sgtponzihater1:


God bless. Thanks for the encouragement. I will work on these

So sorry you had to go through all of this. I feel this issue can be worked out if you both are willing and if there is any love between you both. A pregnant woman is a whole storm of emotions and some actually go through hell while pregnant. I know a friend of mine who had such issues. She couldn't stand his smell and cooking made her feel nauseated. He had to take a bath when he came back from work and change clothes frequently. Perfume was even out of the whole equation. I don't know why I feel that taking out the trash is a man's job - probably because of all the white movies I have watched . I want to believe there was a time she felt like heaven to you. Look back on those times and draw strength from it. My advice for you is to have a heart to heart conversation with her. If possible both of you should give a breakdown of how your income goes down. Maybe God will touch her heart and she will see reason. Air your thoughts to her just as you have on this thread, your grievances too. She needs to know exactly how you feel. If she is level headed I am sure you both can work out a compromise. All this should be done after she has given birth because for now she may not be reasoning rationally. May God preserve your sanity and your home. Cheers

justwise:


Yea well done!! So how about sending that money to both families? If this marriage ends she will be responsible for all the bills.

Well they are both professionals- They go dey alright. She loses her free house; he loses his free food/chores and still pays all the bills.

Na the pikin I pity.

sgtponzihater1:
I am heading to Tesco to get Tomatoes and a bag of rice. I will do that and tomorrow back to the ED. I still have to sweep my house today because my wife is too pregnant to sweep, yet someone comes to call me a bad man.

Just imagine!

You’re comparing sweeping the house and shopping to carrying another human being. This is why I’m sticking to my perception of you. As if when you’re living alone, you won’t sweep and shop for yourself.

Aphrodite007:


Well they are both professionals- They go dey alright. She loses her free house; he loses his free food/chores and still pays all the bills.

Na the pikin I pity.

He is used to paying for everything already so it makes no difference but this is not the case with her

Aphrodite007:


Just imagine!

You’re comparing sweeping the house and shopping to carrying another human being. This is why I’m sticking to your perception of you. As if when you’re leaving alone, you won’t sweep and shop for yourself.

Babe I tire! As in I’m just TAYAD! Pregnancy that some women’s womb automatically eject before 12 weeks hit? That some women are placed on complete BED Rest for almost the entire period (that means the poster will kuku remarry before the baby is born because..... cook & sweep) pregnancy that people are praying for to go without drama? That kills women daily even here in the UK??

That’s what someone is coming here to cry like a petulant Child because meals are not made and she is not ‘Sweeping’ Oga, did anyone beg you to sweep? Is it by force to sweep? Leave the house dirty nah. But please stop � using excuses like Sweep & Food to rant when a woman is pregnant!!!

My Pre-eclampsia turned permanent High Blood pressure as a result of child birth Ass will find it difficult to feel sorry for you.

If you want to go, go! You’re not that great a catch tbh with this type of reasoning.

..

sgtponzihater1:


Quote where I ever mentioned 50-50. I have nothing to proof to you. A lady who hasn't been to the market for 3months would be buying foods stuff. I go to the market because she can't bear carrying weight and I use my money too to buy the stuff. I can show screen grab of she asking me to buy one thing or the other when I am on my way back. And not once have I objected. Every single month despite my complaints, I have bought gifts when I am paid for her. I haven't gotten same.

I don't want a thank you but an acknowledgment that, "I know and seen that you are doing alot" but none of that at the moment.

Lagosismyhome I have gotten your mail and would send a message shortly

It's so sad to read, considering how early this is in your marital and UK life. I think the basic issues here is due to lack of communication and unrealistic expectations from both parties.

The reason why some are seemingly taking your wife sides is because some of the reasons (perfume and garbage throwing) stated by yourself compounded things and made it seem like you are the inconsiderate party.

You have to both sit down and talk about your finances right now before a child comes in because

A. She wont be earning so much during maternity leave
B. Babies or kids are expensive
C. If you go through divorce your Bill's is going to be double because of child support and her maintenance.

Have you sat down and talked seriously with her? You need to sit down together (shock her and
plan a romantic trip sef ��) ask her what she really wants in the marriage and go from there. All this can easily be resolved from series of discussions and agreement.

Clearly, you were comfortable paying Bill's back in Nigeria and this shouldn't really change since you are the Man of the house. However, we all know that is not easy in this part of the world.
I can attribute her changes to hormones because we all experience it differently.

