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Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by dadde(m): 9:03am On Aug 10, 2018
Well, my humble submission, The very time we agree to marry someone, there is no more "i" anymore. The issue of child bearing are things we should have fully discussed before tieing the knot. I am quite aware that things dont always go as planned, but any changes must be agreed by both parties.

The very reason why most marriages crashes this days is because somepeople want to be married and still act as singles. This dont always go together. Both husbands and wives must understand that in marriage , we dont have to think alike but have to think together.

God bless our homes.

5 Likes

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Blonchilli(m): 9:07am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.
How many families can afford surrogacy bro? Is it selfish? Yes. Is it wrong? Yes. Marriage is a partnership and both partners should be able to communicate. I'm not yet married but what I've observed is the cause for most divorce is communication. Yes it's her body but if we're using that as an excuse then it's the man's body too if he decides to go bang every girl he meets and litter the streets with his babies. As a couple when it's wise to stop having children is if my wife has a near death experience. I'll prefer to have her than a kid, how are you going to raise a baby? If that happens then you guys can seek other options like adoption or surrogacy if you have the funds

1 Like

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Nobody: 9:10am On Aug 10, 2018
both should decide.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Reference(m): 9:14am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:


Are you getting married for children or because you love the person and want to spend the rest of your life with the person?

You can get married for business, to cement ties or a range of other reasons.

Point is this, getring married for children is just narrow (no offense) since you can have children without marriage. If it is kids you want, knack up your landlord's daughter; why go through the stress?

Another example of the misunderstanding about the institution of marriage. God is the author of marraige. He created woman to aid in the fulfillment of the purpose of man. Every other reason why people get married is based on a faulty premise and is bound to have in built damaging stresses. Call it love. Call it procreation, call it business. These are not the primary reasons for marraige.

A woman in a man's house is there for only one reason, to partner him to fulfill the mission God has given him. When this principle is in place then love can develop necessary to handle the pressures of the mission God has given, then children can come to guarantee the sustenance and fulfilment of the mission God has given where this mission exceeds the lifespan of the man and on and on.

The fact is when both partners see the existential reasons for the institution in the first place both will be on board to their optimum abilities. Selfishness, the bane of most marriages exists in unprincipled and non functional relationships.

4 Likes

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by oyetpel(m): 9:19am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

You didn't get what the poster meant, she actually made sense.

She talked about the women knowing it's her body, and she can stop child bearing at will after one child.

But also talked about a husband who witness his wife went through labour to give birth to his child and decided that the one child is okay, because he doesn't want his wife to pass through such ordeal again, but they already agreed to have four children, and the wife insists the husband impregnate her again. So her argument is, won't people tag such man patriarchal because only him made the decision for his wife to stop child bearing, but if it's a ladies choice to stop child bearing, it's her body.
Though your own solution is surrogacy which is yet to be wildly accepted in Nigeria, and even do you consider some women will never agree to another woman giving birth to her child in Nigeria.


So she concluded that putting a stop to child bearing for the safe health of a wife should be discussed by both husband and wife and reach a compromise.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by bettercreature(m): 9:28am On Aug 10, 2018
There is nothing special about childbirth.You shouldnt support selfish women of this Century

Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

[s]A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.[/s]

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, [s]a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it. [/s]

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Nobody: 9:31am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

I believe you are still a young man and unmarried. In marriage, nothing like "your body, my body", " your money, my money". Although, wisdom is profitable to direct us to make sound decision. The couple can talk about it and come to an agreement.

2 Likes

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Macgabe(m): 9:32am On Aug 10, 2018
HungerBAD:
I will not be quick to judge.

Circumstances changes. What if after marriage, their financial situation changes?the worst thing that can happen to any couple, is to bring children into this life,and not be able to feed or take care of them.

A woman has the right to tread carefully when the circumstances are not okay to bring a child into this world.

What the op is trying to say is that it should be a JOINT decision. We all are aware that childbirth isn't a joke but unfortunately, we all have our biological responsibilities. Be that as it may, the best decisions are the ones taken jointly not individually to avoid been seen as coward and selfish.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by marvinsync(m): 9:43am On Aug 10, 2018
Freshkidavid:
Many times, at the beginning of most marriages, the husband and his wife decide the number of kids they want but later, the woman decides not to have and produce more kids again.

A Twitter user who is a female shared and voiced out her opinion on this issue.

What is your own take on this?

https://www.kingstondome.com/2018/08/lady-shares-opinion-women-not-children-husbands-wish.html

Well quite frankly its her body

BUT i have issues with broken agreements , if b4 marriage they agree 3 kids then later the wife says no i want 2 and the husband doesnt agree to me thats wrong of the wife , cause u cant break agreements like that .

Now there are factors thaf could come in place such as health concerns ,that is ,risks that are going to be involved so in that case i believe the husband should be sensitive and understand
But if she changed her mind because of comfort or personal reasons then thats bad

A DEAL'S A DEAL
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by lilmax(m): 9:46am On Aug 10, 2018
lol....I do not think this our women have experience anything close to what our mothers experienced grin

one thing I know for sure is how weak this generation of women are


always giving excuses grin....how low

okay bye
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by skolawale(m): 9:54am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:


Are you getting married for children or because you love the person and want to spend the rest of your life with the person?

You can get married for business, to cement ties or a range of other reasons.

Point is this, getring married for children is just narrow (no offense) since you can have children without marriage. If it is kids you want, knack up your landlord's daughter; why go through the stress?

Are u already Married or About to? Your comment is somehow
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by johnydon22(m): 9:57am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.
This would be correct if both were single but within the institution of marriage, this statement would be incorrect.

