THE DESIGNER
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DEDICATION:
This anecdote is dedicated to nobody and to everybody.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:
I recognise the undying love my female colleagues (none of them is on Nairaland) have for me. Colleagues that keeps me burbling at the Secondary School I happen to be a Principal of. They are the main reason this idea exist.
Thanks to the cue I copied from TheBlessedMan without his approval. I hope he is disappointed when the thunder he may likely send from Shango to fire me hits the poverty that has kept me awake and thinking all night long.
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COPYRIGHT:
I prefer Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Athena, Ares, Artemis, Roman gods and the gods of Egypt to our local dumb gods (though the aforementioned are dumb too), but I bet the god of TheBlessedMan would intervene against you if you think you would beat Jesus when he said, "I will come like a THIEF in the night."
If Shango does nothing because no obeisance was paid him, then do what you can do best, but don't forget KRATOS' gat my back. (If you know you know.)
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PROHIBITION:
Unlike me, don't spend your precious 8 hours of sleep on here. Don't lend someone your sleep or decide not to attend tonight's coven gathering to remain here.
And don't quote ALL (every word) from an update...it's boring.
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DERAILERS:
Obinnau, DivePen1, and TheBlessedMan, let these derailers know that they are strictly warned to back off. They should not come and be telling us witches fly at night or how to hang or spread cloth on the wire. Please warn them seriously. or to wash our teeth before sleeping or to throw our tooth on the roof for it to grow.
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CRITICS:
Please, criticise me Maturely.
I'm still learning.

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS ANECDOTE (GENRES):
TECHNOLOGY: Yes... Don't expect Nollywood Sci-fi.
VIOLENCE: Yes... But at readers discretion because it's GORY!!! Though it doesn't start right away.
SEX: Yes... But I don't know why and how the super MODs of Nairaland registered the members of NFVCB - National Film and Video Censor Board. They are trying every means to tamper this project.
GAYism: I'm not here to please you at all. Don't even try and do "mo gbo, mo ya" (I heard then attended) because KRATOS would deep his hand in your eyes.
MORAL: Go get your Bible or Quran...better still, while reading ensure you are with your ROSARY or TESBI to ward of evil!
(I'm working on an anecdote with the entire literary genre embedded in it sha...keep your fingers crossed.)

ATTENTION:
If you are the type that judges a story by it's first updates (which I sometimes do until I read ATTENTIONS like this) then I won't be surprised like TheBlessedMan if you get tired after the first FOUR updates. But I implore you to endeavour to read on to the eighth chapter/episode and I promise you would yearn for more.
(This is my FIRST work on Nairaland which is the reason behind this COPIED WITHOUT TheBlessedMan 's PERMISSION introduction.)

DISCLAIMER:
This WAS an abandoned project I authored effortlessly in year 2017.
I shall continue unequivocally. And I hope y'all give me a shot in the arm.
Updates shall be made EVERY DAY God said "Let there be Light!"
*winks*

NOTE:
Patience is a Virtue!
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THE DESIGNER
PROLOGUE
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The woman who I've been pretending to you that is your mum isn't. She never even had a child for me. She was, actually, not fertile until she died in a presumed ghastly accident.
This woman you know as your step mum gave birth to you before I ventured into the marriage business. Though, she didn't give birth to you directly. You're a child of an incubator. That's why you're fat and have K-leg like this.
After we finished doing 'it', I knowingly released my semen in her. It was a quickie your mother wanted, but she didn't know I had other plans. The same way I had planned, she also had planned...against me.
The next day, after the semen was released in her, I knew she would be pregnant because my semen is a strong one and makes the infertile fertile.
Though, my ex-dead-wife was an untouched being that's why she wasn't fertile nor pregnant.
The next day, your mother went to the hospital for pregnancy-test.

