₦airaland Forum

madridguy:
Firstly, calling someone else father, husband a stupid man on a public forum is embarrassing and you need to edit the part.

To me, you are the root of every problem if you will listen to me. You bring this upon yourself telling your GF to apply for pay cut. You should have advise her to go for weekend program program ( PT ) considering her back ground. Well, am not trying to blame you for your advise because it is out of good will.

I wish to let you know this, if you really love your girl, you must be ready to love her with her burden. Either you take it or you leave it, her half brothers equally her full brothers. Considering the fact her biological father is late, her mother's husband remain her father and don't try to separate cos it won't work.

If you're capable in helping her, please don't hesitate to do so and mind you, don't ever tell your GF to leave her half brothers because she will start seeing you as enemy.
Also, your statement that you cannot be taking care of her responsibility when you've not married is hurt and sound betraying considering you advise her to take job cut.

My suggestion, send her apology sms and let her know you're not trying to separate her family and if possible you see her real person.

My kobo.

Good input but what I desperately want to know is where do you draw the line? You don't want to wake up one morning and find yourself burdened with a bunch of responsibilities in the name of relationship. It's not so easy and even if he carries it (which I don't think he should) it could lead to resentment down the line.

Where do you draw the line? What I see here is a power struggle, despite OP's best intentions.

Netanyahu1:
Old boy you are too young for this na, if you start doing that now it’s never going to stop, cause your girl needs the love of her mom so bad that she’s willing to do anything for it and if you are not in on that she is willing to leave, trust me I know it’s hard for you cause you love this girl.

But she’s chasing family love she never had, so beware.

Thank brotherly

Davindal:
Goodmorning, Pals.


Nevertheless, I called her 4 times yesterday and she picked the 4th call and said in punchy manner that she needed a break or I do what she requested for.

Giving you condition? abeg break up with her asap

Davindal:
I don't know why she no wanna use her money again. That is mine that must be sent.

You asked her to go back to school so u gotta pay for it. After all she was earning 80k. Anyways its not your responsibility to give money to her step dad. I personally think she has been jazzed sha.

Hmm Davindal aren't you the guy who was patiently waiting for your friend to break up with his girlfriend so you could slide right in?

https://www.nairaland.com/4446499/patiently-waiting-break-up

WELL AIN'T KARMA A BÌTCH?

I think the OP his fully aware of what's ahead his GF before telling her to take job cut.

mgtow:
Good input but what I desperately want to know is where do you draw the line? You don't want to wake up one morning and find yourself burdened with a bunch of responsibilities in the name of relationship. It's not so easy and even if he carries it (which I don't think he should) it could lead to resentment down the line.

Where do you draw the line? What I see here is a power struggle, despite OP's best intentions.

OP! you are truly a responsible man, i applaud you on that..

For this lady that has decided to ruin your life with her charm riden mind must not drag you into failure

I advice that you let her be, with time if the charm frees her and she knows a kind of man she has lost she will end up searching for you and will be pleading for forgiveness

OP i repeat, never accept such responsibility its too foolish to think of it not to talk of going into it

A woman who truly loves you will always listen to you and will takes actions that will accord your happiness

Please, free her.

Search for a woman that will appreciate your kind of person and not a woman that anybody can confused. Thanks.

Cc: Lalasticlala

Davindal:
Pls, I need mature advice on this for I love this girl so much.

You love her sooo much.....open your eyes....look at the warning signs..clearly written.....what lies farther down the road.... what you should expect at final destination Marriage. You can ignore the signs.... then after you are married...act surprised....or asking for advice.
She has made it clear.....you are now the man of the house when it comes to educating all of the children. It is only registration fees....and you are complaining...the race has just begun...and this is not a sprint...it is a marathon. She needs space.....seize on this golden opportunity to opt out of this relationship. She sees you as a provider....and will drop you and turn to a better one as soon as she meets him. You love her soooo much...wake up.

xendra:
Let her have the brake. That's where she will learn, if you really love her just give her a short time within the break hoping she will come to her senses and come back, if she doesn't you move on. Nobody deserves such mind games.

