Just one small advice, run a secret DNA test on all those children. They might not even be yours. Share with us the results. Don't mumu yourself by telling your wife before you do it oooo!

I can't tell you what to do about your cheating wife.

hurthubby:
My story is too long but let me try to summarize everything.

(I have been a member of Nairaland since 2009, but i just created this account to hide my identity)

I got married in the year 2000 and wedded in Dec 2001. Before the actual wedding, my wife got a job in Abuja, where she stayed for one year before our wedding and her joining me in Ibadan. During the cause of that year, i have a friend who stays in Abuja that knows my wife very well, who reported about my wife's infidelity to me then, though i ignored it.

In the year 2005, my wife confessed to me that she committed adultery after our wedding.

/
You deserve her. She has a wimp for a husband.

Final final, she contacts HIV/AIDS and send you yonder since you are not man enough to take serious decisions.

Goodluck!

/

You're here for advice because of financial difficulty.
If he were buoyant, its possible she won't cheat with different men. Its lack of money that makes older women to cheat though that's no excuse.
Sorry but its also the abundance of money that makes older men to cheat

But @ OP, I pray you get your biz back. Don't sell your house o except you have more than one. You can travel to seek greener pasture and also have fresh air to clear your head . best of luck. Your kind is rare

JudgeOGBUNABALI:

Well, this is my 7th yr of marriage. My main problem with man and woman is not cheating but disrespect. And cheating even comes under disrespect. I don't play with respect. I give it to people and demand 110% reciprocation.
Dude here has no respect for himself. So am sure nothing, not even his children will respect him. Not to talk of the so called wife and her bonobo friends. You see, my wife, my inlaws, my siblings knows I can kill demanding respect. So nobody crosses that line. You want to mess around? First quit the marriage. Otherwise the day I find you out. There'd be double funeral and nobody will know who is responsible. My respect is more important than any blood!
That's why I wish to encounter this louse called Op. The wimp seriously need some whip

U said u married yet so immature. Would u jst keep quiet already.. Some1 seeks advice and this is all u had to offer. I can imagine ur marriage already

Compare the comments here and the comments here

https://www.nairaland.com/5360979/husband-boldly-cheating-me

I don’t feel sorry for any man who gets cheated on. Most of you are hypocrites and deserve cheating wives.
In fact not just that. A lot of you deserve to raise kids that are not yours.

What a theory . He definitely is not seeking advice primarily because of financial difficulties. It's the wife's matter that brought him here.

Nigerian women and always reducing everything to money. The wife was cheating when the man was financially sound and when both of them were working.

His business collapse is a more recent event probably due to the trauma of the wife's philandering ways, and his inability to focus

dalass:
You're here for advice because of financial difficulty.
If he were buoyant, its possible she won't cheat with different men. Its lack of money that makes older women to cheat though that's no excuse.

boban007:
Its true I know someone who's wife is worse. Infact the wife sometimes drive him out of her house cos the guy is JOBLESS. She dates her bosses and travels anyhow. She sometimes gets her hubby contracts in her office to keep the husband mouth shut..its a long story u dont wanna hear it. But it's true.

marriage na scam

OP I know a lot of people have commented, and I know you said you don't like divorce.... The situation you are going through is the ground Jesus gave for divorce. I know you are staying in the marriage cos of the kids, but do think you are giving your kids the best of yourself emotionally being around such toxicity..
Are you saying you don't harbor any bitterness for her? Are you saying you are not emotionally detached from her? Do you still have sex with her?
You are living in a toxic situation... If you want to even make it back up financially then you have to forgive her and let her go for your sanity.... You know emotional stress is linked to many chronic illness..
Cos you cannot make it with such huge burden of serial cheating on your mind...
You are a victim of domestic abuse ... Read up on how to protect yourself.
Don't cheat cos she's cheating... Don't go against who you are because of what you are going through...for you not to have cheated all these while shows that you honor your marital vows and sexual infidelity goes against your values

cuteboy2:
What a theory . He definitely is not seeking advice primarily because of financial difficulties. It's the wife's matter that brought him here.

