₦airaland Forum

Malawian:
You have made another error and our women will just be laughing at our gullibility. Exactly what makes you think they don't think things through before going ahead with it? Believe me when i tell you this, They have thought of it all and informing you before hand was just to cover their bases. If you think she wasn't intended to go have something fishy out there, why would she fight you for expressing your misgivings?

uuzba:
But didn't the OP see all this behaviour during dating time?
This is why it is very important to spend time with your spouse when dating. Go to cinema. Do different activities together. You will surely see her phone WhatsApp and all nonsense she's pressing. Then you can decide whether to marry or abandon.

But una no dey hear. Dating = Sex for you.
Sex is a kind of covenant. Once you sex with someone, you have formed Covent with that person that will affect and messup your head no matter where you run to in this world.

tesppidd:

pansophist:
You tolerate too much. Since you had allowed her visit her ex at first, stopping her will be harder.
Exactly what I was thinking. What I have noticed about
women is that sometimes, they take actions without
understanding the scope of its consequences, focusing only
on their own frame, and not the whole picture. Like a
chicken happily eating the lined grain in front of her,
unrealising that it leads to a trap she most cases than not,
won't escape from. And if something bad happens, she and
society will blame you for allowing such practice from her,
as the mantle of leadership has been given to you, and you
didn't stand your ground during the waves.
In marriage, some things should be a complete knockout, a
no-go area that must not be tolerated, and keeping contact
with exes should be part of it. These are sacrifices parties
must make for the flourishment of their marriage, and if both
parties will not understand and accept this stone fact, then
they are not ripe for the matrimonial institution. Breakups
are usually on account of irreconcilable differences, making
two people go their separate ways, how come she is still in
peaceful contact with not only one, but more than one of her
exes, even to a point of disregarding your feelings, the
integrity and respect of your marriage, even after repeated
warnings? This doesn't seem right.
You should from now henceforth, sternly make it clear that
you will not tolerate any of such visits again, and make her
understand that there are consequences, which must be
enforced if she tries to test your backbone (which she will).
For the meantime, you may report her to people you know
she has respect for (e.g her parents, pastors, etc), making
them also understand the consequences you will take it she
repeats such next time. A complex problem requires
complex solutions.
Lastly, and most importantly, to be able to project your
mantle of leadership, you MUST make sure that your
traditional duties and responsibilities as are a man are met
(the 5 P's), especially to Preside (lead), protect, provide,
produce and penetrate (good sex). It is unnegotiable. If after
you've done all these, and see no changes, well, I leave to
you to take solutions you deem sufficient and accept that
you can't change people if they do want to. Goodluck.

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

Oyindidi:
She may not be doing anything yet. The problem I see is a woman being childish. She MAY change

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

egojeny1:
Abeg mk una teach me how to clone someone's phone

Quorax:
Ruddyman500, give her the silent treatment. Nothing gets to a woman than silence.


Also stop eat I'm not her food. Cook ur meals urself or eat outside.

Thank me later.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Lies. I don't even have any ex number. Onward March code.

Celestial777:
What you don't know about this kind of girls is that once they are after you they will spend there own money for you. Give you sex like say na food.
Years back i have a girl store my name with future husband. Where she has other guys name stored as sweet heart and the rest. I only have sex with this girl once in a month with a lot of campaign and manifestos
Little did I know that there is a guy who is a guy that bleep her on the go. I got to know that the guy store her name as sure pussy. I was told by her co tenant that once the guy come around to sleep in her hostel na hard hard Bleep after the guy done smoke igbo finish.
Then jedi jedi won kill me as i like chocolate and cakes so much. My younger sister is a baker so i get enough pastries.
Baba this sugry stuff no even dey allow my dick enter govt house before it deliver its promises.
I notice the electorate (my girl friend) don t like it that way cos she will want me to demolish buildings and build new road like apc govt.
But sugars will not let me and my woman has turn herself to freelance journalist.
While we are planning our introduction.
She never complain once about me cos she is addicted to them outside and it seems all her anti party activities are in born
When I discovered all this I just suspend her like they did to Amosun and Okorocha
I move on.

Randy100:
Truth be said friend, you are insecure. Trust her for once in your life, if you caught her cheating on you then, you can kick her ass out of the marriage.

Ugosample:
this advice you gave is the BEST.

DanDeeBoss:
FIXED

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

STRENGTHesq:



Shut the f**k up
By their names we shall know them. Trust kor trust ni

Like you're one of her exes. See as you the champion her infidelity cause

pansophist:
Lol, I deleted it from the first page of the thread, didn't expect it to go to the front page.

pansophist:
What I have noticed about women is that sometimes, they take actions without understanding the scope of its consequences, focusing only on their own frame, and not the whole picture. Like a chicken happily eating the lined grain in front of her, unrealising that it leads to a trap she most cases than not, won't escape from. And if something bad happens, she and society will blame you for allowing such practice from her, as the mantle of leadership has been given to you, and you didn't stand your ground during the waves.

In marriage, some things should be a complete knockout, a no-go area that must not be tolerated, and keeping contact with exes should be part of it. These are sacrifices parties must make for the flourishment of their marriage, and if both parties will not understand and accept this stone fact, then they are not ripe for the matrimonial institution. Breakups are usually on account of irreconcilable differences, making two people go their separate ways, how come she is still in peaceful contact with not only one, but more than one of her exes, even to a point of disregarding your feelings, the integrity and respect of your marriage, even after repeated warnings? This doesn't seem right.

You should from now henceforth, sternly make it clear that you will not tolerate any of such visits again, and make her understand that there are consequences, which must be enforced if she tries to test your backbone (which she will). For the meantime, you may report her to people you know she has respect for (e.g her parents, pastors, etc), making them also understand the consequences you will take it she repeats such next time.

pedrilo:
some women get fish brain aswear.
I fccked someone girlfriend yesterday so bad and i started feeling sorry for the guy.
pressed her breast so much i thought they'll burst.
guys dnt allow ur gf stray, some guys got game so tight mhen and ur babe may not realized wen she got fccked and dumped like a used sanitary pad.
i felt sad for my victim yesterday.
trust no one guys. i say trust no one

15ssDRIVE:
Baba,Woman Na the only sword with multiple edges. As in Na Baba God Dey give person wife,no
Matter of I sabi choose.

At this stage,the 2 options is peace,peace,peace.

Just Dey watch like Mumu,senior people says. Suru lafi se Oko obirin.

She go begin fear,when she realize that no more,questioning or counter arguments.

When she says,I am going to Ibadan. Tell am safe trip,may God go with you.

If she want go kafancha.... Salam alaikum.

She want go New York,tell am make she greet Donald trump for you.

Try to engage yourself in some hobbies,that needs time and attention.

For me as Igbo smoker...... I just Dey watch you like Dele Giwa.Till the day way,Gods kingdom go come in our life.

ruddyman500:
i honestly think so bro but i dont want to rush into taking rash decisions cos i know myself very well i do stand by any decision i make and nobody can change my mind on it

beatcoins:
Please tell, are you married or speaking from a single's view of marriage?

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take