₦airaland Forum

Pkingman:
On her relationship with me at home: She is a perfect partner.. Very friendly and jovial, respects me.. Despite her busy schedule, she still takes out time to keep the home running.. Cooks and does chores, without bothering me to assist.. I hate domestic chores ..we have no maid because she said she doesn't need a maid. My mum and hers take turns to visit and assist.

On Intimacy... Good.. Top notch.. Na she dey rush me sef. We play, pray and laugh.. We even watch football matches together. We both support Arsenal. We hardly quarrel.

On social functions : She isn't the very outgoing type.. More of an indoor person but we attend dew occasions together and she acts just okay... Not cold, not overly excited.. But if we take pictures together, she will never upload that but will rather upload her personal picture.

On gifts : I don't know if it's because she has her own money and can easily afford anything I buy for her.. She has never asked me for anything, even cash I give her because I believe I have to. She only says thank you, no excitement at all. Is this how independent women act?
I complained about this to her parents and siblings.. They said that's how she is.. But I don't feel good about this.. It's so not feminine. As if I am not adding anything to her.

On changing my attitude towards her : She doesn't even want me to put her up on social media as well.. So if I stop that, it won't bother her.
I can't just start giving her cold attitude at home.. No reason for that. Besides, she may just enjoy the space and shun me.. That will be to my own detriment because she sure knows how to keep to herself and mind her business while I can't .

My concern is that my friends, relatives, colleagues show off their partners and celebrate them online. They take pictures and post.. They use their spouses on their DPs.If I don't do same, won't people think my marriage is having issues? And my wife being the reason for this just doesn't sit well with me. I am uncomfortable about it because normal women don't behave like this. They are proud of being married. They are usually crazy about their husbands and look for every opportunity to show them off,display gifts and all that... How many women will husband buy new car for And they won't show off online, at least on whatsapp? Even though she already has a car she bought before we got married, I thought this will be different, being a new car and a SUV...Haba!

victorian:
Oga, you are not tall dark and handsome. Talk true make devil shame.

Anyways I understand what she's going through. Cause I almost got myself entrapped in such kind of marriage but counselling with my Pastor saved me on-time.
I'm not saying u are a bad person, neither am I saying u are ugly but the thing is this : you can be someonelse dream man , perfect and Denzel looking to another woman except your wife. Your wife has the idea of how her ideal man should look like.
Not all women are tall, dark and handsome as their ideal looking man. Some prefer average height, natural for looks with a muscular or athletic body. That's why God created us in different shapes and sizes.
And your wife who got married in her 30s must have seen it all, got heartbroken by the kind of guys, she would have love to marry and settle down with. But reality dawned on her, such guys won't make A good husband to her. Then u strolled along into life, she realised u are serious with marriage. She checked herself, she's not getting younger, what da heck! Lemme marry. I will simply resign my self to this marriage as long as I have a family with him. Who cares about happiness and love. Most marriages sef are just there.
And with what friends will always ring into our ears everyday. Marriage is not about love, it's about marrying a man who is ready and capable to stay married. Just be humble and calm, have your kids and have a business or career going for yourself. That's all. We don't always marry who we wish to marry and here we are with our kids. You cannot be selective anymore, forget about falling in love and just Marry!
That's exactly how your wife feels. She's resigned to her fate with u. She cannot leave u, cos she's determined to stay married. Her happiness is irrelevant as long as she's Mrs.

What a life


In my own case, I stopped myself on-time from marrying the guy who proposed to me, after opening my heart to my Pastor. My Pastor said do I want to be lifeless in the marriage, I said no with tears almost running down my cheeks. He said good, then don't marry him, cos u will regret it. Tell him kindly u simply don't love him, which is the truth. There and then I felt so free and alive, I even felt like hugging the pastor with so much joy! Lol
I told the guy, I'm sorry dear, I can't go thru with it. And I don't regret it. I feel free and alive! . I don't care about my age. I just want to feel at peace wit my soul and being.

Pkingman:
On her relationship with me at home: She is a perfect partner.. Very friendly and jovial, respects me.. Despite her busy schedule, she still takes out time to keep the home running.. Cooks and does chores, without bothering me to assist.. I hate domestic chores ..we have no maid because she said she doesn't need a maid. My mum and hers take turns to visit and assist.

