₦airaland Forum

happney65:
Your husband is a weeree guy and he should be locked up at aro or taken to a church make them beat his weere comot..He dey vex He dey vex,He vex so tey he no buy your child food all because he dey vex..He dey vex,He comot house 12AM.If Ritualits come cut his head comot nko?
Which kain wayree man be that?small thing,comot dey go..leave my house..Am sure he grew up in a family where the father is feared and treated like a Demi god..

Divorce the murdafucccker,nothing more,nothing else

By the way,Is he also a Buharists?cos na Buharists dey reason that way..

Is this the best advice u can offer? Nonsense!!

godfrey01:
Not yet married..

Yet you have mouth to call someone's daughter, your woman. And it's a barking dog you want to keep in your house. I pity the person that will agree to marry you.

Dpaulie:
Dear OP, don't take advice from feminists because they will mislead u, by the grace of God, I'm married and my marriage is 5+ now, in the first and second year my wife experienced this a lot from me, any slight argument, I'll tell her to leave, as a matter of fact the day our marriage was a month exactly, we had this argument and I told her to pack her things and leave and that was around 11pm. There was one like that her mum came to our house and I told her infront of her mum to leave my house, that I will leave for both she and her mum (is there anything more ridiculous and disrespect than that ?) I left her and her mum inside and went to a friend, but her mum unexpectedly was waiting for me at home, I later went back home, her mum expressed how hurt she was with my statements, this is a very rich woman and popular in ibadan, I humbled myself and plead with her, after that, it happened time without numbers yet my wife endured it, by the grace of God it's been over 3 years now that we had any serious argument, and my wife remain my best friend because after the Almighty, she's the pillar of our marriage...dear op, 2 years is too early, pls endure it, it's just a matter of time, pray and reject what u dont want in your marriage

I'm really inspired.

blank:
Rubbish and thrash. How will anything good come out of rubbish like you. Mumu. Abi the poster looks like the liability you kept in your house.

Smh
See someone claiming an introvert
Small breeze fowl nyansh open
Introverts don't behave like this
Troublesome woman!
If your brother is in op hubby shoes, u will tell his wife to lock him out?
I will report u to your husband, period!

Rubbiish:
Smh
See someone claiming an introvert
Small breeze fowl nyansh open
Introverts don't behave like this
Troublesome woman!
If your brother is in op hubby shoes, u will tell his wife to lock him out?
I will report u to your husband, period!

Asswipe like you, how does it concern you? My brother is not foolish enough to tell his wife that she is of no importance to him. I will join her to throw him out of the house. Let's leave that mumuish behavior to people like you.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Dear Zhuhilat,

I am sure you must have got a lot of advice from and off this platform. The most challenging of all is that you are probably more confused - not even sure what to do. Please, take note that I have more that 10 years in marriage.

However, my advice is:
1. Inform someone he respects and revered, perhaps his parents, an uncle or an aunt or even a religious personality.

2. Try make it work. And by this I mean, you should learn to not be confrontational the next time he does anything annoying. Allow time to pass and tension simmer before you calmly let him reason with your perspective on issues, but you should respect his opinions too. BUT YOU MUST STOP FURTHER ATTEMPTS TO EXPLAIN AS SOON AS YOU NOTICE HIS MOOD IS CHANGING OR VOICE GATHERING STORM.

3. Ultimately, pray about it, and seek more counselling.

shamecurls:
Leave 5he marriage


It can never work


You are of no value to him.


Bitter truth

And you think you have advised her right abi? God is watching u

ikennaiteogu:
Time to divorce, he will never change. Just be strong and move on, learn from this experience to see the warning signs in behavior for your next marriage.

Stupid advice from an unbeliever.

blank:
Asswipe like you, how does it concern you? My brother is not foolish enough to tell his wife that she is of no importance to him. I will join her to throw him out of the house. Let's leave that mumuish behavior to people like you.