Nigerian women and always reducing everything to money. The wife was cheating when the man was financially sound and when both of them were working.

His business collapse is a more recent event probably due to the trauma of the wife's philandering ways, and his inability to focus

You are right... it's so sad that a lot of women think in such a foolish way, that loyalty, fidelity and responsibility should be attached to financial availability... Whatever happened to plain old genuine love and integrity
There's no way the man can sincerely focus on improving his biz with such emotional burden, it's hurtful and draining... He's even a better man than most , how many men will condone such? The wife will not even focus on working with OP towards improving his biz cos she is not with him in any other except physically

Run man run!!!....women don't have space for two men in their hearts. For the fact that she has found comfort in the hands of strange men she doesn't have space for you anymore except she is delivered from that whoring spirit, But before then you should consider yourself a "marked man" for she might easily be convinced by those men to delete you. Most women can do the most stupid things when they are in love so thread carefully.

Safitu:
The man is not under any spell. The reality is that a lot of men endure cheating from their wives contrary to what you read on social media. Do you know what marriage entails? It’s not just a ceremony, it’s a physical and spiritual bonding, a soul tie that becomes extremely difficult to get out of, especially after many years and reproducing together. It just takes a lot of strength and grace to walk out. A lot of men do not come out to confess the problems their wives put on them because it’s a huge dent to their ego. Just pray that you marry a virtuous woman because it’s not easy.

I don’t usually comment on post, but this comment is extremely lame and naive. This man in question is insecure and extremely laced with low self esteem. United States probably have a higher divorce rate (male & female) and there’s nothing spiritual about their divorce. It’s just a thing of strong will and mental readiness. I personally can’t take bullshit that comes with marriage hence, I won’t hesitate a divorce if need be!!!

aviato:
Stupid idiot, someone came on a forum to ask for help and you are here acting like a foolish kid, if he had answers to his plight he wouldn't have come here so why not Bleep off if you don't know what to say.

your bastard father. Idiotic fool

Kiezodumah:


U said u married yet so immature. Would u jst keep quiet already.. Some1 seeks advice and this is all u had to offer. I can imagine ur marriage already

Shut up ewu ... na una type dey shame men. Go play with your mates. Nkakwu

bitingcool:


Dey there dey make mouth. Mr. Respect. Woman wey wan do go do... wether you demand respect pass God or not.

Just thank God you don't have such challenge
That God did not give you load wey U no fit carry.
Everything in this life is wisdom.
Op... U know what to do. You know how to tame your wife. Do it!!! Reclaim your lordship and head in your home... and stop letting your wife disgrace you. Also, use a condom. Don't sell your house pls. This storm will pass. There's nothing as pitiful as renting a house in old age.. expecially when I have tasted house ownership. Make sure your hands are busy in any little venture..and tame your wife or let her face her actions...

If you don't have boundrues, I have. If you cross mine and got found out, it's hell and drastic actions follows. Stay your confused lane ... I know myself.

cckalima:
l have seen people who talk like this fall by the axe. Pray bad times don't come your way you will be weaker than weaklings and you be no match with the autism.

I don't even know you and Op who is more stupid. Pls quit my mention or thunder your age will fall on U. Idiot

JudgeOGBUNABALI:

Well, this is my 7th yr of marriage. My main problem with man and woman is not cheating but disrespect. And cheating even comes under disrespect. I don't play with respect. I give it to people and demand 110% reciprocation.
Dude here has no respect for himself. So am sure nothing, not even his children will respect him. Not to talk of the so called wife and her bonobo friends. You see, my wife, my inlaws, my siblings knows I can kill demanding respect. So nobody crosses that line. You want to mess around? First quit the marriage. Otherwise the day I find you out. There'd be double funeral and nobody will know who is responsible. My respect is more important than any blood!
That's why I wish to encounter this louse called Op. The wimp seriously need some whip

You need to be feared
Na your kind dey beat woman to death

hurthubby:


This is no fiction. Am talking about my marriage.