Just accommodate her till the baby is born and be prepared for huge changes because more chores is coming your way. Try your best to create and provide a peaceful home for your child. You owe HIM/HER that much

Involving the family should also be an option before separation or divorce. Like Ralph said this marriage was contracted in Nigeria in love so discover the love again.

Wishing you all the best.

sgtponzihater1:


If I was alone, I would spend far less. Most studios are all bills inclusive. I will do things for my self knowing that I am alone. I [b]cleared all I have to go to the east to marry, under the illusion that you have to pay much to get great value. But after paying that, [/b]and we are in the hard times, we can't contribute to make each other less stressed.

Sgtponzihater,
I want to believe it's your distress speaking and you know you are talking about a human being and not cattle.
Seems brideprice you paid is still paining you till now.

What you both are facing is teething problems that could occur to any couple who just migrated but yours is slightly more complicated as she is pregnant and may be acting irrationally .

You have to go back to the drawing board and start all over.
Find out what is actually troubling her and then table your grievances and talk through them.

Cleaning,sweeping,cooking are not new.A lot of men do it without batting an eye ,I think that's why no one is showing you much sympathy .Nothing you are doing sounds special unfortunately.

It must be difficult coming from Nigeria from doing nothing to now doing almost all the chores

Buying grocery is not a big deal,you both have to start working together .

Money wise,there's no solution except to talk and write out all bills and what percentage she will bring and you both agree to it .

Remind her that late bills payments could impact your credit rating ,I'm sure you're both looking to buy your own house.

Tell her you want to be appreciated.

It is hard to see a man who treats his wife well getting repaid with wickedness.

Look for women who are very complimentary of their husbands and worship them,those men have usually led by example or have proved to be men who are trustworthy and sacrificial .

These issues can be resolved.im not a fan of involving family,I think a couple should sort their issues by themselves or go to a neutral counsellor.

RalphJean:




JustWise:
Back in Nigeria, this guy was so rich that his 1 month salary pays the house rent for 1 year.
He told his wife not to contribute anything because his salary was more than enough for both of them. Being a nurse, he regarded her salary as ‘crap’.

Upon migrating to the UK, he suddenly wants her to start paying the bills. My girl has been so used to the concept of:
Your money is OUR own; My money is MY own
Sharing formula calculation was not yet agreed upon in line with new realities. My guy come gi my sister belle. Everything come start to dey smell for my sister, plus plenty vomiting.

This is a mid-communication problem.

If my Guymandspecies feels that my sister isn’t playing ball, divorce should be the last resort when all else fails.
If Guyman Loves my sister, Guyman should talk to my sister’s mama.

Aside the pregnancy hormonal problem, my sis really fked up.
UK or abroad is not Nigeria. She is an adult and adult should reason like one.
She has obviously made friends with those single ladies who troop from party to party gossiping and looking for houses to scatter so their numbers will keep on multiplying.
Good for nothing....., l reserve my comment.
They want to feel they have arrived and in the next 10 yrs, looking back, all they will see is regrets and had I known.

What that guy need is acknowledgement from his wife that he is trying. That's all.

Oga should endure. Pregnancy hormones can be terrible.
Let's assume pregnancy hormones triggered all these.

Still do your best, try and win her over again. Divorce isn't actually the best in some cases.

Hmm, u see, when we tell men to treat their wives as they will love to be treated and not somebody beneath them when in Nigeria, they will not hear. Any small freedom the get, they will throw caution to the wind. Be submissive works only in Nigeria.

fatima04:


It's so sad to read, considering how early this is in your marital and UK life. I think the basic issues here is due to lack of communication and unrealistic expectations from both parties.

The reason why some are seemingly taking your wife sides is because some of the reasons (perfume and garbage throwing) stated by yourself compounded things and made it seem like you are the inconsiderate party.

You have to both sit down and talk about your finances right now before a child comes in because

A. She wont be earning so much during maternity leave
B. Babies or kids are expensive
C. If you go through divorce your Bill's is going to be double because of child support and her maintenance.

Have you sat down and talked seriously with her? You need to sit down together (shock her and
plan a romantic trip sef ��) ask her what she really wants in the marriage and go from there. All this can easily be resolved from series of discussions and agreement.

Clearly, you were comfortable paying Bill's back in Nigeria and this shouldn't really change since you are the Man of the house. However, we all know that is not easy in this part of the world.
I can attribute her changes to hormones because we all experience it differently.

