₦airaland Forum

Jorussia:
My brother the truth is this your matter is very delicate.Either your wife has a very low sex drive/libido or she is discreetly getting sexual satisfaction outside in a very intelligent manner.I urge you to do a thorough background check on your wife before ruling out any possibility of infidelity on her side.For a Lady to comfortably be with her husband without sex for 13months under the same roof with or without pregnancy is not ordinary.

Optimus212:
Tnx bro but d worst I can do to myself is trying to find out if she's cheating on me. My brother, I prefer my state of mind by not wanting to know some certain things. I don't want to be among the people on the other side courtesy of Suicide. I like my life like this.

Dem say "Fly wey no dey hear word, na em dey follow dead body enter grave".

Optimus212:
Hi Nairalanders....Please Admin, help me push to Front Page, i'm in dire need of people's opinions.

Pls ignore my writing skills because the way the matter be, my head dey shake like this.

My story is brief.

I am married to my wife & we're blessed with 3 kids,
..My wife starves me of sex over minor issues, even when we've settled by my apologies & me assisting remarkably well in house chores.
There was a period 2 years back she starved me of sex for 4 months because of one little misunderstanding we had back then which was unbearable for me & made me to cheat on her,..And my relationship lasted for more than a year with that lady.

Right now she (my wife) has started again with same attitude, its going to a month now. I am confused because I don't want to cheat on her again. What do i do? Should i keep facing such punishment? For how long? Or, should i file for a divorce? Don't you think such attitude will have reoccurrences in time coming?. It is disturbing me badly because I find it difficult to be sleeping alone at nite without her by my side. I have begged & begged her to let whatever anger towards me that is deposited in her to just die off, yet to no avail. The funny thing is, we'll discuss and play very well before going to bed but, whenever I start making advances towards her, she shows up a different attitude.

I am confused!! It is really really disturbing me. How & where did I go wrong?.

Pls, matured advices only, you can insult me too, of course its Nairaland but, I need serious advice, I am very worried.
Thanks.

UjuJoan2:
Hmmmmn . . . nawa ooh. So you are addicted to sex. . much like a high people get from drugs and alcohol.

Did your wife sign up for it? Did she know she will be doing the work of a sex machine in her marriage? Did she know she was marrying a nymph?

Sex is NOT food, or else celebates will be dead. You do not need regular sex to thrive or stay healthy. That's the addiction lying to you.

You wife does not have the same drive as you, she cannot kill herself to feed your obsession.

Since you read so much, why not seek help?

I hate how men put women under undue pressure in the name of marriage. If the woman dies trying to keep you healthy, you'll just move on to the next person.

Bossjakande:
DAT how most of u loose ur husband to younger girls who are ready to give d man wat he wants.as married woman why deny ur hubby sex.sex is food DAT keep a marriage going

Oyindidi:
Crackhaus na the sins of this man make the wife dey use watin him like most to punish am.

bukatyne:
I am happy you have realized that adultery kills a marriage so we know that is a no.

From all your posts on this thread, I would say that you have a healthy libido and you are still sexual interested in your wife (I would guess she is still sexy/good looking).

Your wife knows this and has decided to make it a weapon.

I do not know what the problem is however, of she can laugh with you and relate normally till it is time for sex, then it is a non-issue except if she is psychotic or she has issues with your sexual performance.

You know why playing with her, doing more chores etc. Would not work in your case? Because you are rewarding bad behavior. She misbehaves and you keep dancing round to please her. It has registered that if I sexual starve my husband, he will bend over to please me.

If the issues she had with you was not giving her attention or not helping with chores etc, the above would have helped.

Don't just reward bad behavior in your spouse.

What is the solution?
1. Engage her once again, apologize for breaching the trust in your marriage and assure her that you have never cheated again. Whatever the issues are, look into them genuinely and adjust where needed.

If she does not change, then:

Learn how to control yourself sexually. It will be hard however, don't let her feel you cannot do without her.

