[quote author=Biggermembersro post=79114901][/quote]

OP, I love everything you wrote, some men are just mommy boy.

As a man non of my family include my future wife family, will live in my house, expect me, wife and children.

Tell your husband this, if he don't accept, tell him go ahead with his divorce plan...

Your own that child, you can even go ahead and remarry another man self, if you see any.

This is so my paternal grandma, always want to know everything, your husband should be able to tell her when she clear cuts boundaries, he’s not doing what he should do.

She’s someone that will bring trouble to your door step, just sha avoid am Kia Kia, I dey avoid my paternal grandma, she’s a case, I don’t want no trouble.

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


My husband always praise his mum cos she trained him to med school here in U.S.A, of course who wouldn't just like I don't joke with my dad cos he did well for his six kids, so he adores his mum, praises her in every situation, always at her beck and call, I didn't see it as a big deal cos, well, it's his mum, we met here in NY, he and his family stay in Maryland while I was schooling in NY, the plan was when we get married I'll go back and forth till I finish school then move to Maryland, so I took in, you know first pregnancy how difficult it is, so one of those days i went to ML for the weekend one time, during that period, his mum had a get together so everyone is expected to be there, being in my first trimester, I was sick and told her I can't be there, she insisted and I told her I'll try, when the time came I was too ill to go anywhere so I didn't go, all for his mum to come later that night and was shouting saying and I quote "when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen" that is exactly what she said, I was shocked, my husband was there looking he didn't say anything, his father was there, he shouted at her that why would she say something like that, his mum shut him down saying all manner of unsayable things because she was more like the breadwinner, his sister, that one cannot talk if not the mother will insult her very existence just because she got pregnant out of wedlock but she still married the father ooo, me, my mouth was open, I couldn't talk cos I dont even know what to say, when they left hubby didnt even try to ease my mind or anything, the next day I jejely left for NY, vowing that my leg will never step into ML anymore.

Sincerely I was tempted to abort and divorce my husband because I don't understand how someone can say evil like that, even if it was a joke, that was nonsense, since then I've been in NY, I gave birth here, Dre has been the one coming here, it's not like me and his mum don't talk, she calls and we talk, sometimes I call too, all for recently, infact last week Dre says he got an opening for a job here and he wants to take it, I blatantly told him NO, because his parents couldnt work anymore due to health and all so they are staying with him in ML, him moving here means his mum will do that too, I told him no that I like things the way they are, no issues, nothing, I cannot stay in the same house with his mum because we will have issues that one is certain, he started shouting, I reminded him of what his mother said two years ago, he now said it is the past, which past? Now that I'm working I am expected to leave my babies with her, call me delusional the instinct of a mother is to protect her children, even if she may not do anything, we will still have issues and I don't want that before someone say I'm disrespectful when I talk back.

If I decide to turn American now, I'll just tell him he can't bring anyone here without my permission, but no, I won't tell him that, some of their laws here is stupid to be honest and I'm a nice person and I was born and bred in the north in Nigeria also I don't want to escalate issue, I am the only one here, my family is in Nigeria and i never mentioned any of this to them so it won't turn to family issues, now he's not talking to me saying he will take drastic measures, it will not pass divorce and custody battle of which I know I will win but I don't want that for my kids, they need their parents in the same home not divorced, my own is he should stay where he is and take care of his parents and continue worshiping his mum, is it that hard?

I dey vex abeg, pls advice on other options fam.

First of all, kudos for the quality write up.

Secondly, let your people know what's up asap before issues escalates. Don't keep quiet before its too late.

breakerofchains:



Sis, you don't have to endure any rubbish.

Put your foot on the ground and give him and his mother very serious warnings. Tell your MIL that if she threatens you again, you'll file a report in the police station.

You are in AMERICA, leverage it!

Don't endure any rubbish ESPECIALLY from your in-laws and husband. Call them out.

.
Sorry to say this, I disagree with u. She doesn't need to put any 'foot down'. What she need is 'perseverance'. She made mention of her child (or kids) and I remember our mothers. Many made sacrifices for their kids and is the reasons we all love them. This is what marriage is all about. "You marry their ways with your ways". She had the chance to walk away, but she stays, why? For the child I guess or for love?
My advice. Stay! Give him a chance, you can do it for your "kids". And Pray (especially for endurance). You can't tell! God will lead u.

