₦airaland Forum

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

Give your life to Jesus and let Him choose your spouse for you but you said NO! That's why you're reaping what you've planted now!
You are now praying to the God you forsook when you were choosing your path - why should He answer?
However, it's not too late if you repent now, He will not cast you away. He will have mercy and abundantly pardon. You also needs to pray and talk to your husband gently so He too can forsake his sins and give his life to Jesus Christ.
For the God of Christians is against sin and poligamy!!!
That's one of the reasons I gave my life to Him - because I don't even have strength at all for these wahala. I just can't stand it!!!!
So if you will both surrender to Christ, the fear of God comes first before considering other self-centred ambition knowing that God will judge every secret thing
Shalom!

Try and save money off him first. Then tell him u are telling Ur in-laws and afterward leave him. But if u can't live without him then ask him to fund Ur baby acct monthly as a fall back plan cos the other woman might cost u pain later. Take more money off him. Maybe if the money dries up the other woman may quit.

Kilamiti:
I pity any married woman who doesn't have a side man by the side. These husbands ain't worth poo. Don't deceive yourselves.dont carry this stupid I am married title on your head because you will just die for nothing. A man wants to keep you at home and still cheat, fine!!! Give your self to another man and make your self happy. In fact having one outside would take your attention away from Wat the fool Is doing and he'll be the one to notice he's the one loosing you. A friend of mine did same.she would go out and suck her boyfriends dick and bring that same mouth to kiss her horseband on his lips. Y'all should stay preaching thou shall not cheat yen yen when these men keep embarrassing you outside. IF YOUR MAN NO WAN STAY ONE PLACE, YOU TOO. CHEAT ON HIM!!!!!!!

thrash!!!!!!! Ignore diz rubbish please

My advice is that don't report him to his parents......or else his behaviour will rather change from bad to worse........this's the right time for you to act and endure as a woman......seek for advice from elderly people and probably report the situation to your parent but not his........if things didn't go as planned....you can also play the JEALOUSY GAME i.e start hanging out with a male friend (no sexual affairs though)....let him know he's not the only one meant for cheating

Do not fear for the lord is with you. Take it to God in prayers.

MiddleDimension:
when you were younger and had it all, your attitudes is always ''to hell with any man who cannot put up with your dating multiple men!''

i really like the way time flies and power changes hands.

@op, please talk to parents on both sides and any other mature person. take the necessary actions you need to take in order to stay healthy in the mind. good luck

after helping to mediate in a marital dispute, a priest once told another priest that if this is what marriage is all about, that means they both made the right decision.

You're aware that not every woman is desperate to be in a relationship for the sake of having one? I'll say "To hell with him!" even with my jowls hanging, I don't care.

This should go out to those that say you must date for 100 years before marriage.

So after dating for 7 years u didn't notice the polygamous side of him


Marriage is luck!

Typically, the first few years of marriage tend to be quite challenging. This is because the man as well as the woman sometimes, is trying to adjust to the new life of commitment. Sometimes the psychological transition causes emotional imbalance and some men tend to look for validation and comfort in other woman. However, trust me, he will come back to his senses and realize the reason he married you. I know it's not easy, but please try to stay strong and prayerful. Hopefully, he doesn't get the other lady pregnant before coming to his senses. God bless you madam. It is well.

Hmm alot of advisers online as if they know exactly how it pitches... The only person that knows exactly how is you, and your decision should be made by you not by popular opinion online because whatever you go through by your decisions will be bore by you and not you and them. Madam be careful about your decision. Wish you all the best in your decision

xtivin2:
How do you know she's a diamond sir? Don't judge too quick if you haven't heard from both sides.

learn to be quick to read and discern. some men can be stupid this is a fact speaking from personal experiences the temptation out there is real and strong. It takes real wisdom for a man not to destroy his home while chasing pleasures outside. so don't try to be technical on my comment and don't be the man that throws away diamonds (priceless family) to pick stones.

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

Pretend all is well.
That you have accepted his decision.
Draw him closer to you. Then strike!.

