TheCongo2:


Bro, we need arguments and not abusive language.
As far as I know stupid is subjective.

Anyone who doesn't think my thoughts or speak my language is stupid.
Conversely I may be the stupid one for not thinking their thoughts or speaking their language.

Nice one!

Yemsot:
in my own opinion, submission is not slavery. like the yorubas will say 'orun o kin n wo o'. because you say okay to what the man said does not make you a slave.
when you marry who is really meant for you, you will not be clamouring for equality. even here in nigeria, the husband also shares the chores with the wife. a sane mane will know that those chores are not easy for the woman alone because they both have to work, so he helps out in the house, just as the woman also helps out with the bills.
if helping each other out is what you are used to here in nigeria then you would not have to fight over it when you are abroad talkless of divorce.
the bible is clear about the whole issue that the husband is the head and wives must submit - but this does not mean that the wife is a slave or someone that can be maltreated.
when a woman understands her husband, she would not clamour for equality, and when the man understands his wife he would not clamour for authority. but they both know when to air their views.
but we should all remember that whatever decision we take affects our children. as someone who has worked with different children, children from broken homes are not happy and [b]majority [/b]of them are the ones that give the society problems in future.
so think about these children at the end of the day.

my two cents

Another nice one!

Hopesprings:


I was reading, hoping desperately someone would bring this up, thank you so much. I love how people love to ignore this verse that says submission goes both ways! So typical! You are fighting for leadership and head of household title, well let me tell you how that same bible defines leadership; Servanthood!

Luke 22:26

"But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant"

Matthew 20:26
It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant

So yes, you are the head of the home, and what that means by the same bible you are spouting is that you must be the chief servant in your home!

Yeah, being a leader means you must be ready to serve

salford1:
It is good to have this argument or better still discussion so people can be prepared. We can quote bible and cultural proverbs from now till tomorrow, truth is that some women will change when they come under stress or feel empowered.

What type of stress am I talking about?
Immigrants face a list of major life changes including adjusting to a new family dynamic where men are often no longer the sole providers. Many have to face being unqualified for jobs, while facing major financial pressures. Back home men were responsible for major finances, the wives were usually just supplementing the family income. Now both major finances and expenses will be bourne by both husbands and wives.

The role reversal is causing a lot conflict, parenting problems and domestic violence in immigrant families, because the whole family dynamic is changing. For some men, it's going to be a huge blow for self-esteem, self-confidence and for their masculinity as can be seen by some commenters on this thread. The stress of adjusting and creating a new life in a new and strange country can push families and relationships to boiling point. Some are working survival jobs at least till they get something better, and they're working different shifts and they may not even see each other many times. House chores would be left undone. Kids can easily be neglected too. There are also stresses when it comes to parenting, with children quickly adapting to life in Canada, often abandoning traditional values and norms. Kids are integrating much faster than parents.

When you add all this mix together, common chores will become overwhelming for the women. In Nigeria, alot of us have families around us to help, nannies, drivers, etc. Once you get to Canada, there would be no one to assist. We are often not prepared well for this.

Keeping the family as one will now depend on how well the man can adapt to these changes by deviating from cultural norms and traditional beliefs.

May God help us all.

Nice one!

Guitarlife:
Okay guys lets just get back I dont want us to spend 24 hours dragging these issues, apparently both sides are misunderstood to some extent by either sides which is understandable.

But I am not happy with the aggressive and abusive manner some people have taken this arguement, we are humans and will never completely agree on all issues, thats okay. Its not a big deal so why do we need to start disrespecting people with the manner of our expressions ?

This is the time for us to start counting our blessings in the year 2018 and invoking those of 2019 down lol.

Imagine me , who never cross the boundary of Naija even Ghana sef I never reach God just carry one of the most sought after Visa's in the world give me without going to see any Visa officer, I hear dem dey humble people for Walter Carrington but right now Trump got norrin on me

Is God not wonderful ?

