This is the point where you involve third parties( her parents) and allay all these things you said to them. Make them understand how you have been living in bondage all these years. Also, make them understand that you will not be blamed for any line of action that you take if this mess continues. If she cannot listen to you, then she has to listen to her parents. If she refuses to change, you may have to part ways for your sanity.

sisisioge:
O boi!

Some people are just terribly unlucky with the kind of people they get saddled with as spouses. Oga, you've done all you could. You should either continue to manage her or walk away. Good luck with your choice.

If he continues with this woman, she may lead him to his grave faster than he can imagine. If she is not willing to change, let them part ways. She is lucky to have a man who is supportive. All she needs do is be a good wife, is that supposed to be hard? Some women are not just wired for marriage.

midnighter:


You are welcome.

Yes, she may not agree that there is anything the matter with her. That's a quality of some narcissistic people. You may have to tackle this another way

Have you tried giving her conditions? Like "unless you agree to attend counselling, we will have to separate"?

"Unless you come back at 8pm, be ready to sleep outside because I am locking gate by 8 o'clock oh"

It seems that you yourself are letting her get away with a lot of stuff. What if you refuse to let anybody go to any church unless your nieces are included? What if you confiscate all those new clothes until she goes back and buys the same for your nieces?

Some people are very manipulative so ordinary methods don't work. You have to put on your thinking cap and beat her at her own game. I'm not saying that she doesn't have her own issues but she also needs to learn her lesson.

I can see that you love her a lot but she needs help. From outside sources as well as from you.

Some people have recommended that you pack her off to her parents house. I agree with them to an extent but I'm holding back on that because I don't believe you have really addressed the issue in-house.

You are spoiling her, you need to stop it if you want to see results.

Let me be straight forward to you.
The guy is contradicting himself up and down.
First, she can't wash school uniforms, now, she love the kids with all her heart. So what does he want?
After beating her and apologising, how did he follow up so there will be no repetition? It ended in bed and everybody was happy.
U know your wife don't like your people, why are they still living with you?
Until she murder someone?
Must they live with people if that brings out the worst in her?

She don't have male friends, don't do extra marital affair.
So what is his problem?
She controls him, he is happy with that, as long as she continue having sex with her. He has been overlooking.
Because she is denying him, he now remembers she is a bad and vile woman and is looking for solution.
Something that has grown so deep with big branches.
Wish them luck.
He should come back after one yr to let us know how far the therapy and counselling helped so others will learn from it

Bro's sorry for your current matrimonial travail but Sir you lost It that very moment that you took your Wife for catering what?? The moment you understand that She don't know how to cook that's when you will know that she's from a lazy Home and a Lazy Wife is a source of misery in her husband's Life . And any African Woman that don't know how to cook is not a Housewife material, You can Quote me anywhere..

Now are you waiting for a prophet to tell you that your wife is seeing another man. All you need to do now is to involve a third party she respects, if they could not resolve it file for divorce and have peace of mind. You cannot marry and kill yourself. It is better to remain a chronic bachelor than to marry a bad wife. Sorry Bro

ednut1:
the stories i have read here told is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

Baba go and marry. Stop giving excuses. All ladies do not have the op's wife bad character

Another One is That She is Lazy not to do ordinary Sweeping Of the House But she's not lazy beating up a House help that's helping her in the House? Bro's this your Wife is Evil , She's "OgbanJe" I mean water creature

technuel:
Now are you waiting for a prophet to tell you that your wife is seeing another man. All you need to do now is to involve a third party she respects, if they could not resolve it file for divorce and have peace of mind. You cannot marry and kill yourself. It is better to remain a chronic bachelor than to marry a bad wife. Sorry Bro

Not everything is about seeing other men. The woman in question is lazy, wicked at heart, disrespectful and mean. I think the op did wrong allowing his conscience to lead him to apologize. He should told her he'll Bleep her up big time if she bleeps up. Her craze might have mellowed. But apologizing simply gave her effontery to continue cos she knows he's weak

it's painful to hear all you are going through, but best advice or solution cannot be proffered without hearing from the woman (your wife) else, we all become guilty.

call your wife and let her talk about her grievances then you can know what's next may be the family needs deliverance.

What you need is not advice. You need professional help to help you take it one step at a time to help you bundle the problem, before you end up doing more harm to your self or to her. Seek for a good family psychologist.

AdedoyinO:
I think your wife has some kind of mental issues, you should have her evaluated. Keeping dirty environment, violence, not been remorseful are pointers to that fact.

So sorry for all you are going through. At this stage, involve her family, let them know what has been happening.

She lacks empathy. That's d key ingredient of psychopaths. But how come d Op didn't even notice all these while dating?

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Get a divorce or at least a separation. Or you'll die before our time.

ednut1:
the stories i have read here told is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

Nothing wrong with marriages but the shitty people in it

Also, I am 100% sure he saw the red flags that she was dirty, had anger issues and was lazy but no the big boobs and fine face would not allow him see all these big flaws, address them and help her get rid of it before they got married.

