₦airaland Forum

victorian:
Oga, you are not tall dark and handsome. Talk true make devil shame.

Anyways I understand what she's going through. Cause I almost got myself entrapped in such kind of marriage but counselling with my Pastor saved me on-time.
I'm not saying u are a bad person, neither am I saying u are ugly but the thing is this : you can be someonelse dream man , perfect and Denzel looking to another woman except your wife. Your wife has the idea of how her ideal man should look like.
Not all women are tall, dark and handsome as their ideal looking man. Some prefer average height, natural for looks with a muscular or athletic body. That's why God created us in different shapes and sizes.
And your wife who got married in her 30s must have seen it all, got heartbroken by the kind of guys, she would have love to marry and settle down with. But reality dawned on her, such guys won't make A good husband to her. Then u strolled along into life, she realised u are serious with marriage. She checked herself, she's not getting younger, what da heck! Lemme marry. I will simply resign my self to this marriage as long as I have a family with him. Who cares about happiness and love. Most marriages sef are just there.
And with what friends will always ring into our ears everyday. Marriage is not about love, it's about marrying a man who is ready and capable to stay married. Just be humble and calm, have your kids and have a business or career going for yourself. That's all. We don't always marry who we wish to marry and here we are with our kids. You cannot be selective anymore, forget about falling in love and just Marry!
That's exactly how your wife feels. She's resigned to her fate with u. She cannot leave u, cos she's determined to stay married. Her happiness is irrelevant as long as she's Mrs.

What a life


In my own case, I stopped myself on-time from marrying the guy who proposed to me, after opening my heart to my Pastor. My Pastor said do I want to be lifeless in the marriage, I said no with tears almost running down my cheeks. He said good, then don't marry him, cos u will regret it. Tell him kindly u simply don't love him, which is the truth. There and then I felt so free and alive, I even felt like hugging the pastor with so much joy! Lol
I told the guy, I'm sorry dear, I can't go thru with it. And I don't regret it. I feel free and alive! . I don't care about my age. I just want to feel at peace wit my soul and being.

Pkingman:
Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

Sije:
People react differently to various situations.

Mr. Oga, no one has ever gotten it all.

For situations like yours, it is very likely to conclude as you have only given us ur view.

Dont let her actions dissuade you.

Many wld luv a wife like yours, i d say she's spercial.

From your discription, she only shades you from her social life , and you feel bad about it?

Wld u want it the other way around? No i think.
Wld u want her to have up evry where for ppl to see but privately hates being around u?

Accept her for what ever she may do to you socially and see it as her for now.

Time changes evrytin,
Support her the best you can,
Ignore her lapses since they are not putting u or ur children in danger.

Pray for her always
Luv her the best you can.

Dont have a negative mind towards her.
Be her man.

Uncle, no one is perfect, even you.

Trust me, what u have u may never value until u loose it.

Your marraige is more important than your social entitlement.

I wld really love a woman as ur wife.
One that keeps me secret from the world.
One that dose not take me or my children to social media.
One that wants a small simple marriage.
One that dose not cheat on me.
One that dose take life simple. Bro, count ursef a lucky man!

I hope my review was helpful

UyaiIncomparabl:
You didn't read the part that she shows off her child, parents and siblings, right?

PaulAris:
Ladies and their maked-up mind, so beautiful!
[Paragraph 1]; You know, I was gonna tell you I was not interested in knowing.
But then he told me how you know all these things, so I just gave a grin to myself saying of course.

[Paragraph 2]; Women!

[Paragraph 3]; You know you could be charged to court or given subpoena for your comprehensive skills, its preposterous.

[Paragraph 4]; Aww, how cute.
I could give you a hug right now if only you were

Pkingman:
...so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

Pkingman:
In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but.
..?

Ishilove:
She is not abnormal. She is just very reserved. I see a lot of myself in her and i can identify with her, which is why I know she's normal.

Not every woman likes showing off their private lives on social media contrary to what you think. I know I don't. I know I can write about my private life online, but definitely not post pictures. You two just have very different temperaments.

If you know you like social media wife then why did you marry her?? Never marry a person with the mindset that you will change them. Have you changed yourself? Are you the Holy Spirit that changes? You saw the kind of person she was yet you still went ahead to marry, thinking you are the doing her a favour by marrying her, now two years down the line you are complaining.

Abeg carry your cross and make things work. Your madam sef is acting like she is doing you a favour by marrying you. A little appreciation would go a long way in making your partner feel like they didn't waste their resources buying you gifts, although I wouldn't go as far posting pictures if my man buys me a car. That would be dialing your village people's numbers.