I like this... Coming from a sincere lady

Is you are not ready for marriage forget about any serious relationship.
Leave her na youthful age be her problem.when he turns evening news paper in 5 years time.her body go telling

BrainnewsNg:
OP! you are truly a responsible man, i applaud you on that..

For this lady that has decided to ruin your life with her charm riden mind must not drag you into failure

I advice that you let her be, with time if the charm frees her and she knows a kind of man she has lost she will end up searching for you and will be pleading for forgiveness

OP i repeat, never accept such responsibility its too foolish to think of it not to talk of going into it

A woman who truly loves you will always listen to you and will takes actions that will accord your happiness

Please, free her.

Search for a woman that will appreciate your kind of person and not a woman that anybody can confused. Thanks.

Cc: Lalasticlala

Thank you sister for this wonderful advice. I love being 100% real in any relationship O find myself. I always wish the best for any person that I am dating. The same goes with this girl. But since she can't value me. I have braced up already to let her go. I have impacted her life positively, and I don't regret ever doing that. I am always filled with joy when I leave a person higher socially, economically, and academically than I met he/she.

Heavens knows that I have tried by persuading her to tag along academically with my influence. Am happy despite that all the sacrifices I paid are about going south.

It is time I moved on, for I don't think I can accept her back if she comes back.

I think, I should live mylife outside any form of relationship with the opposite sex for at least 1yr from now, and in the process focus 100% on my career and businesses.

Maybe after one year I will see a genuine lady whom I can accept to date and marry after 6 months of dating her.

Although, this will kill my dream of getting married at this age 26. However, I don't think it will be deemed too late for me if I get married at 28, ie, in 2yrs time from now by God's grace. That may be God's time for me to meet that perfectly perfect lady.

I am too solid to be soft on this kinda issue.

Once again, thank you sister.

Are u sure she is on her right senses. The kind of advice given to my elder brother then but he keeps on having familiar emotional pity. Now He wants out by all means ,

Bro keep on pressuring her or hear her deep down part of the story. Sometimes there are other things that meet the eye than what u hear. Maybe she is desperate to belong whereas she forgot in years to come she might be compiling problems for her self.
But if she didn't consent tag along till she sees that needs are insatiable the man will come for more with more sweet words.

KAYCEEJUNIOR:
If you subdue yourself to such emotional threat then boy
..... You are gone. Maintain your stance as a Man if she cannot accept your advice not after taking her this far..... You really deserve every respect from her based on that and you need to respect yourself too by maintaining your decision. It is not ego... It is you being you

my mind has been spoken.


No further comment

gabinogem:
Op, u already know what's right, u just have to stick to it. your so called girlfriend needs to learn the hard way & it seems she's heading towards that direction by telling u she needs a break...

I hate that 'break' threat. I always make it a permanent break.

DopeAngel:
mr man run far away from that girl as far as your legs can carry you.

What does she mean by if you can't assist her lazy stepfather then you should give her a break. What nonsense is that.

Are you under any obligation to help her extended family?

Girls think marriage is a poverty alleviation scheme.

If she can prioritize her step father over you after all the help you have rendered her, use your head and run.

Those are the kind of girls that will run back home to their family when any problem arises in marriage to discuss you.

You are the man. You make the rules. If she can't comply to your advice, let her go.

Better don't let any irresponsible girl ruin your future. You are too young to carry the burden of a family that is not yours. You have your life to live.

Her step father is a stupidman for asking help from his step daughter whose mom he just got married to less than a year. What nonsense.

Young man go and get yourself another girl if she's not ready to listen.

i stamp dis

IamLEGEND1:
One of the upsides of being broke as_fuck -- No girl go disturb your life like this. Even if she did, you no even get the money to give am. Make she kill herself.

