₦airaland Forum

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

I love her. I wish I can have her, while you have all out person.

The moment i read this story i remembered this thread

nairalandposter:
Wait, I'm looking for that thread where somebody was complaining his wife parties too much and never stays at home.

I'll update when I find it, if it's still here.

You people are insufferable.

generationz:
Oga, there are two types of people. Those who are initiating and those who are responding.

Initiators aka Extroverts don't wait for people to come to them. They need to mix and initiate with people to recharge. If they are locked up against their will they can go crazy.

Responders need people to come to them. When you come to them and make them comfortable they open up and can seem extroverted among freinds.

You need to explain the most important people in your family that this is who your girl is- A responder.

One of your most extroverted sisters can make friends with her and meet her half way.

The second problem is she might be an Introverted intuitive. Intuitives are among the rearest people in the world.

Most introverted intuitive have no bone for socialization in them because the cognitive function for socializing is very low in their stack.

Hence, if your girl is one she might consider any type of social gathering shallow and only seek intellectual gatherings.

Also, social gathering drains her energy unlike extraverts.

Study her and see in which group she comes alive and talks non stop.

Also her introversion may be stronger because of her background. Maybe she stayed indoors except when it was necessary to go out most of her life.

In all if you know you can't cope, I beg you don't waste her time. Let her go and let her find true love.

Forcing her won't solve anything. She will only hate you and your family.

The only way an introvert like her might change is when she truly understands why she acts the way she does.

Babe thank you for this comment. Wisest one I've read so far. Some commenters are typing about how selfish and wicked the girl is as if she chose to be the way she is.

bisi16:
Bro, I beg u in the name God, don’t make that mistake of hoping she would change when u marry her. If you can’t deal with her timid timid/ anti social nature, just let her go. My big brother is in this exact same situation. Only difference is, they’re married already with a child. My bro is the outgoing type and it hasn’t been fun at all. You may regret it. Unless you resign to the fact you’ll be doing your social outings alone. You can send me a PM if you still not understanding.

Honest truth.

Op better heed this advice because you won't justify cheating with the nonsense you just typed should you greedily marry her.

theButterfly:
She sounds exactly like me.

Have you heard her speak? How do you know she sounds like you?

To me that's not an issue, with time she will start going out, but if you feel it's an issue to you, then maybe you should look for the outing type, you should not expect your partner to be an outing type like you.

Ebonygirl1:
Babe thank you for this comment. Wisest one I've read so far. Some commenters are typing about how selfish and wicked the girl is as if she chose to be the way she is.

Its only deluded people that think a person so for being themselves.

I attribute those to op for playing along and acting knowing she's not his type.

baby124:
Nigerians like to pretend like mental disorders do not exist. They will rather say she is possessed or needs deliverance. Then you are bullied to help out this person whose parents have the responsibility to help their child before unleashing them on unsuspecting people.

She needs time to work on herself. Anyone with mental health issues who are not willing to seek help or even try are a big burden. They can completely destroy your life, family bond and even your future children.

Growing up, I had a friend whose parents did not let them socialize. Like the parents take them to school, bring them back and lock them up in the house and go away. One of the parents I think was like this. 24/7 these kids are at home except for school. Even lesson, they teach them at home. Go to their house and you have to talk to them from the window if security will let you in. Looking back their parents were strange people.

Once they got small freedom like this, they are SO messed up today. Every thing wey get comma Dey their body... I don’t think the parent that was like this was normal. Those kids were imprisoned. I think they were even punished for making friends and for having friends visit. The time I decided to take it on myself to visit them, that was the last time they talked to me .

Introverted people are reserved, but they still socialize. Most just take their time to get to know and trust. One they feel they know you, they open up a lot. This case is not introversion, she doesn’t even have interest. I hope he’s not marrying a hermit. Those ones that won’t work, clean, bath or brush teeth but lock themselves in the house.

Social anxiety and introversion overlap in some ways but they are not the same.

Pls take out some time to read up on social anxiety, maybe then you'd understand better.

philip0906:
Eya...Internet warrior

You go see them for real life, she go shrink enter inside shell. So many of 'em on this forum, who only bark and are macho behind keypads, reason why they can easily relate with the @op's girlfriend. Who knows, maybe that's exactly how the @op's girl is, hiding behind monikers to roar like a lion, when in real life cannot look people in their eyes

Yeye

stfu. Let's meet in real life and see who can't look the other in the eyes

bukatyne:
If you are serious about getting married, you notice what your intended complains about and work on it.

That she has social aniexty and wouldn't come out of her shell is pure bullshit.

I cannot marry a man who cannot stand socializing with my family. Max 5 hours in a week?

If the girl really loves the guy, she would be coming of her shell. Attend events, greet everyone and sit on her own. Next time, she packs plates and washes. The third time she joins in the kitchen.

By the 10th time, she would have made progress.

She needs to help herself.

Social anxiety doesn't just go away because you want it to

A lot of you are speaking this way, because you are in Nigeria, that does not take anything abiut mental health seriously

It is not a physical wound that you can get rid of in a matter of weeks or months.

There are people with OCD. They cannot stand bacteria; they don't touch people, they wlak around with hand sanitizers, they don't want people sitting close to them or anywhere in their perimeter, they have panic attacks at the slightest sneeze or cough close to them. It is a mental illness, and some people live with it for decades.

Social anxiety can exist for decades too, it takes a partner willing to work with you, a PATIENT partner who understands what is going on enough to want to help. A person with social anxiety should never be left to themselves at an event, what kind of talk is that?