Truth be told you are married to a wrong person and a wrong family. Get pregnant for him,have another child and move on with your life or just move on with the one you're having now,who knows a gentleman like me from a very good family might come your way.

Hi dear,
It's actually very easy.

His parents can actually come to New York but must not be in same house with you.
They can't work doesn't mean they don't have strength to take care of Thier self right??
She had enough strength to say trash to u 2yr ago, she still got strength to take care of she and her husband.

Let them get a house in NY ur husband can take care of their bills unless u wish to support him.

But not on same room with u. Once in a while they can pay visit.

when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen"

Mama d mama...

African mothers and their wahala...

enemyofprogress:
Truth be told you are married to a wrong person and a wrong family. Get pregnant for him,have another child and move on with your life or just move on with the one you're having now,who knows a gentleman like me from a very good family might come your way.

homebreakers everywhere. So you want them divorced so she can marry a "gentleman" like you. See advertisement...

Caseless:
homebreakers everywhere. So you want them divorced so she can marry a "gentleman" like you. See advertisement...

there is nothing like home breaking,it's obvious that the woman is not happy in that marriage and family, she can't continue to live her life in mystery and sadness. She has the right to be happy and that's the most important thing in this life. Marriage is not a ticket to heaven

TonyeBarcanista:
Funny enough if the husband is to write his own version the story will be different.

Humans are good at painting themselves all saintly and innocent when when explaining issues that involves them and most wives are fond of painting their MIL to be evil. I find it unwise to react to an issue by hearing just one version, so I shall hold my peace.

Dear OP, do whatever pleases you and stop seeking validation online. Only you know what the real truth is...

You get sense well well.

Asquare84:
Remember you are an African woman and forget about those western civilization, respect your in-laws

Tell me sir, in what way has she disrespected her in-laws, did u read the content properly?

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

You read my mind.

mistyebby:



85% of African MIL's can make such utterance. The only thing I figured is there is no hate between MIL and op which is good.

Op has a lot of rules she has to break or bend. Someone has to compromise. If your plans are no longer working, allow your man make the decisions.

If you worry yourself and get high bp and die. Give him 2months, you will be replaced. Let your husband be the man. He married you! You are already acting like his mama, so watch it!

85%?

Next time you see him, shoot him in the head, problem solved.

I understand your point of saying No but I also think you and your husband should go visit a marriage councillor for the seek of your marriage and kids..

God will see you through dear.

The fact is that if ur mother in-law is guilty in all ways and you retaliate... U will be blamed forever but one I will tell u keep a very close communication wit ur father in-law some how he will support u more than ur husband in any way. Secondly, sit ur husband down talk wit him let him know that it's better if it's just you and him staying 2geda than bringing his parents along or better still if money is not the problem u both shud make arrangements for his parents to remain in ML, assist him with money(all this is 4 ur PEACE IN UR HOME). let him know u luv n care 4 his mother this will calm him to accept ur opinion better.... Remember ur kids needs a parent together to hav a better future... Let him know he is ur super man & u need to be protected by him.
Finally, go down on ur knees every night put ur mother in-law in prayer to GOD things will turn around for good..... PRAYER IS THE KEY

crackhaus:

85%?

If not more

Biglittlelois:
One thing I realise with relations living with young couples is that it doesn't always end well. I remember one neighbour we had then, the wife married an only child and his mother had to come live with them, one day, the wife and mum had a serious fight to the extent that we were hearing the blows in our house, my mum wanted to go separate them, dad told to not to try it that it's not her business, this is a wife that just gave birth, on the naming ceremony, the MIL left the house, she didn't attend,

Stories like this is really sad cos it brings tension between couples and difficult for the husband to choose sides, Op I wish you the best in whatever decision or outcome you choose.

Lalasticlala.

The fact of the matter is that this lady's story is a hodgepodge of lies and half-truths. She claims it's all the husband and his family's fault.

Nigerian women prefer to have their fathers, mothers, siblings or cousins to come live with them than the husband's side of the family. So when the husband's family gets close, they rebel and start making up stories.

