₦airaland Forum

Meliaen:
Look there's nothing to be proud of or show off with what was posted. These things happen. Mind you, my ex was a good man and he found someone like I.

Whatever biko

Thanks for my experiences

Treasuredvessel:
Honestly I see myself in the op's wife, I hate ceremonies infact I'm seriously thinking of how to do a wedding without all the ceremony. I rarely get excited over anything. Though there are some extremes but op should also speak with his wife about how he feels. Women like us are faithful to the bone so forget the issue of cheating.

yeah she won't cheat, but she can be deadly, how do people cope with a partner who doesn't voice out wen day are pissed off over something, na wa o,
fear those kind of people o,

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

abeg can I see your pic? And for d records dear I don't she loves u

Meliaen:
Jeez, you just told my story! However, in my case, no pastor helped me think things over. I had to find the courage to do things my way. We were together for 8 solid years and when marriage started to look like it was drawing nearer, I could see myself developing cold feet and crying on my wedding day so I summoned the courage and broke up with him. What op described is exactly how I felt about my ex. Matter of fact, I could pass as his wife. If ex would describe me, he would say things like I wasn't demanding and all of that. I never did ask him anything materially. When I called it quits, he did everything to get me back. Literally asked my family to beg on his behalf but I stood my ground. Ex is married now but calls me his wife. The break up shook him so terribly that he resigned from his job and left the country.

Eeyah but u just had to call it off, orelse both of you will be miserable in the marriage.
You did the right thing.

Don't marry out of pressure. In due time, yours will come and u will be thanking ago every day for giving u the courage to wait and be with the best ,meant for you.

Marriage should not be endured but enjoyed. It's a life time commitment.

I'm at peace and content with where I am. Hopefully one day, I will feel excited with the right man for me and he will feel same

Life is all about choices.

Thanks for sharing

gaby:
Hmmm

Some of you guys are just so unfathomable and it irks me to no end how you bandy the word "educated" as if common sense is taught in schools especially our kinda schools.

You saw all these with your korokoro eyes while dating but simply pretended as usual that it wasn't there because in your mind your being an architect who can spoil her with gifts will cure her craze...fafafa fawoool

Look guy...zero love..is what that woman sure has for you and you disgust her fantastically. If she had her way or choice she wouldn't wish to be caught a thousand miles around you..its so frigging obvious. You were just a means to an end considering her biological time was waning..

She lost the one she truly loved for whatever reasons and was left with no choice than to manage you to fulfil all righteousness such as having a child seeing how time was ticking out on her coupled with pressures from her family too.

I won't be surprised if her true love is the one she is working towards moving closer to overseas.

I'm seated here typing and wondering how your "Architectural" brains could miss spotting how her "Doctoral or Surgical brain" is conveniently using you as the "available to be settled for in the absence of the desirables" haba oga...are you that low in self esteem or looks.

The lack of an okay self esteem is as well a huge turn off for most women so you know, and from the look of your write up you sure exudes this.

Wetin dey happen na...make una still try dey face reality and tackle am head on.

You see say you dey irritate person plus the person dey shame for you, you still dey force yourself on am cum dey claim successful architect. Your "trying too hard" to win her true love is even more repulsive to her including the gifts..

Na all these kind dundee characters dey make me sometimes dey agree say instead wey person go born mumu make e jejely born omila...

Abi na the woman disvirgin you or na Doctor kill you for your former life wey cum make you swear say you must marry doctor for your new life lol..

Guys make una dey shine una eye well well like my daughter abeg...no time to check time o

Just incase none of the above checks out...guy you dey marry person wey done die for one side prematurely wey him soul never rest according to the Nigerian gist.

Wake up man..you can do better than this...life is too long or short for all these arrant bullocks...yolo man...

That woman's true love is in a corner and probably getting his steady cut on the side from her because he must be married too hence your coming into the picture.

This story aptly captures and rings so true to the saying " Money can not buy love".

Osalobua! Is this advice or hypolically bleached rundown. This thing you wrote though true and detailed fit make this man hang himself. He was looking 4 hope but you just told him he was right in the middle of pacific hopelessness.

