₦airaland Forum

Treasured4eva:
Hey,you really got me wrong.I still run the house because I have a business,just that we had to readjust due to the economic trends.
My kids still attend the same school.I only owe part of the fees which is nothing compared to what I've paid.

I don't think owing about 50k out of about 250k is a big deal.I always transfer the money to her so she could pay to the school,but she decided to embarrass me by letting the school call me.

She has never paid my kids school fees or taken over my responsibilities as the father.Been broke really has levels my brother.

The worse of it all is that ,between December and now,I've spent close to a million both for rent and the family. I even have an on going building project gulping money.Where did I go wrong?

Daeylar:
Nah I consider that sexism just kidding



Lool, it's all right.



But you didn't state that.

It was general, why did you now see the need to state that men are marrying semi professional harlots? Especially since you recognise that male semi professional harlots are marrying female semi professional harlots?

Cheers

DrTee1:
OK. I've learnt one new thing today: . A massage room is a necessity in my project.

By the way, Mrs loves a massage - and I suck at it so badly, not because I'm not medically inclined to understand it, but because we are both tired after the day's work and night bath for me to resume that responsibility before finally sleeping! I guess she'll say a quick prayer for you if she ever gets to see this - the man who convinced Baba to consider massaging a priority.

That said, there are good people in this world. People who are responsibly oriented in thoughts and actions at all times. There are people who are Christians and Muslims (I live by the Christian Faith by the way) or even traditional religious people - who live morally upright lives. Yes. It may be rare, but I've seen it. I also try to live the life.

In the western world, it is more common than it is in Black Africa. Ironically, there is less focus on religiosity in the developed world as it is in the significantly-corrupt Black Africa.

DrTee1:
I must have written several dozen sentences attending to both genders. I possibly didn't wrote the exact sentence you wanted to read but that's not taking anything away from my intention or the message of my contributions directed towards both genders.

mercy87:
Oh my God ..I love this man already. So there are men like this on nairaland.

Capensis:
Hahahahaha. Very few humans are ready to win in life. I got the secret key to success in everything in life, so marriage is just one of what I am good at.

Treasured4eva:
If I say I'm perfect,I lie.As a man,I do all I can to give my family the best I can afford.

She's always been like that even before we got married.I never wanted to marry her but my mum made me rethink my decision. That's the worse decision I ever made in my life.

ThothHermes:
What da heck

How did God make it clear to you? Exactly


Whatever may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that one cannot live a truly fulfilling life unless one is rich -- Wallace Wattles.

grafixdon:
What kidda advice is this? The man said he's jobless you're advising him to buy massage table of 300k. You're practically telling him to worship his wife and his life should evolve around her. It's doesn't work that way, she'll take advantage.

OP. I'll not advice you to leave your wife because of the kids, but you deserve to be happy. Don't kill yourself to satisfy any woman,

OmoAlata1:
[s]You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me[/s]

mhd5757:
It is not a must to be rich the most important thing is to have enough to feed, take care of yourself and pay bills, there are alot of people that are not rich but they are still living their lives and managing with what they have to make do, being rich may make me happier but I can still manage to be happy without being rich as long as I can still afford to pay for necessities.

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

Treasured4eva:
I've never been happy for almost 8 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids.I wake up everyday asking God how I got entangled with the worse woman I've ever met in my life.

I'm a very responsible and decent man who provides for his family.My family has always been my priority, but my wife's disrespectful attitude towards me has rendered me hopeless,shattered and broken.

She insults me at any slightest argument,raises her voice to attract the attention of neighbours and the kids whenever we have a misunderstanding.She hates been talked to,even if she's wrong.

I have my own imperfections too as a man,but it really baffles me when a woman you paid her bride price sees you as trash,challenges you in a very rebellious and arrogant manner for the whole time you've ever spent with her.

My kids has been the ones keeping me from leaving the marriage since I've complained to virtually all her family members yet it seems to be worse. I die in silence and pains everyday.

My wife can't serve me food with water to wash my hands,I'll always go and wash my hands myself and mostly take the plates back to the kitchen if the maid didn't do it.She has never asked why I rejected a particular food,she'll just take it away without remorse.

