₦airaland Forum

MicroBox:
That's why the Hausa's have problem with Yoruba Muslims, please try that shiit in Hausa home, I am sure you will by now be typing this rubbish in your father's home. You have kids yet you're not praying so tell me what kind of example are you setting for them.
If God decided to test you, what will you do? Run to Alfa, one baba or a prophet for solution abi.
Lazy 35yo.
Start praying OK.

olatunyemi:
I can't marry a non praying lady and I pray God won't give me such wife. In this life with enemy, war and hatred at left, right and centre, only your wife's genuine prayer and mum's can save you

wirinet:
My sister, you have received enlightenment. You have been free from the hypnotism and mind control of religion and want to asset your dignity and freedom as a human being. Religion is a mind control tool to keep you perpetually a slave to others.

The redded quote gets me very angry. He eats your food and have sex with you but still keeps malice with you. That's sadistic. All with the excuse of you don't pray enough. Is he God?

What happens if you refuse him sex, will he rape you or throw you out of the house?

Anyway, you have to realised, you are highly disadvantaged here, because you have kids. He will abandon the children if you dare leave him, and the children will suffer, except of course you make enough money to house, feed and educate them.

That's why I always frown at ladies who feels, their whole existence must depend on a man, and once married, they will not work again for the rest of your life. That's is very precarious position to be.

You cannot assert any degree of freedom or independence without some degree of financial independence, so you have to either get a job or start a business. He can decide to throw you put any minute or take a second wife.

You also need to inform your family what's going on. You family can ask him of his grouse with you. If it's only prayers, then that's easy to accommodate. You can do eye service and form Sister Mary (or sister Mariam) whenever he is around. Most Christians and Muslims pretend anyway. They say in one thing in public and do another when no one is looking. But, if there are other issues, then you have to start preparing for an eventual separation.

arinpe16:
Reading through the comments has just proven to me that we have a problem in this country. How can you openly disregard another person's religion just because you weren't born in it. I'm a sociologist and I was made to understand that everything we are today is as a result of our culture.

MisterGrace:
You have the right to live the way you want provided you aren't infringing on anyone's rights or breaking the law of the country.

You can get a man of your choice even at 35 years of age.

Your husband seems to be one of these extremists who forces their beliefs down the throats of others.

You deserve happiness.

abbey621:
If the OP follows your advice she's bound to end up going from frying pan to fire. Muslims pray 5 times daily because it is commanded by the Almighty not their husband or wife. The fact that the man eats her food and still lays with her shows that he's not after marrying another wife rather he wants her to change. The OP already said he comes from a strong muslim household, this goes to show you where his orientation comes from, a woman with kids will surely influence her kids. The man is thinking about the bigger picture but most women being the emotional creatures that they are can only see the present. Think about it, why would a woman come on Nairaland asking for advice just because her man told her to start acting like a real Muslim? Why would you watch your man keep malice for a whole YEAR and still refuse to adjust? Is she trying to prove stubborness or that she can't obey him? Religion or no religion, one's character cannot be hidden for too long!

arinpe16:
Thank you everyone. I've gone through the thread and I must say that I really appreciate the criticisms, judgements, insults, abuse and all. For those that asked, he drops money for feeding alone ( sorry I didn't mention that) so, I had to cook for him. I also work and contribute to the home (to all those saying I'm dependent on a man's money at my age. Lol)

Reading through the comments has just proven to me that we have a problem in this country. How can you openly disregard another person's religion just because you weren't born in it. I'm a sociologist and I was made to understand that everything we are today is as a result of our culture.

Can we just stop fighting because of religion? It's very annoying. If you were born a Muslim, you'll practice Islamic religion and if you were born a Christian, you'll go to church. Although, you can decide to change when you grow up.

To our brothers and sisters in Islam, we're sometimes our enemy. We often believe we're perfect because we observe the 5 daily prayers but this is far from the truth. Once you do not use hijab or follow a doctrine, you become a devil.

To my Christian brothers and sisters, you see your wife as a devil once she doesn't pray from morning till night. We have a very big problem in this country and religion is one of it. We claim to be Christians and Muslims yet, we do not love ourselves.

I know praying 5 times daily is compulsory in Islam and I'll adjust and take it one step at a time (nobody can force me. I'm an adult). Then again, what if I pray and my intentions are devilish? People don't care about intentions, all they know how to do best is "eye-service"
Awon pretenders oshi!!!

Praying is very necessary but you can't force it on anyone. It has to come from the heart and the person has to be ready for it.

As for my husband, he's reading this thread too because I had to show him. We're still reading through and laughing together here. I believe we're fine and religion can not tear us apart.

I saw some PMs, I'm sorry I won't reply. I'll have to deactivate now because I'm a regular user of this forum.