Geez!
She was pregnant.
The test showed 10 puppies...I mean babies.
10 babies were in your 'revealed' mother.
Without my consent, she tried aborting all babies within her. In lieu to this expectation, she booked an apointment with the doctor that revealed her pregnancy test. The appointment day came and, without hesitation, she was successful aborting 10 of the babies.
Unknown to her, the doctor that did the abortion for her was a bestie of mine. And he revealed to me the discussion he had with your mother. He told me he was yet to reveal the accurate number of my babies in her. I asked him and he told me there were TWELVE of your type in her. We later agreed that he should tell your mother TEN of your type were in her and if she agreed aborting the TEN there was no qualms with it, but he should ensure he removed the remaining TWO babies and fix into an incubator.
With the turn out of event, as soon as your mother was successful with the abortion, she turned down every approach I made to her and she left me for this man of your dreams.
That was her plan. Unknowing to her, I knew her plans.
I called my bestie and doctor, and we fell into another agreement of wiping your mother's memory of everything about me, which includes the abortion.
My bestie called her that she needed to take one more drug to certify she gave birth to no other child from me. She, wholeheartedly, went to him for the drugs. But he warned her that there would be some side effect which was mental and would surmount to her forgetting things but would later subside.
She agreed and he injected the amnesia drugs (which was incurable) in her. To make her feel safe, he told her there would be some timid feeling she would abhor which would slowly subside along with the side effect.
And the doctor was perfect in his job. How he did it without concealing the truth was amazing.
The next week, she compelled me to go with her to a shopping mall without OUR car, but on foot. Along the way, very suddenly, a tinted range rover (recent sport model) stopped few feet ahead of us like it was on the virge of abduction.
I was frightened and took hold of your mother's hand and dragged her to my back to ward danger off her.
The jeep wasn't alone. About 5 feet off, it had convoy which was behind me. It was a fleet of other tinted range rover jeeps.
I was surprised.
I wasn't such of an important personality to be intercepted at this level. I expected armed men to come out and intercept me or burst out and shoot me from defending my fiancee from being held captive.
After few moments, the passenger door of the jeep parked at our front opened. I was curious to know the personality slowly unveiling.
After every drama, there was, standing right in front of me, a man I had never set my eyes upon. He was, obviously, not Nigerian. He was a white man on black tuxedo with a straight tie and his arms were outstretched like someone expecting a hug from a long time friend. I lost concentration on the man's features. Like film trick, your mother dropped my hands which I firmly held on to, but she forcefully removed it.
She ran to him like she was running from ebola and he grabbed her like he was catching a child thrown in the air.
They kissed intimately and there I was, alone with my mouth agape and experiencing a sequence to fornication.
After every affection, she did me the honour by stopping the new-comer's affection. I saw that the new-comer's face was smeared with your mother's make-up. She introduced the man not with his name, but a title, "Gucci brand owner."
With that, she left me to ponder on what she meant by this Gucci brand owner. She didn't even introduce me to him. She entered the jeep with the Gucci man's lead and they zoomed off.
I went back home and dwelt on my loss.

Oh!
I am sorry!
I forgot to pay obeisance to awon Onile (NairaLandLords):
Lalasticlala (I don't even know who you are, I just know people mention your name every now and then) I greet you o!
DivePen1 and Co. I don alert una before na.
SmartestPopQueen, how far na?! How is NICK? I hope his Hybrid children are helping him recuperate his powers?
PrinceOfPrince, I hope you've stopped beefing the Queen? You are seating beside her this time around.
TheBlessedMan, I can see how wide your grin is. I pray make e no tear reach you back. Oya, sit for front row.
All you other TEAM HERO crew (I wish I go join una later), Royh call them come.
ChumzyPinky A.K.A. Iya Ibeji, I no know where you dey all this while, but I dey invite you sha.
Y'all sit down, relax, cross-leg, carry your left arm go your stomach with your right hand wielding your phone at ya face, and scroll away.
Yeah!
Fanta and Coke at your disposal.