That's the spirit

vcole:
@vascey I did not use any profanities or insults in addresssing guitar life. However, your admiration of his “conduct” or candour May be pretty skewed, don’t you think? He made the choice to make comments on an online forum and he made statements in generalizations that can be passed up as offensive. Nevertheless his opinion is his and his choices are his to make regardless of what anybody says.
However, this is a forum for discussion and conversation and as educated people, having sparring sessions on topics that actually do matter using logical arguments is vital. We do not need to always agree.
@salford you are spot on at the need for meaningful conversation.
You know most people live life without questioning their decisions. Both my spouse and I were lucky enough to have been raised with gender equality as a priority. So, getting married while in Nigeria saw us deciding to take on duties in our home based on capabilities and not gender. He is the better cook and has been the cook in our home from the outset. This includes family gatherings and when we host. My kids would hardly come to me for meals unless they are literally starving to death or he is not home. I do not like cooking and I have no qualms admitting that. I am better at cleaning and organizing and I do this to OCD perfection. I am also super hands on and DIY. I washed cars growing up and would take my folks cars for servicing or repairs so in our home I service the cars or take for repairs and we do them interchangeably. I also fix stuff around the house cos I know how to. We switch up tasks as necessary and this has never been a problem. Whoever is capable and available handles it.
So relocating to Canada even 34 weeks pregnant and with a toddler, we got our house furnished with IKEA and you know how that goes, we bought a power drill and literally set up everything together and it was done in half the time it would have taken just 1 person if we were following gender roles and waiting for the husband to fix alone. My spouse can be a fantastic daddy daycare or take the kids out alone and their personal care or grooming is no issue since he has always done this from birth and I have no qualms getting our cars fixed, tires changed or rotated and all what not. Chores are not an issue. In fact, chores are not the reason technically why a marriage will break up. It is the mindset and reasoning and perspective that informs a certain kind of behaviour that is the real issue.
Everyone has their choice to make in their home in the interest of what is best for them.
But when we make personal choices we should not forget that they indeed have ripple effects with unintended consequences. When some black lady sat on a bus in far away US of A and challenged segregation, it was a personal choice with a ripple effect that led to challenging racial discrimination and eventually we can draw an undulating line towards our ability to even migrate today.

Well written

Ifeoma77:

Jesus!!! Are you for real??
I have typed 5 different responses and deleted all 5 because I am trying to be respectful.
All I'll say is; thank God you're moving to Canada. Please take advantage of the free health care and see a psychologist/therapist. You have deep issues and the way you interpret events is very skewed

Chai!

AZeD1:

Parents of the bride? In Igbo land, the women are not even allowed were the discussion is taking place. The Yoruba's don't collect it anymore so I don't know why you are saying parents because its usually 'elders' comprised of men.

This forced me to come out of my observation mode.
Truly Yoruba's no longer collect bride price but what about the tuber of yam etc?

AZeD1:

Parents of the bride? In Igbo land, the women are not even allowed were the discussion is taking place. The Yoruba's don't collect it anymore so I don't know why you are saying parents because its usually 'elders' comprised of men.

In igboland especially Imo state, there are several lists..men's, women's, community lists..and funny enough na the women list plenty pass

Vancouver4:
If you are overly wise, you won't tarry in marriage.

Na so my mama teach me

Wise one, cos marriage is mostly about tolerance and commitment

Vancouver4:
If you are overly wise, you won't tarry in marriage.

Na so my mama teach me

Wise one, cos marriage is mostly about tolerance and commitment

After 9 months of having a WHOLE human growing in your body, messing up ALL your normal bodily functions(Dental, Mental, Eyesight, Sleep, Digestive, Skeletal...ALL). distending it in ways which, if we're being honest, are terrifying you go through excruciating labor and have that human brought out of your body....this could be vaginally or surgically, neither is a walk in the park.

Now we start with breast-feeding, forget the cute Getty images, it is painful, exhausting and never-ending. Imagine your breast creating milk 24/7, fills up till it becomes engorged and painfully throbbing unless your express the milk every 1 - 2 hours. Now we're talking clumps, scarred nipples ...it's painful. Also, an infant with no care for your nipples chomping on them to be fed And your breasts leaking milk constantly, because why not?��‍♂️

Did I mention they could literally cut open your vagina(sometimes) or belly to get this human out?

Dealers choice.

So while that's still healing, add to that a child waking up EVERY hour to get fed. Whether directly from your breasts, stored breast milk or infant formula, your new boss will be fed. Oh! And you have to change diapers anywhere from 12 - 25 times a day to avoid diaper rash. I promise you, you don't want an infant with diaper rash.

So if you thought you were not sleeping during the pregnancy, you're DEFINITELY not sleeping now.

Side Note: How EVERY woman does not have significant mental health issues after childbirth is one of the greatest wonders of the human body.

NOW, GOD FORBID, after living through all that, you decide your baby is almost 2 months old so you need a little "Me Time". To wear something nice, makeup...just feel human again. To attend a concert, listen to music, dance and just be carefree, for a few hours.

GOD FORBID, as a Nigerian woman, that you have some autonomy over your time, your choices or, definitely not, your body.