Some people on this forum are bitter (according to my husband) and they're happy destroying homes. We'll work it together. Thanks for the advices.

arinpe16:
We don't speak in tongues. I find it difficult because I fell ill for more than 6 months at a time and picking up again has been difficult. My prayers aren't always complete right from time and he knows.

I want wider views and opinions please. @Mynd44, @Lalasticlala. Kindly move to front page please. I need help.

StPete:
I think your husband is just finding excuses to be stingy with you. He’s worried about your not praying daily, he doesn’t drop money yet he comes back, eats your food, keeps malice and wants a divorce. Now is he truly practicing what he “preaches” or is keeping malice one of the tenets of your religion?

I won’t say you shouldn’t pray but why act in pretense if it won’t come from the heart. Praying to God is a personal thing, not because you want to please any man on earth. And BTW, you will easily get married again even if he divorces you. There are several men out there looking for suitable women like yourself.

kestolove95:
Then leave na...must u tell us? Nonsense

pharmagba:
I need to be blunt with you since you asked for my advice

You are not wise at all.
Look at the reason you are giving, that you are not praying regularly

Praying to God is a test of humility. A great man once said, "if I want to humble a man, I ask him how long he prays"
It simply means you are full of pride and very disobedient wife. You are even considering your marketability when you eventually leaves his house.
If things continue like this let me tell you what will happen, he will definitely throw you out of his life, not only his house and he will get a better lady and live happily ever after and you may also get a another husband who will also throw you out after some time. Why? Simple. It is because you will display your rotten character.


My advice if you really want to make things work
Be humble to your husband, respect and obey him. It is not to much to pray even if it is 100times daily. Any woman that humbles herself and respect her husband especially if the man is Godly, will always find favour with him. In fact such men will go out of their ways to satisfy and make her happy but if you don't respect him forget about getting any dime from him.
You have wasted so much time, start the amendment today. Thank God he had not told his parent.

A word is enough for the wise

MicroBox:
Sex is part of her basic right in Islam. The husband is fulfilling his own end of the bargain, both as a Muslim and as a husband but what about her. She spend more time with the kids yet she's is not praying so tell me what kind of example is she to her children.
Stop the crab of saying religion is hypnotism and mind control. if you have been abuse or traumatized by a religious leader before, say it out let council you.
You need a religion to connect to your creator. If you believe Big Bang, then OYO..

pharmagba:
I need to be blunt with you since you asked for my advice

You are not wise at all.
Look at the reason you are giving, that you are not praying regularly

Praying to God is a test of humility. A great man once said, "if I want to humble a man, I ask him how long he prays"
It simply means you are full of pride and very disobedient wife. You are even considering your marketability when you eventually leaves his house.
If things continue like this let me tell you what will happen, he will definitely throw you out of his life, not only his house and he will get a better lady and live happily ever after and you may also get a another husband who will also throw you out after some time. Why? Simple. It is because you will display your rotten character.


My advice if you really want to make things work
Be humble to your husband, respect and obey him. It is not to much to pray even if it is 100times daily. Any woman that humbles herself and respect her husband especially if the man is Godly, will always find favour with him. In fact such men will go out of their ways to satisfy and make her happy but if you don't respect him forget about getting any dime from him.
You have wasted so much time, start the amendment today. Thank God he had not told his parent.

A word is enough for the wise

dbestuncle:
its not just prayer, it is ur refusal to yield to his instruction that provokes him. he is stingy but loves u.
start to pray regularly n jist us

arinpe16:
Good evening everyone. Please I need your advice.

My husband has been keeping malice with me because I don't pray regularly again (we're Muslims) and he's threatening to divorce me (we only did court wedding and yet to do Nikkah).

He's eats my food but doesn't talk to me. This has been going on for over a year now and it's getting worse. Can I tell his parents? They are strong Muslims and I'm afraid they may blame me more. He also doesn't give me money anymore. I'm tired of his stinginess and he's very insensitive. He believes I'm a devil since I don't pray even though things have changed for the better for him since we met.

He also doesn't believe I can get a husband since I'm close to 35. Please, I'm confused. I don't know what to do.

Mood11:
If you are tired of being a Muslim why not denounce the faith and move on with your life?

Or don't you know that your attitude towards prayer will in a way draw him back too?

Madam abeg carry your cross

Donjazzy12:
Let me tell you the truth! You don't love your husband! You love marriage! If you get an offer of marriage from another well to do man right now, you will be the first to divorce him!

I know your type! Difficult, argumentative women with nothing to offer!

You can't pray five times daily to keep your husband but you have the time to come to Nairaland full of strangers seeking for favourable opinion!

