₦airaland Forum

First thing first, pray about it if she will be the right one for you, if she is, i don't think anything should stop you again from marrying her, from my observation, your mum is obsessed with all these professional career ladies (like doctors, lawyers, bankers and all) as a wife for you, something like forcing what she wished to be (but couldn't maybe due to somethings) on his would be son's spouse, i cant see any other reason why she wont want you to get married except for that
For further clarification, just plan it and take another lady home and tell your mother that she is a doctor then wait for her reaction

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

Bro I dont know you, but I am begging you with everything in this whole universe, do not give in to your mums pressure and manipulation. You should grow some balls and take a stand as a man that you are. Be a Man! Boldly state your stance to your mum and make it final. If youre sure in your spirit that Hauwa is the one, then for heaven's sake take her to the alter and start something beautiful. You will live with your marriage choice forever. It will affect all aspects of your life. It will affect your unborn kids. So do not let anyone make this decision for you to avoid the painful regret many married people are going through even till their deathbed. You should let go of staying in your mums shadow, else you would still be her puppet even when married and that will be very unfair to your spouse. Be wise bro and God help u!

Noblefirstlady:
Hauwa my igala sister, please if you are reading this comment never you marry this guy. I'm sorry Op this is the best advice for her.

Hauwa will have a hard time if she decides to marry you, because your mom will be controlling your home from wherever she is.

Op you are a mummy's boy and one day you will be forced to leave Hauwa and take your mum's side.

Anytime you do something wrong, your mum will blame it on Hauwa. It may even turn spiritual las Las.

Please Mr poster if you really love Hauwa, let her go. Save her the trouble, your mom will never accept her no matter how hard she try to be a good daughter in-law. Even your siblings will soon join your mum to fight Hauwa.

Please ladies if you are entering a family that do not like you, do not force it, run for your dear life.
Never ever think they will grow to like you one-day. some may even pretend to like you at first and become something else once you are finally married. So please if you sense any form of rejection just run away.

I'm talking from experience.

Wise woman

MARRY HER NAH

OlawaleBammie:
Truly ur mum might b good to u BUT if u re nt careful might lead u to early grave.. how?? by her choice of partner for u.

Oga ur mama is bad joo, let call a spade a spade jare, all i see in her is self centeredness, selfishness, me and me alone, ITK, and a domineering nature.

A woman who wouldnt listen to anybody, how is dat a...... make i shut up there. BUT I THINK UR DAD IS WEAK SHA.

if truly she's supportive as u claimed, she shouldn't hav problem with ur choice of partner rather she should b showering u with blessing in ur new adventure.

See, i cant say u should continue oo cus i wouldn't want to b disrespectful to my mum as well, maybe u should consider singleness til 37, by den she will b forced to let u hav ur way.

u spoke my mind at d last sentence.

healthserve:
Many ladies get killed by their MILs. You forgot adding this. I advise against marrying as a lady to any man who's mother rejected you. Some come around, some never back down, some kill the ladies. You just hear she had typhoid and died. Those who know, know

My mom's friend's mom in law never forgave her till the old woman died.

Chi59:
My mom's friend's mom in law never forgave her till the old woman died.

Sad

healthserve:
Sad

Yes o. They kept having issues. The woman didn't want her son to marry my mom's friend.
I can't marry a man whose mom doesn't approve biko. I no get strength.

Omolego:
u spoke my mind at d last sentence.

Lobatan!!!

Chi59:
Yes o. They kept having issues. The woman didn't want her son to marry my mom's friend.
I can't marry a man whose mom doesn't approve biko. I no get strength.

Its suicidal. It happens because all the way up such men are under their mothers control. Aka husbands to their mothers. Why should a man discuss his girlfriend with his mum so loosely

adontcare:
op no offence. Ur mum don't want you to have a home. She want u all by herself. She don't care about u getting a family. If u like marry the woman she want, she will still be a thorn in that woman flesh. And because u love and honor her, ur wife will be miserable all thru d marriage. U will not have a peaceful home. What I advice u to do is marry the woman u love and feel u can stay with u in good and bad times. Love and honour ur mum but follow ur heart and watch how u will be happy with ur soul.

