₦airaland Forum

koyyes:
We are on the same page here.

But you see, not everyone thinks the same because we all have different priorities.

I clearly stated that I personally cannot breed with someone I hate.

I wouldn't have babies with a verbally, physically and emotionally abusive man either, all of which are descriptive of OP's spouse. God forbid bad thing. What would I even be doing in a marriage w| one in the first place?

Many married women in OP's shoes already have a kid or two, thus stay and live in misery w| the foolish rationale that they're doing the kids a favor. I know an Asian woman who was in a similar situation as OP's. She got married 6-months after meeting her now ex-husband. It took her a while to leave but she's now a single mother w| two little kids. Men like him don't change and the mentality that Nigerians have that having kids in situations like this will change the abusive man is often false and a huge trap.

addictedwriter:
have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious.....
ur statement above was one of ur greatest undoing. I still don't understand wat u ladies gain from being not serious with those who wanted u. Guys r wising up now, u do shakara as a woman to a serious man, u end up being a laughing stock to the serious men u rejected.. So sad!!!!

Boomerang effect.
You laughed at them at the time of seriousness, now they laugh back at you at your time of seriousness.

What a life!

Elesta:
He does

It is obvious he doesnt love u,and he is seeing someone else...file for a divorce.
U allowed pastor this pastor that have influence on ur marriage without u assessing ur future partner all by urself.

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

MOST TIMES ISSUES LIKE THIS AND SOME OF MORE YEARS IN MARRIAGE BEFORE MISBEHAVING START ARE SPIRITUAL, SOME MANY GIRLS OUT THERE THAT WANT RO TAKE YOUR SPACE WITH ANY MEANS, IF U THINK HE CHANGE SUDDENLY, SISTER....ONLY PRAYERS CANT CHANGE HIM BACK TO HIS NORMAL SELF, EITHER WAYS PRAYERS CHANGES PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CHANGE THINGS.....USE PRAYER TO CHANGE HIM TO HOW U WANT HIM, EVEN OTHERS WANT TO USE DIABOLIC MEANS TO CHANGE HIM AND CHASE U OUT....PRAYYYYY DONT CRY ....CRY MEANS DEFEAT....CHECK THE QU'RAN OR MAYBE IN THE BIBLE....KA JI KO....

Fanbee:
Lol the four months of knowing each other is not the issue.Success in marriage is determined by love ,tolerance and personality (education ,exposure,likes,dislikes,hobbies) etc and not how long both parties had known each other.Met my wife once and didnt see her again for 2 years and when next we saw we were already planning our wedding and it was 2 weeks away.We r doing Perfectly ok today.[b]The problem here is that the man is an animal and an abusive buffon.[/b]She should divorce him right away.For a marriage to be successful, both parties must work it out and certainly, the man is doing the opposite.I know a couple who knew for each other for just a month and got married.They are still doing well today.

good talk

I later learnt while they were growing up, his younger brother was his punching bag Always beating him. Now they are adults, d bro isn't close to him bcoz of what he went through in his hands when he was little

There is a fundamental problem somewhere. as someone rightly said, d man no get joy at all

luminouz:
Baby, why in hell will I be angry with you?? U have done me no harm. All I'm saying is,the few stories u read online about men n women issues shouldn't make u think good men n women are scarce out there. There will always be the bad. I try to see the good in people,I suggest u do so too.
You are so passionately invested in this sha!

Who’s talking about the stories I read? I’m telling you things I’ve seen with these my two korokoro eyes, I used to think Nigerian movies was nonsense till I started seeing what they act being played out in real life, hmm! You think I just want to talk abi wetin? My brother Nigerian men have put the fear of God in me, I am utterly scared of them, hoo-ha!

There may be good people o, but my dear they are only a handful and chances are very high that, even if you supposedly marry a “good” Nigerian man, that thing that makes them say ‘I am an African man’ will cause you heartache. I’m not even joking.

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

i got no pity for u women,u are all wicked

BABANGBALI:
bisola no dey dey for where dem dey settle matter, na to pour petrol inside fire and scatter things she sabi

no be say I no sabi how to settle matter but na like this domestic violence dey start, I hate men wey dey always beat women and have seen so many men like that, dey do start with small slap to big one to bigger one and from there it will lead to beating especially when the woman do not retaliate

BABANGBALI:
walahi to use you do ritual just dey hungry me

You no for succeed na, my head strong pass all of una.

MicroBox:
As much as I m critic of this story, I will still say my mind just in case.
You work same place yet you claim not to know his character.
You work same place yet he never sees you attractive enough to develop a courage and date you, until the pastors join you both because time is running out.
You work same place yet its your pastors in separate churches that join you both together.
Sorry to say but that is how single guys will most likely continue to treat you except you divorce him and opt for a widower or a divorcée who already has one or two children and won't mind to have some more from you.

it's a big establishment with different buildings over a large expanse of land. we work in separate buildings

Elesta:
Thank you very much. I know I am very capable of being loved right that's y I frowned at his behaviour right from time. Thanks for your advice. I am looking at leaving d country if I get a visa

No be only leave the country, leave find another horseband abi? Just look at you, shouting love everywhere, as if you are capable of giving love.. putting every blame on the man and pastors.. So, no single blame from your side? You selfish female, talking about your age and the baby rabies in you..