I can relate. But loneliness and friend zone go kill u

EMMAUGOH:
Are u sure she is on her right senses. The kind of advice given to my elder brother then but he keeps on having familiar emotional pity. Now He wants out by all means ,

Bro keep on pressuring her or hear her deep down part of the story. Sometimes there are other things that meet the eye than what u hear. Maybe she is desperate to belong whereas she forgot in years to come she might be compiling problems for her self.
But if she didn't consent tag along till she sees that needs are insatiable the man will come for more with more sweet words.

I have pressured her enough. She kept saying that she feels like helping them always. That prompted me to ask her why I should be involved before she said it is now my responsibility. Note: I didn't ask her not to help but I reminded her that it was uncalled for catering for a huge family of six and pushing I your prospective husband into that while their father would just dress up in the morning and be wandering up and down in Porthercourt. Then she said again that if I don't love her mom's children and her husband, that I don't love her too.

She further stated that anybody in the military is not to be trusted. That I have been faking the so called love I have for her.

She affirmed that if I don't remit the money before this Friday that the break will be indefinite. That, it will be either I remit money and the break stops or I don't, and it continues.

Davindal:
I have pressured her enough. She kept saying that she feels like helping them always. That prompted me to ask her why I should be involved before she said it is now my responsibility. Note: I didn't ask her not to help but I reminded her that it was uncalled for catering for a huge family of six and pushing I your prospective husband into that while their father would just dress up in the morning and be wandering up and down in Porthercourt. Then she said again that if I don't love her mom's children and her husband, that I don't love her too.

She further stated that anybody in the military is not to be trusted. That I have been faking the so called love I have for her.

She affirmed that if I don't remit the money before this Friday that the break will be indefinite. That, it will be either I remit money and the break stops or I don't, and it continues.

Mehn that's a bad signal and ur u know she is about to do the biggest mistake of her life but one thing I know is even if the break up x didn't happen now it will happen soon. I can tell you someone is deceiving her and when a girl utters word like that she is no more in love or have an alternative. Bro brace up for what is coming. I can tell u someone is deceiving her female or male

Mumu story.

madridguy:
Firstly, calling someone else father, husband a stupid man on a public forum is embarrassing and you need to edit the part.

To me, you are the root of every problem if you will listen to me. You bring this upon yourself telling your GF to apply for pay cut. You should have advise her to go for weekend program program ( PT ) considering her back ground. Well, am not trying to blame you for your advise because it is out of good will.

I wish to let you know this, if you really love your girl, you must be ready to love her with her burden. Either you take it or you leave it, her half brothers equally her full brothers. Considering the fact her biological father is late, her mother's husband remain her father and don't try to separate cos it won't work.

If you're capable in helping her, please don't hesitate to do so and mind you, don't ever tell your GF to leave her half brothers because she will start seeing you as enemy.
Also, your statement that you cannot be taking care of her responsibility when you've not married is hurt and sound betraying considering you advise her to take job cut.

My suggestion, send her apology sms and let her know you're not trying to separate her family and if possible you see her real person.

My kobo.

If I talk now dem go say I don start.
Apology Sms my foot.
Pally getting married does not mean you taking up someone’s family responsibility .
The OP decision on not accepting any responsibility for now is ok. In as much he did not talk about his own challenges does not mean his family does not have any.
The stepfather should be man enough to carter for his own responsibilities.
Op if you know you can’t please don’t start.

Davindal:
I have pressured her enough. She kept saying that she feels like helping them always. That prompted me to ask her why I should be involved before she said it is now my responsibility. Note: I didn't ask her not to help but I reminded her that it was uncalled for catering for a huge family of six and pushing I your prospective husband into that while their father would just dress up in the morning and be wandering up and down in Porthercourt. Then she said again that if I don't love her mom's children and her husband, that I don't love her too.

She further stated that anybody in the military is not to be trusted. That I have been faking the so called love I have for her.

She affirmed that if I don't remit the money before this Friday that the break will be indefinite. That, it will be either I remit money and the break stops or I don't, and it continues.

OP never fall for threats, from what you wrote, she has already gotten a deputy for you.
Free her.

