₦airaland Forum

lacapine:
I thought we were best friends but it seems "see finish" wan enter inside.

Chai... I understand. well its not easy sha. just do d best u can and leave d rest to her, children of these days needs to be curbed right from infantry

NwaAmichi:
you sure it's the same email you used to register here that you are using? cos I can actually see your mails and I'm replying but if it's an alternate email you are using then drop it let me send a message

I have replied you already

Branduche:
I think you re taking this girl issues too seriously

First, u can't stop a girl from having male friends. If you do, u will keep pushing her to seeking solace and advice from this male friends. And u know guys and our way, always forming G and C just to get the cookie.

Be her friend, her confidant, her personal person. Talk things with her. Kids of nowadays are evolving faster growth wise. They pick up things easily, and follow the trend.

How do u win her over those trend? Be her confidant and special adviser. Flog from now till tomorrow, you go TAYA

okay. Maybe I am really taking it too personal. I am her friend o and she has confided in me lots if times too. I don't have issues with keeping male friends but boyfriending that can lead to casual sex is where my problem is. I don't calm down. Thanks..

Zing85:
my first thought was send her to her parents (that's what I'd have done if I were in your shoes though) but on the flip side you said she's like family asin if she was your first daughter what will you do? who will you send her to? how will you help her and ultimately the poor child she's about to bring into this world(cause I think we all agree that's one of the bus stop on this route) she's your responsibility she got exposed to those friends that have boyfriends under your care now deal with your mess ( don't be like me I run from mine)
ps plix invite us for the naming if it comes to that let the party jollof not waste after all we gather do the family meeting

you're one of a kind. Just laughing here. How do you mix seriousness with joke? Lol. I get the message. Thanks.

Stillthebest:
The Case is simple. What type of person is she? Does tell lies? Is she smart? If you find answers to these questions appropriately, like if she's not a liar and she's smart according to yohr views on her, then u need to trust her words that shes not sexually active. So, leave her and let her be free with life. Let her keep growing in wisdom on how to approach life that is gotten through human relationships both males and females. During all these times always frowns at her when she's going astray and advise her always to remind her of her future. She might be the type who knows what she's doing.

I think she is smart to an extent but not that smart smart. Yes she lies atimes but in fairness to her, she has reduced the lying. Noted your advise. Thanks.

Bewiseedet:
You should know how young girls misbehave when they fall in love. Don't blame her.. Assist her she needs your maturity, guidance. Stop acting like you are not aware of her actions even invite the boy to your house open up everything to both of them, let them play safe and she must respect her duties at all times. No matter the age, if the boy wise he would tell your maid that he comes second after her job. I once had a girl of such and I know what I wrote

. I once had a girl with a boy friend and I didn't frown at it. She was done with school. This ons isn't and I didn't think it was a good idea. Thanks for your input all the same. I appreciate.

lilkudos:
Please if you wanna be a good person to her, send her home at this early stage and then train her from her parents house if you really wanna help her life, because it's just gonna keep getting worse.. except if you are ready for whatever may come later.. she might not be active now, buh she's definitely planning so hard to be, reason.. she listens to her peer group, instead of respecting you her guardian.. so please take her home for things not to go beyond your controls..

Wish you all the best

Thanks I appreciate. Most definetly.

godofuck231:
you can't defy science, it's in our DNA to be hyper active both sexually and emotionally in our teens, she's an atomic bomb in a size of a rice grain, imagine doctors have revealed that the energy possessed by a 2 -3 months old unborn can power a rocket to space, she needs guidance, not beating our mothers didn't understand the human psychology that's why they beat us but at present we have realised these things come naturally, as they have learnt to socialise so has the issue of boyfriend being a hazard, allow her see the dangers and pleasures, and how it can ruin her life if care not given, let her open her heart and pour out her secrets, only then will u see her next move if it's dangerous or safe, some girls can't just have sex and not tell their mum even at 30, she should show u the boy and if anything goes wrong u should come for his peepee

Hhhhmmmm! This is nice too.

godofuck231:
you can't defy science, it's in our DNA to be hyper active both sexually and emotionally in our teens, she's an atomic bomb in a size of a rice grain, imagine doctors have revealed that the energy possessed by a 2 -3 months old unborn can power a rocket to space, she needs guidance, not beating our mothers didn't understand the human psychology that's why they beat us but at present we have realised these things come naturally, as they have learnt to socialise so has the issue of boyfriend being a hazard, allow her see the dangers and pleasures, and how it can ruin her life if care not given, let her open her heart and pour out her secrets, only then will u see her next move if it's dangerous or safe, some girls can't just have sex and not tell their mum even at 30, she should show u the boy and if anything goes wrong u should come for his peepee

Nice one too. Thanks

samLSP:
Be more friendly to her and let her see the disadvantages of getting involved in relationship at this stage of her life.

