₦airaland Forum

JoannaSedley:
Your post are always divisive. From compulsory tithing to this.......what the hell is wrong with you. Because a woman is working to help herself and family you are quoting and writing unreadable epistles. If we didn't, you call us unprintable names at the same time quoting proverb 31.

Some times in our quest to prevent the unwanted, we end
up creating problems for ourselves. Just cos you don't want
your a wife to be stranded when her husband dies, you
subject her to work and to chase careers to the detriment
of the kids who get deprived of proper home training. The
sad part is that you won't die but live to see those children
grow up into miserable beings such that all the money you
worked for won't be able to put them back in order.


I think he is making sense here

@Topic

Mindset - think of yourselves as one unit with a common challenge to be conquered, not leaving Madam to deal with childcare alone.
Pool resources - whether it's financial, or time or skills so that you are utilizing for the maximum benefit of the family unit not just the individual. For example, regardless of who paid for the car, think in terms of how the family as a whole would benefit optimally from it's use.
Of utmost importance - marry someone who likes you gan, like a whole lot so that they will be all about your welfare. Don't marry your enemy. Let's put love aside, know that someone that likes you a lot would not watch you toil away your youth like a mule

alBHAGDADI:
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

Women have truly suffered. You are actually backing up your misogynistic views with the Bible.
It's really really really sad. And the interesting thing is that most people will try to find you reasonable.
Jesus didn't die for this. Kmt.

It's people like you that will deliberately not raise their female children to be anybody. You know, low self esteem all just to be subjective to their "husband". Good luck with that.

I believe in equality. It's both the husband and wife responsibility to raise their children. You can a stay at husband if you really care about raise your kids right.
I wish you a very good life. And good luck to whoever ends up marrying you.

Kennyinusa:
Women have truly suffered. You are actually backing up your misogynistic views with the Bible.
It's really really really sad. And the interesting thing is that most people will try to find you reasonable.
Jesus didn't die for this. Kmt.

It's people like you that will deliberately not raise their female children to be anybody. You know, low self esteem all just to be subjective to their "husband". Good luck with that.

I believe in equality. It's both the husband and wife responsibility to raise their children. You can a stay at husband if you really care about raise your kids right.
I wish you a very good life. And good luck to whoever ends up marrying you.

Do you think Jesus came to die for this stupid equality you are preaching?

If so, why did his disciples say women should be submissive to their husband?

Mind you, your usage of the word Misogyny is wrong. Misogyny is hate of women, which I have not done but love them enough to tell them what's right.

lonelydora:
Omo, she sleeps by latest 8pm ir 8:30pm

OK.

What's her daily routine?

8 - 4 is eight hours sleep which is on point.

alBHAGDADI:
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

Wow
More Grace upon you
Perfectly explained the original purpose of wife in matrimony

PrimadonnaO:
She'll get old too quickly.

She always looks stressed

spiralwedge:
Not true. I know quite a few who don't even allow family to come around because both parents are dead, talkless of a maid.

Who have kids and work 9-5?

Off course there will be some like that. But even a Creche and after school Centre is help. No one can do without one form of help

lonelydora:
My wife wakes 4am each day to prepare the kids for school and also cook that early morning. We do not eat leftover foods. She's a super woman i must confess. Whenever i go out late i help in sweeping and arranging the house. She told right from our wedding she does not want a maid.


Planning is the key

Planning is key. You are right. I myself do all the cooking and even prepare my kid for Creche the day before. My hubby helps with chores. However, if I can get some more time to sleep and take care of myself, I will take it.

We don't have an issue with getting a maid. We have not just got one yet. Even if my hubby thinks I am a super woman and that I have it all worked out, he wants me to relax a bit and have more time to rest.

SocialJustice:
You be lazy girl.

Indeed!

You can't do half of what I do. I work, I have a kid and I don't have a maid and I don't stay close to my family.

lonelydora:
Food cooked the previous night. She cooks fresh food daily

So from work, she goes to the market everyday, comes back and start prepping to cook and then cooking. Then she baths the kids.

What time does she sleep? Does she work close to home or run her own business? If she works on the island and stays on the mainland and gets back like 8-9pm, when does she go to the market to get fresh food to cook and when does she finish cooking?

ImaIma1:
So from work, she goes to the market everyday, comes back and start prepping to cook and then cooking. Then she baths the kids.

What time does she sleep? Does she work close to home or run her own business? If she works on the island and stays on the mainland and gets back like 8-9pm, when does she go to the market to get fresh food to cook and when does she finish cooking?

We are in Port Harcourt not in that suffer-head city called Lagos

ImaIma1:
Indeed!

