Sorry for the long post but I think it is essential you all know how I feel.

I've had bad experiences in relationships, in the past. So, I kind of have trust issues with my new partner. I'm very open with her and she is not that open with me. I'm upon her completely but I don't think she does the same. Though, love doesn't need to be equal, it has to be fair.

She lacks communication (Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Effective communication bring trust). She is not open minded. She does not express how she feels. She keeps everything to herself and this made me nervous. I tried as much as I can to communicate with her. I told her about my past and I asked her about her past too. She told me some few stories but I wasn't satisfied with what she told me because I felt she wasn't telling me everything I need to know. Before she could tell me about her past or anything I asked her about, I will need to force her to speak by being aggressive. According to her, that's her kind of person, she does not like too much talk. She told me to get use to her that way but I don't like that.

Recently, she did something that made me think she was cheating behind my back. Though, she wasn't cheating behind my back with anybody. We exchange each other phone (I bought the phone for her). I can open her phone with my fingerprints and she can open my phone with her fingerprints too. I went through her phone messages and I saw the text she sent to one guy. Here is the content of the text "you made me come around and I called you but you didn't pick my calls". I was cold when I saw the text. I called her and I pretended as if I needed my phone to make urgent transfer.

She came around immediately and I asked her if she was cheating behind my back but she said no. I showed her the text she sent to the guy and she told me she didn't go to the guy place. It was hard to believe because the contents of the text justified that she went to see the guy but she claimed she didn't. I could not trust her that much and I accused her of cheating behind my back since she is not always open with me.

I have sat her down several times and I told her that communication, commitment, honesty,open minded and sincerity play very vital role in relationships. I had to force her again to tell me what she thinks I need to know about her since I'm planning for our marriage (she has seen my family and I have seen her family as well). She told me that everything she said about her past is true but there was one particular thing I'm yet to know. Though, she said this same word to me early last year ( I tried to know what that particular thing was as at then but she didn't tell me. I decided not to ask her again). She opened up and told me that she did family planning about two years ago (this means she is not fertile). I wasn't in her life then when she did the family planning.

I was angry with her and I asked her why she didn't tell me then. She told me she was scared of how I was going to react. She showed me where they injected her with the contraception implant injection. Though, it is reversible and she can get pregnant immediately. I asked her why she did it and she said she just want to protect herself from unwanted pregnancy. I accused her of taking the family planning because she wanted to mess around with different guys and that she didn't think of the infections she would get (maybe I was right or wrong in my assumption but since she is not communicating effectively with me, made me think the other way around). I told her the best way to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy is to close your leg rather than taking family planning at her age when she hasn't started giving birth. She is just 23 years old.

Please Nairalanders, How do I prevent this her communication deficiency and keeping of things to herself from affecting my emotional being? I'm too emotional and my emotional feelings makes me lack trust in her. My emotion makes me lose myself up for the one I love and care for. It makes me think negative and I tried as much to control it but this is a natural part of me.

*** Note::: I don't want to make the mistake I did in the past again because I'm planning of marrying her mid next year. Though, she accuse me of not trusting her and I replied her of not being open with me and her communication level with me is zero.

Bros that lady is a time bomb. When she blows, you'll go deaf and your heart race go pass Usain bolt speed

Relationship isn't meant to be this hard and it's definitely not by force..


Seems to me you're forcing yourself too hard....


#myoneticket

don't force the chick to be committed , girls of such age are wild AF ...either u dump her and get a better chick or u continue with her and get hurt the more, I think she doesn't worth your love, I'm surprised guys like u still have the heart to love girls--Nigerian ones for that matter

Yeah, I guess I'm forcing myself too hard on her but I'm doing this because I want to know how she feels about me. I want to know if she is in OR if she is just with me for her own selfish interest. I just want her to communicate and tell me her feelings because I don't want to settle down with someone I will regret marrying or someone that will make my heart skip all the time when I traveled from one country or state to another. I just want to be satisfy that I'm with the right woman.

egwekwe:
Relationship isn't meant to be this hard and it's definitely not by force..


Seems to me you're forcing yourself too hard....


#myoneticket

She's young and wild, for petes sake she did family planning at that age, dont force yourself on such a girl, i thought hospitals do family planning for married women alone smh.

enuk80:
Yeah, I guess I'm forcing myself too hard on her but I'm doing this because I want to know how she feels about me. I want to know if she is in OR if she is just with me for her own selfish interest. I just want her to communicate and tell me her feelings because I don't want to settle down with someone I will regret marrying or someone that will make my heart skip all the time when I traveled from one country or state to another. I just want to be satisfy that I'm with the right woman.