I'm just nothing to her and her family members. Her sister even called me to warn and threaten me one certain time we had problem.It even became worse when she got a job,I'm a laughing stock because I lost my job.

I usually send her money to pay the kids fees,I was owing some little amount this term,surprisingly,the gave the school accountant my number to embarrass me.

I've come to realize that any woman disloyal to her husband definitely has someone she's loyal to and if you don't let her go,she might end up killing you or you do the unthinkable out of frustration.

Divorce might not be the best way to end an unhappy marriage,but it can surely prolong the lives of the couples involved. Kids will surely grow into adults someday to understand things. This is my point of no return.

She started as a terrible girlfriend and ended as a bad wife.I pray my daughters don't ever take after their mother because I can't wish a fellow man what I've experienced for almost 8 years.No body should ever marry a man or woman with flaws thinking they'll change with time;they don't change,they only get worse.

Lots of people are really misquoting me.I only lost a high paying job but still got a very big business which is already yielding income,just that my spending pattern changed.I still run all aspects of mybhome.

My wife's money remains her business and she's not mandated to spend it on me or the family.I truly assist her to the best of my ability in domestic chores and otherwise.

She's a very bad tempered woman that doesn't regard or respect me and that's where the problem lies.My only crime is that I wanted respect from her.

Treasured4eva:
I've never been happy for almost 8 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids.I wake up everyday asking God how I got entangled with the worse woman I've ever met in my life.

I'm a very responsible and decent man who provides for his family.My family has always been my priority, but my wife's disrespectful attitude towards me has rendered me hopeless,shattered and broken.

She insults me at any slightest argument,raises her voice to attract the attention of neighbours and the kids whenever we have a misunderstanding.She hates been talked to,even if she's wrong.

I have my own imperfections too as a man,but it really baffles me when a woman you paid her bride price sees you as trash,challenges you in a very rebellious and arrogant manner for the whole time you've ever spent with her.

My kids has been the ones keeping me from leaving the marriage since I've complained to virtually all her family members yet it seems to be worse. I die in silence and pains everyday.

My wife can't serve me food with water to wash my hands,I'll always go and wash my hands myself and mostly take the plates back to the kitchen if the maid didn't do it.She has never asked why I rejected a particular food,she'll just take it away without remorse.

I'm just nothing to her and her family members. Her sister even called me to warn and threaten me one certain time we had problem.It even became worse when she got a job,I'm a laughing stock because I lost my job.

I usually send her money to pay the kids fees,I was owing some little amount this term,surprisingly,the gave the school accountant my number to embarrass me.

I've come to realize that any woman disloyal to her husband definitely has someone she's loyal to and if you don't let her go,she might end up killing you or you do the unthinkable out of frustration.

Divorce might not be the best way to end an unhappy marriage,but it can surely prolong the lives of the couples involved. Kids will surely grow into adults someday to understand things. This is my point of no return.

She started as a terrible girlfriend and ended as a bad wife.I pray my daughters don't ever take after their mother because I can't wish a fellow man what I've experienced for almost 8 years.No body should ever marry a man or woman with flaws thinking they'll change with time;they don't change,they only get worse.

Lots of people are really misquoting me.I only lost a high paying job but still got a very big business which is already yielding income,just that my spending pattern changed.I still run all aspects of mybhome.

My wife's money remains her business and she's not mandated to spend it on me or the family.I truly assist her to the best of my ability in domestic chores and otherwise.

She's a very bad tempered woman that doesn't regard or respect me and that's where the problem lies.My only crime is that I wanted respect from her.

delugadou:
please help a brother here. I have a girlfriend who I'm still trying to understand. what signs should I look out for in a terrible girlfriend?

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

Equal2DeTask:



I pity u man.


now I understand why some people don't care about marriage.

