₦airaland Forum

GboyegaD:
Use day home/care services.

Thanks

UknwownGuy:
It all comes down to effective planning and team work. Parents, not constrained to just the man or woman should get jobs that give flexible hours, so they can have time for children. One should know that parenting isn't about just dressing them up, feeding, dropping them off etc. Many times you need to spend time with these kids and know what's going in their lives and I wouldn't really suggest just any house maid, cos I've heard a lot and witnessed amongst many people I've come across. If at all you want to get someone, make sure it's someone you trust and observed. You don't just say because you are pursuing a career, you bring a strange person to your home.

Thanks

As a working class lady with kids and without a maid, be ready to break down and gradually die of stress or better still you will age quickly cause of the same stress, stress can also make you ugly and out of shape, get a maid today.

UknwownGuy:
It all comes down to effective planning and team work. Parents, not constrained to just the man or woman should get jobs that give flexible hours, so they can have time for children. One should know that parenting isn't about just dressing them up, feeding, dropping them off etc. Many times you need to spend time with these kids and know what's going in their lives and I wouldn't really suggest just any house maid, cos I've heard a lot and witnessed amongst many people I've come across. If at all you want to get someone, make sure it's someone you trust and observed. You don't just say because you are pursuing a career, you bring a strange person to your home.

This part in bold needs to be framed, for everyone who wants to have kids.

KanwuliaExtra:
Oh yes o.
There is a limit to the aggravation from househelps I can tolerate.
They can LIE and STEAL?
The mind games nko?
They always think they can outsmart you with all their spiritual illiteracy and infinite dumbness!

Push come to shove, push all ‘em kids to boarding school!

Shikena!

Boarding school a life saver.

I am really skeptical about live in help. The stories are not funny.

It's not easy. I and my wife work in mainland and Island. But we don't have any house help. My Baby attend Day Care. We pay 20k. So whoever that come first will go pick her up. I choose not to have house help now, this is because of the experience three of my friends have had. House help nearly distroy these families. I will have to wait till My Baby grow to tell me or the mother what happen at house if we are not around. This because if I bring House help, my Baby can not tell when she is been maltreated or hut.

I have sacrificed 3 years of my career just because I can't bear to see my daughter hurt in any way. I know I will go back to a career eventually and if I could turn back the hands of time, I WILL NOT DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
Growing up, my mum was a busy business woman and I know all my childhood scars from house helps and what not. Money isn't everything, tho it gives happiness.
I will take my time to instill in this one, all the values I uphold so she will help me set the right pace for the ones that will follow her.
I guess what I am saying is, follow D beats of your own drums, don't dance to someone else's. If it doesn't give u peace, it's not worth it.
They won't be children forever. I have only one chance at doing it right.

pocohantas:
Every woman husband helps...
And every man here helps his wife.

Where are the Nigerian men that do notbhelp their wives?

Consider the fact the thread said cope without help.

The de facto for wives of non-helping husbands are maids or inimaginable stress.

Valerie47:
As a working class lady with kids and without a maid, be ready to break down and gradually die of stress or better still you will age quickly cause of the same stress, stress can also make you ugly and out of shape, get a maid today.

Well, peeps are doing it well and not dying.

Daeylar:
This part in bold needs to be framed, for everyone who wants to have kids.

True.

All hands must be on deck.

bukatyne:
Well, peeps are doing it well and not dying.

Well its up to you, as for me, I'm getting myself a maid. I cannor come and die young or stress my fresh body, then gradually start looking older than my husband.

okonyia:
It's not easy. I and my wife work in mainland and Island. But we don't have any house help. My Baby attend Day Care. We pay 20k. So whoever that come first will go pick her up. I choose not to have house help now, this is because of the experience three of my friends have had. House help nearly distroy these families. I will have to wait till My Baby grow to tell me or the mother what happen at house if we are not around. This because if I bring House help, my Baby can not tell when she is been maltreated or hut.

if u can cut out D house help part for good, pls do. It's not abt when she starts to talk. I was already in primary school when I suffered badly in D hands of help. She instilled enough fear in us, we dare not say a word. In this life, I will NEVER keep house help in my house, so help me God.

okonyia:
It's not easy. I and my wife work in mainland and Island. But we don't have any house help. My Baby attend Day Care. We pay 20k. So whoever that come first will go pick her up. I choose not to have house help now, this is because of the experience three of my friends have had. House help nearly distroy these families. I will have to wait till My Baby grow to tell me or the mother what happen at house if we are not around. This because if I bring House help, my Baby can not tell when she is been maltreated or hut.

Hmmmmm

I've heard people voice same concerns.

