₦airaland Forum

deltateam:
Whatever happened to for better and for worse oath in marriage? So you think you have the right to cheat citing marital problems as excuse?

Oh thunder where are thou?

Sorry to comment under your thread I taught you are a sensible person


Nothing spoken here warrant that image

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

Email me

Send me an email I do not need your contact address nor want to have any conversations with you privately


Just email me I got one solution which will help you and bring back your marriage though it’s gonna be a bit difficult but trust me you can’t l

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

first are u a full house wife or not
if u are good, but if u are not a full house wife bad.
try to get in to is head a little,
if is around Live the baby for him go out for a walk maybe one or two hours if u come back tell him u just stroll to clear your head of thinking

let is food be let some times.

pretend to look for work even when u not

he will surely tell people by himself what is going true

by then people will sit bout of down

pls don't kill ur self is not whout it

mikeuz:
And you came to Nairaland for advice. My dear wrong place.wrong move. If you are real, please seek advice somewhere else. Many of the people here don’t have boyfriend or girlfriend, not talking of wife or husband, or are even fathers or mothers. Many are social media kids, many are frustrated. Please seek for advice from respectable persons you know.

please listen to this guy, na only few people get sense here many people just type for likes.
A lot of people giving advice ain't even in a relationship talkless of marriage I would advice you to see a counselor.
This must be a very hard time but I pray things turn out good. All those giving you advices now will be as confused as you are if they are in your shoes

. Funny thing about life is that we claim as if we know all, we give advice as if we are perfect, but we are far from it. Seeking advice from people and weighing their opinions will help a lot I wish you well.

Go find his bank account, empty it then move on...if you can't empty the account yourself, Gboys full ground. Na only percentage we go collect... Waiting for your message.

No mind the dick head husband of yours. He is just a small boy. Hand never touch am e go behave...

Op be careful of scammers as they are already salivating at your vulnerability.

Some want to propose dangerous options like kidnap or assault that can put you against the law. Don't listen to them.

That man is a dog.

*spits

You guys are not officially married so why can't you just walk away before you fall too deep to leave?

The title is wrong and should be corrected

Your husband is not cheating on you, Your husband has married another woman. Can you cope with polygamy? Keep managing or Move on for your sanity.

Horlaidex:
Sister, there’s nothing you can do to change your husband’s decision cos he’s made up his mind already and besides there’s probability that the lady is even pregnant for him. You have to take things as it comes, I know it’s gonna be hard but that’s life. I won’t advice you to file for a divorce

So you want her to keep on dying in silence?

uuzba:
You want to marry another man's wife?
Is that not adultery?

You are quoting a G boy.

Unless you are prepared for a lifetime of this, you are better off doing your own thing. Otherwise your husband will marry his business partner/fuckmate. Nothing will happen. I have seen same thing happen before.

Are you willing to be a senior wife? Do you want to start dragging with some other chick? This is not even a case of 7 year itch. The guy will do this again and again.

If you have something that can make you financially independent, go for it. Otherwise prepare for a marriage of misery and no more diiick

There are two ways to this , if she still really loves him and can cope with being in a polygamous marriage , I’d say maybe she should carry on , we’ve seen some families live in harmony (it’s never 100%though) but then looking at it from her angle, she’s just 26 with just a child with him, it’s still very much possible to leave the marriage if it’s going to be toxic to her life, for crying out loud, he’s been getting more attached to the lady and definitely isn’t really into wife, she’s helping out with his business and all , so his affection for her would keep growing,
She can move on or stay in the marriage and accept it as fate.

I suggest both of you go for marriage counseling. If that does not work, then your next option is separation and then divorce. If his recalcitrant and way-ward behaviors do not change during the period of counseling, then he's not going to change. He must be willing to stay in the marriage and there's nothing you or anybody else can do to make him stay if he's already checked out. He might tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear while he's still cheating on you with the woman. Only he and he alone would affect change to his behavior that's if he's willing to. Good luck!

You are too young and just have a young child, my advice, stop thinking, worrying about this, calm down to avoid health problems, just having baby one month ago, too early, you don't want to go into "post-mortem depression", its a state you don't want to be in. Relax, he will get over it

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

You need more of prayer and God, courage and strength in this case. Please take proper care of yourself and the destiny in your hand that's the little child. God will definitely see you through ijn

He has the money to take of care of em Girls...so she shouldn't complain much......


Its better to have a fellow wife than to be with a broke ass man na

When money talks,,, e no dy stammer

Richy4:
Reading some of the heart breaking stories here on Nairaland sometimes makes me imagine/ wonder what the Reverend Fathers must have been hearing during confessions..

I can't just imagine how a man will look into his wife's eyes and say that he won't let got of the other woman.. That is the highest disrespect that...I'm speechless..

OP please tell me that you are not jobless.. because I can't see what will make a talented, young, beautiful 26yr old daughter of the land to remain in that house and swallow garnished Sh!t.. If he can't let go of her you should have shown some class and withdraw honourably..