@bold don't make me laugh lol
Go & cook for your husband, he will soon be back from work. it is now clear u have nothing meaningful to say

sexyyoyo:
Madam you really need to calm down , I have been married for twelve years now so don't think I have no experience.
You have to submit yourself totally, both of you can't be a goat , one has to be a sheep while the other is a goat . if your man call you names and asked you to leave his house and you also left, then something is wrong with you . do you really think its a good thing packing your stuffs and leaving your matrimonial home ?
So long he is not beating you , why must you pack out ?
All the names he call you, is it a true reflection of your character ?if not , why are you bothered ?
One of you have to sacrifice for the marriage to work .
As you both grow , you tend to understand each other the other .
The worst mistake of your life is to start giving attentions or thinking there are better men out there .
Don't fool yourself or make yourself a subject of ridicule .
Sit down and stop packing out . stay put in your marriage and make it work .
Your only complain is the names he do call you .
Do you go hungry in his house ?
Are you lacking any other thing ?
No marriage is perfect but please make yours work .
I beg you in the name of whatever you believe in and it shall end in praise .

I had to copy this comment so I can read over and over again. My wife also left for about a year now, she complained of verbal utterances. I kept wondering same thing you made in your comments why not work on your marriage than leave. And I never beat her; she never lacked.
God bless you abundantly. I'm inspired.

As a married lady, please DO NOT CRAVE FOR ATTENTION OUTSIDE.
IN MARRIAGE, IN ADDITION TO GOD, U MUST BE DEAF, DUMB AND BLIND. IF YOU PERSIST WITH THESE, HE WILL EXAMINE HIMSELF AND APOLOGIZE TO YOU. COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE DOES THE MAGIC. DO NOT REACT TO EVERYTHING. LAUGH OVER SOME THINGS CAUSE THAT PLACE U ARE, SOMEONE IS PRAYING SO HARD TO BE THERE.
IF YOU SHOULD WALK OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE, ITS THE C HILD THAT SUFFERS THE MOST. NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT; LET NO ONE LIE TO YOU; NOT EVEN MINE!

SALTandFIRE:
Only the wise can see the undertone of disregard and disrespect in OPs post
disregard and disrespect for both your hubby and baby
undertone of disrespect. If he didn't buy it you don't need to start a fight and call it an argument
you disregard your dad instead of you to listen to him. He knows better than you and how to hand a young man.
you too listen to yourself...read this quote to yourself and tell me how it sounds.! Why should you actions always revolve around arguments fighting ?

Ppl wouldn't understand how health workers(Nurses)behaves at home if they never had encounter with them.reading through her post is very glaring that she is d type that always want to have her way,d ego is d issue with Nurses.i have first hand experience when it comes to health workers.d only part I don't support about d hubby is leaving home at 12:00am which is totally wrong.

Dpaulie:
Dear OP, don't take advice from feminists because they will mislead u, by the grace of God, I'm married and my marriage is 5+ now, in the first and second year my wife experienced this a lot from me, any slight argument, I'll tell her to leave, as a matter of fact the day our marriage was a month exactly, we had this argument and I told her to pack her things and leave and that was around 11pm. There was one like that her mum came to our house and I told her infront of her mum to leave my house, that I will leave for both she and her mum (is there anything more ridiculous and disrespect than that ?) I left her and her mum inside and went to a friend, but her mum unexpectedly was waiting for me at home, I later went back home, her mum expressed how hurt she was with my statements, this is a very rich woman and popular in ibadan, I humbled myself and plead with her, after that, it happened time without numbers yet my wife endured it, by the grace of God it's been over 3 years now that we had any serious argument, and my wife remain my best friend because after the Almighty, she's the pillar of our marriage...dear op, 2 years is too early, pls endure it, it's just a matter of time, pray and reject what u dont want in your marriage

Such a fool.

Only low self esteem and poor women will stay in such situations...

Tunagee:
That's the reason christianity is a religion of forgiveness. I don't care about other religions who don't forgive.

The religion in question even talks more about forgiveness... What he meant was that, if @all they have to continue the relationship, they will have to re-marry... That shows how bad it is to utter such words "unguidedly"... Unlike the religion you mentioned that doesn't give strict rules on how to talk

Doktajay5:
In your mind now, you have given her advise sheby.