On Intimacy... Good.. Top notch.. Na she dey rush me sef. We play, pray and laugh.. We even watch football matches together. We both support Arsenal. We hardly quarrel.

On social functions : She isn't the very outgoing type.. More of an indoor person but we attend dew occasions together and she acts just okay... Not cold, not overly excited.. But if we take pictures together, she will never upload that but will rather upload her personal picture.

On gifts : I don't know if it's because she has her own money and can easily afford anything I buy for her.. She has never asked me for anything, even cash I give her because I believe I have to. She only says thank you, no excitement at all. Is this how independent women act?
I complained about this to her parents and siblings.. They said that's how she is.. But I don't feel good about this.. It's so not feminine. As if I am not adding anything to her.

On changing my attitude towards her : She doesn't even want me to put her up on social media as well.. So if I stop that, it won't bother her.
I can't just start giving her cold attitude at home.. No reason for that. Besides, she may just enjoy the space and shun me.. That will be to my own detriment because she sure knows how to keep to herself and mind her business while I can't .

My concern is that my friends, relatives, colleagues show off their partners and celebrate them online. They take pictures and post.. They use their spouses on their DPs.If I don't do same, won't people think my marriage is having issues? And my wife being the reason for this just doesn't sit well with me. I am uncomfortable about it because normal women don't behave like this. They are proud of being married. They are usually crazy about their husbands and look for every opportunity to show them off,display gifts and all that... How many women will husband buy new car for And they won't show off online, at least on whatsapp? Even though she already has a car she bought before we got married, I thought this will be different, being a new car and a SUV...Haba!

Pkingman:
On her relationship with me at home: She is a perfect partner.. Very friendly and jovial, respects me.. Despite her busy schedule, she still takes out time to keep the home running.. Cooks and does chores, without bothering me to assist.. I hate domestic chores ..we have no maid because she said she doesn't need a maid. My mum and hers take turns to visit and assist.

On Intimacy... Good.. Top notch.. Na she dey rush me sef. We play, pray and laugh.. We even watch football matches together. We both support Arsenal. We hardly quarrel.

On social functions : She isn't the very outgoing type.. More of an indoor person but we attend dew occasions together and she acts just okay... Not cold, not overly excited.. But if we take pictures together, she will never upload that but will rather upload her personal picture.

On gifts : I don't know if it's because she has her own money and can easily afford anything I buy for her.. She has never asked me for anything, even cash I give her because I believe I have to. She only says thank you, no excitement at all. Is this how independent women act?
I complained about this to her parents and siblings.. They said that's how she is.. But I don't feel good about this.. It's so not feminine. As if I am not adding anything to her.

On changing my attitude towards her : She doesn't even want me to put her up on social media as well.. So if I stop that, it won't bother her.
I can't just start giving her cold attitude at home.. No reason for that. Besides, she may just enjoy the space and shun me.. That will be to my own detriment because she sure knows how to keep to herself and mind her business while I can't .

My concern is that my friends, relatives, colleagues show off their partners and celebrate them online. They take pictures and post.. They use their spouses on their DPs.If I don't do same, won't people think my marriage is having issues? And my wife being the reason for this just doesn't sit well with me. I am uncomfortable about it because normal women don't behave like this. They are proud of being married. They are usually crazy about their husbands and look for every opportunity to show them off,display gifts and all that... How many women will husband buy new car for And they won't show off online, at least on whatsapp? Even though she already has a car she bought before we got married, I thought this will be different, being a new car and a SUV...Haba!

forray:
His story is incomplete. He shld tell us more. How is intimacy btw them and their relationship indoors apart from the public show he wants and her attitude towards gift.


As for me, I am a very private person, don't like social media show off and I don't get too excited about gift. But my partner is the opposite. I let her have her way
but if its way out of my comfort zone, I caution her. So this might just be the way she is.

If[b] she is failing in her duties as a wife then we have a problem[/b]

Pkingman:
Age: I am 38 ,she is 34.