Find a way and feed him Slow Poison.
Do it intelligently.
Eradicate him and have your peace .
Good luck

Madam, you don't want to report him to anybody, but you're here to do men are scum.

Talk to a therapist and keep your life moving forward than coming here to ask mostly single and angry people for advice. Take dem serious at your peril.

My 2 cents if needed.

God go help u

miss00000:
.

Now if what he is doing is right why will he tell you not to tell anybody? This is not the time to keep quiet. He is in the process of marrying a second wife ,its going to happen cos there is a high probability that the lady is pregnant already,how you will react should be your main concern.

You have two decisions to make, its either you stay or leave, but don't keep your family in the dark about this issue.you need their support now more than ever before. Call your family now! ,no counselor ,no friend can be a better support system than your family. I repeat ,CALL YOUR FAMILY NOW!!!, you fear he might get worse when you report? Let me ask you, how worse can it get than this? The worse that will happen is that he will disslove the marriage and marry her, so prepare your mind for that too.

From this point on, the possibility of saving this marriage is very slim, he has boldly told you the bible is wrong for saying "one man one wife", to me he has crossed the point of no return ,don't be surprised if he decides to covert to Islam one day so he can marry more wives so you will have not just one but three more women to share your husband with, so are you up for it? .

There are some things that prayers alone cannot fix. I feel bad for you,very sorry about your situation but please a call your family, they need to know else you will have to deal with their anger when your husband finally marries the lady and you kept mute and didnt inform your family.

.

Raysleek:
learn to be quick to read and discern. some men can be stupid this is a fact speaking from personal experiences the temptation out there is real and strong. It takes real wisdom for a man not to destroy his home while chasing pleasures outside. so don't try to be technical on my comment and don't be the man that throws away diamonds (priceless family) to pick stones.

Honestly bro, don't be too quick to exonerate a women when you hear her story. Every other thing you said is needless to me, the husband may have a case of infidelity or any other if you hear his own story. Both of them need a mature third party to hear them out, try to resolve or give proper advise amicably.

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

Please do not hurt yourself. Are you working? Can you take care of yourself and child? I always say that a woman should not get married if she cannot take care of herself and kids. shit happens this day. if you can take care of yourself and kids, report him to your family and be preparing for divorce if solution is not possible. if you are not financially sound, look for work or start a business. You have not married yet.

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

I see to crimes here
1. Cheating
2. Change in marriage philosophy to Accomodate his actions because of a Muslim woman serving it to him and even helping his business this is a rare combination many men will find hard to resist taking bt he need not loose his damn mind because of these free gifts. He needs to retrace his steps.


Just reminds me of tonto Dike when the husband and his pa where doing “Work” Office/business romance by a married man is a very bad habit. Its hard to see how much ur destroying ur family cos u get best of both worlds good job and good sex at same time. Very disgraceful I must add.

anonimi:
Abi o
Any small thing, instead of using the brain that God has provided us we will be shouting at God to help us fix the mess we created.



www.nairaland.com/attachments/4160988_image_jpeg_jpeg6f95b5e7a24ad4fc0808d6698fd37362

Don't mind the moomoo

I think you should give him an ultimatum to stop the cheating or you're gone,do not take it lightly with him o before he goes and infect you with HIV.

Nonsense,ask for a divorce and take him to court for child support and maintenance period.

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marriedvirgin:
My sister,I want to tell you a story so that you can learn. I got married in 2012.In 2014 ,by March I was already 3 months pregnant. My husband was doing exactly the same thing that your husband was doing.I had never slept with a man before I met him.My husband even told me that the two women he was dating have the right to come to the house.I almost miscarried. I fell into depression.I will have even gone mad of not for God.The doctor sent someone to come and remove me from that house. Remember that I was still three months pregnant. As I left that house since 2014 till 2019 I have never spoken to him. He got married in 2016 again to another woman. This 2019 in July the woman ran away from him with a one year old child.This same man,his sister's husband committed suicide in March 2019.My dear sister,you have the decision in your hands.

