Tunagee:


So there is no for 'better for worse again'
Somebody told me that all women always destroy their husbands image in their family when they have issues. Does it apply to all women?

Yes . Because she is finding a excuse to leave. Making you sure it's all your fault.

I Κƞɸw ιʍ ƞɸτ δ ɸƞly one that didn’t read the story

Bro you never hard a wife you only have a hang on lady, I'll advice you get on the street and look for your real wife, get job no matter how small it pays, to make your days smooth too. And pls. Don't blame your mother in law its only natural she stand by her daughter, they have the same view to marriage no money no romance MONICA= Money+Car. Now that she has free you don't go back to enslave yourself, remember if she can do this now that you are young enough to fend for yourself what will she do when you are 80+ thinks and learn. You can never make her change her DNA

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

With about 15 years I'm marriage is believe I am qualified to advice you.

The truth is Leave her with her mother and go and hustle when the breakthrough comes you don't need to call her back she and her mum will come begging you what you do after then is at your discretion. Shalom

The first thing I noted in this issue is this woman is not for you man, you just married her a stranger. You courted her for a year and that's not enough to me. The solution will not be a divorce, not now. There's a young child already so I will advice you to call all the people that bore witness to this union to a meeting. Both your parents and her parents with you and the lady present. This issue will be treated and a solution will be obtained but if this process fails to resolve the problem, then its over. A lot of comments here failed to differentiate the expectations of a wife and a woman in a domestic partnership with a man. For the former, a legally married wife, you don't leave because there's no money, that's a huge no. You can only leave because the man is living on austerity when it's a domesti partnership. For your problems to start when you lost your job means that this woman is not your wife irrespective of the cloak of marriage cert she's hiding in but your domestic partner. I will not advice you to start wooing her again, sending flowers, being nice, bullshitting, no this is not time for that. Pray for directions on how to improve financially, take it slow, don't you ever think of cutting corners to get money and sort this out, it will only boomerang and destroy you. Seek out the welfare of your son and be sure he's OK. If the witnesses to this partnership can't resolve the issue, then pls quit. I think the best way to avoid issues like this is to marry your friend, your long time 5-6 years friend.

mandate12:


Another mad woman on the loose...

like your mother and all the women in your life, idiot
they are mad like that

Kendumazy:


Will you take my advice? Shit happens in this life. Not until, when you started seeing everything as risk which end result you can't predict, you will live life better. Forget about all the emotional abuse etc. As a man you have every right to verbally abuse her in as much as she is the one that triggers it and she seems never ready to stop. You can as well verbal abuse her. Na blood dey run in your vein too. The strength to keep been silent over verbal abuse from a second party is a gift. Not everyone is gifted in such area. The ability to settle every abuses in a relationship is what keep most marriages till date most especially the ones both parties contributed to the abuse. Your wife triggers your anger which made you reacted but she is not ready to look at things in that way that she is also the cause.
Bro, life isn't hard! In as much as her mum is alive, there's little or nothing you can do. She will continue to control her daughter. Do you know why the woman keeps doing that shit as well? Because, you too, you give her the chance.
See, ignore them. Work on your life. The little you have, Send your kid upkeep to her via bank account for record purposes. Don't dwell much on the nonsense they are doing. You have tried enough. Go out there and make yourself happy. Trust me, when they see that, you don't send them again. Your wife will gradually come back to her senses and probably start fighting for her freedom from her mother. In short, stop being a sissy!

Op please I kneel and beg you FOLLOW this advice 100%

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

d woman left cos d money is no longer forthcoming but as long as d money is still forthcoming she will keep worshiping u as a god

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Oga you only married but have never found a wife ..He who finds a wife finds a good thing

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

This is true

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.[/quote]

STRONG WORD!!!

Be strong.

Amen o...Make God abeg bless men hustle unto all this kind matter...

Yeye dey smell... rubbish...

OsuEbonyi:

I'm sorry about your plight.
I hope the Lord almighty provide you with a good job and lots of money.
There are 2 sides to a story . So, I'll keep my opinion to myself for now.

I think before marriage there should be time to learn people small.
Don't fish into marriage.
Dunno wat to advice sha,

Go back and find your hustle and make money. Money stop nonsense.

Catchfirez:



Yes . Because she is finding a excuse to leave. Making you sure it's all your fault.

I think so! Thanks

Bishop:



With about 15 years I'm marriage is believe I am qualified to advice you.

The truth is Leave her with her mother and go and hustle when the breakthrough comes you don't need to call her back she and her mum will come begging you what you do after then is at your discretion. Shalom

Exactly! I really appreciate your contribution.

I don't know if you want your wife back because you love her or because her absence from home challenges your idea of who you are as a man. If it is the latter, then put as much urgency into looking for a job as fighting to retrieve her from her parents.

If it is love, then try to reach her and tell her how you're hurting. what you miss about her. How her physical presence completes you. If she doesn't return after that, know you've done your best. Keep the door open, but never stop looking for a job. Good luck.

Nnemuka:

you are too proud, ego is your major problem which you need to work on.
see how you painted your wife , you just want us to see the demon in her and perfect husband in you.
for 10months your inlaws didn't call and you didn't bother calling nor visiting to know how she's fairing.
That woman should just leave you and focus on being better because being with you will never be productive.

A feminist spotted. You didn't even read the story and his responses to some questions, all you cared for is to lay down the blame on him.