And make sure he vacate the premises

Your responses so far proves that you're mature for marriage and I'm happy that you sent this link to Hauwa (hope I got the name right), so that she will be reading along to see the fight you're fighting to have her hand in marriage.

My brother, don't think you have a problem.
Please listen to me let me advice you as a marriage councillor.

Whenever you want to marry, and your parents are attaching selfish interest to your marriage, you should also attach your own selfish interest to the same marriage.

Do you understand what I mean?

You want to marry Hauwa and Hauwa wants to marry you, so be it, only two people are needed in marriage, you guys can invite any other person to your wedding.

You can invite mum, dad, in-laws, cousins nephews, brothers, sisters, me, nairalanders,...... And so on.

Look for your own selfish interest.
I will be looking forward to your wedding invitation with Hauwa.

Good luck brother.

Op I'm sorry but I have to say this... You really need prayers oo...
This part of kogi you come from really has big problems.
I've seen up to seven cases on marital issue emanate from them .The non-yoruba speaking parts donot usually encounter this problem, I'm not stereotyping but go and make research about the marital foundation of this place you're from. Something's definitely wrong somewhere such that they usually have marital issues.
Your mother will scatter your marriage bro. Open ur eyes

sexysage:
Open I'm sorry but I have to say this... You really need prayers oo...
This part of kogi you come from really has big problems.
I've seen up to seven cases on marital issue emanate from them .The non-yoruba speaking parts donot usually encounter this problem, I'm not stereotyping but go and make research about the marital foundation of this place you're from. Something's definitely wrong somewhere such that they usually have marital issues.
Your mother will scatter your marriage bro. Open ur eyes

They never allow women from outside marry their sons in peace. The very moment the son dies, they unleash carnage on the women. Also, in severe cases ofbhatred they kill their own sons that marry women that they stand against. We've seen countless from that part of the country.

Sugarmuffin been a while. I sight you

Offpoint:
Come on! babe you've not seen my comments before naw... maybe you just saw one whom I typed under the influence of malaria

Lol I saw a couple of strange comments that you made on other threads but after looking at your moniker I saw that it was your MO. I was more surprised to see you saying something reasonable here lol

First of all, you write very well. Shows you are a meticulous person.

This situation looks like 'a devil and deep blue sea' kind of thing.

If I were a man and I am in your situation, what would I do?

I'd go ahead with my plans.
As far as my Mum's concerns are not life threatening.
As far as they are not spiritual.
If the issues she is raising is just borne out of her own interests.

I will go ahead with what I am doing.

You cannot spend forever with your mum. Whatever choice you make now is what will stay with you forever.

If your heart is with Hauwa, go with her and make up your mind to stand with her against all odds.
If you know you can't protect her, let her go.

And tell your Mum, she has lived her life, she should allow you live yours, make your mistakes and survive.

I hope you are happy at the end of the day.

Hmmmm...Kogi people!

midnighter:
Lol I saw a couple of strange comments that you made on other threads but after looking at your moniker I saw that it was your MO. I was more surprised to see you saying something reasonable here lol

lol, nawao I never knew I got my observers o... I pray malaria should lemme alone so that I can have sense small

healthserve:
I kinda have a strong feeling that the Op should marry the lady and start a slow detachment with his mom to become independent

I have a gut feeling that Hauwa would make a beautiful wife for the Op. Look how love is painted all over his comments. He's not just in love, the descriptive here is of a good woman who losing would be massive loss.

