Officialgarri:
Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

This 1 na death wish

My Brother All The Shit U Put Up There Are Perfect Description Of My Ordeal. Today We're Battling It Out Of Court. We Have One Issue. Believe Me Man, U Ended Up With Psychopath!

all marriages has its own hiccups , the issue is, does she have parents? elder ones? have u ever reported her to any of them? what was their reaction? I have had similar experience even worse than yours. may God help you

This is an example of marry but single, if you insist separating with her go ahead that woman is not interested in you anymore.

You really have a big issue here. I would advise or recommend you:

1. Find out who her friends are because they can really be an influence on her. (When this people sit and discuss eh, you go run). If you get the bad egg, tell him/her/them not to near your home again.
2. Have you tried discussing with her closest friend or family who she really respects?
3. About beating up minors and assistances; scare her by contracting someone to go to her shop and drop a letter of abuse from a fake NGO and if she continues, so sad, don't bring any assistant to your home again rather bring her own siblings and loved ones.
4. About cleaning and tidying up your house and taking care of the children, laundry would do and try increasing the children's uniforms.
5. Always ensure you teach your children how to respect people including your wife.
6. Avoid discussing your issues with just anybody who isn't fit to render good advice to you.
7. If the problem persists, have a family meeting with both parents present.

Before you got married to her please; what really makes her happy? What are her weaknesses? Is she a career person? and What is her family background like?

BBBmall25:
My Brother All The Shit U Put Up There Are Perfect Description Of My Ordeal. Today We're Battling It Out Of Court. We Have One Issue. Believe Me Man, U Ended Up With Psychopath!

hmmmmmm

Plot twist


The person that is fuvking the wife will still be here advising op


I fear who no fear marriage

Oyindidi:
It is well

Abeg it is nt well, lets be realistic here.
Na wahala dey this man front so

nel4k:
You really have a big issue here. I would advise you:
1. Find out who her friends are because they can really be an influence on her.
2.

exactly

Omojudy:
Hmm. Let me wait for the elders.

Why then did you rush to go and grab FTC since you have nothing to say?

Omojudy:
Hmm. Let me wait for the elders.

lols

i have always said it, i dey fear this thing called marriage. The things am seeing and hearing ehn. Will i ever be ready for them problems? Upon reading thw op's story, am more depressed than the op right now.

I guess she was one of those dirty and lazy girls that does nothung at home.
You dated her and knew she had to dirty traits but you were like 'I'll change her' .
Now shez showing you pepper. .
You will soon be surprised to find out she's having an affair already with another man.

About this dirtiness and inability to cook, av got a lady flat mate , her dirtiness is beyound comprehension , so lazy, doesn't cook , she could stay in her room for 2 months without sweeping, her toilet is also swearing for her because of the way she has left it which makes cockroaches creep into my room. .
I just dey pity the man wey go marry her. She go dress like miss world , put make up full face but when her house nna mess.
God EPP us oo

This one weak me oo, I dont even know the advice I can give, But I know God will show you the way.

popoolaRofiat:
Am I woman blessed with a lovely husband like you. Let me teach you something.you adopt the late comer into the house Atleast 30minutes to 1hour late of the time she knows you should be home. Don't bother to ask of any food make sure you eat fully before you enter house. Just be neutral with her not too clinging and put all the attention on your children before you sleep at times make a fake call and let it be as if you are talking with a lady. I give her one week she will either do two things either to change positively or report you to your family or her own then you can tell them what she has been doing

popoolaRofiat:
Am I woman blessed with a lovely husband like you. Let me teach you something.you adopt the late comer into the house Atleast 30minutes to 1hour late of the time she knows you should be home. Don't bother to ask of any food make sure you eat fully before you enter house. Just be neutral with her not too clinging and put all the attention on your children before you sleep at times make a fake call and let it be as if you are talking with a lady. I give her one week she will either do two things either to change positively or report you to your family or her own then you can tell them what she has been doing

Am I woman blessed with a lovely husband like you. Let me teach you something.you adopt the late comer into the house Atleast 30minutes to 1hour late of the time she knows you should be home. Don't bother to ask of any food make sure you eat fully before you enter house. Just be neutral with her not too clinging and put all the attention on your children before you sleep at times make a fake call and let it be as if you are talking with a lady. I give her one week she will either do two things either to change positively or report you to your family or her own then you can tell them what she has been doing also thanks for your patient and care on her she will definitely change to better

oluscofield:
all marriages has its own hiccups , the issue is, does she have parents? elder ones? have u ever reported her to any of them? what was their reaction? I have had similar experience even worse than yours. may God help you

Which one is hiccups again. Someone doesn't cook, wash, maintain the home, disrespect husband and family and is abusive, and you are talking about hiccups. Hiccups are supposed to be rare occurance. This one na whooping cough.

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Time for family meeting. From both sides. Make everyone talk Wetin em problem be

Both of you have to see a marriage counsellor n if possible involve both of your parents

heard of cases of couples killing each other because of so call depression or prolong unresolved issues... pls be very careful, for the time been. stop eating and drinking at home.. when she starts showing you love be careful, you may be thinking she has change, but no.. i am seeing a bad character in her that needs therapy. it seems she married you out of pity or she is still in touch with her ex..

liberalchick:
I am sorry I know you mean well but depression doesn’t make you a violent person. I have worked with depressed people and I have been depressed myself and depressed people don’t maim children. She is a violent person simple. In fact when you’re depressed you withdraw not attack.