. I have. I am even thinking the over friendliness gave her more audacity. Just wanted her to be free but I guess it turned sour.

9jaBloke:
Punish, yes. Flog, no. Always carry her parents and suretees along. Tell them about the issues and the measures you have taken to correct her. If she's too stubborn for you to handle, send her back.

Noted.

Nanatrendy:
Let her parents know what she's been doing.

They are in the know. Thanks.

ojoj:
Most.of these kids are like that. We have had couples of kids like this. They need help. I always tell my wife that those kids are in their TURBULENT PERIOD! Just like the plane, plane enters turbulent period in the air and after a while it goes away. Meanwhile in that state of turbulency, Passengers are always afraid. It takes the grace of God for such a child to retrace her steps. It's hardwork and prayer from your part. You can inform her parents to come and talk some sense into her. Why she needs to cool down and listen to the advice being given.
Also let her do away with her friends! With my experience as an educationist, PEER PRESSURE is number one thing affecting our teenagers negatively. You tell her, NO FRIENDS! And let her see alternatives. That is if you send her away, you can get somebody better than her that will be assisting you. As said earlier, go to God for her. Talk to God about her. It is well. All the best.

. I don't think its a good idea to encourage her not to keep friends. I only advise her on the essence of keeping the right kind of friends and they friends I don't like, I say it to her, the ones I like, I am free with them even though they are her friends.

MetaPhysical:
Well, I think we are negating biological instincts. Our society has succeeded in re-prioritising education as the first order of individual success. Our cities are littered with people who put emotional and physical nurture to the side to attend university; today they roam the streets with no jobs and they are unable to regain what they lost in emotional development. Do not be afraid of a girl or boy playing out their emotional instincts. Support her, don't punish her for having interest in boys.

This one hard me oh!

IDERAWOLE:
It can be frustrating helping a lady or girl that has been sweet-talked by men or boys!

You need extra care and prayers not to regret your good intentions. Home trouble can also be a factor.

Many don't want any good for their citizens outside their village. Is she from a polygamous family? Find out.

Hera is complicated kind of. Her parents never legally married but they.sha lived together and made babies. Her dad abandoned them to remarry another woman who he currently lives with and has babies with too. So her mum is alone..

AreaFada2:
OP, first of all that is child labour to employ a child of 12. No matter how kind you are to help her since then.

You also have no right to flog a child that is not your relation. Correct me if she is blood relation.

While you have helped to raise her well, she now puts her boyfriend ahead of you.

Bad mistake to broach sending her back by end of term as some suggest here. She might get desperate to remain to keep seeing boys in the hood. Who's to say one of them cannot become a kidnapper? You have kids I presume.

If she keeps defying you, endure until end of term. Then suddenly bundle her and send back to her parents.

Family ko, brethren ni.

In this time of money ritual and yahoo plus you cannot allow another person's child under your care to waka waka any how. What if she goes to secretly do abortion and something goes wrong? Do kids ever admit being sexually active?

It is then you will know she's not part of your family.

I don't understand child labor. If I have a child age 12, won't she be useful to me and help out with her younger ones? Did you see the part that she goes home during some holls and comes back on her own accord? Yes, a friend of hers has admitted to me before and she has admitted being introduced to same sex sth even before she came to my house. She had told me one time how close she went with a guy but no penetration. It takes a lot for a "slave" to open up at that level no matter the threat. The flogging part, I already stated, I lost it. Thanks for you input.

MetaPhysical:
Well, I think we are negating biological instincts. Our society has succeeded in re-prioritising education as the first order of individual success. Our cities are littered with people who put emotional and physical nurture to the side to attend university; today they roam the streets with no jobs and they are unable to regain what they lost in emotional development. Do not be afraid of a girl or boy playing out their emotional instincts. Support her, don't punish her for having interest in boys.

. I am afraid oh! I never chop liver live that. Not at this age.

alizma:
I sincerely appreciate your efforts so far and your initial resolution to train her to the University level. being able to tell you why she keep those friends shows how close and free she is in your house, just like your daughter.
I am of the view that you shouldn't send her back yet. make out time to show her the two side of life, one being that of someone who was patient enough to let go of premature desires of flesh and the other being that of someone who gave in to the desires and lost it all. before the above, sit her down to know what her dreams are. a girl who wants to be a lawyer or a doctor will likely understand that she still has a long way to go than a girl who want to learn tailoring and settle down after her o level. also try to call in her parents to advise her and if after all these, she doesn't changed, you can send her back.
I want you to do a little more, not because you have not done enough but because you are on the path to changing a family's history. moreover, girls of her age exhibit similar trait. they want to confirm everything and the society is not helping.