Well, even from one of her reply upthere, I think this is the type of advise she has come for, other than the workable inputs people are making.

So you think the next man will be Jesus Christ, who will not have issues for her to tolerate.

@ Op, granted, ur man is getting hard on u with such level of verbal abuse. It simply means to me he has anger issues and this type of personality that wants to win the argument or get hard on u when arguing, probably cos of u own words of respons in the argument. Is rather unfortunate, sorry about that. but is not a big problem since it has solution and that's the essence of the ideas dropping here.

But let me ask you, so Just 2yrs and you want to run away from your home cos of being disrespected and verbally abused. So you actually think all men and in women in marriages don't have things dey have subdued with wisdom and tact?
What do u think the priest meant that day he said in good and in bad till death do u part. OK u were busy laughing and snapping pictures? Is fine.

When u were dating him didn't u see this issues with his temper? OK u ignored it and was busy strafing up and down?. OK, sorry is part of the decision u made. Just make it work.

See eehh, that guy loves u, but he has a weakness, which is anger, probably made worse by ur mouth and choice of words during ur issues with him. dude doesn't lay hands on u but talks. And for ur arguments to get to where he says all that, is only God that knows what u say to him.

Madam listen and listen good, that marriage working or crashing depends on the wisdom u exhibit in your home affairs.

Already u r craving for attention and care outside. wow!, Really?, So that's part of the solution you provide?
I want to believe u ain't telling us all the story, But I am not interested, just sit back and make ur home work.

If these advise we r giving u sounds to much and impossible, and u feel:

1. u can't tolerate ur man's weakness and deploy workable antics.

2. u can't keep quiet when degeneratable arguments starts.

3. u just can't shut up absolutely,u must reply.

4. u must reply and even use more hurty words cos u want to win the argument or better still hear words and start playing the victim.

5. U can't learn to deal with him with silence on issues that may degenerate.

But prefers things like, eeiyaa, he is a wicked man, he is an abuser, he is a cheat, he's this he is that, he deserves divorce or other shit u obviously want to hear, madam, Oya divorce him and go look for Jesus Christ, who won't have issues u may have to deal with. U think marriage is bed of roses.

Just know that the grass isn't as green as it appears, on the other side. For u to start suspecting ur man all of a sudden, and start craving for love, attention etc outside, yet u don't want to raise a wounded personality in your child, Madam, watch it...

If u say make man and spirit no kill you, don't kill ur self by your self.

I may have sounded mean. But I feel it's the best way to talk about this your mater.

Oya make ur choice between the 2 ideas and have a nice week ahead.

OK bye.

True the Lady has an argument mentality, but her husband has a very bad attitude, centred on anger, being rude etc.
And not every woman can tolerate that, most especially modern women.

For marriage to work it takes two to tango. To me her husband is seriously immature. How can you tell your wife to leave your home, that she adds no value to your home.
See whatever you put into a woman is what you will harvest simple.

KosiGee:
You got 320 + likes for the above. I’m sorry to disagree with your opinion. Any man who repeatedly asks the wife to leave the house over minor issues as stated by the op...(that’s assuming that was exactly what happened and how it happened) is immature and an a**ehole.

He has issues with himself and need to reflect on that. What kind of man fights the wife because his mother in law bought them food stuffs?!!! I mean who does that? He should be very happy and appreciate the act of generosity.

Many mother in-laws wants to take but this one was a giver but this man was grumpy and truculent over that. What kind of man is he?

The woman wants peace but the man isn’t ready for that. What makes you think that it’s the job of a woman to endure, suppress emotions and work hard to tolerate a man who isn’t mature and ready for a relationship and marriage...and what makes you think that it’s wrong for a woman to seek love and attention outside of the man is being unreasonably difficult to deal with and live with?