Relationship is meant to be easy, sweet and simple.

Seems you've never hard a test of a sweet relationship before ....Well, I have and I can tell you it's not what you described up there.


I'll advice guy's to go online and google about relationship before actually going into one.


I've seen many guys in emotional wrecking, financial draining and abusive relationship and I can't but wonder why still remain in such relationship .



Everyone deserves to be in a relationship that gives him/her peace of mind..... Simple

Hei..misede misede.....
Na sing I dey sing for you

I'm in one... I saw the signs, I ignored, I'm trapped, I'm sex starved, I'm broke (imagine spending 2,236,500 in a month)as a family ATM, I can't leave.

Now my advice, marry her please. I can't wait for you to feel this feeling I'm feeling. Marry her now.
Then the only things that will make you laugh is skits like
"spell buhari... Buhamanu NU.... BO... HY... LL... LY... GD... MU... EA. "

I went through her phone messages and I saw the text she sent to one guy. Here is the content of the text "you made me come around and I called you but you didn't pick my calls". I was cold when I saw the text. I called her and I pretended as if I needed my phone to make urgent transfer.
She came around immediately and I asked her if she was cheating behind my back but she said no. I showed her the text she sent to the guy and she told me she didn't go to the guy place. It was hard to believe because the contents of the text justified that she went to see the guy but she claimed she didn't. I could not trust her that much and I accused her of cheating behind my back since she is not always open with me.

Oga, do you need a seer to tell you what it is?

*** Note::: I don't want to make the mistake I did in the past again because I'm planning of marrying her mid next year. [s]Though, she accuse me of not trusting her[/s] and I replied her of not being open with me and her communication level with me is zero

Marry her and live a life of regret and retrogression.

DON'T TRUST WOMEN if you want to live longer, happier and healthier.

The only exception is your mother and sister (and daughter too if you have any).

Honestly, I used to have a girl that thought she was smart. I saw incriminating message on her WhatsApp and she claimed it was "mere chat" and nothing happened even to extent of trying to turn the table against me. However, I played along for another 12 months and carried on, showed more love and care (pseudo-love) and even acted foolish (to make her feel so comfortable with me) and brokeup when she least expect without even saying I am breaking up (honestly, I already broke up 12 months prior but was only acting lovey-dovey).

My brother, please, don't ignore key signs.

Which one you they sef

Trust?

Women?

a girl did family planning at 23? u already know why she did it. the thing is u know her well already. I you've told her times without number that she's too secretive and she's not willing to change then ur trust is not important to her. at least I'm happy she's not asking to u to just trust her blindly. it's up to u. can u withstand the emotional turmoil u will face for life with her type of person? hypertension is real bro. every step she takes you'll keep thinking. for her to lie blatantly about that text shows u how she will deal with situations when she's caught red-handed. my advice is kill whatever u feel for her. she's one bag of trouble and it will get worse in marriage. don't die young cos of woman.

Why did she do family planning when she is not even married?? Are you sure you are not dealing with a prostitute who wants to have sex without the fear of being pregnant for any client

Shibaraba:
Hei..misede misede.....
Na sing I dey sing for you

I'm in one... I saw the signs, I ignored, I'm trapped, I'm sex starved, I'm broke (imagine spending 2,236,500 in a month)as a family ATM, I can't leave.

Now my advice, marry her please. I can't wait for you to feel this feeling I'm feeling. Marry her now.
Then the only things that will make you laugh is skits like
"spell buhari... Buhamanu NU.... BO... HY... LL... LY... GD... MU... EA. "

you still want to marry to this kind of girl? Jesus Christ! someone that's not married did family planning and she even told you she's afraid of being pregnant and you're contemplating if you'll marry her... may God help some guy

[/b] She came around immediately and I asked her if she was cheating behind my back but she said no [b]
you're asking a girl if she's cheating, and you expect her to tell you "Yes, I'm cheating "
why do some guys behave as if if they let a particular girl go, their world has ended?

Nawa.
The girl doesn't love you like you do to her.

And also I think she is the boring type.

Some ladies are crazy oh, family planning at age 23 and nt yet married nt to talk of having kids... Op, marry her at your own risk.. OYO is ur case..