Oga, you are lying.

shalomt4321:


You need to be feared
Na your kind dey beat woman to death

You are wrong. I don't forgive clear eyed disrespect like in this situation. Op should have chased out that woman with the initial adultery. Or at least gotten a 2nd wife. His failure to do that emboldened the prostitute he calls wife. Men should be men pls.

shalomt4321:


You need to be feared
Na your kind dey beat woman to death

Na woman wry get him time I go blame. Mtcheeeeeeeeeews

AuroraB:
Oga, you are lying.

More likely this guy is toying with people's emotion here. Cos he seems to sit back and be enjoying the expected reaction. I don't believe him one bit. Even if he condoned all this over the years ... Where was his family members

You are in a state of limbo, unsure of the next line of action. This is common among those heavily mentally invested in a relationship when they are receiving the wrong end of the stick.

Do you still wish to put your life in the hands of someone who does not see any value in you or in your own life? We have read the story of a woman who had her husband murdered and transferred his money to her lover who was younger than her in Benin. I know a woman, whom three men she married died through mysterious circumstances. Do you want this to be your fate? You were even liked enough to be told by people. Some men are not told, some died of shock when they found out. How can a man survive when he finds out that his children he trained are not his?

My observation: your wife was only peripherally married to you. She was never mentally invested in the marriage. She saw you as a mugu who would tolerate her recklessness after you forgave the first act of infidelity. She was convinced you are nothing without her. How do I know? A lady I wanted to marry cheated and gave me an ultimatum to get over it. I got over it...and got over her. You can do it. Your children would be the worst hit (if they are yours); how you deal with the aftermath, I cannot say. I speak in the past tence because what you had was not a marriage but a union of two persons who did not understand the stakes in marriage. For example, why you cannot think straight now is because for your survival, the union is transactionary in the economic sense. This is how the union was to her.

Many men who stay with cheating wives don't live long, except the man is cheating too and doesn't care about her escapades.

PS: I do not wish to question the veracity of your story, but from personal experiences and observing close people's lives, these things happen a lot.

JudgeOGBUNABALI:

If you don't have boundrues, I have. If you cross mine and got found out, it's hell and drastic actions follows. Stay your confused lane ... I know myself.

na U dey confused....inua

bitingcool:


na U dey confused....inua

Get lost pls. Quit my mention while at it.

hurthubby:


I was 100% faithful to her, for over 16 years till i discovered that she's something else, that she can't change, though i have been restraining myself

I admire you, sir. This is my advice. Satisfy yourself oitside and determine never to open her cloth again

She has done this too many times and I don't think she will ever stop. As a matter of fact, her infidelity might be the cause of your financial problems.

Go and do a DNA test for your children, then call her parents and explain everything to them, I hope all your evidences are intact, always screenshot and send to your phone, then delete the screenshot from her phone.
GET READY FOR A DIVORCE because you are not safe, she's having multiple partners not just one fling.

pocohantas:
Forgive her.

Women are polygamous in nature.

Don't allow those men win, she is your wife...they are the intruders.

Just focus on your children, she'll definitely get tired and come back to you. They always do...

Always remember, God hates divorce.
I wish you strength.

you're aren't serious.are you?

Hope you have tested yourself for STDs

hurthubby:
My story is too long but let me try to summarize everything.

(I have been a member of Nairaland since 2009, but i just created this account to hide my identity)

I got married in the year 2000 and wedded in Dec 2001. Before the actual wedding, my wife got a job in Abuja, where she stayed for one year before our wedding and her joining me in Ibadan. During the cause of that year, i have a friend who stays in Abuja that knows my wife very well, who reported about my wife's infidelity to me then, though i ignored it.