Lots of Nigerian men do not know and appreciate how lucky and blessed that they are. In some countries, this man would be forced by the environment and law to be cool headed. He will be the one to calm down and work to make his marriage work because such rantings and threats would result in the police or social workers intervening and asking him to leave the house.
If this woman was my sister, I’ll be meeting this man for a serious talk and if the problem continues, sorry I’ll be meeting with my family and we will be asking the woman to leave him.

What nonsense!

Don't mind them, very immature beings.
Na so one of my village boys married a good earning Lady. No be person tell the guy to cool down.
True women have there issues, but it takes a matured man to learn how to cool his woman down and wisely give direction and she will follow.

Many have not worked on there attitude as men. Next thing is to mess the unfortunate girls life up

Yea d hubby has a fair chunk of d blame but aunty has just looking for a good reason to justify her out doors nacks

RTSC:
And given the kind of niggas out there, even the husband will not recognize his wife again when touches her.

Dem go fucck craze comot for her body.

Though, I blame her husband sha.

Lionpikin:
That's what I thought too, probably the guy isn't ready for marriage but the op used pregnancy to force him ...they are both sounding like kids

Have you heard from the husband before you said they're both acting like kids?

The way some people jump to conclusion hen... You go fear.

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

Your husband talks like a local man.

Learn how to ignore what he says. Build an emotional buffer against his negative words.

He is immature with words. It's unfair how he treats you.

Words are powerful. They make or mar.

Stoicbaba:
Well, I am just wording nonsense, hoping there will be sense in them...

Sayings goes:

No be who first call police, wins case...

It's always good to hear from the other side...

Most couple's quarrels are best settled by themselves, no 3rd party...

Then, I will say this as well,

My wife once asked me to help talk to her colleague, who has "an abusive" husband, who always ask her to leave the house, or he will leave... (amongst many other complains)

Well, I hesitated before offering to talk to her, (as I knew her and not the husband)... A date was fixed and since we were far apart, we decided to talk on phone. She narrated how her husband was so bad to her, and not seeing anything good in her, etc etc...

I sensed she had dropped off so many details, I had to let her know that it would be of no good for me to advise, when I didn't know the whole detail(this was me hoping to get any info that might represent a small percentage of the man's side of the story, as I can't go to him)


Long story cut short, I realised there were these glaring issue (just from my few minutes of discussion o)

- Inferiority complex (due to the fact that the man earns only about 2/5 of the woman's earning...and that she didn't help it by flaunting it, either intentionally or unintentionally...)

- ego from both sides, as they fail to really understand there place in the home and the willingness to "submit" to create avenue for calm discussion, rather than heated argument...

These amongst other little things...

I tried to communicate this to her and it was very obvious that she felt that having work to provide more, the husband should understand and let go of some other things she "couldn't" do...

So, my long story is summarize in this form...

Each party should understand their place in a home(not house o), try to watch and understand each other's anger-triggered point and know how and when to reach across for meaningful discussion(with promises to actively adjust)

There is very few men or women that are wicked... Something always led to something...

Madam, just try and watch out for the best time to approach your husband with discussion and "pretend" if you can't completely submit to him... I am sure everything would be better(note,i didn't say fine, as that would be a lie)

Remember, while it is a duty for both of you to raise that home, it is believed to be yours, as a woman to keep it,(as far as no violence is involved) ...

Best of luck...

Modified (seek counseling, but don't try to apply everything, directly into your home, yours is unique to you guys o... Lol) cheers

I like your advice!! A higher earning Lady can be big wahala in marriage

internationalman:
Thanks OP for justifying many of us decision not to marry.

Please, don't ever get married, marriage is not a bed of roses, even the rich also cry. You must have to pass through school to get a job, and you must work before you get paid at the end of the month. If you want money from your guy, you must tender your backside. Please, i advice you not to ever get married or you will cheat on your husband.

Tunagee:
Guy no read post well

lol abi

Zhuhilat

It is best you bring the issue for arbitration if the attitude does not stop. No one has to leave the house when there's a quarrel.

Your husband seems to be the type that does not like stress hence "leave the house".

