[quote author=Realgeo post=84098232][/quote]

Please I will condemn. Very well.

A man that expects his pregnant wife to cook for him. Then work. Then pay half of everything is a wicked man.

Marriages where the man is paying for everything, the woman does all the house stuff and raises the kids.

When the woman and woman are working, they can decide to split chores and expenses on ratio of salary.

When she’s pregnant carrying your child, you should take care of that woman because she’s going through a lot and her life is about to be turned upside down, when that baby comes.

LagosismyHome:


well it obvious both parties dont care for each other ......... Despite been pregnant , if she making for herself , if she really care she will make a pack for him as well . Has nothing to do with Low Mentality

however maybe something happened in the early part of the marriage that made her stop caring and switch off mentally

I know something happened and I can sense it’s him trying to force her to be a house wife, working wife and mother all at once! I won’t make breakfast for a man that won’t take care of me when I need him the most.

sgtponzihater1:


I have this feeling that she have bought them over with money, so their narrative will not be very fine. Her mum speaks more of local dialect and I am not so fluent..

I spoke to her elder sister few weeks back, and she said it was not fair at all on her part. For example while I am awake this morning. She'll probably wake around 1am because she is pregnant.

Anyway she promised to talk to her and get back to me. Days later she sent her a truck load of goods to sell including shoes and wears at no cost. And her voice changed.

She didn't get back to me as promised and when I called she said I am a man, it is my home that I should put it in order, that she doesn't want to interfere with other peoples homes. She said women are only helpers and no oblige to do anything, that I am the one to work things out. I couldn't utter a word anymore.

Since then not even a WhatsApp message about how things have changed.

So i am in a hole, but will get out.

11am is service. Let me go and prepare. Cheers

I sent you a PM.... as a nairaland family let help you help your mental health

Aphrodite007:


I know something happened and I can sense it’s him trying to force her to be a house wife, working wife and mother all at once! I won’t make breakfast for a man that won’t take care of me when I need him the most.

There always two side of every story but some couple get to a stage where it's all about showing each other pepper so each party has it's own version

That been said UK is not easy, you are here by yourself in a somewhat isolating situation. The best way is for each party to strive to be caring and loving to each other and it works both ways ..... caring means not counting scores of who has done what but equally pulling their weight in finances and in the household generally

Once you can establish a foundation of care and friendship between both then marriage is easy and is peaceful .

Hello everyone!

So just recently moved in few weeks ago to be with my husband. It's been good and I'm adjusting perfectly.

Thing is I need a job. I'm not into the medical line and my hubby doesn't want me doing care work says it's career dead which I agree with.

Kindly assist with recommendation as regards something more"career friendly". Though I'm looking into volunteering too to like familiarise with UK work system.

Any advice?

JanegirlN:
Hello everyone!

So just recently moved in few weeks ago to be with my husband. It's been good and I'm adjusting perfectly.

Thing is I need a job. I'm not into the medical line and my hubby doesn't want me doing care work says it's career dead which I agree with.

Kindly assist with recommendation as regards something more"career friendly". Though I'm looking into volunteering too to like familiarise with UK work system.

Any advice?

You can try working in retail while you’re sorting yourself out. It will help you to understand their money, culture and ways of communication. It’s Christmas season so there will be a lot of shop jobs going around. While you’re there you can consider doing professional courses for a particular job you like. Do you have a degree? What is it in?

Lexusgs430:


A bumbling Boris........

Lol my husband will hate you. He keeps calling me a tori

claremont:
On a positive note, it's election season. I got into this country on the back of immigration policies by a Labour government. I studied, graduated and worked my socks off based on the liberal immigration policies of a Labour government. I'm Labour through and through, and a hardcore Corbynite. If we want free university tuition for our kids, free and quality healthcare (including dental), cost-effective utilities etc. The UK is the fifth largest economy in the world, we can afford these basic necessities.

Vote Labour!

Lol. Labour that believes in socialism? God forbid. I cannot work hard for somebody to carry my money and give another person that isn’t even bothered to try and get a job. Because one day, me too, I will decide not to work so that another Mugu can pay my bills. I just started my own business and all I see is the govt charging me almost 40% of my income? Why? na me kill Jesus?.. then I’ll vote in a team that says they will charge companies more? Hahaha

JanegirlN:
Hello everyone!