I have taken time enough to read all the replies to your plight.
And I knw its painful showing love and you
Not getting it back, but one thing is certainly
Obvious, she's not proud/ excited about yyou
Reasons I would Neva knows. By advice is that you use the same method she's been using with you. Post ur pics, thoughts, etc. Don't tag her and don't celebrate or make mentions about her. She will come around ! Trust me.

People have contributed well to this thread.

BiafraIsFree:
Religion is a scam.

religious is a scam abi,

go thief instrument (drum set) for church, then u will kno if it is a scam or not

Barrister026:
When next them won fuckc they need to call you to come point touch

Barrister.Kontinyuuueee

PaulAris:
I think you gotta trigger her jealous button a lil(ok, a lot maybe). But the aim is to put her in place.
All this mess you facing is cause you've been taken for granted.
So you gotta step up to that position you ought to be, and that is someone that she's got a lot more value and respect for.
All this cries you've been making to her ears about she not going social with you and all that, you really gotta let it stop.
Don't even give a damn about if she decides to tag you or not.
With the less attention and cries you'll be giving her, she's gonna think again before she makes those her nasty moves.
Now this is why most men are fighting hard for men like you to take hold of their balls and not let some lady toss about anytime she wants.
You think if you knew your worth she'd be doing you like this?
Damn, women can identify a needy ass from a Man.
So get your balls together and quit being someone taken for granted!
And hey, get some damn Chicks!

Nice one..You must have read The Rational Male.

UyaiIncomparabl:
No darling. I'm not like that.

Iyam mi Ima afio

BuhariIsBURIED:
Bros this your story make me weak, if your wife is not proud of you or even love you.. wetin u gain?

me self just weak o

Pkingman:
On her relationship with me at home: She is a perfect partner.. Very friendly and jovial, respects me.. Despite her busy schedule, she still takes out time to keep the home running.. Cooks and does chores, without bothering me to assist.. I hate domestic chores ..we have no maid because she said she doesn't need a maid. My mum and hers take turns to visit and assist.

On Intimacy... Good.. Top notch.. Na she dey rush me sef. We play, pray and laugh.. We even watch football matches together. We both support Arsenal. We hardly quarrel.

On social functions : She isn't the very outgoing type.. More of an indoor person but we attend dew occasions together and she acts just okay... Not cold, not overly excited.. But if we take pictures together, she will never upload that but will rather upload her personal picture.

On gifts : I don't know if it's because she has her own money and can easily afford anything I buy for her.. She has never asked me for anything, even cash I give her because I believe I have to. She only says thank you, no excitement at all. Is this how independent women act?
I complained about this to her parents and siblings.. They said that's how she is.. But I don't feel good about this.. It's so not feminine. As if I am not adding anything to her.

On changing my attitude towards her : She doesn't even want me to put her up on social media as well.. So if I stop that, it won't bother her.
I can't just start giving her cold attitude at home.. No reason for that. Besides, she may just enjoy the space and shun me.. That will be to my own detriment because she sure knows how to keep to herself and mind her business while I can't .

My concern is that my friends, relatives, colleagues show off their partners and celebrate them online. They take pictures and post.. They use their spouses on their DPs.If I don't do same, won't people think my marriage is having issues? And my wife being the reason for this just doesn't sit well with me. I am uncomfortable about it because normal women don't behave like this They are proud of being married. They are usually crazy about their husbands and look for every opportunity to show them off,display gifts and all that... How many women will husband buy new car for And they won't show off online, at least on whatsapp? Even though she already has a car she bought before we got married, I thought this will be different, being a new car and a SUV...Haba!

The 1st bolded is your main problem OP.

I also don't post pictures of my husband on social media, did it only once on watsap dp very briefly and removed it, I dont show him off in anyway. I once cropped him off a pix when a friend wanted to see my wedding gown style and I sent it to her on watsap, some people still don't know I am married. I do not show him off, I have NEVER wished him happy birthday on SM, doesn't make sense to me anyways. Didnt post pictures of a 'big gift' he got recently on SM all I said was thank you from the bottom of my heart and I am crazily in love with him

Just letting you know that theres nothing wrong with your wife.

When did posting or not posting / showing off become a factor in marriages.

Acidosis:
..but why would you marry someone who isn't madly in love with you? BTW, no one is emotionless, they just haven't found the one they love. Love do not obey certain human principles, e.g. privacy. Love should make you go out of bounds sometimes.