Let me tell you another story.When I was a school there was this boy who used to come close to me.He never told me what his intentions were towards me.I also sat me quiet.One day he told me he was tired. I was confused because I don't even understand what was going on or maybe he just wanted me to use my head and understand that he wants to date me.He never said anything. After telling me that he is tired,one month after that he told me that he now has a girlfriend and that his girlfriend is a virgin and never had a boyfriend. It sounded like an insult and a challenge that he was throwing to my face.This boy got married to this girl in 2014 and this is 2019 and this girl has never gotten pregnant and they don't have a child since 5 years that they got married. Can you believe that this boy contacted me in March of 2019 and was telling me that he will give me everything I want and he was trying to come to my house.He said if I want money he will give plus anything I want.God revealed to me that I should never accept him or allow him come close to me because he wants to use me to make a child.Another thing that God revealed to me is that the money he wants to give me is to make "salaka" so that his wife's womb can open. And God showed me that if the salaka does not work he will get me pregnant so that I can give him a child but he will still stay with his wife and if I open my mouth he will make a scandal of me.God is faithful. When God made this revelation to me I distant myself from him till today.He thought that he was challenging but it is God who is great.If anybody hurts you,walk away from them and don't look back.It is God who holds their answer.

nice experience. God will make you strong.

Oma307:
why are talking like this? did she say her husband is beating her? where will go to? and what is the assurance that another man is going to marry her? or you think take care of a baby is a child play perhaps she didn't say whether she is working or not. although I am not supporting the husband cheating nature

mr u are. She should leave . She is not a handicap

I thought you both did court marriage? By law he can't marry another wife till you both are divorced

bekpo:
Since ur marriage was registry, u r d wife no other. He can't marry a second wife d law doesn't allow for that. Just make sure d marriage certificate is safe with u. If he tries or attempt to go for a second wife, first get ur family to b informed. If he doesn't rescind d decision, get a lawyer to write him and remind him of d implications of running fail of d marriage Act. He should let him know that bigamy is a serious criminal offence that will land him in prison and tarnish his future.

Nigeria is a patriarch country... Your advice will not solve the problem

Yet women still see this scam institution as an achievement. I laugh

PraiseDLord:
Give your life to Jesus and let Him choose your spouse for you but you said NO! That's why you're reaping what you've planted now!
You are now praying to the God you forsook when you were choosing your path - why should He answer?
However, it's not too late if you repent now, He will not cast you away. He will have mercy and abundantly pardon. You also needs to pray and talk to your husband gently so He too can forsake his sins and give his life to Jesus Christ.
For the God of Christians is against sin and poligamy!!!
That's one of the reasons I gave my life to Him - because I don't even have strength at all for these wahala. I just can't stand it!!!!
So if you will both surrender to Christ, the fear of God comes first before considering other self-centred ambition knowing that God will judge every secret thing
Shalom!

self-righteous pharisee

jimyjames:
I thought you both did court marriage? By law he can't marry another wife till you both are divorced

na u wan enforce the law He can go nikkia as she is a muslim

jimyjames:
I thought you both did court marriage? By law he can't marry another wife till you both are divorced

yes oh. He will severely pay for it.

Please call this number let's talk. We offer counseling on deep emotional issues like this. There's something you need to know. 08139494713

seriously op,
you are too young to start experiencing such shit.
you are still in your prime,so get out while you still can.
don't wait till you are worn out wit more kids then u will find it difficult to survive on ur own.
I see marriage as a last bus stop in life
and if u ave to endure it,
it means u endure d rest of ur life till u die.
the truth is prayers cannot change a cheating man, u will only end up as one of those women who runs from one prayer house to another.
polygamous Home kills.
and trust me ur husband will always find another woman becos he is d Problem.

life is too short to spend fighting battles,its not a pretty experience

I feel for you.
Answer this question truthfully. What exactly are you bringing to the table in terms of finance, ideas etc?. This so-called second wife in-view is helping him generate income by boosting his business. A bond will naturally grow between them.