You are a liability to that man and other men, just continue your lesbianism!

wirinet:
That's the problem with Muslims in general and Nigerians as a whole, you want to impose your religion (apart from other views like political and moral views) on others; that's fundamentalism. And it often leads to lots of conflicts, both within the family and nationally ).
This difficult not use to be so during my secondary school days. I went to Catholic school and there were lots of Muslims, there was no single conflict, we were all friends (and still friends today). I did Hsc in sokoto, we easily mixed with Hausa fulaniu muslims with no conflict at all. They attend their prayers, we attended ours, no conflicts whatsoever.

I knew lots of families with Muslim father's and Christian mothers, we felt the love and respect within the family, no conflicts at all.

You should learn that religion is a personal journey, you cannot take any other person with you. It is a personal relationship between you and your god. It should not be between you, another person(s) and God. I for one am not religious, my wife is a pentecostal Christian, we all respect each others views and space. Occasionally I follow her and the children to church to show moral support. That's it. No conflict whatsoever.

As the proverb goes, you can force a horse to the river, but you cannot force the horse to drink. If she had never been a strong muslim praying 5 times a day when he met and married her, what makes him think she would start praying 5 times a day after 5 years of marriage? What's the use if he see her praying 5 times a day, but knows she does not really believe or like praying 5 times a day? It's all to reinforce his believe that he has absolute control over his wife.

wirinet:
Sex is a basic right in Islam, but not a basic right in the constitution. Unless you advocate we jettison the constitution and adopt the sharia as our supreme law.

What happens if she refuses sex, or if she due to one condition or the other can't have sex. Does he rape her or find another woman. Why is sex so crucial to muslim men? I honestly do not understand.

Religion is simply mass hypnotism and mind control. That has been the role of religion throughout recorded history. It's simply a tool used by a selec few to control the masses. How else do you think religious or spiritual leaders can get people to blow up themselves or drink poison?

Forget big bang, forget creator. The most important thing to all living things - plant and animals is survival, and to survive in a less painful manner.

ALLNIGERIANSMAD:
you well so? If I find out now, your own home is a house of commotion

Donjazzy12:
Your name says it all! You are stark raving mad!

Supporting a lesbian woman who refuses to pray but can come to Nairaland and spend hours.

MisterGrace:
You have the right to live the way you want provided you aren't infringing on anyone's rights or breaking the law of the country.

You can get a man of your choice even at 35 years of age.

Your husband seems to be one of these extremists who forces their beliefs down the throats of others.

You deserve happiness.

ALLNIGERIANSMAD:
religion is a scam quote me anywhere. All Nigerians sef are scammer.

Eaganguolly:
That's the challenge Africa is facing. Everything is prayers yet nothing is working. When you marry like you said and your wife stopped praying then sack her. You think you have enemy because you are one to somebody, you think of hatred because you hate another person. Why can't you people adopt a simple lifestyle? People that live longer and happily did not achieve that through prayer. Other factors has to be in place

pharmagba:
I need to be blunt with you since you asked for my advice

You are not wise at all.
Look at the reason you are giving, that you are not praying regularly

Praying to God is a test of humility. A great man once said, "if I want to humble a man, I ask him how long he prays"
It simply means you are full of pride and very disobedient wife. You are even considering your marketability when you eventually leaves his house.
If things continue like this let me tell you what will happen, he will definitely throw you out of his life, not only his house and he will get a better lady and live happily ever after and you may also get a another husband who will also throw you out after some time. Why? Simple. It is because you will display your rotten character.


My advice if you really want to make things work
Be humble to your husband, respect and obey him. It is not to much to pray even if it is 100times daily. Any woman that humbles herself and respect her husband especially if the man is Godly, will always find favour with him. In fact such men will go out of their ways to satisfy and make her happy but if you don't respect him forget about getting any dime from him.
You have wasted so much time, start the amendment today. Thank God he had not told his parent.

A word is enough for the wise

MisterGrace:
You have the right to live the way you want provided you aren't infringing on anyone's rights or breaking the law of the country.

You can get a man of your choice even at 35 years of age.

Your husband seems to be one of these extremists who forces their beliefs down the throats of others.

You deserve happiness.

dominique:
Try and pray five times a day, with time you'll get used to it. My husband also complains about my non praying regularly so I'm trying to adjust. It's not easy but achievable.

wirinet:
Loves who? He loves himself. Someone that loves another does not subject the person to psychological and mental torture, just because of a flimsy reason. He has not spoken to her or taken care of her psychological and material needs for 2 years, and you are talking about love.

Cutehector:
Abeg begin to kabash in his house o.. I duno if you muslims speak in tongues but please start so he will notice...shebi he wants prayers, he will get tired....

zeeprince:
remember a coin has two sides so don't speak what u don't knw

Cutehector:
Abeg begin to kabash in his house o.. I duno if you muslims speak in tongues but please start so he will notice...shebi he wants prayers, he will get tired....