Stop playing with her or giving her attention. If she ignores your sexual needs, ignore her need for attention and learn to be self sufficient. If she wouldn't cook, feed yourself. Whatever leverage she has on you, learn to provide or beat it.

By now, she would start trying to get your attention by throwing more tantrums... Let her be. If she offers you sex because she is turned on, don't oblige her.

If you do not care about your appearance prior to now, please do. Change your haircut, mode of dressing, get good cologne etc.

When she finally comes around genuinely (not because she needs sex or something else), respectfully lay down the ground rules. If she has issues with you, discussion is the way to go.

Now, if after first engagement, she says your sex life is the problem, get self help books on sex and seduction and up your game in the bedroom.

In all of this, do not cheat or behave in any manner that you will have a blame.

Couples should not treat sex as a treat or reward. It is a duty (I am even taking live out of the equation) you pledged to do.

Goodluck.

armyofone:
Right-she begged and offered peace offering after he cheated ko...but op, do you know any time you make advances, wifey sees the face of the woman you cheated with ?
He should find out from her where she would love to go on vacation to and get a flight ticket for two. Go explore and enjoy a different environment with wifey while using a different strategy to keep his home.

Optimus212:
I'd say I was a bit that way but decided to change my lifestyle since the last time I cheated on her that nearly cost me my marriage. My wife became scared & started apologizing cos she saw it that she was about loosing her man because of her carelessnes. I forgave her, since then. I jst decided to keep calm because of the kids, now she's resumed same attitude.

zeb04:
so he cheated but she was the one begging? Lol

OKOATA:
You remind me of a neighbor friend of mine, Na the guy de cook from morning till night, wash the children and the wife's cloth and even beg her for sex. You are the cause of all this. You are the wife and your woman is the husband. You need to act like a man or else you will keep doing the same thing over and over.

missimelda01:
People who cheat think they are wise, they have no single respect for their bodies.. they are like dogs. Meanwhile I hope you've asked for forgiveness for cheating on her.

Optimus212:
Hi Nairalanders....Please Admin, help me push to Front Page, i'm in dire need of people's opinions.

Pls ignore my writing skills because the way the matter be, my head dey shake like this.

My story is brief.

I am married to my wife & we're blessed with 3 kids,
..My wife starves me of sex over minor issues, even when we've settled by my apologies & me assisting remarkably well in house chores.
There was a period 2 years back she starved me of sex for 4 months because of one little misunderstanding we had back then which was unbearable for me & made me to cheat on her,..And my relationship lasted for more than a year with that lady.

Right now she (my wife) has started again with same attitude, its going to a month now. I am confused because I don't want to cheat on her again. What do i do? Should i keep facing such punishment? For how long? Or, should i file for a divorce? Don't you think such attitude will have reoccurrences in time coming?. It is disturbing me badly because I find it difficult to be sleeping alone at nite without her by my side. I have begged & begged her to let whatever anger towards me that is deposited in her to just die off, yet to no avail. The funny thing is, we'll discuss and play very well before going to bed but, whenever I start making advances towards her, she shows up a different attitude.

I am confused!! It is really really disturbing me. How & where did I go wrong?.

Pls, matured advices only, you can insult me too, of course its Nairaland but, I need serious advice, I am very worried.
Thanks.

GidiWoodsMan:
You're being pussywhipped.

Download inmessage, tinder or baddo, look for a clean olosho to suck and fùck all the conji out of your system, then go back and renegotiate with your wife master.

kushercain:
Mister man, take charge of the situation. You be man na. Try communicate with her. Whatever is between you two can be cleared out...this no sex tactics looks more like a game boyfriend and girlfriend should play, not married couples.
Goodluck..
.
.
.
.
If not, contact Sagemk to provide the necessary paperwork so you become head of the Vaseline crew Married Men Branch.