Her past dating life.. I met her very single.. She told me her last relationship ended about 8 months earlier..because the guy smoked and drank a lot, although he was also a doctor.
I met her while my mum had a ruptured appendix and was rushed to the hospital where she worked. She was very nice and friendly to her, treated her like her own mother and not like a patient. Maybe my mum would have died that night if not for her.While other members of the team were dragging leg and nonchalant about the case, she pushed it and operated on my mum that night around midnight. We became close during that period..I was always visiting my mum is I wanted to see her... I was lonely and needed to settle down and well, being a doctor.. I had to take the bold step.. And she accepted.. No hassles.
While dating, I thought she didn't want to show me off in case the relationship didn't work out or perhaps, maturity.. Showing off a boyfriend when her mates were already married ?

She told me I suited her in many ways.. Educational background, family, finance, physical attributes, career, etc.

On cheating : I don't think she is cheating. I don't need to clone her phone or social media accounts. Her devices are unlocked and open to me at anytime,even while we were dating. She can travel and leave her phone with me.. No password, no restrictions. It's even me who passwords my phones and she doesn't bother, has never made any attempt to touch my phone..

cococandy:
You’ve met the type of woman you guys claim to like.
She’s not dependent on you AKA not a gold digger AKA not a leech.
She’s not a woman who loves to use social media AKA not a slay queen.

She’s been a good partner to you like you said. Now you want a slay queen and gold digger? Make up your mind

alphaNomega:
Young man, you don't know what you have until you loose it. You have a peaceful home and you came to nairaland to seek ways to cause trouble.

That woman is my kind of lady, unfortunately she's married to you and you already have kids.

There is nothing wrong with your wife's behaviour, even her family told you that's how she is.

Good luck trying to fuçk up your home, I hope you don't succeed.

cococandy:
Keep looking for trouble that does not exist

Gettreadyy:
if I were you, I will withdraw from her slowly, i will not eat her food regularly, i will not ask for sex, I will come back late most times, sometimes I will not come back home for days, i will make lots of calls when I am at home and laugh hard knowing she's around, i will play more Fifa soccer. if she's still indifferent and doesn't get the message, I will drop a divorce paper on a Monday morning and tell her to please sign it that I am no longer interested.

ThePreachersSon:
You said she started this a long time ago, so just accept it as who she is. Not all of us really want to show everything happening on social media, if I were to get married today I would not post it on social media, I just kinda like surprises. Like you've been married for 6 years now? That kind.

The real deal is does she love you? And from what you said she hasn't done anything to show that she does not love you.

Pleas do not listen to them who say she doesn't love you, don't. I have a friend who lives abroad, she married a white man. But after 3 years non of us apart from close friends and relatives know what he looks like. She keeps her private life private. And it kind of works for her.

Just accept her the way she, BTW you agreed to marry the way she was.

Pkingman:
Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

ojun50:
Yr story long

you saw all this befor u guys got married bt wave it out because u love her, my broda u are in it already jst enjoy the marriage.

Janey2486:
She does not love you, l will not ask u to leave her but if u do. Pls do contact me.

Ttrrffyyghuuh:
Lol OP, exactly as i thought in front page, you don't have any problem in your marriage, If you know how many men are dieing, like literally dieing to have the life you have now, I have personally fallen in love with your woman as you've enlightened us further
Abeg carry go, she loves you and appreciates your marriage, but she has some character flaws, which has a lot more to do with the way she accepts gifts, the fact that she doesn't show off online has more to do with her introverted nature ( I guessed as much), I'm very much like that too honestly.
So you have leverage, don't bother so much about her online flamboyance or lack of it, thats her character, its like forcing a quiet person to become the center of attention in a social gathering, it'll surely go wrong
But bring up her behavior towards gifts and presents, let her know it makes you feel like you haven't done enough. I'm sure she'll try show a lot more vibrancy when next you gift her something, I also bet you'll not be impressed...

At this point your marriage is still young, what you can to is get used to and try to enjoy your partner for who she is rather than try to change her (no one is perfect, but her imperfection is something you can deal with surely!!, some others have to deal with nagging wives, cheating wives,lazy wives and a lot of other unthinkable problems, yours is a reserved wife, that tends to be dispassionate at certain times), years down the line if someone raises this issue of your wife being impersonal or too reserved, you'll be the first to laugh it off and say Abeg, thats how she is, leave matter

DukeNija:
This is not true. She posts her own pics and those of her colleagues but crops him out? She wasn’t even excited when he bought her a brand new car. Jeez! Are you kidding? The woman doesn’t love him one bit. Who asks her husband not to post her pics on her own birthday. Like who does that? The man is doomed

mrAMG2:
I wonder what their sex life is like

obicentlis:
Tell her that you need a divorce and see her reaction.