Ah!
I shall be controversial if I know call these NairaLand ancestors too.
Abeg, make una no vex say I call una after chapter-episode ONE. Episode-chapter TWO dey below una.
PamelB, Fiyah, RawGurl, SamyFreshSmooth, Dfo12, Annie939, BimBerry1307, RinceSamuel93, SpiceyBae, Vicchi12, RoseyGold, Ashiat39, RachealFst, BelleFidel, Percentile, Ritvin, LeMubs, YorhmieNerd, OpeOluwa99, MissUniverse, Ewawumi, StalWert, Oracle2, Lleigh, TeedeeChian, DatJohn, Ridwan1821, AgentOfAllah, Crowniey, CountryGirl, Honourable356, Ojuolu, Abuklaw, DannyBeau, Olatex25, Dat9jaKid, Ritvin, PJSmart, Siralabai, Yinks89, Angelsss, OchyGlowsGlows, and RolaDiva.
Na from TheBlessedMan I borrow una mention from o.
Oya y'all sit down and scroll away.
Food dey cooler for front row o!

I didn't forget you guys too.
D9ty7, MissRelly, Mhiztee, RichieBrown, Keeyah Sashaa, MhizIszy, CirPhrank, OluwaBuqqyYolo, Greyce, Percentile, DokitaG, Agbaoyega, MaggieLovely, Idrhas, MissNazzy, BoyBreezy, WackyRichy, Osjaay, BlessyTee, Elmogaji, Bornita, JohnAdeDavid, 49cents, MzLizaBelle, Melonny, KhaliPharrel, FlakkyDagirl, LarrySun, Johnflowey1738, TGold1, OpeOluwa99, Flow1738, RachealFST, WizSolzy, Ikombe, LitQueen, and CyndyLove64.
Oya scroll away too...no worry!
Dem dey prepare indomie come from kitchen.

Literature Lovers come and see o.
JaeSharp, Eniolar0, SOFP, PascalBenz, IAmKingOluDav, Jage, Exclusive7, Neez, OluaFolabi, OlufemiWhit, Kaybeeeee, AprilWise, LyndaEli, AnjaliSwift, FolaShadee, Sensitivity1254, AndeBenzy, PrinceFaFem, Black56, LetFlex, KelvinCoke, and KingKaspa.
Oya serve yourself and enjoy as you scroll away.
Saviet paper no dey o!

THE DESIGNER
Chapter ONE
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THREE MONTHS LATER, I received a call from my buddy-doctor who advised me I need to check on my two babies. He briefed me on the progress and revealed to me that one of the incubated babies was not following the usual process and was critical.
Without much thought I raced of to his office to settle things. On getting to his office, the doctor said we needed a host for the faulty incubated baby to grow in. He explained that tight air had infiltrated the lungs of the faulty incubated-baby and if it escapes death would be the only solution. He disclosed the baby needed tighter space which could be found no where any incubator, but in the sack of a woman's tummy who would become the baby's host.
Obviously, this was a ghen ghen something.
He knew I was capable of getting any woman at the flick of my finger.
I was happy with the news, but it didn't tell on my face. I wondered how the no-fault baby was. Like he knew my problem, he told me not to bother about no-fault baby that it was okay. He also added that the two incubated babies were of different genders, but he wouldn't state which was which in other to avoid my having a preference of either of the babies. There was still no sign of difference on my face until he told me my incubated babies' mother didn't know who I was anymore or the fact the she had any abortion for a Mr. Blueman.
I was, oddly, awe-struck with that news and a grin appeared.
At the end, it wasn't a big deal. My buddy and I had a successful deal on getting a host which could be anyone whether infertile or fertile, good or bad, fat or slim, tall or short, as long as the host was a human being and of my opposite gender, a woman.
As a token of our friendship, he gave me a small mechanical and technical device that was specially programmed to work as a host-finder. I laughed at the device. Useless thing. On getting home, I almost decided throwing the device into the fire-place, but the distance of the fire-place wasn't close to me compared to the waste-bin that was just at my feet. I threw it into the waste-bin. And went straight to my bed room and thought of how I would use my prowess to attract my baby's host.
I wouldn't describe how I did it, but I got a woman who I met at a night club. "Night Club" is never a place I've been to neither was it traced on my social agenda until the mission of getting my baby-in-the-incubator a host. As soon as I got this woman I stopped the clubbing activities and went back to my usual social life.
Geez!
This woman was a lavish spender, but I didn't mind. I only needed her as a host for my baby. But her lavish spending was immeasurable. I was never near bankruptcy in my entire life, but this woman made me achieve this fit. I gave her up not minding the fact that I had lost a lot. Just as if we planned it together, she didn't pester me which was a sign she had given up on me too.
Mission unaccomplished in finding my baby a host.
I jubilated I didn't dispose my waste-bin when the LAWMA agents came around.
I went straight to my waste-bin to get back my host-finder radar periscope which I found at the top of the dirt like it knew I would come back for it.
I opened the lens of the periscope which was covered. A neatly folded paper fell out. I picked it up and unfolded it. It was a manual on using the radar-periscope. I read it back to back and I understood its ways. I later got to know that the periscope had hidden buttons embedded on it.
It was from the periscope I learnt that a night club was the worse place to venture in finding a host...or a wife.
My host-radar periscope directed my view to a Church.
I pressed a "skip" button below the periscope to give me another direction. I thought of other institutions like a University, a Bank, a Wedding Party, and all sort of social places. The host-radar periscope pinged notifying me of a destination I had in mind. I looked into the periscope and I was disappointed. Another Church. Catholic church actually. I clicked on the information tab close to the lens of the periscope. I looked into it and I got to know that every calibre of life is found in the Catholic Church. I clicked the info button again and it gave me information that it all depends on the society or organisation one joins before you get your prefered choice.
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STAY TUNED for CHAPTER  TWO