Op, when violence enters a marriage/relationship then a line has been crossed and it’s no longer healthy. Honestly, I am not optimistic about the future of that marriage. You should try a marriage counselor but I am sorry I am not hopeful, people rarely change. I agree with pocohantas observe how your girlfriend/boyfriend act around people that she/he isn’t going to gain anything from/or trying to impress that’s her/his true character.

You nailed it
Thank you

stinflame:


No try this one at OP,person a no send you ,dont care if you do the above.It will only give her room to flirt with a new imaginary boy who she assumes might give her peace.And trust me your matrimonial bed will be the field.
Questions you need answer from us tho ,is your wife above 25?
What is your age gap?

Simple...... Withdraw the kids from her, take them to ur parents house. And send her out of the house. If after 2 months of staying away her brain no reset, file for divorce. This life is too short to allow anyone still ur joy and peace of mind away

popoolaRofiat:
Am I woman blessed with a lovely husband like you. Let me teach you something.you adopt the late comer into the house Atleast 30minutes to 1hour late of the time she knows you should be home. Don't bother to ask of any food make sure you eat fully before you enter house. Just be neutral with her not too clinging and put all the attention on your children before you sleep at times make a fake call and let it be as if you are talking with a lady. I give her one week she will either do two things either to change positively or report you to your family or her own then you can tell them what she has been doing also thanks for your patient and care on her she will definitely change to better

Did you miss this part of his post

have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her.

It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases.

If the comes in and goes out any time she likes and have not spoken to him for 4 months, what difference will difference will all these make?

She no send the guy.

ALL THESE LADIES THAT ARE PRETENDING AS IF THEY ARE BETTER,

KEEP THEM IN YOUR HOUSE AND SEE THEM DO WORST THAN THE OP'S WIFE.

WOMEN ARE PRETENDERS, ESPECIALLY NIGERIAN WOMEN.

ANYWAYS, THAT'S NIGERIANS FOR YOU.

contumely2:
So you can't use paragraphs?
What kind of muddled up tosh is that?

mtchee my frnd go n sit down if u dnt wt to say

Pearl05:
Close down the shop, drive her to her parents house and leave her there. Send someone over with her personal belongings.

Change your locks .

Let her be there for at least six months, her senses will format to factory settings.

I did the same thing, called her family that I was sending her back. They called her and I gave them my condition for continuing with the marriage and the consequences of violating the terms of the agreement, now she control her emotions better.
I even went to court to start divorce proceedings but stopped midway.
I was like a sissy in the marriage for long until I woke up one day and decided to take full control of my house.

Her family were shocked by my sudden change, she attacked me and I gave her serious 'controlled' beating, by controlled beating I mean she pushed me to the wall but physically I was very angry and vibrating but in my heart I was loving her but had to show her my strength as a man and to let her understand how it felt inflicting harm on our maids.
Never beat a woman, but if it's the last option only do it when you are not reacting in anger but pretending to be angry.
She tried to blackmail me into apologizing but I never did, for sometime now she has been abiding by the tenets of the agreement and I try to encourage her, watch her mood changes and how to keep it in check, it has not been easy but it's better now.

jam04:


Mister Man, i rarely comment on posts like this but i will do because something in your post strikes me. As a fellow married man like you i can boldly tell you that woman can not change, reporting her to family and religious leaders wont change anything but Nigerians are pretentious and that's what 97% of commenters here will tell you to do. If you are not careful, that woman will cause you 2 things : Get you jailed or give you depression. if you continue to beat her(which will still happen so far you still reason her matter) she might get seriously injured or die, bro you end them loosing everything and those kids you cherish.
Here is my Advice; get those niece and nephew out of your house and let her run the home the best way she deem fit. Make she leave laundry for 2 months, just dey look am. Just IGNORE that woman totally!! act like she doesn't exist and you will be surprised how suddenly you will be happy once again

as far he is in the house he would be force to exchange words with the wife and in return she would verbally insult him and he would loose it and hit her again then he would become the agressor and victim. It's wise he should just give her space for a long time run bro run. If you have money to sustain run.

Sorry

She is your wife but I must say... She is not lovable. From what you just said, you are really a patient dude.


My guy ur sanity is more important, if it is not working... Walk away. E go clear for her eye.

You are giving her more attention than she deserves and she knows.

Just imagine say na she d bring more for the upkeep?

Hmmm

You married a bad woman.....why is everyone saying she is depressed and beating other women children... you have a good and supportive man and you still allowed the devil to be using you against this good man.

Guest007:

My concern is why aren't Mr and Mrs behind bars for child abuse?

Child labour and abuse seems to have become normalised in Nigeria.

Obierika:


Why then did you rush to go and grab FTC since you have nothing to say?

Because it was a competition and I won!

This was different from cross of Calvary..I have a similar experience.Wether you like it on not the marriage will not last,two your doesn't love you you're are the one that love her with your energy.Yoi will get exhausted and she tell you to your face that she didn't love you.Start to prepare your spiritual ground,your exit and your secured work for the betterment of uour children.She belong to spiritual husband..I won't say much..She will killed you if you didn't leave her..The truth is bitter

It is your cross...carry it and continue praying for her repentance....
I am sure you force yourself marrying this woman because you must have been seeing all these attitudes in your courtship..