₦airaland Forum

Robbin7:
What about rushing into having children?
Without enough time for you to bond and enjoy your union together before the distraction from kids starts to set in.

Children are not distractions.
I used to think that way, but I know better now, children are like more glue to the bond.

I've been making the number 1 mistake unaware of its implications in the future.

Ijaycool:
Children are not distractions.
I used to think that way, but I know better now, children are like more glue to the bond.

When I say distraction, I didn’t mean it in an insultive or negative way, i’m Trying to say, with kids around your attention and time gets divided.

gisthabit:
https://gisthabit.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/couples-1.jpg

This article is of great necessity. It was conceived out the experiences of the people around me.
Saying goodbye to the world of singles and moving into the world of the married entails a lot of sacrifices and intelligent decisions.
Most times, newly married couples commit to terrible mistakes that can cause their children and partner great pain in the nearest future.
If you are just got married or intending to then I advise you go through this article paying attention to details so as to avoid making avoidable mistakes in your marriage.

3 Costly Mistakes Couples Do In Marriage

#1. Not Changing Your Next Of Kin

My heart is always heavy with sorrow whenever I remember what some people have gone through and are still passing through because they forgot to change their next of kin immediately after marriage.

For me, these consequences were avoidable if only the concerned parties did the right thing at the right time.

Never take issues concerning who you use as your next of kin for granted. In fact for a married woman or man, your next of kin should be your partner or any of your children.

Entrusting the future of your family to your brother or even a total stranger all in the name of next of kin is a grave mistake that no one should ever commit.

I have a friend of mine (may God rest his soul) who for some reasons forgot to change his next of kin to his wife after marriage. He died after some years leaving his wife and two lovely children behind.

Because his brother was his next of kin, his employer paid his terminal benefits running into millions of naira to him. As at the time of writing this article, his brother has only given the sum of 500,000 naira to the wife since the passing away of the man in 2015.

I don’t want to go on with the treatment being meted on the woman and her children and how the landed property of the late man was taken over by his brother.

The long and short of this is that you should take the bold step by changing your next of kin to your spouse or child. Make that decision now and act immediately.

#2. Hiding Your Investments from Your Spouse

To some people, I know this may sound funny. But the reality is that even in these modern times, some couples hid from each other their personal investments and assets.

Let me remind you that the union of marriage makes the man and the woman a single individual.

This by implication is that you shouldn’t keep anything from the other person. You can begin by having joint assets and properties with your partner. You can also decide to open a joint bank account with your partner.

By so doing, the partner will suffer little or no loss in the event of the death of the other. Check yourself to see if you fall under this category and then make efforts to address the issue.

#3. Agreeing That Only One Person Should Be Working

Apart from the financial benefits that come with working, there is also the exposure and boldness that come with it.

Unfortunately, some couples for one reason or the other decides that one of them (mostly the woman) shouldn't work.

This kind of decision can be catastrophic. As a matter of reality, most idle women find it difficult to cope when their husband dies.

They don’t even know where to start from especially when the kids are still small and are in need of financial care.

I have also seen a situation when a very rich man died and left all his money for the idle wife. Because of her inexperience and lack of exposure, she was unable to manage the resources and businesses left for her by the late husband.

She ended up allowing outsiders come in to help her manage the businesses. I am very sure that your guess is as good as mine, the supposed manager ran the business aground and disappeared with a chunk of money leaving her miserable and helpless.

If you find this article very helpful kindly help educate others who might be making the same mistakes by sharing the article to them. Kindly use any of the share options available.


Source: https://gisthabit.com/3-costly-mistakes-couples-do-in-marriage/

RUBBISH

Robbin7:
You don’t have to wait forever but I just think the idea of people getting married and barely 1 year they already carrying a child, I think it’s quite early, the couple should take time to understand theirselves as a couple and master the dynamics that come with it. Not a golden run anyways but it’s just my opinion.
I have had thoughts and imaginations of what marriage can be like and I’m trying not to make some obvious mistakes.

You are right and you have a point

chilling for like a year plus before expecting could help

Robbin7:
What about rushing into having children?
Without enough time for you to bond and enjoy your union together before the distraction from kids starts to set in.

Time to bond keh? what were you doing during the courtship? Guy! by the time you are sure enough to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage, you suppose don finish bonding, na cementing remaining which will be done by the children. if you can't bond with a woman, don't even think of marriage with her.

francescainnoce:
this is a very great post and I think very necessary for the new generation couple.
I always maintain that this life is very simple; if only we do the things we should and adequately too.
very great post and don't forget about the Insurance.

always get insurance; life insurance, family cover for you and your household. its very important.n

Well said

Why are all your points centered on investment and economic gains. ..as someone rightly said above_rushing to have kids without building a friendship bond with your wife.