So just recently moved in few weeks ago to be with my husband. It's been good and I'm adjusting perfectly.

Thing is I need a job. I'm not into the medical line and my hubby doesn't want me doing care work says it's career dead which I agree with.

Kindly assist with recommendation as regards something more"career friendly". Though I'm looking into volunteering too to like familiarise with UK work system.

Any advice?

Lol @ career death.
Whereabouts are you?
What sort of academic qualifications do you have ?
What sort of ‘career life’ do you anticipate?

Aphrodite007:


Lol. Labour that believes in socialism? God forbid. I cannot work hard for somebody to carry my money and give another person that isn’t even bothered to try and get a job. Because one day, me too, I will decide not to work so that another Mugu can pay my bills. I just started my own business and all I say is the govt charging me almost 40% of my income? Why? na me kill Jesus?.. then I’ll vote in a team that says they will charge companies more? Hahaha

They will charge more. They will nationalise everything, including Telecommunications.
And they are crooked about BreXit.
Labour is a NO NO!!!
Tories 12/12

Lexusgs430:



As usual post election campaigns, they offer heaven and earth.........

When they get in, they do an APC (all promises cancelled).......

Imagine including in a manifesto, planting millions of tree's...... Truly laughable.......

APC (all promises cancelled)

LagosismyHome:


There always two side of every story but some couple get to a stage where it's all about showing each other pepper so each party has it's own version

That been said UK is not easy, you are here by yourself in a somewhat isolating situation. The best way is for each party to strive to be caring and loving to each other and it works both ways ..... caring means not counting scores of who has done what but equally pulling their weight in finances and in the household generally

Once you can establish a foundation of care and friendship between both then marriage is easy and is peaceful .

And that is exactly my point. A man that can’t sacrifice and spray perfume outside to not irritate his pregnant wife who has no control of her hormones is definitely not a man that cares. She is probably fed up as well and wants a way out as well. They both clearly don’t love each other anymore. They should split up and he should find someone that will cook clean and carry a baby. While she should find a good man that would treat her so well that she will even contribute 70% of the bills happily.

[quote author=LagosismyHome

RalphJean:




JustWise:
Back in Nigeria, this guy was so rich that his 1 month salary pays the house rent for 1 year.
He told his wife not to contribute anything because his salary was more than enough for both of them. Being a nurse, he regarded her salary as ‘crap’.

Upon migrating to the UK, he suddenly wants her to start paying the bills. My girl has been so used to the concept of:
Your money is OUR own; My money is MY own
Sharing formula calculation was not yet agreed upon in line with new realities. My guy come gi my sister belle. Everything come start to dey smell for my sister, plus plenty vomiting.

This is a mid-communication problem.

If my Guymandspecies feels that my sister isn’t playing ball, divorce should be the last resort when all else fails.
If Guyman Loves my sister, Guyman should talk to my sister’s mama.

I understand that but that was then, things have changed, he can't carrying on like that any more and now needs madam who has being enjoying rent-free come to the table..not fair? How do you expect one person to shoulder all the responsibilities and still madam works and earn well?

[quote author=Aphrodite007 post=84106708]

..

Aphrodite007:


I understand. But you are hearing it from one side. There’s no how she’s not paying for food at home. I feel he is reducing what she’s paying for. Is your wife doing 50-50 with you? I’m sure it’s skewed somehow, even if she earned the same with you.

Also. You justwise. Do you just sit down and expect her to do everything, then expect her to work and still pay 50%.. haba? Is that not wickedness? And she’s pregnant on top!

If Sgtponzihater1 was your brother living the UK while you are in Nigeria schooling and he fails to send money for your fees because he spent all his money on his family here while the wife look after her family in Nigeria will you be happy?

sgtponzihater1:


Unfortunately I do not have access to the Email of this handle. How else can I get across?

Lagosismyhome@gmail.com

Please do not quote... I intend to delete the email

Help me ask @Aphrodite.... the way she is one sided in this issue makes me feel that na dem...she is all about man should do this, man should do that. What about love? Marriage is for two not for one person. No matter what the other partner is doing, there has to be a sacrifice and considerations. Its has to be from both, not from one person.

justwise:


If Sgtponzihater1 was your brother living the UK while you are in Nigeria schooling and he fails to send money for your fees because he spent all his money on his family here while the wife look after her family in Nigeria will you be happy?

justwise:


If Sgtponzihater1 was your brother living the UK while you are in Nigeria schooling and he fails to send money for your fees because he spent all his money on his family here while the wife look after her family in Nigeria will you be happy?