LewsTherin:
Sad I didn't see this thread early enough. Bukatyne you didn't tag me as you usualy do. Even if I don't comment on some of your threads, I read and follow them. So stand up, hands up and close your eyes fir the next 10 minutes

It's nice to see that there are a good number of couples who split duties happily. Different from the doom and gloom storries that pervade Nairaland.

Yes, planning, cooperation and shared responsibilities. That's how it's done. And I'll include a few more points that my Lady and I have learnt over the last 8 years.

Get technological help where you can. Washine machine, micro wave, inverter, dish washer, stuff like that. Now I know finance is a big thing in Nigeria and not everyone can afford these things. What we did was to browse various stores for when they had promos running on these items. Also use the "pay small small" option to pay in instalments. Buying second hand from others also helps.

Get outsourced help. We have a lady come in to clean the house once a week. She does the thorough cleaning so we don't have to do much during the week to keep the house neat. Can also get someone to do the ironing after the washing mashine does the washing.

Bulk cooking. My Lady cooks enough stews, soups and poriages to last quite a while. Freeze it in small servings and microwave for meals. It means preparing a meal only takes as long as the rice or yam needs to boil or plantains or potatoes need to fry.

Smart cooking. Those hard days of broke-ness taught me that 200 bucks worth of carrots, green beans and peppers can produce fried rice eniugh for my family and a guest. Boiled eggs add the protein. Stir frying can help make exquisite meals in a very short time. Now we try to keep fried pieces of fish or chicken in the freezer at all times to accomodate this. The aboki in the estate is already used to me getting veggies or tomatoes in 100 to 200 naira quantities.

Daycare/ creche can save lives you know. My girl started at 4 months. No time. But one has to investigate these places well and form a habit of dropping in unannounced and unexpected.

Get some breathing space, some Daddy Mummy time alone to remember those days of being single by "dumping" the kids off every now and then with some family or friends. It helps to recharge.

I made sure my Lady and I discussed all these things well before we got married. She had things a little different in mind than I did and I was more spartan than she could be. We compromised as well as we can. You won't get everything you want but you'll get a lot more than you believed possible.

True we run our own business, but sometimes, running your own business can put more pressure on your time than being employed by someone else. I run 2 other businesses in addition and if all goes well, I'll have the farm up and running halfway through this year so that is even more pressure on my time but I always say - my wife first, my kids next then what I need to finance my wife and kids. Any one and anything comes in order of urgency. That's my list of priorities.

You are one understanding husband! Your lady is lucky! I do all the housework alone, raise the kids alone, go to work over the weekends, go for lectures during the weekdays, attend the kids appointment, take to church, take them for their friends birthday parties, do everything alone! I am always driving around the whole city like one crazy girl. It's so annoying . The husband is always forming busy. Being married to a Nigerian man requires special training o...Good thing is, God has blessed me with wonderful kids. They are my helpers, always asking if I need help and my oldest is just 12years. Sometimes, I wonder how I have survived 13 years of living abroad without help....Marriage sef! Overrated bullshit!

JoannaSedley:
The op said couple not wife alone.
Imagine a wife working in the island going back to pick her kids in mainland then returning to work in the island then going back to mainland at the end of the day. That's like how many hours of shuttling to and fro ....kikikiki. Most of the time this is done on a public transport while Oga goes to work with the family car. Taking your kids to your place of work ...I wonder how many bosses can accept that.
The wife will do all this things then come back wash, cook and clean and then be expected to fvck all night long. Marriage is becoming less appealing as the days go by. This is no longer the era when you have relatives from all angle flooding your house.

Lol don't see marriage as unappealing.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Know that yours will be.
But as always try to be perfecting yourself into the best type of mother and wife you want your husband to meet.

yvelchstores:
I have sacrificed 3 years of my career just because I can't bear to see my daughter hurt in any way. I know I will go back to a career eventually and if I could turn back the hands of time, I WILL NOT DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
Growing up, my mum was a busy business woman and I know all my childhood scars from house helps and what not. Money isn't everything, tho it gives happiness.
I will take my time to instill in this one, all the values I uphold so she will help me set the right pace for the ones that will follow her.
I guess what I am saying is, follow D beats of your own drums, don't dance to someone else's. If it doesn't give u peace, it's not worth it.
They won't be children forever. I have only one chance at doing it right.

I was going to ask if you intend to stay at home for all your kids.

If yes, how long?

bukatyne:
Consider the fact the thread said cope without help.

The de facto for wives of non-helping husbands are maids or inimaginable stress.

They are really lucky. The ones in my office are always zapped out. Tell them to get a maid and they shout "No". They won't stop complaining, they won't fix it... Makes me feel they enjoy the emotional blackmail.

Valerie47:
Well its up to you, as for me, I'm getting myself a maid. I cannor come and die young or stress my fresh body, then gradually start looking older than my husband.