Please note that he is the head of the house based on the scriptures, so respect him even when all you want to do is scream at him(Psalms 3:5-6). Trusting in the Bible is like spitting on the ground: you can never miss. Just give him that respect.

Learn to turn the other cheek.

Also, how do you look? Are you as attractive as you were when you were dating or you've gained some pounds? Just like a woman nags when she feels neglected, men when displeased or unhappy act certain ways. Start an exercise routine that will bring out that body he craved for.

Also, pet him very often and let him feel special. Let his big head get bigger.

Marriage is for better for worse. It isn't easy.

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and because we choose to live by scriptural principles, our marriages tend to work out. It isn't easy and involves constant work and vigilance.

I hope your husband isn't cheating. It will demoralize you. Why don't you focus first and what you can change such as some suggestions above (if they are applicable) and see how he responds.

Also, pretty please with butter on top, never cheat. You shouldn't even entertain the idea. Never!!!!! (Hebrews 13:4)

Wish you the best







I

dominique:
Men vowing they can't live in homes owned by their wives should come and see threads like this, they don't want to endure what women have been enduring for centuries. Nobody should have a monopoly of disrespect, if you can't take it, don't give it.

I know a guy who said he can't live in a house built by his wife.

He now left her and their 2 kids and now married a proud and pompous woman. That pompous lady has now dumped him after having a kid for him.

What of the first wife? She is now in living in Canada with his 2 daughters while he is stuck here. Just stupid!

Rubbiish:
@bold don't make me laugh lol
Go & cook for your husband, he will soon be back from work. it is now clear u have nothing meaningful to say

Because I'm not cowed into silence like most people you know? I'm usually quiet but I won't stand for any disrespect. I'll give it back as hot as it's dished out.

Rensolar:
She's the real problem

Gbam


As for me

If u leave my home u called matrimonial home

Its d end

grandstar:
I know a guy who said he can't live in a house built by his wife.

He now left her and their 2 kids and now married a proud and pompous woman. That pompous lady has now dumped him after having a kid for him.

What of the first wife? She is now in living in Canada with his 2 daughters while he is stuck here. Just stupid!

Lol what a loser.

Tunagee:
I had to copy this comment so I can read over and over again. My wife also left for about a year now, she complained of verbal utterances. I kept wondering same thing you made in your comments why not work on your marriage than leave. And I never beat her; she never lacked.
God bless you abundantly. I'm inspired.

I hope you've got control over your mouth now. Words are powerful. Some kind of verbal abuse can make you feel so worthless and suicidal. Perhaps that's why she left. You can still fight for your marriage, if you're still interested. Court her again, and stop with the hurtful words by controlling your mouth. It's a conscious effort which you can do, unless you're prideful.

DONFASZY:
Gbam


As for me

If u leave my home u called matrimonial home

Its d end

But in this case, she was asked to leave multiple times. Why would you ask your wife to leave her matrimonial home when you don't mean it? How is she supposed to know you don't mean it? Is it until you get a cutlass out before she knows you mean it?
If you don't want her to leave, then don't ask her to leave. It's better you leave the house and come back when you're ready.

Plead:
Such a fool.

Only low self esteem and poor women will stay in such situations...

So the high self esteemed women will leave their marriage and move back to their parents house right? Is that not gross irresponsibility?

Do you even think there is any perfect marriage anywhere? There is never one. If you think there is a special person out there without issues, then you must be smoking delta cannabis.

Successful marriages work because both couples were determined to make it work regardless of the various frequent issues and challenges they encountered. Only irresponsible and selfish people abandon their marriages especially when there life is not at risk.

dominique:
Men vowing they can't live in homes owned by their wives should come and see threads like this, they don't want to endure what women have been enduring for centuries. Nobody should have a monopoly of disrespect, if you can't take it, don't give it.

Wtf is going on? The anti spam bot ban my monkier on romance section because, i refuse to be bullied. Funny enough, it didn't even ban the guy bullying me.

lollybizzu:

Have you heard from the husband before you said they're both acting like kids?
The way some people jump to conclusion hen... You go fear.

is it not childish to make such comments to your life partner?