Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

. Why won't she deceive you into marrying her? Go thank your God.Ndi real man.

Dude call a family meeting and blow the lid. U've been given a second chance at life.

HIV stories everywhere this week......what is happening??

HIV is finally beginning to take over the Land....

Something must still kill a man.....

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

He ain't special. Her viral load is low due to the anti-retroviral she is on. And the new born was placed on the drug because of high possibility of contracting it as a neonate. The man is in grave danger now because she might just stop the drugs to increase her viral load and just dash him the thing so that they will both be positive, like we die here together stuff.

GrabHisBalls:
[s]Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.[/s]

Stop using Yorubas as example with out of wed pregnancies. Out of wed pregnancy is very common among yorubas, that it's now an acceptable norm among them. How many Igbos do you know with out of wed pregnancy? Very few. Igbo don't roll like that!

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

There is nothing special she is on drugs n if u are on drugs the chances to infect someone is very very small

Omojudy:

Bro, hard truth is you have to forgive. I know someone in similar shoes. The only difference is that he hasn’t found out. Sometimes we have to try and understand things from the perspective of these carriers. It’s hard being stigmatized for something probably wasn’t our fault.
Do you think it was by your power you didn’t get infected from other girls in your previous life or were you a virgin till marriage?
So for your sanity, your kids future and all, forgive,take your drugs and live. About madam think of an appropriate punishment. Maybe threaten a separation till she comes back sober. And you too please don’t go about having side chicks especially without a condom!

He’s not positive.

You must be a lucky man. Leave her. Find one reason or another. Irreconcilable difference. If you get infected na 2-0 be that o. Congratulations for not having been infected up till now. Move on with you life. You only live once.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

assainate the bitch so she dosnt reproduce and spread it

You need mature advice but you came to Nairaland.

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

this lai Mohammed they learn where this man they kai, u mean u have been sleeping with HIV position person since 2005 and u never got infected or u re just trying to console yourself

Hobbsandshaw:


Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

when we tell people there is God and miracle happens, they think its a joke

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

madam ,you sure say you well so?,i doubt if you are.
You can still heap blames on the man when the obvious is conspicuous,grow up,i mean you talked immaturely.To dial wrong number for your ear they hungry pesin

hmmmmmmmm.
this one is strong, if all you said is true, the marriage itself was conducted out for deceit and frankly speaking, it can be dissolved!
but then, there's a place of forgiveness, no one should compel you to forgive, but take time to think through it. you already have kids with her and it's no longer about you alone now, if you end the marriage, what becomes of your kids?
she was selfish and deceived you, but look at how God has vindicated your innocence by keeping you negative.
you both need to see a counselor and talk.
it's not easy on any decision you are about to take,
I believe, all will be well.
be strong brother!

lambda:



You are a big fool!

seconded

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

Dont mind him,it’s not possible. He can’t be having sex with an hiv positive woman for more than 5 years and still negative
I think the wife just contacted it

lambda:



You are a big fool!

I swear to the maximum heights.

Hobbsandshaw:


My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

since she is on retroviral she can't give you the disease, only when she stops taking her drugs.

GrabHisBalls:
Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

this girl abeg carry your useless argument leave this post. someone is seeking for advice but all you are looking for is endless argument

yemisolar:
Eleyi gidi gaan ( this one strong o)

Let's try to take it fact by fact:

Fact#1 is she HIV positive now? YES

Fcat #2 she told you she was pregnant. Did you conduct any test on your own before paying the bride price despite the fact that it must have taken some months before gathering your people and money to do traditional marriage? NO

Fact #3 pregnancy mysteriously disappeared. Did you ask any questions or do any test? NO

Fact#4 she told you that she was to have a C-section because the baby was so small. Did you see or study any of the scan results or at least ask for opinion? NO

But you did research to know that Nevirapine is to stop mother to child transmission of HIV.