Good work boss......even with d intro sef I don laff kpa

O boy, see hilarialaisation o!
You gat me rolling on the floor anyhow na small make my neck break, but God said, "No, my Son! You are not Fayose"
Buh I'm relaxed waiting to see how you would defeat TBM's humours.

Oya, MykelDayo, B4borlar, VakJay08, DotunIbrahim7, Plolly, Toseensbm19, AlphaCyborg, UzzyPhil, Honourable356, Adefajosekayo, IAmAmbrose, Quadri956(m), Anyakarl, WhoCarex, KanyeBaba1, Didilicious, EyiNimofeOluwa, AyodeleVictor, HazardMan, KayCee9242, PascalBenz, XoshinugaX, JeggyChi, PalmerBarry, Dejavuh0007, ToluBest, Hoyinmide, Malificent, LanryBlaq, and Uminem02,make una come mark attendance for this class o.

EddieGrodo, I don land. Thanx for the invite. Bluehaven, this will be xo interesting. Fire on majestically. More poo to your anus.

rubbish intro.... just trying hard to be funny

Hellooo:
rubbish intro.... just trying hard to be funny

Mtweech! I be think say na funny thing you be wan talk dat year sef. Na you kan funny ba?

EddieGrodo:

O boy, see hilarialaisation o!
You gat me rolling on the floor anyhow na small make my neck break, but God said, "No, my Son! You are not Fayose"
Buh I'm relaxed waiting to see how you would defeat TBM's humours.

Hahahahaha!
You dey try compare CRAY FISH with SARDINE when you compare me to TheBlessedMan...that difference is clear. Though there are times when I advised him to be LIKE ME (that was before I read his work). I'm not changing my mind in that regard sha o.
LoL!!!

EddieGrodo:
Oya, MykelDayo, B4borlar, VakJay08, DotunIbrahim7, Plolly, Toseensbm19, AlphaCyborg, UzzyPhil, Honourable356, Adefajosekayo, IAmAmbrose, Quadri956(m), Anyakarl, WhoCarex, KanyeBaba1, Didilicious, EyiNimofeOluwa, AyodeleVictor, HazardMan, KayCee9242, PascalBenz, XoshinugaX, JeggyChi, PalmerBarry, Dejavuh0007, ToluBest, Hoyinmide, Malificent, LanryBlaq, and Uminem02,make una come mark attendance for this class o.