Just accommodate her till the baby is born and be prepared for huge changes because more chores is coming your way. Try your best to create and provide a peaceful home for your child. You owe HIM/HER that much

Involving the family should also be an option before separation or divorce. Like Ralph said this marriage was contracted in Nigeria in love so discover the love again.

Wishing you all the best.

Nicely Said Fati and for the avoidance of doubt, if You’re a Man(especially single) and do not already know the above, then you are not ‘Ripe’ for marriage plis dear.... wait until you Ripen further before taking anyone’s daughter from the comfort of her fathers house. Thank you!

‘Bad woman’ ‘Bad woman’ yet the Woman PUSHED you to challenge yourself and emigrate... Now cool Oyibo breeze is blowing you and you don’t ‘Regret’ coming

Ogbeni decide the one you want! Ngozi in the village or Wife & Partner!

fatima04:


It's so sad to read, considering how early this is in your marital and UK life. I think the basic issues here is due to lack of communication and unrealistic expectations from both parties.

The reason why some are seemingly taking your wife sides is because some of the reasons (perfume and garbage throwing) stated by yourself compounded things and made it seem like you are the inconsiderate party.

You have to both sit down and talk about your finances right now before a child comes in because

A. She wont be earning so much during maternity leave
B. Babies or kids are expensive
C. If you go through divorce your Bill's is going to be double because of child support and her maintenance.

Have you sat down and talked seriously with her? You need to sit down together (shock her and
plan a romantic trip sef ��) ask her what she really wants in the marriage and go from there. All this can easily be resolved from series of discussions and agreement.

Clearly, you were comfortable paying Bill's back in Nigeria and this shouldn't really change since you are the Man of the house. However, we all know that is not easy in this part of the world.
I can attribute her changes to hormones because we all experience it differently.

Just accommodate her till the baby is born and be prepared for huge changes because more chores is coming your way. Try your best to create and provide a peaceful home for your child. You owe HIM/HER that much

Involving the family should also be an option before separation or divorce. Like Ralph said this marriage was contracted in Nigeria in love so discover the love again.

Wishing you all the best.

Thanks Fatima04.

It will shock you to know that it was this same person that ‘dragged’ with you previously on this thread and wrote some very touching epistle about ‘father figure’. Written about Love and family values etc...

Sgtponzihater:
How long did you guys court?
Was your marriage contracted out of pure love?
Your marriage was contracted in Nigeria, handle this as you would have handled it if you were still in Nigeria- While you guys ADAPT TO THE WORKINGS OF A NEW ENVIRONMENT.
Talk with your wife.

Typical African woman believes that when things are going her way or favouring her then it's all nice and lovely. Let me ask u? If it is the other way round, would u have done what your husband did?. Marriage is also for women ot for girls. The same Bible you quoted says that a wise woman builds her home. notice, a wise woman,
not a wise man. [quote author=Mamatukwas post=84115425][/quote]

Realgeo:
Typical African woman believes that when things are going her way or favouring her then it's all nice and lovely. Let me ask u? If it is the other way round, would u have done what your husband did?. Marriage is also for women ot for girls. The same Bible you quoted says that a wise woman builds her home. notice, a wise woman,
not a wise man.

Fortunately the answer to that as well as the level of my African ness or otherwise is not for random strangers on Nairaland. Those who need to know, know! Shikena.

sgtponzihater1:


If I was alone, I would spend far less. Most studios are all bills inclusive. I will do things for my self knowing that I am alone. I cleared all I have to go to the east to marry, under the illusion that you have to pay much to get great value. But after paying that, and we are in the hard times, we can't contribute to make each other less stressed.

When I was paying the rent in Naija, fuelling the gen daily, buying food stuff, there was no problem. Mind you the siblings she is sending all her resources to have their own families and careers but are opportunist seeking to relocate because their sisters did. I have siblings who can also agitate to relocate too. But we are less than 6months here, and they know it's going to have a toll on me.

When she delivers and she has barely no earning during maternity, as she has informed me, how worse will it be for me? Won't it be helpful for her to give a little now that she has some earning power.

I'll keep looking ahead with the same positivity I had yesterday, as I know for sure that there is reaping and sowing.

I believe it's just pain talking at the bolded. Alot of people start helping their families immediately they land here because they know how tough naija is so it isn't really about being an opportunist.