Yes, he sounds like he loves her a lot. Besides, nobody really knows for sure. The point is that it's his own personal decision to make and his mother doesn't seem to realise it

midnighter:
Yes, he sounds like he loves her a lot. Besides, nobody really knows for sure. The point is that it's his own personal decision to make and his mother doesn't seem to realise it

I've seen ladies suffer when they marry Kogi men under this same circumstances. We wish them all well

Offpoint:
lol, nawao I never knew I got my observers o... I pray malaria should lemme alone so that I can have sense small

Lol Amen!

She wants to manipulate you into doing her wish. Dont give in.

healthserve:
I've seen ladies suffer when they marry Kogi men under this same circumstances. We wish them all well

Lol I'm just hearing it from this thread now. Never knew Kogi people had this kind of issue

midnighter:
Lol I'm just hearing it from this thread now. Never knew Kogi people had this kind of issue

Argh. Its war o. That's why ladies need to empower their families to be strong before marriages to have support. When the other side knows a ladies side can be mad they'll adjust. I.e whenever my in-laws are about to loose their mind, they remember me and adjust

healthserve:
Argh. Its war o. That's why ladies need to empower their families to be strong before marriages to have support. When the other side knows a ladies side can be mad they'll adjust. I.e whenever my in-laws are about to loose their mind, they remember me and adjust

Yes I think we all have to understand that other people's families may not be as normal as our own. We have had some strange behavior from in-laws before but we just ignore them

healthserve:
They never allow women from outside marry their sons in peace. The very moment the son dies, they unleash carnage on the women. Also, in severe cases ofbhatred they kill their own sons that marry women that they stand against. We've seen countless from that part of the country.

Not only their sons, even their women. The last one my mom was even trying to help her marriage was a terrible disaster. Na her mama dey help am pack load comot for her husband house. She's done this shit five times. The last one she did was what made her husband who's a very gentle man lock her and mother up at a military guard room. The two of them came to the house when the man was not around, broke the doors and emptied the whole house. As in the whole five bedroom flat was emptied.
She sold a reasonable part of these things off and she used the rest to set the house of another man she moved in with.
The husband dealt with her when he was able to track her. Even the man he narrowly escaped that day...

Those kogi people from the Yoruba speaking parts really have problems compared to the igalas and ebiras... I can't make that mistake of having anything to do with them. Due to my mom's position as a person who handles marital affairs, I have seen countless issues from this very part. They're just too terrible and wicked. Ain't stereotyping but Mehn you still need to shine your eyes.

THUNDER4real:
Is this a real story? or fiction to entertain us,?

Write your own fiction and stop disbelieving people.

Chi59:
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Personally, I won't advise any lady to go ahead to marry a man whose mom does not approve of their union EXCEPT you can guarantee that you'd protect your wife from the wrath of mama. No mother likes being disobeyed especially because of another woman.
Cos mothers will always find a way to influence their son, and you can't alienate a son from his mom. Some mothers never forgive, even after the giving birth to male and female children for her son.
Hauwa, can you cope? Think twice.

shebi na Wetin I dey talk op report my post. I will still say it again Hauwa can you cope? Op no vex but you won't be able to protect her in the long run. Now the love is shacking you. With time your mom will have her way. You can't run from her forever....if u like report my post again na u sabi

healthserve:
. Bad girl

wehehehehehehe....you know say the truth dey pain sometimes

Aleora:
Honestly,that's what I wanted to write.

biko write it. Maybe the more people write it the more serious they will take it

breadplanets:
shebi na Wetin I dey talk op report my post. I will still say it again Hauwa can you cope? Op no vex but you won't be able to protect her in the long run. Now the love is shacking you. With time your mom will have her way. You can't run from her forever....if u like report my post again na u sabi

I didn't report your post. I have no reason to do that. The fact that I don't like your suggestion doesn't make you my enemy.

Hauwa read your response along with others and asked me if I will protect her and I promised I will. She loves me too much to dump the relationship because someone on the net says so.

I understand your position but we will keep being together.

Thank you so much for the time you spent wading into our story and contributing to it.

Cheers