₦airaland Forum

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

Word!

Galaticos444:
i pity d person way married u(thats if u ar married)cos u will jst send dat one to his early grave and i also pity d guy dat will marry u(if u ar still single)cos its obvious u ar a narcicist

plenty mumu full nairaland and it makes me sad
You just quoted me to insult me, are you not mad

lonelydora:
My guy, move on. You no longer have a home. Even when you get another job, her mum will still be in charge. She believes you can't womanize, show her you can, and see how fast she will run back to you.

I advise you start searching for another good girl to marry.

Thanks I appreciate, Ionelydora. I hope u are not too lonely?

tociano009:
I really learnt something, nothing like finding a faithful partner that will stay with you no matter the sittuation is

Exactly

desoul2004:
A feminist spotted. You didn't even read the story and his responses to some questions, all you cared for is to lay down the blame on him.

proudly feminist
choke on my feminism
You guys are just silly, any lady with a different opinion from you daft beings gets tagged with feminism or insulted.
what manner of humans are littered all over this platform

ruggedtimi:
you sure ur wife is faithful?

100% sure when she was with me.

No money no wife, even if you are legally married...it's the way Naija is...

grandstar:
I feel for you.

I believe you to an extent that a lot of the fault is from her by allowing her selfish mother dictate her life.

Divorce would seem practical but may not be wise (Read Proverbs 14:12, 16:25) .

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and our marriages are guided by scriptural laws. .

Our spouses are discouraged from living apart for a long period of time because it can lead to adultery and other problems. Were such to occur, the husband won't have any privilege in the congregation.

I really can't advise you because you may live by other standards.

Thanks

Starlight10:
YOU HAVE TO DATE HER AGAIN. if you are truelly inlove with her and dont actually want a divorce. Stop sending your mum, get your act together. Go for interviews and when next you visit her mums house buy something little but nice for her. Get her to come outside the house and chat over a drink or whatever while you tell her about the efforts you are making and the interviews you have attended. Let her see the guy with a vision which she fell inlove with. DO NOT GO TO ANY PRAYER HOUSE OR MAN OF GOD. Pray about the effort you are about to make in your quiet time with God, then proceed. Good luck

Thanks so much. Lovely one. Although its my mum who chose to visit cos of my kid, not me sending her. You are so cute, though

morpheus24:
Bros marriage is not by force o, forget all these religious edicts about God say this, God say that. When woman don tire, she don tire na only plenty money fit bring am back

Success is the best revenge and revenge should be best served cold.

Up your hustle!

wow! Thanks

Martinez39:
Surrogate mums for giving you children; a nanny to take care of them until they can safely find their way around the house; and a wide variety of slay queens/prostitutes to pleasure you anytime you want and how you want would have been better.

Guy your Head day there!

somehow:
Married to her for 40 years?

Jesus

Then you should be in your 60s.

And obviously lonely.

Maybe you need to ignore her sir, get some of your buddies to spend time with. Start a side business sir and maybe just change location and retire.

What about your kids?

Married to her for just 7 years!! I mean she is going to be 40 later this year. I'm in my mid 40's

somehow:
Married to her for 40 years?

Jesus

Then you should be in your 60s.

And obviously lonely.

Maybe you need to ignore her sir, get some of your buddies to spend time with. Start a side business sir and maybe just change location and retire.

What about your kids?

Married to her for just 7 years!! I mean she is going to be 40 later this year. I'm in my early 40's

J111333:
If you guys don't have kids yet, it's time to throw in the towel.

There is a kid

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Honestly bro, seek spiritual guidance / interventions for things not visible to the ordinary eyes to be revealed to you. Obviously, you love and cherish your wife, but there are forces you would have to deal with in order to have your marriage restored and also to get a job.

The simple truth is that the devil has destroyed so many unions all because people now think of the flesh alone, not minding the spiritual aspect.

Personally, I can help with some bible verses and a few things that would be of help to you

Tunagee:
The truth is, we only courted for like a year plus, so I did not see a lot of things about her mum,but till she left, she had always been a well brought up girl, an introvert, and extremely faithful.

I hope she comes to her senses before her mother finally ruins her .

Originalsly:
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She left immediately after you lost your job. Bro... the marriage was based on your ability to provide at the time... and the potential to provide a whole lot more later.... never on love. Don't waste time talking.... she is not going to return until you show her the money. Stop crawling to her and her mom.... leave home early in the morning sharply dressed in 5 pic suit... off to nowhere... return late in the evening... let word filter to her that you landed a job in a bigger Multi national company and higher position.... they will figure out your new potential and rush back to prostrate before you begging for forgiveness.After 3 days you can tell her the company suddenly decided to relocate abroad...then blame her for the bad luck....but abeg.... avoid ehmmmm...... unguided vocal utterances.