You can't do half of what I do. I work, I have a kid and I don't have a maid and I don't stay close to my family.

Abeg relax. You dey work well well.

lonelydora:
We are in Port Harcourt not in that suffer-head city called Lagos

You see why I said we cannot compare all situations when the factors are different. Like people comparing cities in America to Lagos. I don't have a maid but when I see someone who does, I don't even judge or think that I am better or a superwoman

spiralwedge:
Not true. I know quite a few who don't even allow family to come around because both parents are dead, talkless of a maid.

It doesn't mean they don't need help. We are not robots or machines. Everyone needs help even if they don't admit it.

ImaIma1:
Who have kids and work 9-5?

Off course there will be some like that. But even a Creche and after school Centre is help. No one can do without one form of help

That's not really help, if you are paying for their services. It's like saying your kids' school are helping you

ImaIma1:
Well you cannot compare an organized environment to Nigeria especially Lagos. If I work in VI and I stay on the mainland. I drop my kid off at the creche, close work at 5or 6, and hubby closes same time. When do we get to the creche to pick child up considering Lagos traffic that could last hours.

In Lagos, you can't live by the clock like in organized countries. There are no tankers or trailers lined up on the roads in Calgary for instance that will cause traffic that would make you get home at 10pm.

And maids are not expensive as it is abroad. So the situation is quite different and you cannot advise someone in Lagos according to how someone in Maryland US lives

Cities, circumstances and situation may be different but it does not mean adjustments or better planning cannot be made. If you close work at 6, perhaps having a creche close to work can help? Or a job close to home?

ImaIma1:
You see why I said we cannot compare all situations when the factors are different. Like people comparing cities in America to Lagos. I don't have a maid but when I see someone who does, I don't even judge or think that I am better or a superwoman

This topic is not a judgement or superiority complex thread though.
I believe the OP just wants to see if there's a way she can do without having maids and that's why she asked so people can share their experience. She can look through and see if there's anything that can be applied to her personal situation.

By all means, any family that needs a maid and can afford one should feel free, if it helps keep your sanity. No judgement here because I don't even believe in senseless stress.

TheClulssHomakr:
Cities, circumstances and situation may be different but it does not mean adjustments or better planning cannot be made. If you close work at 6, perhaps having a creche close to work can help? Or a job close to home?



This topic is not a judgement or superiority complex thread though.
I believe the OP just wants to see if there's a way she can do without having maids and that's why she asked so people can share their experience. She can look through and see if there's anything that can be applied to her personal situation.

By all means, any family that needs a maid and can afford one should feel free, if it helps keep your sanity. No judgement here because I don't even believe in senseless stress.

I am sure everyone wants to live close to where they work. That is the Lagos dream. But how easy is that?

I know the thread is not for judging. However I was responding to the man who said his wife is a superwoman where the factors are more favorable for her.

spiralwedge:
That's not really help, if you are paying for their services. It's like saying your kids' school are helping you

Domestic helps are paid too. But it is still help. School is important but Creche can be bypassed

TheClulssHomakr:
Two words, Routine and cooperation.
It's only in Nigeria that we see maids as par for the course. Try that abroad and quench from the bills nah.

It's not easy but it is doable once the couple is willing to tackle things as a team. Not just one person carrying the whole house. E.g hubby can iron clothes while mum sweeps.

Establish a routine of sorts.
Specific shopping days for groceries. There are even IG shoppers that can deliver meat and stuff to the house.
Certain days for major cleaning.

Bulk cooking, none of that fresh soup every night palaver

Use appliances. Microwave, washing machine etc.

The above is what works for me. It also helps that I work on a contracr/consultancy basis so I don't have to be at work every single day.

In addition to this, after school care providers for children are a great help. You can also get a cleaning service to help clean the house maybe once a week. I manage just fine on my own though.

Amhappy:
Well even though my comment didn't deserve this bad belle response,i won't feel bad. Yes,as a big woman I will spend the money and enjoy my life. No time baby. Hiring help does not mean neglecting responsibility. I'm an engineer and I know how to balance equations very well. Most of our mothers had help yet we didn't turn out bad. And the last time I checked children of the high and mighty in the society are still staying top. And yes whats wrong with hiring surrogates if you need to. I know some people who can afford flight from East to Lag but they will rather squeeze in a bus than spend the money. Life is once and I will live it to the fullest. So help me God.

Refer back to your reply under my comment( the part in Igbo) you cannot play the victim card after insulting me, it doesn't work that way.... You are an Engineer and so..? I bet you think nairaland is a hub for low lives who are still battling with JAMB. Engineer Alabosi you can refer back to this thread and comment after you have bagged a PhD. Until then, hold your peace.