As for OP honestly there is no advice for you. Either you move on or continue suffering the pains. No adult changes behaviors they have built up over the years overnight. It has to come personally from them that they want to make painstaking efforts to correct the ills in their lives....until then you are talking to a brick wall.

I have read your story and I strongly believe your marital problem is beyond what you see or know so far.
Your statement that "we got married in 2013 and she got pregnant that same month" sparks serious suspicion, moreso that was the turning point of your relationship from your story.
I suspect that 1st pregnancy may not be yours and that could be the real reasons for her weird behaviours. So pls my advice to you is to first go do a DNA test on the first child.
If the test confirms my suspicion, then your perceived love for her will die instantly. If the test is otherwise, you then just have to be decisive and take charge of your marriage or there is no marriage. Not violently though, but by standing your ground for what you can and cannot take. Imagine, somebody is my wife, in my house and does only as she pleases. Not possible except you allow it. So man up!!!

Oga I'm advising you for the last time better divorce this woman before She will kill you One Day. She is not your Wife she only came to born Children For you and if you insist in keeping this kind of monster? I am afraid you will never remain the same. So in order to Save those Children divorce this woman and get another Wife I can assure you that we get thousand kindhearted women out there that are so nice and can accept to live with your Children and help you trained Them I wish you good luck

Officialgarri:
Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

She can poison you if you tell her this. Some women are dangerous

kroger:


U too much bros, I for don reset her brain back to factory setting long time. Marriage is just a scam involving both parties if I cant condole your attitude I carry my Kaya waka far.

The truth of the matter is the wife will never change her attitude cos it's her nature, the husband cant change her. The more he tries the more he get frustrated year in year out, life is too short for a woman I dont know from Adam to come give me sleepless nights. The sooner the OP ditch her the better.

Abi o. Just imagine! Very annoying something.

From the very first time u break person head u go don know say Na the wrong marriage bus u enter. Not to talk of say u been de clean house before suddenly u come stop.

If we cannot complement each other wetin we come de do...

Looks like a well cooked story, but its undone... Show pix, then I will believe

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Officialgarri:
Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

this is the best thing to do. Bro your head dey there

One thing you should do. Leave. Life is too short to let anybody control your happiness. You must not stay married. And you will not die if you become a single father. Self love first I always shout it. Self love. So sorry for your situation

Looks like a well cooked story, but its undone... Show pix, then I will believe
[quote author=Mrcashman87 post=83361506]I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

WinkWrld:

8. Plan for your older age as your wife attitude shows no love for u when old age sickness comes.

This is the crux of the matter

Avert the impending danger waiting here before it happens.

If you divorced her, she would deprived you access to your children, she will Poisson their heart towards you. May God help you

sophy17:
I have read your story and I strongly believe your marital problem is beyond what you see or know so far.
Your statement that "we got married in 2013 and she got pregnant that same month" sparks serious suspicion, moreso that was the turning point of your relationship from your story.
I suspect that 1st pregnancy may not be yours and that could be the real reasons for her weird behaviours. So pls my advice to you is to first go do a DNA test on the first child.
If the test confirms my suspicion, then your perceived love for her will die instantly. If the test is otherwise, you then just have to be decisive and take charge of your marriage or there is no marriage. Not violently though, but by standing your ground for what you can and cannot take. Imagine, somebody is my wife, in my house and does only as she pleases. Not possible except you allow it. So man up!!!

Bros which one is in my house again? So na visitor she be?

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

well said.... I was expecting the part where he reported her to the police.

As for the man....stop deceiving yourself marriage is not by force....if your marriage isn't working get a divorce....why people still think marriage is the holy grail of living is still beyond me

The only reason I'm still in my marriage is my innocent little daughter and I've not seen half of what you're experiencing. My wife is also extremely lazy and dirty. The kitchen is always dirty and stinks so much u can't even sit and be comfortable in the living room. Told her severally​ to at least always close the kitchen door...For where?!! Never!!.
I'm just thankful she isn't dirty with her body else the marriage would have long been over.

PS.. I had to stop cleaning the house myself cos, it's even more annoying to get back home and see the house as dirty as it was before you cleaned.

Na wa o! Is your wife a witch?

But then, I’ve learnt enough to know you don’t judge man and woman matter based on a one sided story.

All I can say is, take heart, till we hear from your wife.

Many women behave like your wife when they have everything in abundance and are too comfortable. You're enduring lots of sh!t menh

Divorce her ass .. she's manipulative cum child abuser...two things I can't take from any woman

Very annoying.

And on Facebook groups, I will be seeing posts like "no woman is stubborn, your attitude determines her reaction towards you" yen yen yen by females. Now tell me, what attitude did the man show her to warrant this stubbornness by her towards him, or what attitude did fellow housemates have to warrant that stubbornness from Tacha which made her lose the 60m?

Some women are naturally stubborn and I just de pray for one. As a matter of fact, I will marry one. I will so bend her ehn....she go transform automatically walai.

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

brother me u try God go bless u, i can't take half of what you narrate. If what you said is true u really try. She doesn't what she have untill she marry a no nonsense man

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

You talked like a police man