First of, why would I know the reason that my brother is not sending me money? That is his family to which is is first responsible for, before me. So unless he tells me that it’s because of his wife (which is bad for a man to do), I wouldn’t know, I’ll just see my brother as not being buoyant enough to care for me.

Secondly, I’m not supporting what she’s doing (fully), but I’m not going to judge on that because he is accusing her of not supporting the home which I honestly doubt. She must be providing food stuff and other little things.

Finally, haven’t you heard the saying that daughters always take care of their fathers and mothers, while sons take care of their wives? It’s nothing new.

When I wasn’t working, the little money that my husband gave me, I would send half to my sibs (who didn’t need it o cos their parents are rich enough to take care of them). Did my husband complain? Right now, I earn so much more and I pamper his family die.

At the end of the day, it’s love. Their love has expired.

sgtponzihater1:


Thanks for judging. A 30% ratio that was even blatantly refused. Don't sell an impression you know nothing about. I will stay in there for my son or daughter, because they need to see and know the truth, and I need to teach them to look on to the future without judging the efforts of others. If fending for myself for over 12weeks for a women in her 2nd trimester is being wicked then I pray God teaches me. Cheers

Guy, I didn’t judge you based on what I didn’t know. I judged you based on what you told us. You said you’re the one that mentioned the perfume problem, 50-50 problem, snoring problem, not cooking for you problem.. and all that showed me a man that isn’t matured/kind enough to understand what his wife is going through.

The only time I was close to a pregnant woman, I almost swore I would never get pregnant because I could see all the pains she was in. Talk less of if I was now the one that got her pregnant, I won’t even let her walk without me holding her. And she’s a nurse fa, do you know what nurses go through?

You’re talking about bills, let me tell you: if you treat that woman right, she will spoil you. You’ve probably done something to her that’s made her hate you. And with your sense of entitlement, I can only imagine why she’s mad at you.

That being said, you are truly depressed and I am worried about your mental health, however, I believe this is your own doing. Yes I was harsh to you, I apologise- I was just so mad at how you’ve been treating a pregnant woman.

The True Meaning of Marriage

When we think of marriage, the first thing that comes to mind is having a lasting relationship. Marriage is a commitment of two people to one another and to each other?s family, bonded by holy matrimony. When a couple decides to marry, they are dedicating their life to each other. Thats the circle of life--our natural instinct to live and produce children and have those children demonstrate good morals.un
why then two people get married and vow to be together for richer and poorer, better or worse, decide to just forget about that commitment?
There are women out there who single handedly cater for their families without any contributions from the so called husbands and yet they do it with joy. Love is the most important force in this world, not selfishness. author=Aphrodite007 post=84110924]

And that is exactly my point. A man that can’t sacrifice and spray perfume outside to not irritate his pregnant wife who has no control of her hormones is definitely not a man that cares. She is probably fed up as well and wants a way out as well. They both clearly don’t love each other anymore. They should split up and he should find someone that will cook clean and carry a baby. While she should find a good man that would treat her so well that she will even contribute 70% of the bills happily. [/quote]

..

Aphrodite007:


First of, why would I know the reason that my brother is not sending me money? That is his family to which is is first responsible for, before me. So unless he tells me that it’s because of his wife (which is bad for a man to do), I wouldn’t know, I’ll just see my brother as not being buoyant enough to care for me.

Secondly, I’m not supporting what she’s doing (fully), but I’m not going to judge on that because he is accusing her of not supporting the home which I honestly doubt. She must be providing food stuff and other little things.

Finally, haven’t you heard the saying that daughters always take care of their fathers and mothers, while sons take care of their wives? It’s nothing new.

When I wasn’t working, the little money that my husband gave me, I would send half to my sibs (who didn’t need it o cos their parents are rich enough to take care of them). Did my husband complain? Right now, I earn so much more and I pamper his family die.

At the end of the day, it’s love. Their love has expired.