Just calm down and have a heart to heart talk with your madam. I bet she may not even know you are starting to despise her this much and the more you harbour this thought the further your marriage and mental health is going down the line.

Mamatukwas:


Nicely Said Fati and for the avoidance of doubt, if You’re a Man(especially single) and do not already know the above, then you are not ‘Ripe’ for marriage plis dear.... wait until you Ripen further before taking anyone’s daughter from the comfort of her fathers house. Thank you!

Yesso my sister, marriage takes a whole lot and you have to be ready for all the "ally" e.g emotionally etc.

Especially with a "WHOLE" child on the way

Aphrodite007:


First of, why would I know the reason that my brother is not sending me money? That is his family to which is is first responsible for, before me. So unless he tells me that it’s because of his wife (which is bad for a man to do), I wouldn’t know, I’ll just see my brother as not being buoyant enough to care for me.

Secondly, I’m not supporting what she’s doing (fully), but I’m not going to judge on that because he is accusing her of not supporting the home which I honestly doubt. She must be providing food stuff and other little things.

Finally, haven’t you heard the saying that daughters always take care of their fathers and mothers, while sons take care of their wives? It’s nothing new.

When I wasn’t working, the little money that my husband gave me, I would send half to my sibs (who didn’t need it o cos their parents are rich enough to take care of them). Did my husband complain? Right now, I earn so much more and I pamper his family die.

At the end of the day, it’s love. Their love has expired.

Reverse the cases. It's imperative to know that husband or wife, you are responsible for your family first, before your siblings. The wife of sgtponzihater1 ought to be responsible to the family first before extending hands to the siblings. It beats me that you keep blaming the poor man when you contribute to your family and even go as far as doing great stuffs behind your husband's back like you stated earlier. There's no denying that they both have roles to play but I really don't like the fact that you keep "attacking" him. There's bound to be problems in marriages and I would appreciate if you provided solutions rather than blaming him even further.

@sgtponzihater1, as others on the thread have stated, this could be an issue of miscommunication. Please try and sit your wife down and communicate to see how you can fix your marriage to make it work.
I wish both of you the best and pray it ends in praise.

[quote author=Mamatukwas post=84117790]‘Bad woman’ ‘Bad woman’ yet the Woman PUSHED you to challenge yourself and emigrate... Now cool Oyibo breeze is blowing you and you don’t ‘Regret’ coming

Ogbeni decide the one you want! Ngozi in the village or Wife & Partner![/quote]

RalphJean:



Thanks Fatima04.

It will shock you to know that it was this same person that ‘dragged’ with you previously on this thread and wrote some very touching epistle about ‘father figure’. Written about Love and family values etc...

Sgtponzihater:
How long did you guys court?
Was your marriage contracted out of pure love?
Your marriage was contracted in Nigeria, handle this as you would have handled it if you were still in Nigeria- While you guys ADAPT TO THE WORKINGS OF A NEW ENVIRONMENT.
Talk with your wife.

Cant even remember oo. It is that adaptation to a new environment gan gan be the problem. They are in the storming stage of a relationship everything will soon "normalise" and they shall start performing all their duties

T

Aphrodite007:


You can try working in retail while you’re sorting yourself out. It will help you to understand their money, culture and ways of communication. It’s Christmas season so there will be a lot of shop jobs going around. While you’re there you can consider doing professional courses for a particular job you like. Do you have a degree? What is it in?

Thank you for your response.

I have currently a degree in Geology.
As regards the retail job, will a walk in be better? Been looking through and applying online. Nothing yet.

RalphJean:



Lol @ career death.
Whereabouts are you?
What sort of academic qualifications do you have ?
What sort of ‘career life’ do you anticipate?

I appreciate your response.

Currently in Darlington. I have a degree in Geology. Been into customer service. Love it. My last job back home was a rep in an airline. I don't mind getting back into that career path.

Truth is I'm open minded as regards whichever I find myself in.

Came across this so I decided to share. It reminds me why our world is still like this!!! Selfishness of the highest order. Typical African woman!!!

JanegirlN:


Thank you for your response.

I have currently a degree in Geology.
As regards the retail job, will a walk in be better? Been looking through and applying online. Nothing yet.

Do you have a M&S retail shop or Tesco around you? Just go to their websites, find the closes ones around you and see if there are temporary jobs or part time jobs or Christmas casual. You can try Royal Mail casual too (google reed online Royal Mail Christmas casual). There are lots of Christmas casual jobs going on at the moment, so you should find some on indeed as well.