. I have tried to show her. Her elder sister is a constant reminder of this as she fell pregnant at 18 and dropped out of school to have the baby. Never went back to school and not even with the father of the baby right now. She also had a friend I fought hard to separate her from. Its from.my help I hear how that one clubs, drinks, does drugs and follows older men. I would tell her, had it been I allowed you still be her friend, you might have ended up like her. She would say yes that she is glad she didn't go that way. Right now, I feel she just says it cis she feels that's what I want to hear and she doesn't really mean them.. Her mom has advised, many people have talked. I guess she really wants to be free and that type of freedom she is seeking, I can't give.

Lexusgs430:
You are part of her game (indirectly)..... Your actions are encouraging her........

How please?

Biggers82:
Pregnancy is on the way coming you better send her back before she gets pregnant in your house and her mother will blame you for not taking good care of her daughter
If she refused to hear advice send her home because their type learns better after her first pregnancy.

Abi

melaninpop:
Send her back nau.... Simple. As she never do am reach your husband body now so. Send her back to her parents, let her continue there. You have tried.. Biko.

Noted. Thanks

lacapine:
How please?

Your actions are not followed by severe consequences..... You are voicing your concerns, and she us simply ignoring all your concerns.....

Who is the leader? You or your maid?....

9jaBloke:
Punish, yes. Flog, no. Always carry her parents and suretees along. Tell them about the issues and the measures you have taken to correct her. If she's too stubborn for you to handle, send her back.

Noted, Thanks

oyekanwahab:
lacapine you coming to this forum to ask for advice is secondary, deep down in you, you know what to do, that girl has been living with you for a while now, you know her behavior more that any of us on this thread,

Am assuming she someone that is of good character OR ELSE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE STAYED WITH YOU TO THIS EXTENT, you know her very well, She is an adolescence now , this things a bound to happen, just guide her, you can't tell her to not have boyfriend, even do she does not want to have boyfriend , there are some that would come to still disturb her,

Try make connection with her, when you are together, tell her about you own past experience with boys when you were in you teenage years, how you able to deal with them

AS for talking to her parent that if she get pregnant, that you would send her back to her village, is the worst thing you can do, IF SHE GET PREGNANT WITHOUT YOU KNOWING AND SHE TRIES ABORTING IT AND COMPLICATION ARISES FROM IT WHICH LEAD TO DEATH, GOD FORBID THAT, NA SERIOUS WAHALA FOR YOUR HEAD, she is an adult, threatening her with that statement could very dangerous

TRY AND DEAL WITH THIS AS IF SHE WAS YOUR BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER,PRAY GOD WILL GUILD YOU

Sure she has good sides. She does. I have gisted her enough. I have used people she knows and all.. Boys would definetly come no doubt, let your guards be up. You can be friends without dating. The dating is what makes guys feel entitled and begin to place demand. This I have told her.. I have never threatened her with sending her if she gets pregnant. I just tell her the implications of her actions. Thanks for your input.

bigtt76:
Handle her like you would your daughter. Its a life training you're undergoing now don't fail.

I guess I failed this training.

missyblissy:
Op you better send that maid away immediately to aviod future problems. Fly wey no dey hear, dey follow deadbody enter grave. Be wise!!!! If that girl gets pregnant, her Parents will not be happy qith and will blame you and your husband or even accused your husband of being the one responsible. She may get pregnant and try to abort it eeeeeeehn... Send her packing and ensure you drop her at her parents place or where you picked her from personally cos her type fit to leave with her bf if you give transport back home

lol. I totally get you. Thanks.

paulibling:
I will not insult you madam holding brief for her when comments of sending her home arises but I will open your eyes small. What if she gets pregnant and you then decide to send a pregnant girl back to her parents against unpregnant daughter they gave you and when she gets home and tell her parents that you and your husband were using her for sex trade occasionally without condoms which resulted to her state. How would you convince a judge that you and your husband did not trade her for money.
You better refuse your village people from dragging your name in the mud cos your story will come to this same nairaliand and the peeps here will call your side of story a cheap lie from pit of hell.
Be warned!

Noted

Topnotch1402:
just try to have another heart to heart discussion again and try to involve her parents and even your pastor if you're christians and above all pray about no mountain is unsurmountable with God..I believe she will change if you apply the above measure.. good luck dear

I have applied all aside the tell the pastor part of which I mentioned to him this evening when he came visiting.

ireneidiva:
Kindly read the story again.

I did. I shouldn't have but I did.

rayval:
Beating her was very wrong. She is 18 for God sake. No matter how hard you try, biology will happen. I bet you weren't different at that age. The only thing you can give her is advise. If really she has become family, then be her friend and let her tell you all she has to..once you put fear in her mind, you will always be lied to. She has come of age. Handle with care.

Hhhhmmm! I believe some measure of fear is necessary too.

AK481:
Discuss with her parent about it Incase of tomorrow.

Also what are the services you will miss if you send her packing?

Is she a nice girl?

for the services, I can get a substitute. She has her good sides. I would.miss her very well becos she has stayed for long and memories but ........ Its better safe than sorry.

fineguy11:
Send her back to her parents.

I will