I bet you..you and your family will hate his wife, she will be accused of using juju to turn your brother against his own family while his wife helps her family.

You can not watch your husband struggling financially while you stalk-up your bank account with no sign of concern.

Yes she is pregnant but while in the kitchen preparing her own food for work why not consider the husband?

What is wrong with having some appreciative attitude? He is the best husband when he is paying for everything but the moment he asked her to help..suddenly he is a useless husband who doesn't care about his wife.

Realgeo:
Help me ask @Aphrodite.... the way she is one sided in this issue makes me feel that na dem...she is all about man should do this, man should do that. What about love? Marriage is for two not for one person. No matter what the other partner is doing, there has to be a sacrifice and considerations. Its has to be from both, not from one person.

Bless you for that.

sgtponzihater1:
I am heading to Tesco to get Tomatoes and a bag of rice. I will do that and tomorrow back to the ED. I still have to sweep my house today because my wife is too pregnant to sweep, yet someone comes to call me a bad man.

Can I ask you a question without you being offended? If you were to separate from your wife now and start living alone, by how much will your expenses reduce? You will still have to pay internet, rent, phone bill. Your utilities will reduce as it's just one person but you'll pay your transportation and grocery bills. You'll also have to prep your meals by yourself.

justwise:


I bet you..you and your family will hate his wife, she will be accused of using juju to turn your brother against his own family while his wife helps her family.

You can not watch your husband struggling financially while you stalk-up your bank account with no sign of concern.

Yes she is pregnant but while in the kitchen preparing her own food for work why not consider the husband?

What is wrong with having some appreciative attitude? He is the best husband when he is paying for everything but the moment he asked her to help..suddenly he is a useless husband who doesn't care about his wife.

1) she is not stacking her bank account to buy Gucci, she’s doing so to spend on her family. So she’s leaning on her husband and also sacrificing the good things in life to take care of her family (which I think is commendable)

2) yes she cooked her food but not her husband. Does that sound like a normal behaviour? Has it occurred to you that she’s probably reacting to something he might have said to her last night? His story is one sided.

3) appreciative attitude. Lol, how do you know she isn’t appreciative in some other way? Did you ask her? Oh right, you’re basing your assumptions of her attitude on a story from someone else.

4) i think he doesn’t care about her because he mentioned all the things that I would expect a man to cope with then his woman is pregnant. For starters, for a man that believes in 50-50, chores are meant to be 50-50 too.

5) I do pity him asking her to help and she refusing. It shows that she doesn’t care for him. Now rather than assume she is mean, ask yourself, why would a woman not care for her husband anymore that she’s seeing him drowning and has refused to help him?

[quote author=RalphJean post=Bros.... unless you sef no wan Mek d marriage work, you still get plenty functional options.
Shuoooo[/quote]

Let me Start by Saying I have gained New & Major Respect for you @RalphJean Na man you be! God bless you.

Marriage is not for ‘Boys’ parading as Men oh! It is for real Men! The Bible says it is the Glory of a King to Overlook a matter... You can’t successfully husband and not overlook many things.

My husband married me straight after MSc from the Uk no Job! Not once did he say PIM or slack in anyway till I got a job and we started balling. We came here now I don’t have a job, started a business for One Year + He has NEVER asked me how much I’m making. I contribute what I want to contribute when I feel like it... and don’t think he doesn’t help my Business oh, he does Wella!
.
The man is always telling me to take it easy not to stress, we have 3 Whole children! Most mornings he drinks tea that he makes himself (after bathing) his children and runs to work (why? Because he wants me to sleep a little longer, he knows I need it)I do everything else including schools run for the rest and cook till he comes back. Either of us but mostly him carries out the garbage. He pays for everything oh (let me repeat it for those in the back) and if I was earning More than him self there would be no pressure or expectations from him! I know this because this was the case in Nigeria.

As a result, I LOVE my husband, Pray for him in my heart Daily! Allll my money I spend on Him, His & My Family & Our Children! Nothing Bad will happen to him oh By Gods Grace! My husband na Man.

Writing this epistle so that you see @sgtponzihater1 that perhaps you weren’t really ready before you married. You have some maturing to do. Not saying your wife is faultless but the Man dictates the tempo of the house if he is a worth leader. When he starts flailing around like a headless chicken them something is the problem.