In the year 2005, my wife confessed to me that she committed adultery after our wedding. (She was actually about 2 months pregnant in Feb 2002 when she sought my permission to visit her sister in Lagos. I never knew that she actually visited one of her old boy friends and spent 2 days with him).

I was down cast for some days when i heard her confession before i got back myself and forgave and forgot everything.

She later got a job which made her travel often, sometimes spending weeks outside but i never suspected anything even though her boss, (A lady) called me several times to complain about my wife's behavior, which is contrary to that of a married woman but i didn't take her serious because my wife always complained of the harshness of the woman. She later lost the job and joined me in my business, but always going to Lagos to buy jewelry, which she sells in Ibadan.

In the year 2014, i got some texts from a concerned fellow about how my wife have been sleeping with his neighbor for over 2 years in Lagos. It happens that the fellow knows us very well and didn't want to cause any problem in our marriage but the the acts became too much, he had to let me know. When i confronted my wife with all the evidence and some dates, she owned up and pleaded for forgiveness. She confessed that the affair started when she was working for the lady i mentioned earlier and anytime she travels to Lagos for her jewelry business, she always go and sleep with the man. She promised to turn a new leaf.

In the year 2018, i discovered that she had been communicating with the same man, to the extent that he even knew that my wife traveled to Owerri for a wedding. I discovered that they had reconnected back and chats always. When i confronted my wife, she said that they have nothing, just chats, which i made her to stop (I don't know if they actually stopped).

Before i married her, a man actually dumped her and married her friend, 6 years earlier. The next boy friend left her and traveled abroad for over 2 years, without any communication (before i met and married her) but unfortunately, it didn't work out for him and he came back and discovered that shes married. He started pestering her,pretending that he wanted to marry her, that he traveled to make money for both of them, but been that she's already married, she introduced the man to her cousin and he married the cousin.

Now the issue is that my wife is flirting with her former boyfriends, sending pornographic pictures and nude pictures with dirty chats. I used to monitor her chat but to save myself from HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, i stopped checking her phone.

My wife even told the one that dumped her for her friend that she still loves him so much. She also tells the one that married her cousin the same thing and regrets that distance is so much between them. (The one that married the cousin is based in Kano while the one that married her friend is based in Abuja) Whenever i confront her, she will deny anything serious but when she sees my evidence, she will beg for forgiveness. My business is down and she provides about 70% of the house up keep (She is a teacher). We have 4 children, the eldest being 17. I have been trying to sell my house or land to reestablish my business but it has not been easy. My wife now does as she like, even having male friends here in Ibadan and keeps too much secret? What should i do.

I know this is long, but its just a summary. Forgive any typo.

u beta stop taking care of another man's children

Do a DNA test to find out if you’re not raising another man’s children.

After that, divorce her and move on. You don’t need her financial support to live your life.

JudgeOGBUNABALI:

Shut up ewu ... na una type dey shame men. Go play with your mates. Nkakwu

Pls u can go on and on and on.. It only solidifies my point abt u.

well




You were given one of Life's simplest exams.......
The answer to the exam was written on your answer sheet.....
All you had to do was write your name on the answer sheet and submit.....


unfortunately, u have carried over this course for 19years....
at this point there is nothing else to do than to be the chief priest of that course.....

my point?
You shouldn't leave that marriage now, you have been able to forgive all these while....
now you have 4 kids.....
keep forgiving my brother, with time you will get used to it!

Whatever you do, make sure ur children do not suffer for your inability to coordinate yourself and make spontaneous decisions.

and to think you have been on NL for that long, with the likes of nwaamaikpe, lefulefu and some good ol' fellas that do community service periodically....
informing the community of the recent vices and how to overcome them.....

truly, ur post is actually provoking!

Please,call her our wife
Until she gives you a "serious" sexually transmitted disease,you will call her my wife.
Your relationship with her is already past the elastic limit,so advise yourself.
For me personally,I only forgive once(infidelity related matter)!