Two things are involved here; first, your wife is still crazy about an ex she couldn't marry due to family issues, genotype, and other external, not personality differences or infighting. Second, your wife has never been privileged to fall in love with a man.

While the first option spells more doom, you still have the power to turn around the situation. You can make absolutely any woman fall in love with you. It is never too late to change the situation.

You have used attention, incessant gifts, and obsession and nothing has changed. Have you tried withdrawing, making yourself unavailable and giving her the impression her love is unimportant? Women are wired in a different way bro. You need to withdraw the expression of some feelings and act of loving to get her attention. If you made her picture your wallpaper, delete. Remove her picture on your dp and don't upload any for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. That's how you get her attention and put her emotions to work.

This is apt..Looks like the summary of The Rational Male..

Meliaen:
Reverse psychology. It will not work. It never works. Have you been in a relationship where you weren't in love?

but it's definitely worth a shot.

doggedfighter:
Will you shut up. Cho cho cho

doggedfighter:
Will you shut up. Cho cho cho

Heffalump:
Are you the lady in question?

Your analysis is so fitting!

You are both Daft!

Bloody monkeys!

larryking540:
just like acrimony

Exactly
I don't pity him because he saw it coming

Ishilove:
My sister, op seems like a social media person while his wife is the opposite. I don't find anything wrong with her attitude. The only thing that raises my eyebrows is her cold attitude to gifts, but I bet if we question the wife what she will tell you is completely different from what the OP has painted here.

My verdict- OP is a noisemaker while his wife is his exact opposite

It's amazing how they flip on the save-a-sister-at-all-cost switch!

How can people Bury their heads in some dust, ignore the obvious and go yapping dust?

You two need to go and learn how to wash your panties instead of coming here to spew thrash with your beclouded comprehension lenses and monocultured minds.

Shit happens. I can only say move on with your life while your wife move on with her life.

@OP, You have a good woman as wife. Believe me, the social life of some doctors is awkward. A female surgeon may not have that time for social media as other ladies and she doesn't see it as a measure of her love and respect for you.
She may have seldomly posted other photos and made some few comments, perhaps they to loosen up socially. Believe me, she places more premium on being a good wife to you. Not everyone is infected with the social media virus.

By now you should know that most social media stuff are fake!

UyaiIncomparabl:
No darling. I'm not like that.

omoh na hair full that place ? ABI wetin .

victorian:
Eeyah but u just had to call it off, orelse both of you will be miserable in the marriage.
You did the right thing.

Don't marry out of pressure. In due time, yours will come and u will be thanking ago every day for giving u the courage to wait and be with the best ,meant for you.

Marriage should not be endured but enjoyed. It's a life time commitment.

I'm at peace and content with where I am. Hopefully one day, I will feel excited with the right man for me and he will feel same

Life is all about choices.

Thanks for sharing

God bless your wisdom. As for me, I only started to feel free when he got married. I mean, I began to live only after he got married for he always blamed me for the misfortune of breaking up. The first few years weren't easy but I can now say to a great extent we've all moved forward.

i read ur story and it was quite interesting. U mentioned she was about 30 when u got married could it be that she married u because she felt that she was getting old and had no choice so she just decided to tie the knot with u??

OSUigboKiller:
Exactly
I don't pity him because he saw it coming

I advice guys, who actually care to listen, u better follow a lady that can die for u o,or even give u one of her kidney wen u are on ur sick bed o,,,,,,

but instead they go day fin woman way day wan use impress their beer palour friends, and d funny tin is d woman know go even send u ,last last na money u go use win her heart, but can u win a woman heart with money for ever? this is exactly wat happened to the op,


the lady is financially ok on her own, so d day she decides to leave the marriage, OYO na ur own, u better get tins straight

Bonebreaker:
i read ur story and it was quite interesting. U mentioned she was about 30 when u got married could it be that she married u because she felt that she was getting old and had no choice so she just decided to tie the knot with u??

exactly

watin wan day do, up till 30 years,
all the female doctors whom I kw dat married very late are always wahala people, and I bet someone must have adviced d op b4 he tie the knot o,

ChiefVolt007:
but it's definitely worth a shot.

I agree, it's worth it. I can only write from my experience.

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

Oga thank your star and carry your cross
More seriously leave social media out of your marriage if you want to go far i beg you.
On a lighter note you sounded like all this new generation husband no offense.