Look inward, work on yourself and your attitude and find Jesus if you’re not a Christian and it will be well with you and your family @sgtponzihater1.

I come in peace.

Realgeo:
The True Meaning of Marriage

When we think of marriage, the first thing that comes to mind is having a lasting relationship. Marriage is a commitment of two people to one another and to each other?s family, bonded by holy matrimony. When a couple decides to marry, they are dedicating their life to each other. Thats the circle of life--our natural instinct to live and produce children and have those children demonstrate good morals.un
why then two people get married and vow to be together for richer and poorer, better or worse, decide to just forget about that commitment?
There are women out there who single handedly cater for their families without any contributions from the so called husbands and yet they do it with joy. Love is the most important force in this world, not selfishness. author=Aphrodite007 post=84110924]

And that is exactly my point. A man that can’t sacrifice and spray perfume outside to not irritate his pregnant wife who has no control of her hormones is definitely not a man that cares. She is probably fed up as well and wants a way out as well. They both clearly don’t love each other anymore. They should split up and he should find someone that will cook clean and carry a baby. While she should find a good man that would treat her so well that she will even contribute 70% of the bills happily.

Baba, let me shock you.

I earn 4 times what my husband earns. And I pay the most for bills (he doesn’t know this) and spoil the man silly. Do you know why?

When I wasn’t earning, he was there for me. When I earned less than him, he told me to keep saving my money to pay for my bro’s tuition. When I started earning equal to him, I insisted on paying at least 30% (God forbid I let a good man suffer). And now I earn so much more, I had to fight with him so he would agree for 50%. He said I shouldn’t ever pay more. In his words, “if I wasn’t married to you, won’t I have a house and bills to pay?”

So now, I sneakishly pay some bills without him knowing, pay for vacays and lie that I got a deal, and gifts.

If he is kind to her, I doubt she will be this way. Him not understanding how his snoring and perfume would affect her, kind of tells me the kind of man he is. If he shows her love and she is refusing, then that’s a different story. But all I’ve seen is a man that isnt kind to his wife but expecting the most from her.

sgtponzihater1:


Quote where I ever mentioned 50-50. I have nothing to proof to you. A lady who hasn't been to the market for 3months would be buying foods stuff. I go to the market because she can't bear carrying weight and I use my money too to buy the stuff. I can show screen grab of she asking me to buy one thing or the other when I am on my way back. And not once have I objected. Every single month despite my complaints, I have bought gifts when I am paid for her. I haven't gotten same.

I don't want a thank you but an acknowledgment that, "I know and seen that you are doing alot" but none of that at the moment.

Lagosismyhome I have gotten your mail and would send a message shortly

Look she’s clearly mad at you. Try and find out why. Then discuss and re-plan how you’ll do your finances together. If she’s not entertaining, you can decide to live away from each other and see if absence will make your hearts fonder.

blank:


Can I ask you a question with you being offended? If you were to separate from your wife now and start living alone, by how much will your expenses reduce? You will still have to pay internet, rent, phone bill. Your utilities will reduce as it's just one person but you'll pay your transportation and grocery bills. You'll also have to prep your meals by yourself.

No he will save more money even, downside to studio, cheaper council tax, water bill, gas and electricity and food for one mouth and most importantly peace of mind.

Aphrodite007:


1) she is not stacking her bank account to buy Gucci, she’s doing so to spend on her family. So she’s leaning on her husband and also sacrificing the good things in life to take care of her family (which I think is commendable)

2) yes she cooked her food but not her husband. Does that sound like a normal behaviour? Has it occurred to you that she’s probably reacting to something he might have said to her last night? His story is one sided.

3) appreciative attitude. Lol, how do you know she isn’t appreciative in some other way? Did you ask her? Oh right, you’re basing your assumptions of her attitude on a story from someone else.

4) i think he doesn’t care about her because he mentioned all the things that I would expect a man to cope with then his woman is pregnant. For starters, for a man that believes in 50-50, chores are meant to be 50-50 too.

5) I do pity him asking her to help and she refusing. It shows that she doesn’t care for him. Now rather than assume she is mean, ask yourself, why would a woman not care for her husband anymore that she’s seeing him drowning and has refused to help him?

Yea well done!! So how about sending that money to both families? If this marriage ends she will be responsible for all the bills.