OmoAlata1:
See advise lol orisirisi

dante0147:
Someone started as a terrible girl friend and you thought you could fix her ?Man not all that glitters is Gold

Capensis:
Will you pay attention and stop this victim mentality. It is either you will take advise, since you brought this matter to the court of public opinion, or you will narrate your experience, believe your wife is the worst woman and conclude that you are leaving a marriage. You are sounding emotional and your feedback system has totally clouded your judgment.

Pay attention:
Being a husband is a full-time job. Just like any job, it comes with serious responsibilities and repercussions if you fail to understand how the game is played.

1. It is your responsibility to get the money, pay the rent, pay kids school fees. You are the chief medical officer of your home, so everyone's health including your wife's and kids', are under your care.

2. You are the chief security officer of your home, you must check that all doors are locked at night and ensure the safety of everyone in the family.

3. You are the chief romance officer, you must master how to play women with sweet words, give her massage every evening, and make sweet love to her during the massage sessions, and I mean this. Get a massage table, it goes for about 180K to 300K for a good one. If you cant afford that, then buy massage mat. Prepare the oil and get some candles.

4. You must join her in the kitchen, even if there is a maid to do the chores and help her out, you must learn this. Wash those plates sometimes.

5. You must lie down with that woman on bed after sex, hold her face, and tell her truths and lies of how you love her. Then if you have nothing more to day, do some gossiping with her. Stroke her nicely and tell her how hard you are working to ensure your family is financial stable for the next 100 years.

6. You must stop thinking like your ancestors. Define your own path and ignore customary and traditional ways of running your home. Times have changed. Why wont you fetch water and wash your own hand. Seems she is the one doing all the kitchen work and you are the African man waiting to be served. It is not mandatory, besides do you know if her mother used to serve her father that way? It might be she got a different kind of training.

7. Do not ever think you have done enough, cos you havent done jack. If you feel that your wife is cheating, then rent a place somewhere else and move towards a different location. It does not matter if you own the house you are living now. Go and rent someplace nice for a year and move there and change your children's school so as to forget the shame and embarrassment your quarrel may have caused. If it is your house, you can return back after a year.

8. Always remember that most women are like babies. You must master how to lie to them if you know that truth will hurt. Learn all those skills from yahoo boys how they control white women and use it for your marriage. If you do it right, your wife might be giving your pocket money sometimes and you all will fall in love again.

You think your wife is bad? You have no idea. No one will tell you what is going on in their homes.

Master how to manipulate women, and you will control them like a intimacy gadget.

Capensis:
Will you pay attention and stop this victim mentality. It is either you will take advise, since you brought this matter to the court of public opinion, or you will narrate your experience, believe your wife is the worst woman and conclude that you are leaving a marriage. You are sounding emotional and your feedback system has totally clouded your judgment.

Pay attention:
Being a husband is a full-time job. Just like any job, it comes with serious responsibilities and repercussions if you fail to understand how the game is played.

1. It is your responsibility to get the money, pay the rent, pay kids school fees. You are the chief medical officer of your home, so everyone's health including your wife's and kids', are under your care.

2. You are the chief security officer of your home, you must check that all doors are locked at night and ensure the safety of everyone in the family.

3. You are the chief romance officer, you must master how to play women with sweet words, give her massage every evening, and make sweet love to her during the massage sessions, and I mean this. Get a massage table, it goes for about 180K to 300K for a good one. If you cant afford that, then buy massage mat. Prepare the oil and get some candles.

4. You must join her in the kitchen, even if there is a maid to do the chores and help her out, you must learn this. Wash those plates sometimes.

5. You must lie down with that woman on bed after sex, hold her face, and tell her truths and lies of how you love her. Then if you have nothing more to day, do some gossiping with her. Stroke her nicely and tell her how hard you are working to ensure your family is financial stable for the next 100 years.

6. You must stop thinking like your ancestors. Define your own path and ignore customary and traditional ways of running your home. Times have changed. Why wont you fetch water and wash your own hand. Seems she is the one doing all the kitchen work and you are the African man waiting to be served. It is not mandatory, besides do you know if her mother used to serve her father that way? It might be she got a different kind of training.