God will lead u tru ooo

A 23 year old taking such a bold step leaves a lot to ponder. First of all, where both of you in a relationship when she did it? If yes, ask her why? If No, is she a prostitute? Because most of them who flow with the big boys engage in unprotected sex.
Secondly, she saying the decision was taken due to pregnancy could possibly mean she had done abortion in the past and might be preventing a repeat of the situation.
Thirdly, marriage is not you like me and I like you, both of you are not friends from the look of things, that's why the communication level is poor. Rethink this decision, it's a life changing decision

We were not in any relationship when she did it. She did that when she was 21 year old (about two years ago). She was still a virgin then and got disvirgin that same year by her ex boyfriend. Though, I have known her long time ago even before I asked her out. I didn't considered myself having anything to do with her as at then. I should have been the one to disvirgin her but I didn't feel anything for her then.

She is not a prostitute but her action for taking the family planning makes me think she just wanted to mess around with some random guys. Perhaps, her dad is a pastor and maybe she doesn't want to bring an embarrassment to her dad. I told her what she did was very bad.

She hasn't done any abortion before. I asked her about that several times but she said she hasn't. She only had sex with her ex boyfriend four times before they broke up. After that she didn't dated any other guy until I ask her out early last year. No one knows she did family planning, not even her ex boyfriend.

In terms of communication level, she is this type that hardly talk or express herself in public. She doesn't express herself in the present of her own parents. I have known her long ago even before I asked her out.

Apina:
A 23 year old taking such a bold step leaves a lot to ponder. First of all, where both of you in a relationship when she did it? If yes, ask her why? If No, is she a prostitute? Because most of them who flow with the big boys engage in unprotected sex.
Secondly, she saying the decision was taken due to pregnancy could possibly mean she had done abortion in the past and might be preventing a repeat of the situation.
Thirdly, marriage is not you like me and I like you, both of you are not friends from the look of things, that's why the communication level is poor. Rethink this decision, it's a life changing decision

TonyeBarcanista:

Oga, do you need a seer to tell you what it is?


Marry her and live a life of regret and retrogression.

DON'T TRUST WOMEN if you want to live longer, happier and healthier.

The only exception is your mother and sister (and daughter too if you have any).

Honestly, I used to have a girl that thought she was smart. I saw incriminating message on her WhatsApp and she claimed it was "mere chat" and nothing happened even to extent of trying to turn the table against me. However, I played along for another 12 months and carried on, showed more love and care (pseudo-love) and even acted foolish (to make her feel so comfortable with me) and brokeup when she least expect without even saying I am breaking up (honestly, I already broke up 12 months prior but was only acting lovey-dovey).

My brother, please, don't ignore key signs.

You too get Sense Man

Am just too young and old to be doing this Rubbish Because Of Love Love is Give And Take Not Force And Take ...

She is seeing someone... And that person seems dear to her

enuk80:
We were not in any relationship when she did it. She did that when she was 21 year old (about two years ago). She was still a virgin then and got disvirgin that same year by her ex boyfriend. Though, I have known her long time ago even before I asked her out. I didn't considered myself having anything to do with her as at then. I should have been the one to disvirgin her but I didn't feel anything for her then.

She is not a prostitute but her action for taking the family planning makes me think she just wanted to mess around with some random guys. Perhaps, her dad is a pastor and maybe she doesn't want to bring an embarrassment to her dad. I told her what she did was very bad.

She hasn't done any abortion before. I asked her about that several times but she said she hasn't. She only had sex with her ex boyfriend four times before they broke up. After that she didn't dated any other guy until I ask her out early last year. No one knows she did family planning, not even her ex boyfriend.

In terms of communication level, she is this type that hardly talk or express herself in public. She doesn't express herself in the present of her own parents. I have known her long ago even before I asked her out.

Okay o. If you are so sure about her as you just made me believe from your reply, then I see no reason why you created this thread in the first place, just saying. There's no harm in keeping an open mind, taking every word she tells you as though it's cast on iron is laughable. There are different levels to knowing a person and one can only take with a pinch of salt words of mouth that are not verifiable.

enuk80:
We were not in any relationship when she did it. She did that when she was 21 year old (about two years ago). She was still a virgin then and got disvirgin that same year by her ex boyfriend. Though, I have known her long time ago even before I asked her out. I didn't considered myself having anything to do with her as at then. I should have been the one to disvirgin her but I didn't feel anything for her then.