I have a friend whose wife's parents moved in with them in the US immediately they got married. According to my friend, it seemed like the daughter planned it with her parents once she gets married to the guy. My friend was introduced to the wife in Nigeria and ended up bringing her to the US. The wife's parents followed soon after. My friend had to put up with the living arrangement for 20 years until the wife's father passed away and his body had to be flown back to Nigeria. The wife's mother still lives with them. My friend is so angry he says he has never spent one day with his wife and kids without the wife's parent in the house. He said it feels like he married the wife and her parents. In all of these, he maintained a gentleman attitude.

Now can a Nigerian man bring his mother or father to come and visit talk less of living with them? That would be World War III like the wife is trying to start. The Nigerian woman with her wickedness will find fault to end it.

I have a friend who brought his own mother to come live with them in the US when the wife sent for her own mother. So the two in-law's live with them and there is no one feeling cheated.

john650:

The fact of the matter is that this lady's story is a hodgepodge of lies and half-truths. She claims it's all the husband and his family's fault.

Nigerian women prefer to have their fathers, mothers, siblings or cousins to come live with them than the husband's side of the family. So when the husband's family gets close, they rebel and start making up stories.

I have a friend whose wife's parents moved in with them in the US immediately they got married. According to my friend, it seemed like the daughter planned it with her parents once she gets married to the guy. My friend was introduced to the wife in Nigeria and ended up bringing her to the US. The wife's parents followed soon after. My friend had to put up with the living arrangement for 20 years until the wife's father passed away and his body had to be flown back to Nigeria. The wife's mother still lives with them. My friend is so angry he says he has never spent one day with his wife and kids without the wife's parent in the house. He said it feels like he married the wife and her parents. In all of these, he maintained a gentleman attitude.

Now can a Nigerian man bring his mother or father to come and visit talk less of living with them? That would be World War III like the wife is trying to start. The Nigerian woman with her wickedness will find fault to end it.

I have a friend who brought his own mother to come live with them in the US when the wife sent for her own mother. So the two in-law's live with them and there is no one feeling cheated.

dramas

gforce5:
Nairaland is not a blog that you bring this sort of issue to. A lot of the men here are misorygnist and abusive. I mean, the third response to this topic was already insulting the OP without bothering to understand her post! Another suggested that she endures all that crap that she's going through for the sake of her marriage even though she's in the States! I am not saying that she should seek a divorce as it's not a good record to have. Both parties should take a time off and meditate on their situation. If your man really loves you, he knows what to do.

OP, go to blogs such Bella Naija where you will find like-minded people who can give you a reasonable advice or ask family friends, your husband's extended family members, mutual friends, senior mentors, who can be neutral, for advice. You can't expect rational response from a blog where topics such as "I am 30 and I want to groom my 16 year old girlfriend for marriage" or "do I need permission from my husband to buy property?" or "I am tired of my girl's pussy" are on the front page.

You suggested she go to "Bella Naija where she will find like-minded people who can give her a reasonable advice". You mean where she will find very angry feminists who hate men. Your advice would lead to two possible scenarios - divorce or killing him and her in-law's. Not a good outcome.

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

I also sense so.

Im afraid it may end in divorce.

The mum is not dying any time soon
God forbid she dies, somebody somewhere will still be controlling him.

If you just have only a child , i humbly suggest you stylishly start making your self available dor another suitor.



His love for you is not deep

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

I also sense so.

Im afraid it may end in divorce.

The mum is not dying any time soon
God forbid she dies, somebody somewhere will still be controlling him.

If you just have only a child , i humbly suggest you stylishly start making your self available for another suitor.



His love for you is not deep and his background has a lot of issues

TEN ADVICES from a Supreme Court JUDGE who handled Family Dispute Courts:

1. Don't encourage your son and his wife to stay under same roof with you.
Best to suggest them to move out, even to the extent of renting a house.
It's their problem to find a separate home.
More the distance between you and your children's families, the better is the relationship with your in laws.

2. Treat your son's wife as his wife, not as your own daughter, maybe just treat her as a friend. Your son would always be your Junior but, if you think that his wife is of the same rank and if you ever scolded her, she would remember it for life.
In real life, only her own mother and not you will be viewed as a person qualified to scold or correct her.