Thanks, very interesting

Op seriously speaking you don't need this distraction(Yes that's what she is) now, go out and hustle, get yourself a good job and watch her and her whole family members come crawling to beg you for her return, then it will be your own turn to do whatever you need to do to teach her a very big lesson.

If you ask me, that woman does not truly love you, enough said before enemies of progress will start calling me enemy of peace.

donsheva:
Move on

good talk

delishpot:
I love how when a man is verbally frustrating his wife and she has had enough... Naija men start talking trash about her but if the tables should turn and a man comes here to say his wife is verbally abusive all support to kick her out and move on are given to him.

Some advisers will not see heaven!!
Poster, you said it yourself that you were quite brash and verbally abusive to her these few years you lost your job. You should know that the loss of your job affects both of you as a team. She is also frustrated or depressed about your situation so heaping your frustrations on her and expecting her to endure should not be a norm or cycle.
Try to have a chat with her and recognise where you two need adjustments and work towards it.

The joy of marriage is not tied to only fidelity, money etc. How you two communicate is important.
I hope you guys find a way to make things work.

Thanks Delishpot

OsuEbonyi:
I'm sorry about your plight.
I hope the Lord almighty provide you with a good job and lots of money.
There are 2 sides to a story . So, I'll keep my opinion to myself for now.

yinmu

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

With all you have said if it's 100% true, your mother in-law is the problem. Is the father in-law dead ?, he needs to send the lady back to her home. How do you known the mother is not arranging another marriage for her,meet your family to deliberate and take a decision on the next line of action

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

so he should continue with the marriage that YOU said there was never real love in the first place, just love for materials and financial gains? Na wa for you o, to use you do ritual just dey hungry me

You are crazy !

OmoOshodi:
Faulty foundation

Questions for you

Is ur wife's mum a single mother? ( divorcee / widow)

Are u a Christian or Muslim? ... Either way what's u guys level of spirituality... Bench warmer or religious ?

I suspect you had a faulty foundation and there may not be remedy to marrying a wrong woman or man....

Cos the bible says " he who finds a wife has found a good thing and he has obtain favour from the lord"

If God is not the one that chose her for you .... You can't report the case to God


Sir you are finished!!!

Have you gone through one before?

Don't let social media deceive you.

Divorce its not ice cream or beans you put on fire.

Lexusgs430:
Ever heard of a word called 'Divorce'?......

jubangha:
well,i have seen it all that you are a very responsible man that cherish his family and loves his wife so much,first i must comment you on this being faithful for ten months hahaha,indeed u value your home and i think i admire you alot because such men are hard to find,now my advice,the wine of your marriage has finish,there is need for a refill,go back to the founder of marriage and seek for his guidance.believe me him alone has an answer to this.

Thanks for the appreciation and encouragement. God bless u.

Tunagee:
There is a kid

Then do nothing and wait for her next move. Cease every communication and tell your own people to cease theirs too. Believe me, she will act as soon as you do this and then you will know how to react.

This is why i always laugh when people scream, money this and that before marriage. Money is extremely important but no one should ever underplay the importance of love and other minor qualities. Bro, ur wife don waka and even if she returns, she may never remain the same. Move on bro. From the look of things, u are really attached to her.

U married a woman who couldnt stay with u during the storm. When people scream, money and size of pocket and over emphasize the importance and down play the importance of true love, i smile. They dont know anything. Person wey get better job today can be sacked tomorrow. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Nothing.

Someone whose business is doing fine may take a downward movement tomorrow. This is why one need to test the ability of a partner to remain with u during dry seasons. My bro, u didnt marry a great woman. Im sorry, move on. she is not coming back. All these she is doing is to see if u can bounce back financially. If u do, she will return, if u dont, bye bye. Well, i would suggest as u hustle, pls find someone else. And this time, calm down marry person wey no go leave u run because of life challenges.

jubangha:
well,i have seen it all that you are a very responsible man that cherish his family and loves his wife so much,first i must comment you on this being faithful for ten months hahaha,indeed u value your home and i think i admire you alot because such men are hard to find,now my advice,the wine of your marriage has finish,there is need for a refill,go back to the founder of marriage and seek for his guidance.believe me him alone has an answer to this.

Thanks for the appreciation and encouragement. God bless u.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Chao
I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her.I can't imagine how painful this is for you.
How about her dad,what's his opinion or the wife wears the trouser in the house.
I pray you get a job soon.

Chiefqueenn:
Its one thing for a woman to be sad/man about her man being broke but spoiling his image and treating him like crap is just unnecessary. She didn't even bother to get a job. Hope you're able to move on and forget about her because I don't think she was ever right for you. I'm sure when you're stable she'll come running back. When that happens, close your door in her face.

Thank you so much beautiful, God bless u.