Your wife is fine but you are sick

You are a foolish boy for allowing a girl treat you like that to hellfire with her doctor shii.

Pkingman:
HELP! My Wife Is Abnormal

Hello house, Pls I need mature advice on this issue.
I had to create this account as to remain anonymous.

I've been married for 2 years plus, with a son and expecting another.
The problem is that my wife is not proud of me, not proud to be associated with me and does not show excitement concerning me or gifts that I buy for her.. She is just too plain, too emotionless.

It started from our dating days.. We dated for a year plus.. She never wanted people to know about us. Always hiding me. As if the relationship was a secret. She never asked me for a pin.. I was happy she wasn't the demanding type.
When I proposed to her, I expected her to go over the moon, show excitement and flood social media with pictures.. But no way.
She was just mute and calm about it. She didn't even accept the idea of pre-wedding pictures when I suggested it.. Said it wasn't compulsory, she doesn't have time and energy for that..Few weeks later, she uploaded very beautiful studio pictures of herself alone in nice clothing, shoes, accessories on her facebook timeline without any caption about getting married or love.. Nothing about me at all.

Wedding came... She opted for a small quiet wedding.. Although we could afford a big wedding.. I was surprised.. So unfeminine... Women always prefer loud crowded weddings to show off.. She was supposed to be extremely excited as she was getting married esp at over 30 years when a woman is considered by societal standards to be hopeless and too old for marriage but no! She went about the whole festivities like nothing special was happening to her.

After the wedding, she didn't upload our wedding pictures on social media like normal women do. I then uploaded few pictures of us and tagged her. She immediately untagged herself and told me I could post whatever I wanted without necessarily tagging her.
Months after, she uploaded 2 pictures of herself alone in wedding gown and traditional attire.. None of mine till date.
She doesn't have any picture of me or us together on her facebook profile, she doesn't upload any picture of me or us on her whatsapp. It's always her picture alone or with our baby or her parents and siblings.
She hardly even takes pictures with me at social functions. She prefers personal pictures. Sometimes, she will even crop me out of her pictures and post only herself. She just keeps going on as if I don't exist. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't need to display me online to know she is married to me.
On my birthday, she didn't wish me HBD on any social media platform but she uploaded pictures of her 2 male colleagues at work(she is a medical doctor, a surgeon in training and planning to relocate abroad soon) and wished them HBD, wrote nice things about them.
Back home, all I got was a small get together, cake, drinks and gifts but I would have preferred to be acknowledged online as well. On her birthday, I dare not show her off or say anything on social media, she won't find it funny.. She prefers everything we do is private.
The part that breaks my heart is her attitude towards gifts.. When I met her, she was working, earning big, lived alone and had a car.I was happy she wasn't demanding or greedy... But I noticed if I buy her something, she just coldly thanks me and that's all. I am an Architect, working in a firm and also into private jobs.. I recently completed a project and was paid in millions.. I thought I should surprise my wife so I bought her a new car(an SUV).... She acted so plain.. Just said thank you and that was all.. Instead of displaying it all over social media platforms, write lovey dovey epistles about me and celebrate me like other women do.

By all standards, I am handsome, tall, dark, educated, nice guy, well to do, so why is she not proud to show me off?
Why does she not want me to show her off?

In all fairness, she has been a very nice partner so far but why this cold abnormal attitude ?This is not how women ought to behave.
I am getting tired already,i have discussed this with her but she doesn't wish to change.
What could be wrong with her?

Someone is fucking her and she does not want to hurt the person. I remember someone's wife i was fucking and it got to a point I had to tell her to stop posting or talking about him on her whatsapp feed. The lady like me do much that she did just that. Her husband complained and she didn't give a Bleep. Knack her properly. That's th key . Ladies respect who dey knack am wella. Another thing u need to know is that some of us like the suspense. I dated my fiance for a few years now and I warned her never to post about me on social media and I don't do same too. That's not to say I am not proud of her

See finishing

HARDDON:
It's amazing how they flip on the save-a-sister-at-all-cost switch!

How can people Bury their heads in some dust, ignore the obvious and go yapping dust?

You two need to go and learn how to wash your panties instead of coming here to spew thrash with your beclouded comprehension lenses and monocultured minds.