Some times I blame parents for interfering and putting unnecessary pressure on their kids to get married.. it's not compulsory that every relationship must end in marriage..

Take your baby, Go to your parent's home and cool off temporarily...While you were there, Think if it was possible for you and your baby's to have a good life and future without him in the picture.. this is because He has made up his mind to have a second wife, The other woman has agreed to be in his life... So now the decision is yours to make if u want to be be the first wife or separate from that bull$h!t

If you were my sister, I would seriously advise that you don't allow your parent to reconcile this matter.. Let him finish what he has started.. because if they forced him to leave the other woman, his business might suffer..and his anger would be on u.. if you asked for an upkeep money... He will angrily tell u he doesn't have... He might be bold to tell you that the person helping him on his business is no longer there, where do u expect him to get money.. That I believe will hurt u..

If u are not working, dust your certificate and Start submitting CVs. At least within 5months u might get something... You rent a little granny flat and settle with your son.. suggesting that you go to your parents house was just for u to think.. not for u to bash him in any way... and it's not for intervention..

Op please do this. @Richy I always look out for ur post on family section. I'm glad we still have men like u.

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

your husband want to complicate things for himself,he thinks it is easy to take care of two families and I am sure he is the type that listens to friends advice, try get a someone to counsel you.

The rate of infidelity by men and women is worrisome. Don't people have principles anymore.

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

you are soo right, no time for servitude again, leave that fucking marriage, besides, i think bible supports divorce due to infidelity. Or better still, find a way to permanently deal with the husband and the husband collector (like a slow and steady way that would destroy them without recompense)

Stay around those that love you, while you pray and act wisely. It shall be well.

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

In your mind you have offered her a good advice, all these single mothers sef... @ op you need to meet your pastor if you have one dont give up on your marriage. It's possible this lady has charmed your husband with juju. Agreement prayers is very important or better still do mid night prayers for 3 days then afterwards rear an altar of sacrifice before God it may be money or anything that you value so much. Your husband will surely come good

mikeuz:
And you came to Nairaland for advice. My dear wrong place.wrong move. If you are real, please seek advice somewhere else. Many of the people here don’t have boyfriend or girlfriend, not talking of wife or husband, or are even fathers or mothers. Many are social media kids, many are frustrated. Please seek for advice from respectable persons you know.

And who told you there are no adults on Nairaland... You should be asking yourself... What is a kid like you doing in this section of Nairaland.

If you cannot accept it, divorce him.
Get up and LEAVE.
You are not a tree.

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

God bless you.

mabea:
In your mind you have offered her a good advice, all these single mothers sef... @ op you need to meet your pastor if you have one dont give up on your marriage. It's possible this lady has charmed your husband with juju. Agreement prayers is very important or better still do mid night prayers for 3 days then afterwards rear an altar of sacrifice before God it may be money or anything that you value so much. Your husband will surely come good

For your mind too, you dan give better advice.

Not everything has to do with juju abeg

Never underestimate the power of prayer. Focus on yourself and your baby. Sit back and watch how the whole thing play out

goodnewscliff:
He has the money to take of care of em Girls...so she shouldn't complain much......


Its better to have a fellow wife than to be with a broke ass man na

When money talks,,, e no dy stammer

All the money in the world can not justify the blatant disrespect. Even if the money knows how to sing, rap and read poetry.

Firstly, I am very sorry about your pain.

Secondly, Either a Man or a Woman, at times one has to courageous enough to take a step that would knock one's partner back to his/her senses.

Write a letter pouring your Heart out to him (humbly and sincerely) and let Him know you'll have no choice but to leave the House for Him and the other Lady (not divorce).

Go to your Parents House and leave them together.

With time, when they start living together and start having issues, He'll know your worth.

You just have to become an ideal Wife from now on.

OP... I think you got overwhelmed with the relationship... And forgot to ask your husband if he believes in polygamy?

Well he is a polygamist....

This is not a matter to resolve between husband and wife any more...

Involve your parents and his too.

Look for a Job If you don't have one( alot is about to change in your marriage)

Find happiness in your own future.. make yourself proud

And if you are not happy in the marriage... File for a divorce.

On the flip side... You will always move on and also lend to cope with the second wife ... It is just a matter of time.

"Reality check".

You are in this boat already.. the option is on the table for you take it or leave it. Nothing will change him

Dear Op,
It easy for people to tell you take the child and go to your parent's house,
1- You both have the child, it won't be easy to train the child alone, since he is not sending you out of the house and he his responsible for the upkeep don't leave the house.
2- This is just reality you have experienced, Remain with him, get a job after your baby must have grown enough, achieve your goals cos the only way you can get his attention is by becoming financially bouyant.
3- Don't leave his house except if he ask you to do so. Majority telling you to leave are single without experience, some even date married men.