When you get a job, you can then start plotting what to use your geology for. To do this, google what careers geologists go to. Check for companies that employ Geologists, and look at the job spec to see what you can do to get to that level.

Realgeo:
Came across this so I decided to share. It reminds me why our world is still like this!!! Selfishness of the highest order. Typical African woman!!!

Just shows the kind of women you attract.

Realgeo:
Typical African woman believes that when things are going her way or favouring her then it's all nice and lovely. Let me ask u? If it is the other way round, would u have done what your husband did?. Marriage is also for women ot for girls. The same Bible you quoted says that a wise woman builds her home. notice, a wise woman,
not a wise man.

Imagine me building a house for a man that cannot understand when his pregnant wife complains about his perfume. Or someone that’s complaining about shopping and sweeping, when he has a pregnant wife. I bless God I didn’t marry a Nigerian man, it’s clearly hit or miss!

oyoolima:


Sgtponzihater,
I want to believe it's your distress speaking and you know you are talking about a human being and not cattle.
Seems brideprice you paid is still paining you till now.

What you both are facing is teething problems that could occur to any couple who just migrated but yours is slightly more complicated as she is pregnant and may be acting irrationally .

You have to go back to the drawing board and start all over.
Find out what is actually troubling her and then table your grievances and talk through them.

[b]Cleaning,sweeping,cooking are not new.A lot of men do it without batting an eye ,I think that's why no one is showing you much sympathy .Nothing you are doing sounds special unfortunately.

It must be difficult coming from Nigeria from doing nothing to now doing almost all the chores

Buying grocery is not a big deal,you both have to start working together .[\b]

Money wise,there's no solution except to talk and write out all bills and what percentage she will bring and you both agree to it .

Remind her that late bills payments could impact your credit rating ,I'm sure you're both looking to buy your own house.

Tell her you want to be appreciated.

[b]It is hard to see a man who treats his wife well getting repaid with wickedness.

Look for women who are very complimentary of their husbands and worship them,those men have usually led by example or have proved to be men who are trustworthy and sacrificial[\b]

These issues can be resolved.im not a fan of involving family,I think a couple should sort their issues by themselves or go to a neutral counsellor.

Mad ass respect for you. Especially the bolded

JanegirlN:
Hello everyone!

So just recently moved in few weeks ago to be with my husband. It's been good and I'm adjusting perfectly.

Thing is I need a job. I'm not into the medical line and my hubby doesn't want me doing care work says it's career dead which I agree with.

Kindly assist with recommendation as regards something more"career friendly". Though I'm looking into volunteering too to like familiarise with UK work system.

Any advice?

lols...My sister, go for care job to familarise yourself with UK working environment. Either it's career alive or dead...the 9pounds per hour in carehome job with the quality training and other juicy offers is far better than unemployment in UK and even better than some minimum wage of 8.21 UK jobs, and if you are staying with your man after 2 months without been employed, hmmmmm. ..

Awon omo "init" ;DAwon omo "init" how are you guys doing, hope you had a lovely weekend, its been long I visited this thread.
Am working on my us visa by God's grace I hope I get to the us next year.
just wanted to holla at you guys

Aphrodite007:


Mad ass respect for you. Especially the bolded

Be humble and don't be too quick to judge,instead pray for the couple.

Aphrodite007:


Imagine me building a house for a man that cannot understand when his pregnant wife complains about his perfume. Or someone that’s complaining about shopping and sweeping, when he has a pregnant wife. I bless God I didn’t marry a Nigerian man, it’s clearly hit or miss!

God has also answered our prayer

That bolded word there is the thing. If the man is perfect, what then will you build? One can only build something new or falling apart. I will give u an example; my wife was 5 months pregnant b4 I came into uk and she was doing the cooking, washing plate and driving me around cause I have not gotten a drivers Licence then and she was doing it willingly. Never complained till she gave birth. I do help her do house chores too but was not compelled to. I did it willingly too. So it's all about accommodating one another.

Aphrodite007:


Imagine me [b]building a hous[/b]e for a man that cannot understand when his pregnant wife complains about his perfume. Or someone that’s complaining about shopping and sweeping, when he has a pregnant wife. I bless God I didn’t marry a Nigerian man, it’s clearly hit or miss!