₦airaland Forum

baby124:
You do realize that not everyone has your upbringing? She got married under 4 months. Are you expecting an angel? These are issues that people in relationships work through. But she’s now working through it in marriage. What works for A may not work for B.

Let me tell you! I take serious pride in waking up early to cook for my dear because he can cook and clean even pass me o! So, no shakara there and I am a feminist. But I hold him in esteem because even when we were dating the guy no send me at all for kitchen. So to make myself more important I try to cook what he cant . In fact I do it as competition now.

I come from a home where my dad was a good guy, but his mama spoiled him so my mum did everything for him with love because the guy de hustle die. I have seen both sides of that coin. So everyone has what works for them o!

What I am saying is that these issues did not just work themselves out! We figure out what works and we just adjust ourselves to it. I know it might sound outrageous but you may also find yourself in such peculiar situations while dating and, if you love the person enough! You will find a way to work through it!

mhizdebbygold:
My love, am still telling people one thing you are not supposed to take in marriage is insults and beatings.
Don't let him give you flowers on your funeral.

This church combination of a marriage are usually scam, you should know that. how will you get married to someone just after 4 months you met?!

My dear give your self brain... Go and meet that pastor that joined the two of you and explain things to him.
Oga has low sperm count and he's still blaming you like he doesn't have his own problem abi?!
Hey! Don't also forget to pray.

Love ya

bukatyne:
Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband?

HitSong:
Olodo
Goan fight for her nau

Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

luminouz:
Hang? She already killed him online...we are just here to bury the rest!!!!

BABANGBALI:
abeg my landlord dey sell coffin o

Daboomb:
So, in your own WISE thinking, all those Women who prepare MEALS in their homes are SLAVES in that home?
So, @baby123 that wakes up at 6am to prepare meals for her husband and still works up till 5pm has been turned to a SLAVE by her darling hubby?
Some of you sef, it would have been better to keep mute, so as to be thought-of as wise, than to utter bunkum.

yemisolar:
This will be long but I would like you to follow me through it:

First, I don't want you to see your age or the age difference between you and your husband as an issue or the reason why there are issues. There are many marriages with the same age character that are doing well. Also, the fact that your pastors introduced you to each other is immaterial. There is always an avenue to meet. It might be through pastors, parents or even friends. I am sure your pastor will not knowingly push you into something dangerous. Besides, you two are adults and you had the right to back out at any point in time.

Secondly, it is not unusual for couples to have issues in the first two years of marriage Irrespective of whether you courted for 4 months or 40 years. Marriage is a different ball game entirely and usually there is a period of 'sizing up' by both parties. This is also the period where necessary adjustments are made if the marriage will last. The issue could range from delay in child bearing (as in your case) to money/finance issues, to inability to Balance family and work to lack of communication and so on. So you have to understand that you are not alone. It's not about your fibriod operation or that your time was running out, it's a phase that if handled right will pass and you will become wiser for it.

As for the lady in question, is he still seeing her? If he is then that changes the eqaution but if he is not, the only thing I can say is forgive and move on. It painful but you stand to gain nothing from thinking about what could have been if what didn't happen had happened. Save yourself the ache and let it go.

Even if he didn't have low sperm count, It was wrong to blame you for the delay in conception. However, he might (note the word might) only be using it as a weapon because he knows that that is a subject that will touch you. To him it might be more as a weapon of war than a statement of his state of mind.

The abuse: I will never condone physical abuse no matter the provocation. But having said that, you need to understand that every person has a trigger point, once you know it, stay away and there will be relative peace. Also let me say that women are more powerful than they know. And, there are wiser ways to this power to their advantage. But YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN THROUGH CONFRONTATION much less by insulting him. Instead you will put him on the defense and he will probably react.

As for you waking up by 7am on Saturday; I feel it's something you can always work around. For instance If you know that is what he wants, prepare his meal before hand such that if you need to wake up it's just to warm it up for him. There are other creative ways to work around it.

Comparing your marriage to other relationships you have had will not do you much good. The fact is that you are not married to any of your ex's so you need to face the reality. Also the fact that you work in the same place as should not be what is tying you down if you feel that you cannot cope any longer.

You said you have not seen so much acrimony, my sister you will be shocked if people tell you what is going on behind the fanciful smiles and lovely couple pictures. Some are managing it while others are working their way through it. It's called life.

You wrote that 'you don't deserve to live with this animal' that tells me two things: 1) if you could write this about him, you have told him worse things to his face (or at least thought of). 2) if you opened your eyes and married an animal then......
What I am saying is that you need to control your reactions, temper and tongue. I am not saying he is totally right. I am saying you both don't have to be wrong.