This thread makes so much emphasis on the death of the male spouse. I expected more though, but still an informative one.

Why most working class women use their children as their next of kin and not their husband?

bigiyaro:
Time to bond keh? what were you doing during the courtship? Guy! by the time you are sure enough to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage, you suppose don finish bonding, na cementing remaining which will be done by the children. if you can't bond with a woman, don't even think of marriage with her.

Trust me you gonna discover a whole lot of other things about your spouse when the kids start coming and no length of courtship can reveal such things.

Except you are of the school of thought who believe having children is the sole purpose of getting married.

I think the guy has a point

Story, my next of kin will remain my sister untill my child reach certain age
As for investment my wife is not suppose to know everything i have until after 10yrs of wedding anniversary

N haven't u seen a case where a wife killed her husband because de next of King is written in de woman's name. Pls. Brother everything for dis life na luck.
For me de first thing wen u get married is to observe de woman's character at least for a decade b4 u think of changing de next of kin.
#Fear woman of this days after God.

FrankFrenzy:
Being next of kin to a bank account holder doesn't make you in any way an heir or the sole heir of the proceeds or funds in a deceased account. That's one mistake we always make, you can be the next of kin to deceased whereas I went ahead to get the letter of administration and death certificate of the deceased. In that case I become automatically the heir and will have unfettered access to all his bank accounts irrespective of me being next of kin or not.

Yes, that of bank accounts is true, but what about estates, terminal benefits and others can the letter of admin cover that even when there is a next of kin?

Very intelligent write up.

hahn:
Op what can you do when your spouse, female or male, refuses to work because the other partner is earning money?

You marry a spouse whose goals aligns with yours

bigiyaro:
Time to bond keh? what were you doing during the courtship? Guy! by the time you are sure enough to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage, you suppose don finish bonding, na cementing remaining which will be done by the children. if you can't bond with a woman, don't even think of marriage with her.

bigiyaro:
Time to bond keh? what were you doing during the courtship? Guy! by the time you are sure enough to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage, you suppose don finish bonding, na cementing remaining which will be done by the children. if you can't bond with a woman, don't even think of marriage with her.

Lol!
Marriage is actually a different ball game entirely from dating/courtship.
In dating or courtship the family are not involved as it is in marriages. (Fact)
It is very easy to leave a relationship. There are some decisions you will take and people will hail you dat you did it in your best interest. But when you do same in marriages people will blame it on negligence and lack of love for you partner.

Robbin7:
When I say distraction, I didn’t mean it in an insultive or negative way, i’m Trying to say, with kids around your attention and time gets divided.

I've always liked this line of thought too. A year of knowing each other more and sharing nice times together can be great for newly wedded. There is always a difference between courtship and marriage. That's people who have dated for many years will get married and notice some things they didn't notice during courtship. But you know how Nigerians are - we have a herd mentality of doing everything in a conventional way whether it is reasonable or not.

gisthabit:
https://gisthabit.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/couples-1.jpg

This article is of great necessity. It was conceived out the experiences of the people around me.
Saying goodbye to the world of singles and moving into the world of the married entails a lot of sacrifices and intelligent decisions.
Most times, newly married couples commit to terrible mistakes that can cause their children and partner great pain in the nearest future.
If you are just got married or intending to then I advise you go through this article paying attention to details so as to avoid making avoidable mistakes in your marriage.

3 Costly Mistakes Couples Do In Marriage

#1. Not Changing Your Next Of Kin

My heart is always heavy with sorrow whenever I remember what some people have gone through and are still passing through because they forgot to change their next of kin immediately after marriage.

For me, these consequences were avoidable if only the concerned parties did the right thing at the right time.

Never take issues concerning who you use as your next of kin for granted. In fact for a married woman or man, your next of kin should be your partner or any of your children.

Entrusting the future of your family to your brother or even a total stranger all in the name of next of kin is a grave mistake that no one should ever commit.

I have a friend of mine (may God rest his soul) who for some reasons forgot to change his next of kin to his wife after marriage. He died after some years leaving his wife and two lovely children behind.

Because his brother was his next of kin, his employer paid his terminal benefits running into millions of naira to him. As at the time of writing this article, his brother has only given the sum of 500,000 naira to the wife since the passing away of the man in 2015.

I don’t want to go on with the treatment being meted on the woman and her children and how the landed property of the late man was taken over by his brother.

The long and short of this is that you should take the bold step by changing your next of kin to your spouse or child. Make that decision now and act immediately.