Gbpereluvmama:
sex is an emotional food. A married men that is sexually satisfied becomes emotionally stable, once he's emotionally stable, he's family enjoys him. U have cheated before and u know the effects on ur marriage, there's nothing worth the destruction of ur marriage. Don't even try to cheat, its not worth it. Its ur wife, there are some things only u know about her that no one knows and that's why u chose her among all the thousand women in this world. There's also sth with wives generally, if de know ur weakness, they use it against u. Ur a boss, u have a competitive market, invest ur time in research and other things for now, then also control ur thoughts, always be conscious of sexual thoughts and push them aside, with time u won't give a damn about sex. once she knows u don't beg her for sex any longer no matter how long, then she will stop using sex as a weapon to punish u. just an advice to a brother in the MMA( married men association). Remember divorce is not an option.

Avayahery:
So his wife doesn’t not know that he’s addicted tobsex before marrying him?

2019news:
It is only fools that report their wives or husband on social media. If what u have written about your wife is true, what stops u from ironing ur differences with her instead of disturbing our peace and changing moniker like pants. Please, u are not a woman. Learn to keep quite and focus on how to make more money.

Optimus212:
U think so?? Woman don vex for you before?

UjuJoan2:
Hmmmmn . . . nawa ooh. So you are addicted to sex. . much like a high people get from drugs and alcohol.

Did your wife sign up for it? Did she know she will be doing the work of a sex machine in her marriage? Did she know she was marrying a nymph?

Sex is NOT food, or else celebates will be dead. You do not need regular sex to thrive or stay healthy. That's the addiction lying to you.

You wife does not have the same drive as you, she cannot kill herself to feed your obsession.

Since you read so much, why not seek help?

I hate how men put women under undue pressure in the name of marriage. If the woman dies trying to keep you healthy, you'll just move on to the next person.

Safiaa:
Darling sex is very important to men. We do not understand it because typically woman do not have the same sex drive as men esp after kids. But it’s important and you cannot deprive your husband from it. The same way you wouldn’t want your husband to deprive you of the things you deserve as a wife, or you will look elsewhere after frustration. We are human beings with emotions, we have to learn to compromise when marriage is involved even if it doesn’t suit your prerogative. That’s how the union will last. Sex is like food to men, they value it more than anything else in this world. Most of them even value it more than money unfortunately, and funny enough it’s not an addiction it’s just their nature. So instead of using it against him and starving him from it, a smart woman should use sex to get what she wants from her husband. Use their love for sex to your advantage instead of suffering yourself and your husband, it doesn’t make sense.

Safiaa:
Darling sex is very important to men. We do not understand it because typically woman do not have the same sex drive as men esp after kids. But it’s important and you cannot deprive your husband from it. The same way you wouldn’t want your husband to deprive you of the things you deserve as a wife, or you will look elsewhere after frustration. We are human beings with emotions, we have to learn to compromise when marriage is involved even if it doesn’t suit your prerogative. That’s how the union will last. Sex is like food to men, they value it more than anything else in this world. Most of them even value it more than money unfortunately, and funny enough it’s not an addiction it’s just their nature. So instead of using it against him and starving him from it, a smart woman should use sex to get what she wants from her husband. Use their love for sex to your advantage instead of suffering yourself and your husband, it doesn’t make sense.

generationz:
Follow planet3xi advice. She's enjoying the attention and it will be very dangerous if you allow her continue with the manipulations.

no woman respects a man who allows her treat him like a wimp

Personally I feel misuderstandings should be dealt with even if it takes days and one should move on.


Deny her that attention.

First she would be shocked and try to fight back with more manipulations. Act like you aren't even aware .

Don't even engage in the jokes. Let every thing be formal.

when she comes begging before you forgive her, warn her sternly that next time she does that it would end in divorce.

2019news:
It is only fools that report their wives or husband on social media. If what u have written about your wife is true, what stops u from ironing ur differences with her instead of disturbing our peace and changing moniker like pants. Please, u are not a woman. Learn to keep quite and focus on how to make more money.