Lastly, given what you have written, your marriage is not beyond redemption. However, it depends on if you want to make it work. I will suggest the following;

A) develop a thicker skin to his words. See them as a means to get to you so don't let his words control how you feel.

B) I feel that you need to pickup books on how to make marriage work. You will be amazed at the level of insight you will find

C) look for slightly older marriages (5-10years) that can mentor you. People who walked your path not too long ago that can hold your hands through the journey.

D) look at what is good (or what good is left) in him. You mentioned that he pays the bills. That is more that what a lot of married women out there are praying for.

E) the God factor. I am a Christian and I know God answers prayers. However, the prayer is not to change him (at least in the immediate), the prayer is to change you so that you will make the necessary adjustments thereby eliciting the right response from him. Also, that your conception will easily come forth.

Sorry for writing an Epistle but I hope it helps.

Ishilove:
He is not a lunatic. He is a stranger. You married a stranger and now he is doing very strange things.

Kylce042:
End the torture already. You just should have listened to your heart and not your pastors i know they meant no harm. I don't
understand why someone will waist his time n resources to marry someone they don't like. If you can leave the marriage pls do the idiot that is not man enough ain't worthy of you. He should be praying that God increase his low sperm rather he is there maltreating you.. This is what you want to here.

Don't talk back at your husband, he insults you n you insult him back are you both contesting for WWE title? I know he is a dick head but i promise you most men are. That man definitely is hurting i don't think any man will react positively in his predicament. So i suggest you communicate better with him if you are too hot tempered anytime he starts his insults take a mouth full of water don't swallow it, you will control ya self beta that way, with time he will come back to his senses if he is wise enough he will realize he is insulting himself by insulting you the wife. Lastly you both should take medical steps to resolve his issues it can be treated. But after making affort and he doesn't change then ditch his worthless ass. Remember always make your choices and don't let people do for you bcs you gon live with whatever decisions you make regardless of whom told to do and not do. What you probably don't want to hear.

bukatyne:
Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband?

Elesta:
it's bo I typed not boo
and I am still legally married to d idiot. until I leave him, I am on my own

Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. [/b]I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

Seun360:
With this comment, i can tell that you are the main issue in ur marriage.

Check ursef very well and let ur conscience judge you.

freecocoa:
Trust me when I tell you, chances are, he is indeed a lunatic. You’ll be shocked how many lunatics masquerade as people’s husbamds in Nigeria.

Seun360:
With this comment, i can tell that you are the main issue in ur marriage.

Check ursef very well and let ur conscience judge you.

Ishilove:
He is not a lunatic. He is a stranger. You married a stranger and now he is doing very strange things.

IamAngelEyes:
You are a bloody lair, you work in same place and your pastor introduced another pastor that introduce....that finally introduced.

You mannerless, he insulted you and you insulted him in return, you are lucky he didn't take you as a punching bag, so you expected him to come and pet you after you messed up.

Who did you take from? I'm sure it is not your mother.

luminouz:
She has a very sharp tongue and a sharper mouth.
I know she is hurting,but abusing him online like this shows she also has issues...

BABANGBALI:
i dont think so, i think her love and respect for the guy are dead

luminouz:
Maybe,but I dont think I will openly call someone I married a 'lunatic and an idiot' that's some deep shiit. I know she's hurting sha

luminouz:
How many have u seen na?? If u have had interactions with a lunatic,I trust u will never type this up there!!!
All these unmarried gehs dishing out advice sef...follow baby124 example biko

habeesola:
you said he do slap you, looking at things now I don't think he will change and this is how domestic violence start oooo, from slap to punch, punch to rape, rape to death.
My dear sister, please leave that man asap. shebi na yesterday we hear say one man killed his wife by beating her.

luminouz:
Maybe,but I dont think I will openly call someone I married a 'lunatic and an idiot' that's some deep shiit. I know she's hurting sha

freecocoa:
C’mon keep quiet there, it’s come to my attention that more than 80% of Nigerian men have one mental disorder or the other, the women have too o, but the ratio of that of men to women, is like 100:1. As in, I shudder at the thought of spending the rest of my life with a neigerian man, I’m telling you the earnest truth.

There’s something seriously wrong with most Nigerian men, if you like vex, I don’t care.

freecocoa:
C’mon keep quiet there, it’s come to my attention that more than 80% of Nigerian men have one mental disorder or the other, the women have too o, but the ratio of that of men to women, is like 100:1. As in, I shudder at the thought of spending the rest of my life with a neigerian man, I’m telling you the earnest truth.

There’s something seriously wrong with most Nigerian men, if you like vex, I don’t care.

Grupo:
Movies like war room is for weaklings. I have heard about it but would never watch such a movie.

freecocoa:
If he or she is an idiot then let it b said, just fucking stay away from them is all.