She is not a prostitute but her action for taking the family planning makes me think she just wanted to mess around with some random guys. Perhaps, her dad is a pastor and maybe she doesn't want to bring an embarrassment to her dad. I told her what she did was very bad.

She hasn't done any abortion before. I asked her about that several times but she said she hasn't. She only had sex with her ex boyfriend four times before they broke up. After that she didn't dated any other guy until I ask her out early last year. No one knows she did family planning, not even her ex boyfriend.

In terms of communication level, she is this type that hardly talk or express herself in public. She doesn't express herself in the present of her own parents. I have known her long ago even before I asked her out.

After reading this your comment I just shook my head. Don't worry you will learn your lesson soon. Just hope it won't be the hard way.

don't stop having it.....careless ......don't go with all ur heart into a relationship hustle for ur money and fuxxk as many as u want ....take this advice ..after it was passed to nd I took it since then I stop having issues in my affairs.


so now my guy take do dsame.

enuk80:
Sorry for the long post but I think it is essential you all know how I feel.

I've had bad experiences in relationships, in the past. So, I kind of have trust issues with my new partner. I'm very open with her and she is not that open with me. I'm upon her completely but I don't think she does the same. Though, love doesn't need to be equal, it has to be fair.

She lacks communication (Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Effective communication bring trust). She is not open minded. She does not express how she feels. She keeps everything to herself and this made me nervous. I tried as much as I can to communicate with her. I told her about my past and I asked her about her past too. She told me some few stories but I wasn't satisfied with what she told me because I felt she wasn't telling me everything I need to know. Before she could tell me about her past or anything I asked her about, I will need to force her to speak by being aggressive. According to her, that's her kind of person, she does not like too much talk. She told me to get use to her that way but I don't like that.

Recently, she did something that made me think she was cheating behind my back. Though, she wasn't cheating behind my back with anybody. We exchange each other phone (I bought the phone for her). I can open her phone with my fingerprints and she can open my phone with her fingerprints too. I went through her phone messages and I saw the text she sent to one guy. Here is the content of the text "you made me come around and I called you but you didn't pick my calls". I was cold when I saw the text. I called her and I pretended as if I needed my phone to make urgent transfer.

She came around immediately and I asked her if she was cheating behind my back but she said no. I showed her the text she sent to the guy and she told me she didn't go to the guy place. It was hard to believe because the contents of the text justified that she went to see the guy but she claimed she didn't. I could not trust her that much and I accused her of cheating behind my back since she is not always open with me.

I have sat her down several times and I told her that communication, commitment, honesty,open minded and sincerity play very vital role in relationships. I had to force her again to tell me what she thinks I need to know about her since I'm planning for our marriage (she has seen my family and I have seen her family as well). She told me that everything she said about her past is true but there was one particular thing I'm yet to know. Though, she said this same word to me early last year ( I tried to know what that particular thing was as at then but she didn't tell me. I decided not to ask her again). She opened up and told me that she did family planning about two years ago (this means she is not fertile). I wasn't in her life then when she did the family planning.

I was angry with her and I asked her why she didn't tell me then. She told me she was scared of how I was going to react. She showed me where they injected her with the contraception implant injection. Though, it is reversible and she can get pregnant immediately. I asked her why she did it and she said she just want to protect herself from unwanted pregnancy. I accused her of taking the family planning because she wanted to mess around with different guys and that she didn't think of the infections she would get (maybe I was right or wrong in my assumption but since she is not communicating effectively with me, made me think the other way around). I told her the best way to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy is to close your leg rather than taking family planning at her age when she hasn't started giving birth. She is just 23 years old.

Please Nairalanders, How do I prevent this her communication deficiency and keeping of things to herself from affecting my emotional being? I'm too emotional and my emotional feelings makes me lack trust in her. My emotion makes me lose myself up for the one I love and care for. It makes me think negative and I tried as much to control it but this is a natural part of me.

*** Note::: I don't want to make the mistake I did in the past again because I'm planning of marrying her mid next year. Though, she accuse me of not trusting her and I replied her of not being open with me and her communication level with me is zero.

first of all, you are insecure and she knows the game which is not say too much. You have shown that you cant handle things maturely like a man and i would advise both of you should time out for a while to think about being serious with each other so that you can work on your insecurities.