GOD FORBID, you have any expectations that the other caregiver/s in your life should actually give some care for the child you all claim to love.

The deeply entitled, patriarchal system that is the Nigerian society penalizes women for EVERYTHING....and I just have no words.

The recent market march in Yaba, Lagos showed us our markets and we all expressed disgust "at those men" but it all comes from the same source, a society that tells women at every turn that they DO NOT own their choices, their time or their body.

No words......

Credit @LKNLE

Which kain wahala be this na ? Thecongo2 see what you have caused ?
Issoooraaiii people Issooraaiii, it wont be okay if we spend 48 hours on this arguement, we don pass 1st day already and almost in the middle of the second day.

Lets give room for other discussions relating to landing et all

TheCongo2:


So, which side of this argument are you standing on ?
Just pick a side

I honestly respect everybody's opinion on this issue.

It doesn't seem like an argument ending soon.

Everybody is right in his/her own way!

Guitarlife:
Which kain wahala be this na ? Thecongo2 see what you have caused ?
Issoooraaiii people Issooraaiii, it wont be okay if we spend 48 hours on this arguement, we don pass 1st day already and almost in the middle of the second day.

Lets give room for other discussions relating to landing et all

Looks like it's not only here that this argument is raging. The one on twitter is even hotter

Pls guys I need your candid advice on the best or the easiest way to migrate to Canada within. Six months kindly put me through

It seems all of you engaging in this back and forth did not see this post. Una get strength sha. Nothing more to say.

Guitarlife:

This was the reason I broke my relationship, the prospect of waiting one year or more to sponsor a bride in a new marriage with both spouses thousands of kilometers apart appeared too depressing. I hope I can get a decent spouse in CAnny sha .....

These are the sort of sacrifices we have to make for a good life and secured future....

You people now..... Post pictures na.... Are the streets of Canada not decorated already?

Pls post pictures while I dress for winter harmattan

mikkyphp:
Great arguments here even though i didn't relish the name calling and ad-hominem by esteemed veterans, using anecdotal extremes as general statements e.t.c
I get @Guiterlife 's point, but i dont agree with many nuances in his argument. Also a lot of us should also be willing to leave our ideological echo-chamber and welcome new ideas.

People exist first as individuals whose values are shaped by familial experiences, culture, religious doctrines and social constructs. We as Africans always seem to be quick to adopt cultures foreign to us cos we see it as "progressive". Many of these "progressive" doctrines and post-mordernist ideologies who believe gender is a social construct, have led to the erosion of traditional values and the hike in divorce, depression and suicide rates. Lots of asians on the other hand, remain tightly knit because regardless of the society they find themselves, they always try to preserve and maintain their "culture"- way of life.

This is by no means me saying we shouldn't adapt to the nuances of our new environment - heck when the financial realities hit you, you will know that all hands(man +woman) needs to be on deck to make things on the family front work.

Value divergence is fundamental to the the cause of strife in most marriages of immigrant families.

There is no formula.

Marriage is all about constant negotiations and compromises between 2 people working towards a common vision/goal. One defers to the other and vice versa depending on who has the higher proficiency per time. Every marriage is different. Negotiate for what works for you. A recipe for discontentment and depression is agreeing to a position that goes against what you stand for - your values.

Pls don't compare the Asian cultural mindset to Africa....
They are diametrically opposite n cannot in anyway be reconciled....
Yes both believe the man should be the head of the house but that's where it ends....
In Asian culture, leadership position comes with responsibility, sacrifice, servitude, wealth creation for both present and future generations, entreching the principle of self preservation and building lasting legacies.....
while in africa leadership is synonymous with repression, abuse, exploiting the weak, tyranny n fascism.....
No wonder the African man can kill to be a leader...

Men build legacies, men build civilisation....

The Asian man has proven himself in this regard. He's been able to lift his generation out of poverty into prosperity, he deserves to be the head of any institution he desires including his home....
Whereas the modern African man has failed miserably to build any meaningful semblance of civilisation or prosperity......
And I strongly believe our fiercely patriachal n retrogressive culture is responsible for this....
I won't pander to irresponsibility n oppression which seem to be the trademark of the modern African man just because I'm one...
And just like the word of Bill Gates...
The world doesn't care about your self esteem, the world expect u to achieve something first before feeling good about yourself.
I'm sorry, but until I see the African man profusely sweating thick blood, working his ass off to build a lasting legacy for himself, his family, his society and the future generation....
I'm not convinced he deserves to demand for headship of any unit whatsoever....
This is my opinion...

dk2baba:
Pls guys I need your candid advice on the best or the easiest way to migrate to Canada within. Six months kindly put me through