Juliearth:
Refer back to your reply under my comment( the part in Igbo) you cannot play the victim card after insulting me, it doesn't work that way.... You are an Engineer and so..? I bet you think nairaland is a hub for low lives who are still battling with JAMB. Engineer Alabosi you can refer back to this thread and comment after you have bagged a PhD. Until then, hold your peace.

I didn't insult you. Ejighi afufu Anya isi is an Igbo saying and it is not an insult. Incase you didn't understand it means suffering is not something to boast of. So definitely you misunderstood me. I stated my own case and how it's tough to cope without help and simply put up a popular Igbo saying. Thus there's nothing wrong in getting help. And getting help is not laziness. And i said if not for lack of funds I will have as many help as possible. Poverty is a bastatd. That's not an insult but having a different view. I work 8-5 to pick my child from school at 6 everyday. At that time my child is the only child left in school. I run like headless chicken every evening. Some days I close as late as 7.30pm. Get to her aunty house 8.30pm exhausted pick an equally exhausted crying child and head home to do homework,cook,feed,clean etc.

However if you felt insulted,I am so sorry. My comment that I'm an Engineer has nothing to do with you. And I never had in mind that I was talking to a jambite(afterall the discussion has nothing to do with education) but I knew I was talking to a young woman who had no experience on what her mum passed through and was using it as a ref. We strive to have a better life than our parents. However you kept crossing the line on a simple discussion you are having with a fellow woman. I am not getting a PhD in this life and next. So let me end the discussion forever.

Amhappy:
I didn't insult you. Ejighi afufu Anya isi is an Igbo saying and it is not an insult. Incase you didn't understand it means suffering is not something to boast of. So definitely you misunderstood me. I stated my own case and how it's tough to cope without help and simply put up a popular Igbo saying. Thus there's nothing wrong in getting help. And getting help is not laziness. And i said if not for lack of funds I will have as many help as possible. Poverty is a bastatd. That's not an insult but having a different view. I work 8-5 to pick my child from school at 6 everyday. At that time my child is the only child left in school. I run like headless chicken every evening. Some days I close as late as 7.30pm. Get to her aunty house 8.30pm exhausted pick an equally exhausted crying child and head home to do homework,cook,feed,clean etc.

However if you felt insulted,I am so sorry. My comment that I'm an Engineer has nothing to do with you. And I never had in mind that I was talking to a jambite(afterall the discussion has nothing to do with education) but I knew I was talking to a young woman who had no experience on what her mum passed through and was using it as a ref. We strive to have a better life than our parents. However you kept crossing the line on a simple discussion you are having with a fellow woman. I am not getting a PhD in this life and next. So let me end the discussion forever.

Good morning! The keyword I picked from that Igbo slang based on how it was explained to me ws "redundance." That was why I felt insulted and dished same to you. I retract my jabs and I am deeply sorry too, pardon my ignorance for misunderstanding you. You are right about my being an amateur and I guess I should keep mum and learn from experts who are going through/ have gone through that phase.

Juliearth:
Good morning! The keyword I picked from that Igbo slang based on how it was explained to me ws "redundance." That was why I felt insulted and dished same to you. I retract my jabs and I am deeply sorry too, pardon my ignorance for misunderstanding you. You are right about my being an amateur and I guess I should keep mum and learn from experts who are going through/ have gone through that phase.

It's alright,I wrongly assumed you were Igbo when I made that comment,my fault. Don't be hard on yourself,you are not an amateur but a young woman so don't keep mum express your views and learn from others. And sincerely money is not a ticket for a woman to be lazy. We as women should be productive and still take proper care of our families. A help should not take over our core motherly and wifey duties. Striking a balance is the key. God bless you with a happy family and a good life/career sis.

Amhappy:
It's alright,I wrongly assumed you were Igbo when I made that comment,my fault. Don't be hard on yourself,you are not an amateur but a young woman so don't keep mum express your views and learn from others. And sincerely money is not a ticket for a woman to be lazy. We as women should be productive and still take proper care of our families. A help should not take over our core motherly and wifey duties. Striking a balance is the key. God bless you with a happy family and a good life/career sis.

Thank you, I wish you same.

alBHAGDADI:
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

My brother you and pansophist and a few here always make comments that take me straight into the third heavens and back. What an audacious truth. God bless your wisdom. More oil

Planet3xi:
My brother you and pansophist and a few here always make comments that take me straight into the third heavens and back. What an audacious truth. God bless your wisdom. More oil

Amen

Planning, partnership, being organised