Almost all the SIMPs and the sentimental gashes don tell you to divorce the man.. Listen to them,,,

Moreover, you didn't say anything, I mean, not even one nice thing about him.

Let me ask you, what are your chances of finding a reasonable man that would possibly give you the sweet loving you so much desire, maybe, after the divorce?

Before the marriage, i believe you were desperate and so scared of dying as a single shameless old lady..

Now see your life
The fear of living and dying as a single old lady dey watch you..

Even the men of God beg you not advising you to make your own decision. Guess the marriage was to satisfy the man not you the woman

freecocoa:
Who’s talking about the stories I read? I’m telling you things I’ve seen with these my two korokoro eyes, I used to think Nigerian movies was nonsense till I started seeing what they act being played out in real life, hmm! You think I just want to talk abi wetin? My brother Nigerian men have put the fear of God in me, I am utterly scared of them, hoo-ha!

There may be good people o, but my dear they are only a handful and chances are very high that, even if you supposedly marry a “good” Nigerian man, that thing that makes them say ‘I am an African man’ will cause you heartache. I’m not even joking.

Lol,well,I'm an African man!!

habeesola:
no be say I no sabi how to settle matter but na like this domestic violence dey start, I hate men wey dey always beat women and have seen so many men like that, dey do start with small slap to big one to bigger one and from there it will lead to beating especially when the woman do not retaliate

Pele o bisola,

Seek advice from married couples of 20 years plus not on nairaland.com.

You are the lunatic if you can’t wake up to warn the food for him while he did not insist you cook. I can imagine my wife tell me that. The foolish thing about your kind of person is you are barely ready to give anything to make your relationship work.

So it’s pointless telling you things to make your relationship work. When I go tru tales of ladies who do not have a single good thing to say about their husband my advice remain one n the same. If you can’t deal break up, u are lucky u do not have a kid yet, you have a justifiable reason in the fact that he beat n slaps you so break up. Chose wisely next time n also understand there’s no eldorado in marriage. It’s give n take, give n take of lots of disdain n understanding.

Elesta:
I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

Until the husband shows up on NL to tell how insultive n irresponsible she is to her wife duties. This are glaring from the tone of her narration, n the tale of low sperm count does not mean a man can’t get a woman pregnant in record time.

sisisioge:
Aunty! She is the one wearing the shoe! She knows what she's saying. Her description matches the tag fa! May God safe us from ndi ara!

luminouz:
Lol,well,I'm an African man!!

I knew that na, you people are something else, mba kwa o.

Elesta:
I later learnt while they were growing up, his younger brother was his punching bag Always beating him. Now they are adults, d bro isn't close to him bcoz of what he went through in his hands when he was little

There is a fundamental problem somewhere. as someone rightly said, d man no get joy at all

Jesus!!! We dont need all these throwback Tuesday blues na....too much of ur family history will water down the essence of ur story
Just decide on what to do to ur marriage ASAP!!!

I left a very abusive marriage too and I deeply understand. I will be happy to share my story and encourage you too. I'm better off today. If you want to talk pls email me as i have sent you a mail.

Pls be strong

freecocoa:
I knew that na, you people are something else, mba kwa o.

N I'm sure na African man u go marry too...but ion beat women sha o

luminouz:
Pele o bisola,

why you dey do Pele to me, na me dem slap

freecocoa:
You no for succeed na, my head strong pass all of una.

I no go even waste my time and ingredients because as I dey look you so na only olden days coins wey no dey useful you go dey produce for me

habeesola:
why you dey do Pele to me, na me dem slap

Bcuz I know say u no get liver noni...u be gentle osun babe

luminouz:
N I'm sure na African man u go marry too...but ion beat women sha o

Well, I kuku know I can’t take rubbish for long sha, so that Nigerian man must be special.

ninnie:
I left a very abusive marriage too and I deeply understand. I will be happy to share my story and encourage you too. I'm better off today. If you want to talk pls email me as i have sent you a mail.

Pls be strong

I will surely reply u once I see d mail. thanks

ninnie:
I left a very abusive marriage too and I deeply understand. I will be happy to share my story and encourage you too. I'm better off today. If you want to talk pls email me as i have sent you a mail.

Pls be strong

abeg I wan follow do amebo biko send me your story

Pls divorce him before he kills you, and if you need a kids as a single mother get a sperm donor...

If all remark you have about your husband is bad don’t have children for him go n continue your search. It will be exceedingly foolish to have children for such a man only to come on NL n start another round of wail.

Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

freecocoa:
Well, I kuku know I can’t take rubbish for long sha, so that Nigerian man must be special.

Now u are talking. I hope u meet the special type of Nigerian men!

BABANGBALI:
I no go even waste my time and ingredients because as I dey look you so na only olden days coins wey no dey useful you go dey produce for me

You no even understand, you no fit see me carry, talk more of to take me go do ritual, see you.

All I can say is if you want to hate someone the more, say more negative things about them and to them. If you want to love someone the more, say more lovely things about them and to them. Sometimes, our redemption may just be in our change of our choice of words. Karma is alive!