Wow!

Henceforth and forthwith, EddieGrodo, with the power vested in me as a principal of one Secondary School like that, I adorn you as the Captain of this CLASS.
*ThumbsUp*

Captain? You don gimme ship be that o...I hope say no be Titanic we dey cruise o?

Oya, YoungZubi, Vera031, Afia2010, Igit270, AyayaMedia, Unick4, Abdulahi001, ItzFreshMike, KingzLeo, Agbonti, RockyRascal, OzemeStats, IamDynamite, Martartins, Pradoic, HustlersDiary, HarmonyJael, SlenderCutie, Breezy90, Godbest, Yuneehk, and EkopSparoAyara, it's time for night class o!

Oya, Lalasticlala, DivePen1, and Co. Make una help push go FP o.

THE DESIGNER
Chapter TWO
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Chapter ONE Summary:
A man who collaborated with his friend, who was a renowned doctor, to wipe of the memory of his fiancee who aborted the pregnancy she had for the man. Unknown to her, the abortion forfeited 10 out of 12 babies in her, and the remaining two were removed and incubated with the fiance's knowledge. It was also revealed that the two babies were of different human genders and one of the incubated babies went through critical issue that could only be solved by getting a human host for the baby to safely live in till it gets to the usual 9 months pregnancy ultimatum.
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Chapter TWO
The host-radar periscope pinged again.
With the ping, my reality drifted to my thought. How would I take control of this issue? Should I wait till Sunday morning to search for this Church or I should go now since today is Saturday and it's noon. Even after finding the Church I would enter and start searching for a suitable woman for the role of being my baby's host. Any woman. This should be easy to deal with.
Easy?!
I had forgotten so soon the SMS your mother's pregnancy aborter who happens to be my best friend had sent me. He advised me to get a woman of my dreams who would live with me till death do us path. Marriage!
This was another ghen ghen...that I could cope with.
The periscope pinged twice this time. They were reminder pings.
I peeped through the hole and it was revealed the name and location of the Catholic Church. As tiny and portable as the periscope was, it was awesome. I had always wished to be this technical and scientific. Making things that would awe people and make them feel the exact way I was feeling of not being able to manufacture this device. I remembered my high school years, how I had love to be in the science department. It was a situation where I imagined myself going into my private laboratory and within 5 minutes I'm out with my gigantic robot that would defend me and do whatever I wanted. That was how much of a cartoon freak I was. Dexter in the cartoon, "Dexter's Laboratory" was my role model.
My thought was dismissed with a new sound that chimed from the periscope. I strained to look in and what I saw left my mouth agape. There was a moving picture of an angel who had no wings, wasn't as bright as the sun, wasn't flying in the air, but was a complete woman who shouldn't walk with her legs for fear the earth may envy and swallow her whole for her being graceful.
Right there in the periscope, every basic details of the gracious woman was displayed and I took necessary notes of her exact location in the Church.
I got to her presence and snapped my 'romance prowess finger' and we got down to things.
This woman was quite the opposite of my baby's previous and expired host: the club girl. This woman wasn't extravagant, but had a mouth-watering personality and had ego, but wasn't egocentric.
I called my doctor and friend and gave him progress report after reciprocating chivalry greetings to ourselves. I told him of the existing chemistry between my human-angel and I. And he told me I had 53 days ultimatum to 'download' the baby into the host.
A month later, after knowing who would be my baby's host, it was obvious she was deep-down in love with me.
Wow!
How love could be so blind, unlike your mother who was never blind.
I decided rushing things at her. I had planned I would propose to her to marry me eventhough only ONE month had passed of our knowing each other if she didn't agree we make up family before marriage.
It was high time I visited my friend to process the hosting rite.
I called my human-angel through Whatsapp video call and we had the usual romantic discussion which I did carefully and lackadaisically, but the latter attitude wasn't obvious, of course. I wasn't interested in any woman. My babies were my goal. Keeping them alive was my objective no matter my personal cost.