#2. Hiding Your Investments from Your Spouse

To some people, I know this may sound funny. But the reality is that even in these modern times, some couples hid from each other their personal investments and assets.

Let me remind you that the union of marriage makes the man and the woman a single individual.

This by implication is that you shouldn’t keep anything from the other person. You can begin by having joint assets and properties with your partner. You can also decide to open a joint bank account with your partner.

By so doing, the partner will suffer little or no loss in the event of the death of the other. Check yourself to see if you fall under this category and then make efforts to address the issue.

#3. Agreeing That Only One Person Should Be Working

Apart from the financial benefits that come with working, there is also the exposure and boldness that come with it.

Unfortunately, some couples for one reason or the other decides that one of them (mostly the woman) shouldn't work.

This kind of decision can be catastrophic. As a matter of reality, most idle women find it difficult to cope when their husband dies.

They don’t even know where to start from especially when the kids are still small and are in need of financial care.

I have also seen a situation when a very rich man died and left all his money for the idle wife. Because of her inexperience and lack of exposure, she was unable to manage the resources and businesses left for her by the late husband.

She ended up allowing outsiders come in to help her manage the businesses. I am very sure that your guess is as good as mine, the supposed manager ran the business aground and disappeared with a chunk of money leaving her miserable and helpless.

If you find this article very helpful kindly help educate others who might be making the same mistakes by sharing the article to them. Kindly use any of the share options available.


Source: https://gisthabit.com/3-costly-mistakes-couples-do-in-marriage/

If you know you can’t forgive your partner, please don’t just think of marriage because it won’t work

Check my signature to migrate to Canada

rchilee:
You marry a spouse whose goals aligns with yours

What if the spouse's goals changes after marriage?

Sard:
I've always liked this line of thought too. A year of knowing each other more and sharing nice times together can be great for newly wedded. There is always a difference between courtship and marriage. That's people who have dated for many years will get married and notice some things they didn't notice during courtship. But you know how Nigerians are - we have a herd mentality of doing everything in a conventional way whether it is reasonable or not.

Yeah.

chris31:
Story, my next of kin will remain my sister untill my child reach certain age
As for investment my wife is not suppose to know everything i have until after 10yrs of wedding anniversary

You are very intelligent.
I like that.

Are you an Igbo guy.

Afonjas:
NICE

This girl takes sense worwor sha.

FrankFrenzy:
Being next of kin to a bank account holder doesn't make you in any way an heir or the sole heir of the proceeds or funds in a deceased account. That's one mistake we always make, you can be the next of kin to deceased whereas I went ahead to get the letter of administration and death certificate of the deceased. In that case I become automatically the heir and will have unfettered access to all his bank accounts irrespective of me being next of kin or not.

Yes next of kin doesn't make one entitled to the wealth left behind.

But it's a lie that anybody can be granted letters of administration.

So a friend can go and get it and will now have access?

Anybody can't be given letters of administration.

The law regulates those entitled to it.

Nice enlightenment

mascot345:
You are very intelligent.
I like that.

Are you an Igbo guy.

Pure Igbo guy
Nwanne

No. 3 is arguable.
What is the point of both couples chasing rats in the rat race while their kids grow up with house-helps and other strangers; and maybe the income of one of them can comfortably support the family? But no, everyone is looking for career and personal fulfillment.
But I am not in the mood for argument. The way you make your bed is the way you lie on it . . .

Robbin7:
Lol!
Marriage is actually a different ball game entirely from dating/courtship.
In dating or courtship the family are not involved as it is in marriages. (Fact)
It is very easy to leave a relationship. There are some decisions you will take and people will hail you dat you did it in your best interest. But when you do same in marriages people will blame it on negligence and lack of love for you partner.

it is not! family is involved in the marriage how? my friend, marriage starts from friendship.

bigiyaro:
it is not! family is involved in the marriage how? my friend, marriage starts from friendship.

Yes marriage starts from friendship but it’s way way beyond friendship.
Sacrifices and hard decisions you won’t make for your girlfriend, you will easily make dem for you wife or husband.
When i said family is involved in marriage I didn’t mean, they dictate what happens in the marriage (even though sometimes they do), I only meant to say, when you are married, the family point of view impresses on your decision to some extent.
Like when you dating a girl/guy, the parents don’t call you, you don’t call the parents (in most cases) but in a marriage the case is different.
When you are married, you in-laws come to visit you, but when you are dating, you don’t have your spouses parents coming to your house.
All of these things have a slight subliminal effect on your marriage if you consider it deeply.
Just stating my opinion, I may be very wrong.