In definition on marriage basis, neither of the spouse can take decisions concerning the family alone. It's no longer your life, your decision. By going into marriage, you have taken a partner whose opinion matters just as much.



The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.
If both parties can't reach a mutual consensus or compromise, then this would be valid. They can both walk away.


These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.
I think this is a case of, if you can't stand the heat, get the F out of the kitchen.


A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.
Most people don't want that and most people can't afford that. Can we talk about things that are feasible please?


Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.
There are two options involved.

1. Don't get married at all

2. Find a partner who don't want children

P.s: I don't believe having a career is better or even remotely more noble than fostering lifwe.


But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

In marriage? Prrrreft

3 Likes

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by megareal: 10:13am On Aug 10, 2018
Hmmmmm, babe u no sabi. Some childbirth from conception to delivery is a battle. Some spend almost all of nine months at the hospital, some are literally snatched from the hands of death at the delivery table. Some sustain injuries that affect their lifestyles after childbirth etc etc.
The typical Nigerian wife doesn't make this decision out of selfishness (they mainly love babies). It's mostly to save their lives.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by chloride6: 10:16am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:


Are you getting married for children or because you love the person and want to spend the rest of your life with the person?

You can get married for business, to cement ties or a range of other reasons.

Point is this, getring married for children is just narrow (no offense) since you can have children without marriage. If it is kids you want, knack up your landlord's daughter; why go through the stress?

Like I said, why get married at all.

Can't you love without getting married?
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by ErogheroLove: 10:39am On Aug 10, 2018
Ugosample:
women wahala is just too much undecided undecided
How
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by ErogheroLove: 10:41am On Aug 10, 2018
ErogheroLove:

Hmm, everything is all about woman
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Delivar(m): 10:47am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.
Your opinion would have made sense if there was no initial agreement between both parties concerning the number of kids they would be having. What if before the got married they agreed to have 3 kids and eventually the lady gave birth to one and then comes up with the "it's my body" talk? I know you wouldn't like it when your agreement with someone is broken. So please save us this opinion of yours.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by VictorRomanov: 10:56am On Aug 10, 2018
HungerBAD:
I will not be quick to judge.

Circumstances changes. What if after marriage, their financial situation changes?the worst thing that can happen to any couple, is to bring children into this life,and not be able to feed or take care of them.

A woman has the right to tread carefully when the circumstances are not okay to bring a child into this world.


Not without discussing with her husband. Understand what the lady is saying.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by bukatyne(f): 11:29am On Aug 10, 2018
I agree with the OP.

However if there are complications and the wife tried unsuccessfully to reason with the husband, she should do what's best for her.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Sterope(f): 11:33am On Aug 10, 2018
Our mothers did not aspire like us. Our mothers were contended with having a family without a career. Our mothers did not care about their bodies or their health. Nowadays we have something called quality of life and it is more than the ability to feed and shelter children.

maasoap:


This 21st century people sha! When did all these start? Like our mothers were not having as much as they wanted in the past.

2 Likes

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by ImaIma1(f): 11:42am On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.


Nothing is cast in stone.

As a couple, they should be able to discuss the fears and how she feels. But she should not decide by herself that she isn't having another.

Afterall, her body has become his and his body has become her's too.

They could even go the CS route...no need to go into labout and push. Just fix a date get cut open. And then bear the after pain for a few days.

Communication is really critical in marriage. They need to be on the same page and work as a team and not as opponents.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Sterope(f): 11:53am On Aug 10, 2018
There are exceptions to the rule.

For example, I will not advise a woman who cannot cope emotionally and mentally to be kids. There are many 'mothers' out there who are not what you will call a mother. They are narcissists and sadists.

A woman or man that does not want to have kids should not be forced to have kids.

1 Like

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by oyetpel(m): 11:58am On Aug 10, 2018
Sterope:
Our mothers did not aspire like us. Our mothers were contended with having a family without a career. Our mothers did not care about their bodies or their health. Nowadays we have something called quality of life and it is more than the ability to feed and shelter children.


Our primary role in life is to feed, have shelter and sex.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Sterope(f): 12:02pm On Aug 10, 2018
Your primary role in life is to feed, have shelter and sex.


Some people desire much more than those for themselves and their offsprings.

oyetpel:


Our primary role in life is to feed, have shelter and sex.

1 Like

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Amhappy(f): 12:50pm On Aug 10, 2018
If there's threat to life of the woman every prior arrangement/agreement is cancelled automatically. You work with your doctors instead. If you die giving birth kpatakpata 3years the man will remarry and if the new wife is evil,your children will suffer greatly. On a normal day 3-4 babies is still very okay. 5-6 if money dey plenty.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by jmichael259(m): 1:21pm On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

I used to think i was the last person remaining with sense on earth.
Nicely worded.

1 Like

Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by Psoul(m): 1:54pm On Aug 10, 2018
Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

Mynd44, are you talking to Africans or to the Western World?

Meanwhile, will u accept the above condition you proffered in your own marriage?

To me that line in ur comment dat says that a lot of women are scared of child bearing cos of the previous childbirth experience does not sound reasonable to me. If the experience is not life threatening or based on medical advise, the woman should not be proud to voice out such. The joy that comes after the pains will always wipe away the bitter experience.

Any woman making such statement is just like someone saying that I don't want to go to school cos I am afraid of writing exams, still you want to live like a graduate.

When you accept to go into marriage, you have accepted all the terms and conditions therein. The most important thing is that the man and his wife should agree on the number that they can conveniently bear and train.
Re: Lady Shares Opinion On Women Not Having Children Against Husband's Wish by onyeka060(m): 2:11pm On Aug 10, 2018
lifestyle1:
If the man go born outside now she go they cry blood, nonsense... angry
abeg tel them word

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