Na una two sabi abeg.

Pkingman:
Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

victorian:
Yawns"

Have heard. Need to rush off, to work.

Whichever way u come to your conclusion is OK by me.

No time to argue back and forth this morning. So many things I need to resolve today at work.

Byeee .

victorian:
Correct Babe!

Your head is screwed right!

People just like posting pictures of their lives, as if they will get paid doing it.

The op prefers celebrity wife.

They can show off anything, even their bathroom, they will post it online.
Smhhh.

Op problem is the wife doesn't show him off on social media and publicly, as if she's won a huge prize marrying him.

I like the way u analyze the situation. For me, anyone waiting to see the pic of my husband will wait, till 1000years to come. I ain't showing off Nada!

Xaos:
Clone her phone. If you can't, then clone all her SM accounts. If she's hiding something you will know.

But before you do, I want you to know

— you wouldn't find anything.
— your wife isn't ashamed of you or something like that.

It's just that she really, really, really hates attention.
I myself I am programmed that way.
Your wife is a mirror image of myself.

But please do clone her SM for your satisfaction.

Xaos:
Clone her phone. If you can't, then clone all her SM accounts. If she's hiding something you will know.

But before you do, I want you to know

— you wouldn't find anything.
— your wife isn't ashamed of you or something like that.

It's just that she really, really, really hates attention.
I myself I am programmed that way.
Your wife is a mirror image of myself.

But please do clone her SM for your satisfaction.

Jirair:
I'm extremely reserved and I don't see myself in her. I post photos of my food here sometimes because it's not as if I can be identified. Apart from that I don't post photos of myself or other aspects of my life online because I really do hate showing off and I've learned from life that it's best to keep things private. I doubt OP's wife is this reserved or private because she does post post photos of herself, of the kids, her parents, siblings, work and co-workers on social media! She merely excludes her husband and goes to the extent of cropping him out of pictures to post herself.

Splinz:
In fact, most of the time, people's primary motive of showing off is to boast, spite and move others to jealousy. Is this really what you want in your marriage--to attract an "evil eye"?


All I see is a woman who's mentally and emotionally matured.
And just like you, of course I see a wonderful partner

gaby:
Hmmm

Some of you guys are just so unfathomable and it irks me to no end how you bandy the word "educated" as if common sense is taught in schools especially our kinda schools.

You saw all these with your korokoro eyes while dating but simply pretended as usual that it wasn't there because in your mind your being an architect who can spoil her with gifts will cure her craze...fafa fawoool

Look guy...zero love..is what that woman sure has for you and you disgust her fantastically. If she had her way or choice she wouldn't wish to be caught a thousand miles around you..its so frigging obvious. You were just a means to an end considering her biological time was waning..

She lost the one she truly loved for whatever reasons and was left with no choice than to manage you to fulfil all righteousness such as having a child seeing how time was ticking out on her coupled with pressures from her family too.

I won't be surprised if her true love is the one she is working towards moving closer to overseas.

I'm seated here typing and wondering how your "Architectural" brains could miss spotting how her "Doctoral or Surgical brain" is conveniently using you as the "available to be settled for in the absence of the desirables" haba oga...are you that low in self esteem or looks. The lack of an okay self esteem is as well a huge turn off for most women so you know and from the look of your write up you sure exudes this.

Wetin dey happen na...make una still try dey face reality and look and straight on.

You see say you dey irritate person plus the person dey shame for you, you still dey force yourself on an dey claim successful architect.

Na all these kind dundee characters dey make me sometimes dey agree say instead wey person go born mumu make e jejely born omila...

Abi na the woman disvirgin you abi na Doctor kill you for your former life wey cum make you swear say you must marry doctor for your new life lol..

Guys make una dey shine una eye well well like my daughter abeg...no time to check time o

Just incase none of the above checks out...guy you dey marry person wey done die for one side prematurely wey him soul never rest according to the Nigerian gisy.

Wake up man..you can do better than this...life is too long or short for all these arrant bullocks...yolo man...

That woman's true love is in a corner and probably getting his steady cut on the side from her because he must be married too hence your coming into the picture.

This story aptly captures and make live true, the saying " Money can not buy love".

PaulAris:
Aii
Morning kiss?

Jirair:
I doubt OP's wife is this reserved or private because if she were she wouldn't post other aspects of her life (personal photos, of the kids, her parents, siblings, co-workers, and likely gifts the husband gives her) on social media. She merely excludes him and goes to the extent of cropping him out of pictures to post herself. If OP feels like she treats him like "he doesn't exist", she probably does and I can't say I know why (though it seems like she isn't in love with him and never has been).