3. Whatever habits or characters your son's wife has is not your problem at all, it is your son's problem.
It isn't your problem as he is an adult already.

4. Even when living together, make each others businesses clear, don't do their laundry, don't cook for them and don't baby sit their children.
Unless, of course, there is a special request by your son's wife and you feel that you're capable and don't expect anything in return.
Most importantly, you shouldn't worry about your son's family problems.
Let them settle themselves.

5. Pretend to be blind and deaf when your son and his wife are quarrelling. It's normal that the young couple do not like their parents to be involved in the dispute between husband and wife.

6. Your grandchildren totally belong to your son and his wife.
However they want to raise their children, it is up to them.
The credit or blame would be on them.

7. Your son's wife need not necessarily respect and serve you.
It is the son's duty.
You should have taught your son to be a better person so that you and your son's wife relationship could be better.

8. Do more planning for your own retirement, don't rely on your children to take care of your retirement.
You had already walked through most of your journey in life, there are still a lot of new things to learn through out the journey.

9. It is your own interest that you enjoy your retirement years.
Better if you could utilise & enjoy everything that you had saved before you die.
Don't let your wealth become worthless to you.

10. Grandchildren don't belong to your family, they're their parents precious gift.

​PLEASE NOTE​
_This message is not only for you. Please share it with your friends, parents, in-laws, uncles, aunties, husband or wife to find peace & progress in life as it is
​based on life long experience​ of a ​judge​ who handled ​family dispute courts​.

As copied

mistyebby:


If not more

I beg to differ..
Witches cannot be so plenty na

crackhaus:

I beg to differ..
Witches cannot be so plenty na

They are o. Different levels and categories. To my future DIL, im a potential witch. The relationship will determine the category she will place me.


Let me cite a close example, my grand mother may her soul rest was like mother Theresa, Martha, Mary, Priscilla, name all the godly and sweet women you know in the bible and history. But for some wierd reasons, my mum gets discomforted at her presence. What an Irony to me.

mistyebby:

They are o. Different levels and categories. To my future DIL, im a potential witch. The relationship will determine the category she will place me.


Let me cite a close example, my grand mother may her soul rest was like mother Theresa, Martha, Mary, Priscilla, name all the godly and sweet women you know in the bible and history. But for some wierd reasons, my mum gets discomforted at her presence. What an Irony to me.

You will have a MIL before ever having a DIL, so don't you think the best way to prevent your future DIL from labelling you a witch will be to act & exemplify the attributes you would want to see in your MIL so you don't see her as a witch?


As for your mom, ask her why.
Also try to find out if your mom was the only DIL with such discomforts.

crackhaus:

You will have a MIL before ever having a DIL, so don't you think the best way to prevent your future DIL from labelling you a witch will be to act & exemplify the attributes you would want to see in your MIL so you don't see her as a witch?


As for your mom, ask her why.
Also try to find out if your mom was the only DIL with such discomforts.

Well this is back to op. Im way too patient to see my MIL as overbearing, worse hold her to her words for over two years. As long as she isn't sharing same bed with my husband, I can deal.

And dont get it twisted. Good DIL doesn't always beget good MIL. Although i know what goes around comes, but its luck most times. As they say, marriage is like an alabaster box. What ever you see, you live and love.


And as for my grand ma and mum. Nothing ever was wrong. Maybe I will call it jealousy or rivary but it never led to any major problem. Just small side talks the other never gets to hear.

mistyebby:

Well this is back to op. Im way too patient to see my MIL as overbearing, worse hold her to her words for over two years. As long as she isn't sharing same bed with my husband, I can deal.

And dont get it twisted. Good DIL doesn't always beget good MIL. Although i know what goes around comes, but its luck most times. As they say, marriage is like an alabaster box. What ever you see, you live and love.

You're very interesting, not in an amusing sort of way though.

properties4sale:

3 years, u happy now?

it seems you have never lived with a toxic person. By the time she's through you would curse the day you set your eyes upon her.

properties4sale:


You don't have single sense!!! I just hate this... Tufiakwa..
This is my issue, all this marriage nonsense, so because the mum said something 2 years ago and its over. .. Abeg, make una go sit down.
Your MIL, is the breadwinner, she can stay where she is, and ur husband join u.