Follow the link below. Do well to at least read page I before asking questions. Good luck.

https://www.nairaland.com/4843199/canadian-express-entry-federal-skilled/236

softandmoist:
This is not me whining or anything. Just something I noticed since landing here in Canada and going out and about.
Many of our Nigerian brothers act all cold when you greet them then get warm when greeted by a white.
Really.
Like your sucking up will change your complexion?
The friendly ones know better, I suppose. They give you pointers on how you can get settled in easily and integrate.
One man snubbed me this morning when I greeted him twice at my daughter's school, but got all chatty with one woman who was white�. His daughter and mine are in the same class so I was wondering what the superiority complex was all about.
Shior.
What pained me most for him was that the woman didn't hear anything he was saying because even on the verge of swallowing his tongue to speak Canadian English, she wasn't just understanding. Kikikikiki.
Ok, seriously now.

Please seniors, let's be nice to ourselves. Tenkiu.

Lol..Happens here a lot..What area do you stay here in Regina..Been here for 4 months and stay in Normanview west..North side of Regina

Landing Gist and Quasi Inspirational gist for people.

My flight was scheduled for 8pm , I left the house by 6pm with my entire family (both those physically present and on what's app video call) . I booked my flight with Lufthansa from PH ,I paid for extra luggage didn't have a problem with customs or immigration cos perks of been in a force family .

So flight arrived big plane , movies, charged my phone in board the plane, the food just kept in coming , short stop in Abuja picked up passengers , we didn't disembark . Let's say we spent 30mins.

Then off we flew to Germany we arrived by 6:30am . ( Now let me tell you all , please where comfy shoes , I did so the TREK yes I said it TREK was good , Frankfurt is massive , don't get lost following the arrow , always check the board for your flight . Then after 3hrs we started checking in with Air Canada ( don't bother about your luggage here it will be loaded into the next plane for you . Did I tell you I went the wrong way n almost went into Germany . My GOD is stronger than dem.

So off we went to Toronto not so spacious but was bearable , good flight , food was everywhere . The hanty near me na have Cough ,I shall use style to cover my face . I didn't come all the was to be quarantined .
We eventually landed after what looked like the longest flight if my life .

So with my already filled out declaration form I was directed to immigration when I told the connecting flight lady I wanted to be stamped here.ki
The line was long oh my , no one was smiling I new I will miss my flight but I wasn't bothered , soon it became my turn and just as I presented my documents another officer came up n said let me take her and some others , she seems nice . Asked me questions if I am an ex con , been deported , how much I had on my person . I changed my passport photo to a new one , I was asked to sign n she also signed . Then off I went to get my sin number . I filled out the form , gave my Airbnb address n I was done. I was given my sin and a paper on how to kip it safe n etc.

I informed the officer I had missed my flight . He just said go downstairs they will rebook you.

I went downstairs I didn't see my bags (okay my village people finally found me). Kip that declaration form handy you will need to present it before you pass the gate. I got to the ticket stand told the about my bags they said " oh if you fly Air Canada you don't need to worry about your baggage we will sent it to your final destination. Ps they load the baggage after check in so they know whose bags go if you are not there your bags stay till you come and you are re booked den they load your bags) .

On another TREK I went looking for my boarding gate . I found it , within a short time it was time to board so I did, this plane was smaller no food just plenty off water to fill our hungry bellies , we had movies to watch n a port to charge my phone but I was sleepy so I slept off with an ear piece listening to classical music. Suddenly I was awoken by shaking n left n right movement . I closed my eyes n said Ha! Canada na so you wan do me . We continued that was for 2 mins then we touched down finally , it was 5pm I was finally at Winnipeg airport. Thank you Lord .


I went to get my laugage wore my winter jacket that surprisingly is holding off the cold , muffler on neck , head warmers n out I went let me pause ,,,,,,, The cold attacked my hands because I didn't wear my gloves it went through my jeans because it could but my torso head n feet where warm . I got a taxi n straight home u went . My host was at home , I asked for hot water diluted it and drank it it warmed my belly . It felt nice.
I went straight to bed after a brief chat with my host I was tired n I needed the rest

Hi all, please I have a friend who has a PhD in microbiology and I adviced him to relocate to Canada through Express entry but he keeps saying he may not get a good job in Canada. Please what are his chances?

cutezain:
Landing Gist and Quasi Inspirational gist for people

My inspiration for you.

I landed on a Monday evening , my body had not adjusted to time so when I woke up i decided let start my house search I sent out lots of email not just frloe house alone but for jobs as well ( I already had a viewing booked from Nigeria) . So I got another viewing .