My human-angel had, personally, done a total run-down check on me. This has made her had the thought of knowing everything about me which she brags about. She knew of my fertility gift which was what makes me a man. She was aware of my jovial status and knew when I was in the mood and not in it. My social life style was what she was aware of and none-the-more or less.
I told her we needed to talk. She understood perfectly the tone I used in passing that information which meant I was serious. And she urged me on. I told her we needed to go to a doctor and she asked why I wanted that. I told her life wasn't fair when it came to love. She told me to hit the bullseye. With that urge, I crossed my fingers at my back and told her my genotype was AS and I needed to know where she belong for the sake of our children. And without pushing further she agreed and asked for the day-of-appointment and all she needed to know. I told her the genes won't be the only check-up, but every other tests would convey the genes' check-up. She accepted without further questioning except if that was all and the appointment date. I told her we still needed to talk physically. She decided she would come over to my condo the following weekend. As a dismissal she threw a kiss which I humoured to catch with my hand and swallowed.
As I thought, desperately, of my life, my near bankruptcy, my unworthy club girl, my incubated baby, my no-host-yet baby, my soon-to-be best man and doctor, and my human-angel, I still felt empty. Empty like I was expectant of something. Though I was yet to take my human-angel and host to my buddy to check her out and process the hosting of my baby. A lot of things I had thought about, but there was something I wasn't remembering. Was it the 'Gucci brand owner?'
NO!
It couldn't be him. He is a thing of the past and was a no-problem to me.
Was it my having no canal knowledge with any woman since the amnaesia woman left me?
NO!
It couldn't be. Sex wasn't a problem. Though it was barely FOUR months since I approached that level. It wasn't a new thing. I patronised 5 years without sex when my level with your mother was still strong.
I've failed to let you in on the occurence between your mum and I.
The day she left me for 'Gucci Brand Owner' was our 8th year anniversary of being together which was the reason behind my accepting to follow her to the shopping mall on foot since she revealed she had a surprise for me after my telling her I was having a surprise for her. But I decided getting surprised first since I believed in the "Ladies First" agenda, and she agreed. And she, truly, surprised me. That was her 'major' plan all along. The abortion part of her plan was the only issue I was aware of.
With this thought, I wasn't feeling empty anymore.
Oh!
Your mother was the empty space in me.
I still wondered why she left me. Leaving me without dropping a message of any sort. Or was it because I didn't propose to her?! Or because I was in the social class and she wanted a high flier? But I am a high-flier.
Oh!
She prefered life with business-owner just as she had always advise me to make up my own business plans instead of working for someone who is like me or earning SALARY and relying on pension when we retire.
Rubbish!
She was a high flier too. She could've convinced me by going for it at the first instance she got the idea.
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STAY TUNED for CHAPTER  THREE

TheBlessedMAN:
Bro, u crazy ahswear ..

U wan break my jaw with laughter that can only be produce by discovering a free browsing sh!t...
Sorry, cheat.....

No kill person o jare..
Ride on though, i gat ur back..

Hehehehe...
Na you I wan be like o.
Yeah! I know...it's intentional!
Hmmm...as you gat my back so eghn...I trust you not to stab me o!
;-)

Hellooo:
rubbish intro.... just trying hard to be funny

Lol! No offence bro, but I know NL can never be free from ROTTEN EGGS. What do you think?

Ah!
I forgot o!
Y'all AOYD - ASSOCIATION OF YORUBA DEMONS, Sheikshegetto, Badohemmy, and Jackossky, come and pay your dues too o.

Bluehaven:
Literature Lovers come and see o.
JaeSharp, Eniolar0, SOFP, PascalBenz, IAmKingOluDav, Exclusive7, Neez, OluaFolabi, OlufemiWhit, Kaybeeeee, AprilWise, LyndaEli, FolaShadee, Sensitivity1254, AndeBenzy, PrinceFaFem, Black56, LetFlex, KelvinCoke, and KingKaspa.
Oya serve yourself and enjoy as you scroll away.
Saviet paper no dey o!

we dn land!