DenreleDave:


Hear ursef, does depression makes u treat ur won family well and treat others as trash... U shud think na.. Don't be too quick for ftc thereby typing nonsense.

How can depression make u despise ur husband family and outsider but u treat ur own family as gold... Stop it dear

victorjoe:
Oga, so many things were wrong from the very beginning. I think you were even played into marrying her. All that chores she was doing in the beginning was just to trap you. She no sabi anything, not just cooking.

See, for me o, you only have 1 life, you cant afford to be miserable in your marriage. And marriage is to be enjoyed not endured. Send her packing let her go and ply her wickedness and dirty trade elsewhere. Your kids are yours, they will always be with you.

You have tried self. Since her head for don reset if na me.

Most times we are the cause of our problems. You see something very wrong, instead of you to nip it at the bud you allowed it to grow cos of love.

If you do not want to die young, do the needfull. Make she waka!

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairrl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.
e but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

mistyebby:



Likeminds....I know people twist the word evil to suit them.

E.g Op's wife thinks everyother person is evil asides her, so I get your pain

Truth is nobody will understand this your thought process. So dont bother defending it.

lefulefu:
but if d woman no wan gree change then for his safety and that of his kids he should just quietly divorce her.no good if he says he will keep on hoping she will change and op end up six feet below

midnighter:


Its you who is a likemind to I dont know who

If you dont understand that both good and bad people can get ill, thats your own problem

So the people in psychiatric hospital, are they all nice people who have never committed a sin in their life?

She can be a bad person and ill at the same time

DenreleDave:


I cudnt tell her those stuff... So much like dt babe.. Since we ain't dating, I feel there is notin to break at first...

mistyebby:


You just admitted she is unstable.

You help mentally unstable people from a distance.

separation is the best bet now.

stinflame:
You apologizing after beating her shows you are a good man. Truth be told a man like me will never do it provided that her accusation have been on for a long time.

For goodness sake what did she take u for. A sleep around. Definitely that is a disrespect to me and I will never take that.
Sorry but she have to learn the hard way. Involve her parents into the situation, if she truely wants it to work out she will harken to their advice. And if the parents choice to side their daughter. Am sorry you in for it. And divorce looks like ur bet.
The truth is only a woman can make it work. It's easier for a woman to kick up a conversation with her husband after a quarrel. Using her feminine influence, and the man will gladly join her. And all things are resolved.
But if your wife is hard hearted. It will be something else.

Mrcashman87:
I have texted twice to say we need to talk for her to ignore the text. I am feeling really down dont know what I have done to her to deserve this treatment. I'm going to try talking to her one last time I think and if I dont get any form of positive response then i will call for family meetings and I will have to end marriage.

DenreleDave:
U r a leopard, u will never change.. Anyway I wunt exchange negative words with u.. I can see that u r the abusive type.... I'm sure u don't know what illiteracy means

midnighter:


He wrote in his original post that she was depressed.

But i agree that OP needs to be firm with her

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

chinchum:
she WAS depressed ! She did not have any income, and wanted to start working. I can imply that she wanted income to be empowered for full scale misbehavior. The Op confirmed she became worst once the shop was opened for her. There is no cementing the cracks needed at this point, I feel a part of the relationship building has to be broken down for reconstruction if possible.