7. Do not ever think you have done enough, cos you havent done jack. If you feel that your wife is cheating, then rent a place somewhere else and move towards a different location. It does not matter if you own the house you are living now. Go and rent someplace nice for a year and move there and change your children's school so as to forget the shame and embarrassment your quarrel may have caused. If it is your house, you can return back after a year.

8. Always remember that most women are like babies. You must master how to lie to them if you know that truth will hurt. Learn all those skills from yahoo boys how they control white women and use it for your marriage. If you do it right, your wife might be giving your pocket money sometimes and you all will fall in love again.

You think your wife is bad? You have no idea. No one will tell you what is going on in their homes.

Master how to manipulate women, and you will control them like a intimacy gadget.

DrTee1:
Thank you, Sir.

Kindly permit me to make a few clarifications.

I think that your comments above, which I captioned as some strategic role-playing in a bad marriage are best only for a bad marriage and only for a short period. Indeed, they aren't sustainable on a long term basis. No man can pretend for too long. No human being, especially in marriage, can pretend for too long. Pretence and such deceitful existence are only possible in flings or short-term relationships. In that case, playboys and playgirls would excel.

Also, I personally think that deceit, lies and such falsehood, while they may be fanciful and attractive, are usually unsustainable. To cover one lie, a man or woman needs another 7 lies and on and on. All structures built on foundations of deceit and slothfulness are but friable and cannot genuinely stand the test of time. the test of time in this OP's case is about 5 - 8 years of marriage, that's inferring or assuming that his last child is 2-3 years and he had been coping fairly nicely in marriage until then. so when you say that you could/would take all the women/wives of men who do not follow certain life rules that you have posited, I think you may indeed achieve all that - but for a short period of time.


Eventually, the hen would come to roost and you would find all your strategy, where it involves fiction, lies, deceit and make-belief, to be castles built on sand. The scales would fall off the eyes of the woman eventually and she would either port or begin to misbehave - or the man would dump her before the scales finally fall - thus completing a circle and bringing everything back to square 1.

In essence, I think that while I appreciate all that you wrote in your initial comment which I quoted, I think they are are possibly short term measures for anyone who has lost his job and found himself in a loveless marriage. It wouldn't work for, say Femi Otedola or Akinwunmi Ambode, for example. Where would you expect a successful business tycoon who has a very dutiful and supportive wife to expect her husband to massage her at home on a 300k massage table every day? Or to have sex and tell sweet eyeball-to-eyeball stories thereafter on daily basis?

So in essence, I encourage everyone to be honest and live by upright moral values (at all times) to himself or herself. Deceit/fiction/falsehood might 'win' for a short period, but at the end, 'na' always "God (go) win." Yoruba people say " Ti iro ba sa lo fun ogun odun, ojo kan soso looto yoo ba." When literally translated, that means "Even if falsehood reigns for 20 years, it would take only a day for the lie to be busted and the truth would be revealed."

Like attracts like. For singles out there, if you are good and conduct yourself in a responsible and morally upright manner in your doings, you are unlikely to marry a wolf-like character - except you didn't do your due diligence in dating, or you allowed fanciful things or some blind/illogical spirituality or some inordinate counsel make lifetime decisions of marriage for you. Let each man or woman use his or her brain. Marriage is some real deal and each person would be in it[b] alone[/b] with his/her spouse.

Anything false/untrue/ingenuine/counterfeit, whether in character or action, would never stand the test of time - and it is always important that people planning to go into successful marriages know this. Don't ever go out of your way to impress a lady/man. Be yourself. For every woman, there is a man - and vice-versa. Who sang that song? Adekunle Gold "There is a woman for every man..."

P.S:

For the good lady who picked out only one line of the several lines I wrote to label misogyny, I leave that to posterity to judge. If anything at all, I fully believe in gender equality and affirm that men and women, husband as well as wives, are EXACTLY equal before the law - and the homefront and the general society should be run with that knowledge at the back of everyone's minds. As many rights and privileges as a woman has directly or indirectly, a man should be allowed to enjoy - and women with mental and/or operational capacity should never be denied any placement/opportunity solely on the basis of their distinct gender - and vice-versa.