Nnemuka:

you are too proud, ego is your major problem which you need to work on.
see how you painted your wife , you just want us to see the demon in her and perfect husband in you.
for 10months your inlaws didn't call and you didn't bother calling nor visiting to know how she's fairing.
That woman should just leave you and focus on being better because being with you will never be productive.

i pity d person way married u(thats if u ar married)cos u will jst send dat one to his early grave and i also pity d guy dat will marry u(if u ar still single)cos its obvious u ar a narcicist

BiggyB242:
Some wives could lead their husband to early grave. When it comes to marriage my brothers keep education aside, keep beauty aside, though they are important but not as loyalty.

Some men are being frustrated in their marriages. If you marry a girl that is very close to her mother and she practically tells her everything that goes on the marriage then you in a deep poo, for some is a particular man of God

But in all make MONEY. Money brings respect from your wife and Inlaws it can't never be over emphasized.

You are right. She is very close to her mum, and started telling her everything after a while.

@Tunagee No matter how little , make sure you send monthly upkeep for your son to your wife via bank transfer for record purposes. Allow for 12 months from the time your wife left your home to see if she retraces her step. IF after October 2019 she is not back, then i don't think she is still interested in you. Never mention the ultimatum to her. Keep the hustle and improve your earnings. By 2020, hopefully things will have improve for you, start a new relationship, and request for a divorce.

U are highly carried

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

can i be ur friend

mbatuku1:


What you need the most is a source of income. Why you are bothering yourself over a woman who doesn't want you is strange?

You don't need to get married to enjoy female companion.

Get another lady and forget this joke you call a wife.

Get someone pregnant. Stop dulling.

Thanks for the encouragement mbatuku1

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Most women will do the same , no work no business no money no love

pcicero:


Many of you would not even cut the person narrating his own story any slack before venting.

Do you know what some men go through in marriages?

Men are also victims in many cases.

If I were to narrate my own personal story because I am still regretting why I opted for reconciliation in spite of glaring indifference and rash decisions of my own spouse, much to the disappointment of al lot of my friends and relatives, I am sure you would still attack me.

My own wife traveled outside the country while we were just having a minor disagreement which was resolved.

She traveled to see her folks and promised to be back after a week.

She took my kid and stopped talking to me after 3 days.
Two weeks later she traveled to another country for a week.

She had bought the ticket and procured visa without informing me.

She kept staying out late giving excuses on business and accused me of not been supportive of her enterprise.

I was paying the bills oo and gainfully employed.

I got provoked and had some hot exchanges and resolved which led to her traveling to see her folks.

Her folks kept saying they did not know about her decision but I didn't believe them.

I was just advised to move on by people close to me but kept thinking of my son.

Until we later reconciled after 7 weeks of her departure.

I am regretting that decision because nothing has changed.

Thank you for the encouragement and words of wisdom

Graduateacher:
Work bro work. Go out there and get a job, even if it's salesman job. You'll feel better if you have a means of income, your wife and in-laws will also respect you. Good luck

Thanks.Graduateacher

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Are you guys feeding properly in your house? Is the economic situation in your house making staying together a bit uncomfortable? Despite her staying staying away against your will, do you think your wife and kid (if you have any) are better off in terms of living standard where they are without you?

If the answers to the above questions are yes, then you should realize you married a materialistic woman. Dont misunderstand me, what i mean is your wife is the type of woman that has low tolerance for inconvenience. She might be a good woman but las las na woman she still be. She needs to be taken care of.
Not every woman can stick with a man through thick and thin. Some men love those kind of women thou. As long as they are representing well as the man of the house financially then they have her loyalty and respect and it kind of drives the man to achieve more because he knows he will be disrespected by her if he fails. but fail and subject her to inconvinience as a result and she starts giving you attitude.

That said. Judging from your account, you cant entirely blame your mother in law because according to you your wife has been feeding her lies. naturally mothers will side with their daughters talkless of when your wife is turning her mother against you.

Now here comes the bitter truth.
Women dont like effeminate men. If i were you. I would stop bitching around. I will call her and tell her that even thou i am down temporarily i will still rise again stronger. I would tell her that her actions now is what would determine her place in my heart when i stand again. I would tell her she should come home now that i need her. Then i would take my mind off her matter and concentrate all my energy on pulling myself back up. If she comes back great. If she doesnt, i'll be pained but atleast i'll have known the type of woman i married.
But whether she comes back or not. I'll stop whining about losing my job and how things were when things were good and i will put all my energy into getting out of my present predicament.

One last thing.
Brother even if you are 56 you are still a young man and can be with any woman yo desire. Your wife at 40 would be lucky to get a decent man.

drmikeadams:
. If say u dey drink beer,one of ur guys for advice u properly before u jump enter d marriage,even though u for no listen as love dey blind men eyes to warning signs

Actually she was a good wife material, grew up in church choir at a tender age, but trouble started when her mum started to know about our differences.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

First u need to know that the reason u are in this situation is not cos u don't smoke, drink or so.
U have to stand your ground as the man of the house. U ain't the first to loose your job, and if when u had it, you took good care of her n if now u don't have the job anymore she has to stay n face the storm.
Tell her immediately that u will give her some time to think are decision through n that if she doesn't come back home in the next 2 months u will move on n never have her back. It's simple

lonelydora:


My guy, move on. You no longer have a home. Even when you get another job, her mum will still be in charge. She believes you can't womanize, show her you can, and see how fast she will run back to you.

I advise you start searching for another good girl to marry.

Thanks I appreciate, Ionelydora. I hope u are not too lonely