DukeNija:
I swear this is what I’ll do. Not to threaten her, but actually file for divorce.

victorian:
Oga, you are not tall dark and handsome. Talk true make devil shame.

Anyways I understand what she's going through. Cause I almost got myself entrapped in such kind of marriage but counselling with my Pastor saved me on-time.
I'm not saying u are a bad person, neither am I saying u are ugly but the thing is this : you can be someonelse dream man , perfect and Denzel looking to another woman except your wife. Your wife has the idea of how her ideal man should look like.
Not all women are tall, dark and handsome as their ideal looking man. Some prefer average height, natural for looks with a muscular or athletic body. That's why God created us in different shapes and sizes.
And your wife who got married in her 30s must have seen it all, got heartbroken by the kind of guys, she would have love to marry and settle down with. But reality dawned on her, such guys won't make A good husband to her. Then u strolled along into life, she realised u are serious with marriage. She checked herself, she's not getting younger, what da heck! Lemme marry. I will simply resign my self to this marriage as long as I have a family with him. Who cares about happiness and love. Most marriages sef are just there.
And with what friends will always ring into our ears everyday. Marriage is not about love, it's about marrying a man who is ready and capable to stay married. Just be humble and calm, have your kids and have a business or career going for yourself. That's all. We don't always marry who we wish to marry and here we are with our kids. You cannot be selective anymore, forget about falling in love and just Marry!
That's exactly how your wife feels. She's resigned to her fate with u. She cannot leave u, cos she's determined to stay married. Her happiness is irrelevant as long as she's Mrs.

What a life


In my own case, I stopped myself on-time from marrying the guy who proposed to me, after opening my heart to my Pastor. My Pastor said do I want to be lifeless in the marriage, I said no with tears almost running down my cheeks. He said good, then don't marry him, cos u will regret it. Tell him kindly u simply don't love him, which is the truth. There and then I felt so free and alive, I even felt like hugging the pastor with so much joy! Lol
I told the guy, I'm sorry dear, I can't go thru with it. And I don't regret it. I feel free and alive! . I don't care about my age. I just want to feel at peace wit my soul and being.

Op please don"t listen to this advice.
Lady isn't attracted to you and probably ever won't....
My advice...divorce her then be a loving father and responsible father to your kids.
QAs simple as that

PaulAris:
And what if she agrees?
What if she says ok to go ahead with the divorce?
What then will you advice him to do?
Tell her its just April fool??

Pkingman:
Age: I am 38 ,she is 34.

Her past dating life.. I met her very single.. She told me her last relationship ended about 8 months earlier..because the guy smoked and drank a lot, although he was also a doctor.
I met her while my mum had a ruptured appendix and was rushed to the hospital where she worked. She was very nice and friendly to her, treated her like her own mother and not like a patient. Maybe my mum would have died that night if not for her.While other members of the team were dragging leg and nonchalant about the case, she pushed it and operated on my mum that night around midnight. We became close during that period..I was always visiting my mum is I wanted to see her... I was lonely and needed to settle down and well, being a doctor.. I had to take the bold step.. And she accepted.. No hassles.
While dating, I thought she didn't want to show me off in case the relationship didn't work out or perhaps, maturity.. Showing off a boyfriend when her mates were already married ?

She told me I suited her in many ways.. Educational background, family, finance, physical attributes, career, etc.

On cheating : I don't think she is cheating. I don't need to clone her phone or social media accounts. Her devices are unlocked and open to me at anytime,even while we were dating. She can travel and leave her phone with me.. No password, no restrictions. It's even me who passwords my phones and she doesn't bother, has never made any attempt to touch my phone..

GrossPrice:
She's going to dump him eventually!

femi4:
She is not crazy about you.

I always tell men, marry the woman that loves you and not the one that you love.
You are more like the available option for her cos age wasn't on her side.
I would have said that the love will grow but there was no mutual love in the first place

She married you out of societal pressure, you are nothing close to her Dream man.

But there is hope, you can use reverse psychology to put her on her toes.

Pkingman:
Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?