Down to the main matter, I have a glass dinning table for sale, it is in perfect shape ....
There are also many other available home gadgets at cheap rates... Click and see

https://www.nairaland.com/5230906/properties-sale-cheap-prices.

Contact me if interested.

Acidosis:
When a man agrees to the equal submission nonsense in the home, sons and daughters from that home end up becoming "mama's boys and girls". To all those denying their husbands the "head-ship" authority, brace up for war with your daughter in-laws. You can't eat your cake and have it too.

Your father in-law is a weak man and the root cause of the problems you currently face. He's too weak to put his wife under authority. She's first a wife before becoming a MIL.She failed as a wife, of course, she's going to fail as a MIL too. She "conquered" her husband, of course, she'll always "conquer" her son too.

In so far as your husband remains the son to your MIL, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Your FIL is the ONLY solution to your problem.

.. Exactly my brother. This is the kind of stories you hear when a woman is in charge of the home. Imagine the woman shouting down at his husband and he kept calm. So now her husband is behaving as weak as his father so why the complaint?. Like you rightly said,I pity any man who is not in charge of the affairs in his home.

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


My husband always praise his mum cos she trained him to med school here in U.S.A, of course who wouldn't just like I don't joke with my dad cos he did well for his six kids, so he adores his mum, praises her in every situation, always at her beck and call, I didn't see it as a big deal cos, well, it's his mum, we met here in NY, he and his family stay in Maryland while I was schooling in NY, the plan was when we get married I'll go back and forth till I finish school then move to Maryland, so I took in, you know first pregnancy how difficult it is, so one of those days i went to ML for the weekend one time, during that period, his mum had a get together so everyone is expected to be there, being in my first trimester, I was sick and told her I can't be there, she insisted and I told her I'll try, when the time came I was too ill to go anywhere so I didn't go, all for his mum to come later that night and was shouting saying and I quote "when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen" that is exactly what she said, I was shocked, my husband was there looking he didn't say anything, his father was there, he shouted at her that why would she say something like that, his mum shut him down saying all manner of unsayable things because she was more like the breadwinner, his sister, that one cannot talk if not the mother will insult her very existence just because she got pregnant out of wedlock but she still married the father ooo, me, my mouth was open, I couldn't talk cos I dont even know what to say, when they left hubby didnt even try to ease my mind or anything, the next day I jejely left for NY, vowing that my leg will never step into ML anymore.

Sincerely I was tempted to abort and divorce my husband because I don't understand how someone can say evil like that, even if it was a joke, that was nonsense, since then I've been in NY, I gave birth here, Dre has been the one coming here, it's not like me and his mum don't talk, she calls and we talk, sometimes I call too, all for recently, infact last week Dre says he got an opening for a job here and he wants to take it, I blatantly told him NO, because his parents couldnt work anymore due to health and all so they are staying with him in ML, him moving here means his mum will do that too, I told him no that I like things the way they are, no issues, nothing, I cannot stay in the same house with his mum because we will have issues that one is certain, he started shouting, I reminded him of what his mother said two years ago, he now said it is the past, which past? Now that I'm working I am expected to leave my babies with her, call me delusional the instinct of a mother is to protect her children, even if she may not do anything, we will still have issues and I don't want that before someone say I'm disrespectful when I talk back.

If I decide to turn American now, I'll just tell him he can't bring anyone here without my permission, but no, I won't tell him that, some of their laws here is stupid to be honest and I'm a nice person and I was born and bred in the north in Nigeria also I don't want to escalate issue, I am the only one here, my family is in Nigeria and i never mentioned any of this to them so it won't turn to family issues, now he's not talking to me saying he will take drastic measures, it will not pass divorce and custody battle of which I know I will win but I don't want that for my kids, they need their parents in the same home not divorced, my own is he should stay where he is and take care of his parents and continue worshiping his mum, is it that hard?

I dey vex abeg, pls advice on other options fam.

Mehn I love your type of woman... God bless you.