Davindal:
Goodmorning, Pals.

My relationship is about crashing.

My girlfriend has suddenly changed. Before now, I use to be the every moment thought of my girlfriend.

Let me tell a short story of how it all started. My girl stays with her maternal grand mum because her father died when she was 4. Her mom's marriage with her late dad only lasted 4yrs as the marriage produced only she and her immediate younger brother who is now 20.

Before I met her she had worked full time with a tobacco company, BAT(BRITISH-AMERICAN TOBACCO) for almost a year. Then she was being paid N80,000.

However, I insisted that she should advance her education which she obliged. I bought JAMB form for her, and used my influence thereafter to secure an admission for her in UNN.

Not only that, I sent money for her school fee, despite the fact that she had almost a million naira in her bank account. And was at the verge of sending her money again for her second year school fees, for the payment is due to commence either this month end or next month.

Then, when she gained admission into UNN, I was proactive, that I composed a letter for her to be addressed to the manager of the branch office of the company. Fortunate enough, the manager assented to place her on part-time, but with a paycut that saw her earn only N50,000.

The major issue that led to this problem was that, I had a pass and was with her last week Monday, when her phone rang and it was her step dad that was calling her through her mom's phone. Note: her mom remarried after 1 year of my girl's dad died.

Her mom got married to a stupid man of 52 years old. This man called my gurl that day and was demanding N25,000 from her for the school registrations of one of his sons whom is about entering JSS 1.

I was mad that I asked her never to accept such responsibility for now. That she could do so in future. Later she pleaded that I shouldn't be angry.

This girl has been giving out money to this ass hole of a man.

However, the game changer was when she called me 5 days ago and was saying she needed money for something. When I enquired she opened up that her step father said that the school he wanted her half-brother to attend has started registrations. That I should send her money for it is now my responsibility.

I couldn't easily believe her. I shouted her down immediately. Rebuking her instanta. I made her to understand that such responsibility is not proper for neither she nor me that has yet to pay her bride price to be carrying a full grown ass man's family problem.

I made her to see the reason to leave me out of that till I come in finally for marriage which was my main plan. But, she hung up the call on me.

She stopped calling me for like 3 days, and when I call, she doesn't pick.

Nevertheless, I called her 4 times yesterday and she picked the 4th call and said in punchy manner that she needed a break or I do what she requested for.

Pls gentlemen and ladies, is it right for a young man of 26yrs old like me to carry another man's family problems, even when the said man is not the biological father of my girl?

Should I let go of her? I am confused right now.

Pls, I need mature advice on this for I love this girl so much.

Maintain your stand. Be a man. If she chooses to quit, let her be.

Igbokiller:
I hate that 'break' threat. I always make it a permanent break.

Some ladies just feel the world revolves only around them, forgetting the fact that the world belongs to us all...Just do what's on ur mind bro as long as there shouldn't be regrets afterwards. Peace bruv.

madridguy:
Firstly, calling someone else father, husband a stupid man on a public forum is embarrassing and you need to edit the part.

To me, you are the root of every problem if you will listen to me. You bring this upon yourself telling your GF to apply for pay cut. You should have advise her to go for weekend program program ( PT ) considering her back ground. Well, am not trying to blame you for your advise because it is out of good will.

I wish to let you know this, if you really love your girl, you must be ready to love her with her burden. Either you take it or you leave it, her half brothers equally her full brothers. Considering the fact her biological father is late, her mother's husband remain her father and don't try to separate cos it won't work.

If you're capable in helping her, please don't hesitate to do so and mind you, don't ever tell your GF to leave her half brothers because she will start seeing you as enemy.
Also, your statement that you cannot be taking care of her responsibility when you've not married is hurt and sound betraying considering you advise her to take job cut.

My suggestion, send her apology sms and let her know you're not trying to separate her family and if possible you see her real person.

My kobo.