Some of you will have kids one day, and you will use this same level of ignorance to handle them, then wail to the world, when everything goes south.

You cannot be this ignorant about mental health in 2019

Ebonygirl1:
stfu. Let's meet in real life and see who can't look the other in the eyes

Sharap! Internet lioness!

Go do that to the @op's girl so at least she can have the guts you claim to have. Mkpi!

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

Bro, don't try turning YAM to Coco-Yam, in the end, it will destroy you and her.
Leave her IMMEDIATELY and look for the screaming type of girls!

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! I don't understand people. She's shy, reserved and she refused to change. What do you want us to do?
Is she willing to overcome her shy nature?
Have you asked her why she has social anxiety?

If she's not willing, DON'T EVEN think of marrying her, because you'll both destroy yourselves.
Look for the one who always want to go out and wife her.

baby124:
She has ISSUES! This is not shyness. A shy person will go to the event and may not mingle as much. This one behaves like she has a mental disorder. This is extreme my dear. Don’t mistake mental disorders for shyness. Shy people go out and function in the world. They work, they attend events. This one that can not be around people, Is who you want him to marry. If he was your brother trying to marry a girl that is running from all of you like she has something to hide, will you not be concerned?

She obviously has a lot to hide. She’s not a child she’s 24! She by now should have seen enough of life to know how to handle herself in a social setting. She is even Nigerian and Nigerians are very social people, that if you are shy you would have known how to blend by 24.

It’s Either that she has something to hide, she has mental issues or this is the tone she wants to set before marriage and will give him trouble for attending these functions after marriage.

There are mad people on NL. You've made me confirmed it.
Do you even read?
You're irritating with your assumed knowledge which stinks of ignorant to the high heavens.

Mental issue? Do you know the meaning of that word?

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

You are marrying an introvert. Go read about what being an introvert entails, before marrying her. Cos if you are not fully in the know, you might not be able to manage her. Let's hope she is not also a choleric. Then your problem don be be that.

Shalom

lilmax:
Please leave her for us

Dump her now and look for who will go to all events including the ones you don't want her to go to

Don't mind op. By then he will open another thread " Help! My wife hardly stays at home."

safarigirl:
Social anxiety doesn't just go away because you want it to

A lot of you are speaking this way, because you are in Nigeria, that does not take anything abiut mental health seriously

It is not a physical wound that you can get rid of in a matter of weeks or months.

There are people with OCD. They cannot stand bacteria; they don't touch people, they wlak around with hand sanitizers, they don't want people sitting close to them or anywhere in their perimeter, they have panic attacks at the slightest sneeze or cough close to them. It is a mental illness, and some people live with it for decades.

Social anxiety can exist for decades too, it takes a partner willing to work with you, a PATIENT partner who understands what is going on enough to want to help. A person with social anxiety should never be left to themselves at an event, what kind of talk is that?

Some of you will have kids one day, and you will use this same level of ignorance to handle them, then wail to the world, when everything goes south.

You cannot be this ignorant about mental health in 2019

Please tell them

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

she's introverted and you can't change her nature

You have to accept her for who she is and not for who you want her to be

The problem is that we are too ignorant in this part of the world. Your partner is even smart enough to know exactly what she is dealing with and all you can do is to nag her some more!!!

Bro you should be ashamed of your self.

Social anxiety is a mental health challenge that is taken seriously in saner climes. It is not something one can just snap out of overnight. Help her get treatment, therapy, medication or leave her alone to deal with her issues without your ignorant nagging trying to change her willy-nilly.

Once again, get over your ignorance and her get treatment. Its a health challenge not some acquired habit.

deltateam:

Don't mind op. By then he will open another thread " Help! My wife hardly stays at home."

Are you married ?

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

You might be marrying my doubleganger

Bros I understand you well. My gf is almost like that too sha, just try and see how you can help her come out of her shell. And if you can't deal with it, just decline and you guys go separate ways why you look out for som1 else.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

But this is a two way thing Oga. ..same way you dislike her quiet and introverted nature may be the same way she dislikes your outgoing and extroverted nature too.. ..relationships and marriage is about meeting halfway way, in between and compromising atimes....

philip0906:
Sharap! Internet lioness!

Go do that to the @op's girl so at least she can have the guts you claim to have. Mkpi!

Fvcking coward. Not up to the challenge I see

Ebonygirl1:
Fvcking coward. Not up to the challenge I see

Yes I am afraid... I cowered under your roar

But please, the @op's girl needs that roar of yours to be able to function in society

mkpi!

generationz:
Oga, there are two types of people. Those who are initiating and those who are responding.

Initiators aka Extroverts don't wait for people to come to them. They need to mix and initiate with people to recharge. If they are locked up against their will they can go crazy...

Amazing Analysis

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

The op don't understand that men are searching for her kind. Not these lousy ones that's all over the place.

One mans food is another mans poison,na this kind wife I like,please give her to me pleaseeeeee

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Another Nigerian mentality that pisses me off is tagging a reserved person has being proud.. Mad being...

Blinkers:
No wonder you are always off point!

GTFOH!

You are an ASS!!!

She is not your type, do not marry her else both of you will regret it. She is who she is and may never fully change. Look for someone you can be proud of now and always.

I am very sure u observed it wen u were dating since u did not take note since d comments of the date till courtship, engagement and where u re now, it means u love her and dat actually should be a minor challenge...

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

This OP is acting so childish. Is it by force to marry her. Push her away and better person that need her find her.
You are blessed with such a gift and you are looking for trouble.

Go and look for you club girl I beg