This place was divine within my budget 622 I only pay hydro took the application I didn't want to be in a rush . Also also opened my bank , and got a new SIM that same day . Next day I see the other place not sooner nice , still I take the application form , you never know. As I was getting the form what do I see a call from a company asking me to come in for an interview just day 3 . YES!!!!!!!!!

So I leave the building go home call my family lay out every thing n seek 2nd opinions , so I go on Thursday to submit the application for the first house with my bank statement hoping to get it den off I went for my interview , I get the job I decide okay no harm just submit the other application. On my way there the first house manager call n say SORRY we can't approve you for the house , I felt sad but motivated to I get to the second place n they say, SORRY SOMEONE JUST TOOK IT .

Hmmmmmm.

I took a cab went to the mall sat and got a meal , I called the agent for the second place coz she was soon nice , I told her don't you have something for me n she said hold on my hopes are high again . Yes was a response we got a bachelor's for 700 , ha hanty!!!! I want it she set me up for a viewing Friday the next day with a colleague. I went home happy so that day by 3:00pm I get a call ......

It's another company want me to come in for an interview ( smiles) we do a phone interview ,I passed I schedule the interview for the very next day afternoon .

In the morning I set out first to the bank got my deposit , then went to view the house oh my Magnificent . I walk with the agent back to the office. Fill the forms pay my deposit give them a copy of my bank statement just to add more spice n off u went to do my interview I passed bthe second stage den suddenly I get a call I am approved for the apartment. YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Re schedule my last phase interview to Monday went there signed my lease , payed now I got a house .
Ps more jobs are calling.

In 4days I did it , you can do it . Wives , husband's help each other I declared war in success n I will get it.

Dream,plan n push like u never have .

Good morning everyone!!!!!!

If you are in Winnipeg looking for a house new migrant I can get the number of the housing management n give to you only if you ask. Thank you.

In the spirit of changing the topic

So first week in Dec,one child was sick and at home for 3 days,the following week,the second and third joined while the first person was now okand could go to school,the last 2 missed school for 2 days. There was no issue at all as there was someone to stay back with any ailing child after hospital visits and i could still go to work all through the period even if i went late some days

My question- Those in Canada without their spouses,how do u swing such situations,what other choice do u have apart from stabbing work on those days(i presume your pay will also be deducted) will the frequency of having to stay back home cause issues at work. Any other thing i should take note of..biko seniors please shed light

Thanks @cutezain for sharing your experiences. May you continue to prosper in your new home.

Kmgb1:
In the spirit of changing the topic

So first week in Dec,one child was sick and at home for 3 days,the following week,the second and third joined while the first person was now okand could go to school,the last 2 missed school for 2 days. There was no issue at all as there was someone to stay back with any ailing child after hospital visits and i could still go to work all through the period even if i went late some days

My question- Those in Canada without their spouses,how do u swing such situations,what other choice do u have apart from stabbing work on those days(i presume your pay will also be deducted) will the frequency of having to stay back home cause issues at work. Any other thing i should take note of..biko seniors please shed light

Your pay wouldn't get deducted for a certain amount of days. The other days you can get close to 75 percent of your full pay or so. This is if you have a good union job. Most employer will work around your situation though.

I reckon both sides of the gladiators are presently recuperating from the near fatal blows and arsenal exchanged yesterday. Am sure in a little while this place will be bubbling again..lol

maternal:


Your pay wouldn't get deducted for a certain amount of days. The other days you can get close to 75 percent of your full pay or so. This is if you have a good union job. Most employer will work around your situation though.

Good to know!thanks so much for responding

I'm sorry but this sounds a lot like you are judging her. You don't know the full story. That she came here to express herself doesn't give you the right to judge her. Same thing you were fighting for in Guitarlife's case and you are doing the exact same thing. It's repulsive.

Homguy:
Just curious, are you encouraging her to continue deceiving her husband till they get to Canada and then file for a divorce?

You have really just heard her own side(one side) of the story.
While there are tons of good women out there, others are very manipulative.

If she wasn't going to be submissive later on why pretend to the man just to get married only to start crying about submission later on. Maybe he is quite rich.
Maybe she doesn't find him attractive anymore and all this is just an excuse to dump him after leaving the shores.

While we all have very different views about family life, I frankly believe it's important to define terms and know your spouse before tie in any knots.

Its not advisable for young couples to relocate. Most loose their marriage due to the immaturity coupled with the new location and the freedom it brings.

30watts:
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