Not that I don't believe you, but you need to she'd more light on some aspects of the story.

if she breastfeed the your first son at all and she was positive at the time she would most likely have infected your son.

Also, if she was already infected at that time, it's somewhat inprobable that the tests would have been non reactive after two years during the pregnancy of your second son.

If it is true that's he has been taking antirotroviral drugs for FIVE YEARS. How come you did not notice inspite of your suspicion? It's either she is a great pretender or you are greatly careless and non observant.

I have not said she is right. I am saying you could have handled things in a better way.

Suggestions

Make sure you get 2 or 3 opinions on your (and your sons') HIV status and be sure you are safe.

Secondly,you need to have a heart to heart discussion with her devoid if anger and emotion on the way forward. You will need medical advice if you decide to stay with her.

If you establish that she she actually decided you into the marriage, it is a ground for divorce mainly because you life and that of your son's are at stake here. That changes the equation of things entirely because of the children involved.

Lastly, there is the option of loving forgiving and loving her through it. As wierd as it might sound,she might have not been open because she was afraid of loosing you.
It doesn't make it right but it's a reason. besides, being HIV positive is not a death sentence.

It's a tough one the Lord can lead you through it if you allow Him

.
I liked your summary but,you failed to advice the victim., I suggest he retest his blood once he is HIV negative with his kids. Then he should use protection before sex, if not divorce won't be a bad idea for a manipulative wife. This is a lesson for us all, may the lord grant us the strength to fight our evil desire.

OP never report these issues to any family member nor discuss it with her. My advice is that you are in deep shit already but luckily for you God has given you divine protection for loving her genuinely. Your knowing about her status now require s application of wisdom. I will advice you divorce her but before you do so make arrangement for everything. Leave that woman now or regret it later. Your spirit is leading you out that's why you are here its more dangerous for you to stay out in that marriage now.

BenjaminJoe1:
hmmmmmmmm.
this one is strong, if all you said is true, the marriage itself was conducted out of deceit and frankly speaking, it can be dissolved!
but then, there's a place of forgiveness, no one should compel you to forgive, but take time to think through it. you already have kids with her and it's no longer about you alone now, if you end the marriage, what becomes of your kids?
she was selfish and deceived you, but look at how God has vindicated your innocence by keeping you negative.
you both need to see a counselor who and talk.
it's not easy on any decision you are about to take,
I believe, all will be well.
be strong brother!

exactly what you said is wat she must be thinking when her mind was warning her "what of if he eventually finds out","he won't be able to do anything since kids are now involved",that woman no love you nor the kids and can kill .

I still don't understand why people just get married anyhow.

MUMU. After faking the first pregnancy, you suspected her when you had the first son and you kept quiet. The lid blew open when the second son came. It means you enjoyed being used all this while.

@OP

It's obvious that coming here to state what you're currently facing is a bad idea. I mean, seeing all the comments so far breaks my head. Especially @GrabHisBalls that keeps insisting that you must share part of the blame. I don't know her, but her level of reasoning does not thrill me. So low.

For what you'd do, there is no way you can't continue to pretend. I mean, there is no way. Proceed divorce when your new born is six month and above. Even though you forgive her. God knows that you're an innocent man, that's why you're not yet infected.

I believe you know what to do. You're not confused.

Things are happening everyday that your wife is assistance devil, in a well developed country to infect someone knowingly is a serious crime.

DukeNija:


He’s not positive.

Yeah I know negative spouses to positive spouses are usually put on medication for prevention.

DukeNija:


He’s not positive.

Yeah I know, negative spouses to positive spouses are usually put on medication for prevention. And if it’s about sleeping with other women, the more reason, so an inactive thing in him due to his proper use of medication doesn’t become active in someone else!

Hobbsandshaw:


I'm still acting nice because she just had our second baby (her second C-SECTION) 3weeks ago

Your wife is evil. Pls be smart, she might find a way to infect you, so you will be even.