, he wont ask u and his kids to leave his the house that you both built over the years.

his ego has been wounded, let him be, with time, he either respect himself and come back home or remain the f**k aside.....his choice.

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

YOUR LIES HAVE BEEN EXPOSED!
YOU'RE A WICKED LIAR!
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL THE PEOPLE YOUR HUSBAND USED HIS SHARE OF THE MONEY TO TREAT HIS SICK FATHER??
LIES AND DECEPTION WILL TAKE YOU NOWHERE!
YOU HAVE USED YOUR HAND TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE, NOW YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY .

HEseesall:



Just that one time

Hey there! where you able to resolve this?

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

I will tell you something real quick.

Your husband TRUSTED you 100 percent, to the point he feels both of you are one and same. That's why he did not bother to ask whose name the house was in. I guess he felt that trust broken, when you reminded him that this is yours and that is his.

He went overboard by asking you to leave, but that's the African man's way of making his wife realise he is king (wrong tho).

Neither you nor himself told us what happened that made you quarrel to the point of declaring ownership of properties. Is it not something both of you can deal with? Why don't you two move out, rent the apartment and put the money in a joint account?

Why do people go into marriages when they know they are going there to do Iraq and Iran? Marriage no be by force. It's better to be single than be with someone you can't trust and love fully and freely.

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

How much of his money was invested in purchase of land and building of the structure till completion?

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

i believe you are not yet married that's why u gave this kind of useless advice.

My response to the husband post.

Woman be WISE!


Mr. Man, you are very deceptive. I won’t buy your lies. I know the game you were playing on your woman. My dad did play that same game on my mother, until she wised-up.

You used your part to take care of your dad and used the rest to build a home for your parent and still expect to be treated as co equal in the real estate? Others can lie to you to inflate your ego, I won’t. You did tell her to leave the house, mistake number one. We wouldn’t be talking about this this way today, if she was dumb and stupid not to have used her name. The lady would be on the street today with no where to go. You’re here telling us it was a joke. Stop lying. I believe you have an affair. You want to push her out, bring in another lady and treat her like a fool.

She was wise and thank God for that. My dad did the same thing to my mother. He will use her cars, trash them and still push her out. She built a house, he drove her out, sold the house and messed her up. Finally, she got some common sense, built another house and gave me the documents as her first son. That he couldn’t take. My dad was like take my mums money, squandered them on the other woman and still come to trash her.

Ladies, please be wise! Imagine he saying she should change the documents to his name ONLY. Thief. Ole. Be a man, go build a house, bring them all in there. Let her rent her house for investment purposes. The true test of your love for her is to do this and prove to her, your kids and US that you truly love your FAMILY!

Don’t deceive this man to deceive the wife. God is watching you all!
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

You have to understand what marriage is all about. Your husband and the house which do you prefer? You messed up big time. He's a man who trusts his wife completely else he would have asked you to hand him the house documents long ago. You have one of the best men alive.

When it comes to love, someone you already know and have everlasting bond with, house, cars etc don't matter. You should be able to know the kind of man that will throw his wife out of the house. He's not that kind of man. But again, when such men make a demand, you have to follow through or take another path in life.

I can tell you the kind of man you have. He might even allow you keep or secure all he has in life. People like that don't even care about what they eat. But for you to have used your name alone means you are a new generation woman. Who can share her body with her husband, but hide money or material valuables from him. Money conscious, not wanting to be cheated, or being at the loosing end when there's divorce. Well here you have it, get a divorce and keep your house. That's the wisdom of our new generation ladies.

Why are you afraid of losing a house to your husband? Isn't the man yours? You think if he cared about having his name on the papers, he'll be bringing it up now? It's not pride honey, it's called taking a stand. He's giving you the option of choosing between the house and him. It's simple, I'll rather loose house, cars, etc that the one I love. If God chooses to humble you, he'll allow a non existent situation to come your way, and you'll need to sell the house and any variables to be alive. Be wise

metro10:
My response to the husband post.

Woman be WISE!


Mr. Man, you are very deceptive. I won’t buy your lies. I know the game you were playing on your woman. My dad did play that same game on my mother, until she wised-up.

You used your part to take care of your dad and used the rest to build a home for your parent and still expect to be treated as co equal in the real estate? Others can lie to you to inflate your ego, I won’t. You did tell her to leave the house, mistake number one. We wouldn’t be talking about this this way today, if she was dumb and stupid not to have used her name. The lady would be on the street today with no where to go. You’re here telling us it was a joke. Stop lying. I believe you have an affair. You want to push her out, bring in another lady and treat her like a fool.

She was wise and thank God for that. My dad did the same thing to my mother. He will use her cars, trash them and still push her out. She built a house, he drove her out, sold the house and messed her up. Finally, she got some common sense, built another house and gave me the documents as her first son. That he couldn’t take. My dad was like take my mums money, squandered them on the other woman and still come to trash her.

Ladies, please be wise! Imagine he saying she should change the documents to his name ONLY. Thief. Ole. Be a man, go build a house, bring them all in there. Let her rent her house for investment purposes. The true test of your love for her is to do this and prove to her, your kids and US that you truly love your FAMILY!

Don’t deceive this man to deceive the wife. God is watching you all!
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

Your bad experience can't be used to evaluate all men. He doesn't need to prove anything to you. She even affirmed her husband is a good man. And who told you he wouldn't have built a house all by himself if he wanted by now. The cost of running some homes in 3 years alone can build a house. Your parents experience is not same with this.