OK.

Whatever rocks your boat.

gohamburg:
You are one understanding husband! Your lady is lucky! I do all the housework alone, raise the kids alone, go to work over the weekends, go for lectures during the weekdays, attend the kids appointment, take to church, take them for their friends birthday parties, do everything alone! I am always driving around the whole city like one crazy girl. It's so annoying . The husband is always forming busy. Being married to a Nigerian man requires special training o...Good thing is, God has blessed me with wonderful kids. They are my helpers, always asking if I need help and my oldest is just 12years. Sometimes, I wonder how I have survived 13 years of living abroad without help....Marriage sef! Overrated bullshit!

Have you voiced your concerns to your husband?

Keepingmum, imnotconfused, AFONAMARO, LewsTherin. Love your examples of how you keep your home going strong by working together. More strength to you guys.

thorpido:
I think it depends (more) on the type of work the wife is doing.If she is self-employed, she arranges her work schedule around her kids.
She drops them in school,goes to her work,picks them up after school,they go to her place of work together,she closes and takes them home.

How come it's "She...she...she " ??

Is it all up to the woman ??
Na wah o!

bukatyne:
I was going to ask if you intend to stay at home for all your kids.

If yes, how long?

I don't intend to. Age gap is what we plan to use to our advantage. I do hope that by my next child, the older can keep the younger company at after school care till time to pick them up. Even now, I am more at peace leaving my 3yo at after school care not exceeding 5pm,hopefully.

yvelchstores:
I have sacrificed 3 years of my career just because I can't bear to see my daughter hurt in any way. I know I will go back to a career eventually and if I could turn back the hands of time, I WILL NOT DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
Growing up, my mum was a busy business woman and I know all my childhood scars from house helps and what not. Money isn't everything, tho it gives happiness.
I will take my time to instill in this one, all the values I uphold so she will help me set the right pace for the ones that will follow her.
I guess what I am saying is, follow D beats of your own drums, don't dance to someone else's. If it doesn't give u peace, it's not worth it.
They won't be children forever. I have only one chance at doing it right.

Sacrificed 3 years of your career?
From birth till your daughter was 3 years old right?

I love that, and you're right, they aren't children forever, and you do only have a chance.

Do the same for the ones who will follow her. You did good.

bukatyne:
What kind of job do you do that affords you that flexibility?

Details not necessarily.

I oversee some set of people who work from daybreak till 12 and send reports electronically ,they close I close.

pocohantas:
They are really lucky. The ones in my office are always zapped out. Tell them to get a maid and they shout "No". They won't stop complaining, they won't fix it... Makes we feel they enjoy the emotional blackmail.

I guess some women do.

The fact they can complain about their husbands elevate them to the glamoured suffering wives association.

Others are very scared of maids/their husbands.

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom

May God continue 2 bless ur husband & ur home

bukatyne:
OK.

Whatever rocks your boat.

Take my advice, find a nanny you will be paying monthly, that's all, I'm telling you this cause I know if you toe this line, by the time you are 40, you will be looking like you are 60, you husband will start frolicking with young campus ladies that are in shape all cause you are unappealing to the eyes. Stress also make women fat.

yvelchstores:
I don't intend to. Age gap is what we plan to use to our advantage. I do hope that by my next child, the older can keep the younger company at after school care till time to pick them up. Even now, I am more at peace leaving my 3yo at after school care not exceeding 5pm,hopefully.

It is well.

Thanks.

Daeylar:
This part in bold needs to be framed, for everyone who wants to have kids.

Yes... Parenting is beyond bearing the title.

gohamburg:
You are one understanding husband! Your lady is lucky! I do all the housework alone, raise the kids alone, go to work over the weekends, go for lectures during the weekdays, attend the kids appointment, take to church, take them for their friends birthday parties, do everything alone! I am always driving around the whole city like one crazy girl. It's so annoying . The husband is always forming busy. Being married to a Nigerian man requires special training o...Good thing is, God has blessed me with wonderful kids. They are my helpers, always asking if I need help and my oldest is just 12years. Sometimes, I wonder how I have survived 13 years of living abroad without help....Marriage sef! Overrated bullshit!

I feel your pain. I can only imagine.
But please, present it to God in prayer.
Just pray for God to intervene in your home. To perfect your home according to His Will and to have His way in your home.
Stay persistent in this. You will be amazed that God will touch both your hearts in ways your never expected.
Please, always remember Solution begins, continues and ends with prayers.
Your home is blessed in Jesus name.
Amen.

NoToPile:
I oversee some set of people who work from daybreak till 12 and send reports electronically ,they close I close.

See big madam.

Should I join your team?

N600k/month.