Oga getout joor, which kind nonsense apology. Somebody that you have not yet married you want to be supporting, in fact he was right to call that man a stupid man. It should be the other way round not a girl supporting her father. F**k fake love, this country is hard oga.

I think your girl is very ungrateful..
You are too young for all the family drama.. invest in your own future and let her go! If you continue like This, it might get worse in the future.

You are not responsible for her and her family members.. don't you have your family to take of??

In my own little opinion I think the girl in question is not for u. Through ur write up I saw how u are putting much effort to brighten her future but I tell u, u can take a horse to the stream but u can't for it to drink water. It is very big risk to train a gal u are not yet married to in school talking of assisting ur future in-law. Pls I advise u leave the gal alone, she doesn't have any respect for you even if u marry her in future which I know is 50: 50 possibility she wouldn't still have regard for u. Forget about the love stuff and face ur life, men food is respect not love, love is for women.

gabinogem:
Some ladies just feel the world revolves only around them, forgetting the fact that the world belongs to us all...Just do what's on ur mind bro as long as there shouldn't be regrets afterwards. Peace bruv.

can I regret leaving someone who evaluates me by my pocket

Davindal:
Thank you sister for this wonderful advice. I love being 100% real in any relationship O find myself. I always wish the best for any person that I am dating. The same goes with this girl. But since she can't value me. I have braced up already to let her go. I have impacted her life positively, and I don't regret ever doing that. I am always filled with joy when I leave a person higher socially, economically, and academically than I met he/she.

Heavens knows that I have tried by persuading her to tag along academically with my influence. Am happy despite that all the sacrifices I paid are about going south.

It is time I moved on, for I don't think I can accept her back if she comes back.

I think, I should live mylife outside any form of relationship with the opposite sex for at least 1yr from now, and in the process focus 100% on my career and businesses.

Maybe after one year I will see a genuine lady whom I can accept to date and marry after 6 months of dating her.

Although, this will kill my dream of getting married at this age 26. However, I don't think it will be deemed too late for me if I get married at 28, ie, in 2yrs time from now by God's grace. That may be God's time for me to meet that perfectly perfect lady.

I am too solid to be soft on this kinda issue.

Once again, thank you sister.

Sorry dear ok, be strong

God knows your heart, he knows the best for you at the appointed time she will be there for you

Pray at always..

God bless you.

Let her go biko.she's not the only girl in this whole wide world for u to be killing urself over cos of one irresponsible step dad.

madridguy:
Firstly, calling someone else father, husband a stupid man on a public forum is embarrassing and you need to edit the part.

To me, you are the root of every problem if you will listen to me. You bring this upon yourself telling your GF to apply for pay cut. You should have advise her to go for weekend program program ( PT ) considering her back ground. Well, am not trying to blame you for your advise because it is out of good will.

I wish to let you know this, if you really love your girl, you must be ready to love her with her burden. Either you take it or you leave it, her half brothers equally her full brothers. Considering the fact her biological father is late, her mother's husband remain her father and don't try to separate cos it won't work.

If you're capable in helping her, please don't hesitate to do so and mind you, don't ever tell your GF to leave her half brothers because she will start seeing you as enemy.
Also, your statement that you cannot be taking care of her responsibility when you've not married is hurt and sound betraying considering you advise her to take job cut.

My suggestion, send her apology sms and let her know you're not trying to separate her family and if possible you see her real person.

My kobo.

Your stupid kobo..

vingeophysicist:
Your relationship is toxic. Your girl is very immature, her youthful age is deceiving her.This is one problem I detest dating young girls.They think the world revolve around them.....

But when she comes back, do not accept her

If

MissRaine69:
Loving someone should not be a financial burden as well. She is choosing to help this man’s family and I think this is fuelled in part by her mother. She has no loyalties what is he doing to help his own children?

If she asks for a break grant her that, she is behaving like this and when you are just dating what will she be like as a wife. As painful as it is to accept money is a game changer in relationships your mistake was financially investing in someone who technically can walk out of your life and you cannot do anything about it Her mistake was enabling her step father.

The truth