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My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls - Romance (5) - Nairaland

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Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Raylight2(m): 5:49am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?
we're in the same canvas shoe. I hope to find a solution here too
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by HowDareU: 5:55am On Dec 08, 2019
You are a melancholic and a phlegmatic personality type: creative, analytical, peaceful and introverted. OP, know your personality type. Read the book by Tim Lahaye
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by oxiide22(m): 6:26am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

I hardly talk to these people. I have quite a muscular body and a no nonsense face that makes people serious around me
I can relate to this
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by EgusiShankly: 6:33am On Dec 08, 2019
wittyt98:
this is so me grin mine is so worse that even when I'm at home, I don't like sitting where the rest of my family are gathered to avoid talking or conversing with anyone . I prefer to stay in my room all alone , listen to music and daydream grin even at work I don't talk much buh i smile at every given opportunity. I'm the type of person that'll give a 15-20 seconds reply to a particular topic other people are spending 2-5 minutes talking about. I've chased away a good number of potential friends cus I can't keep up with conversations or friendships. Feels like stress. it's why I avoid relationships too and just flirt cus I dont think I can keep up with the stress that comes along with dating. I see how my colleagues talk with their girlfriends on the phone for hours and I'm like naaaah this can never be me
clonegrin
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Hypnotise: 6:39am On Dec 08, 2019
campusblack10:
the subtle act of not giving a Bleep, sure you've read that book.
is that book really a good read?
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Inehmesit: 6:51am On Dec 08, 2019
grin
SenecaTheYonger:
Hustle so you won't have to spend 2 hours talking on phone.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by MissWrite(f): 7:03am On Dec 08, 2019
Introversion alone doesn't make it hard for a person to hold a conversation with another. In fact, introverted people usually have a lot to say, and are able to empathize better than extroverted people. However, introverts are more prone to social anxiety, and that may be the problem you're dealing with.

I heard it put this way: introversion is your way. Social anxiety is in your way.

Understand what it means to be introverted and realize that it is not a deficiency. It just means that you are energised by spending time alone while being in the midst of many people may drain your energy. Extroverted people are the opposite. There's nothing wrong with either process.

Social anxiety, on the other hand, is a demon that you need to slay.

With your girl, I suggest you don't get hung up on the fact that you need to call her. There are many ways to communicate with a person, and you need to identify what your best way is. Most introverts like to text. Because you can control the conversation better. Reaction doesn't have to be immediate, so you don't feel put on the spot. Therefore, you feel less anxious. But your SO still gets a feel that you're not indifferent to them.

As you get comfortable sharing your thoughts through texting, then voice notes.......conversation becomes easier too.

If, however, you realize that you have nothing to communicate at all, introversion or even social anxiety may not be your problem. Maybe you're just schizoid. As per, socially indifferent. Whatever it is, get to the bottom of it.

All the best.

3 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by sharone21(f): 7:06am On Dec 08, 2019
I'm an introvert ( from childhood).... But, when I talk, no one can beat me on healthy, intellectual, versatile conversations/discussions....infact when I talk, people wonder if I have MPS( Multiple Personality Syndrome) a trait someone like Michael Jackson exhibits on stage vs @home.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by 77up(m): 7:16am On Dec 08, 2019
In any relationship, communication is a very important key!
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Beeface(m): 7:16am On Dec 08, 2019
Omo we plenty wella
Once talked for almost 3 hours with one babe like that during lectures,had to take paracetamol
Try engaging in small talks often,ones where u don't need to talk much and with time you will get use to it....trust me
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Fxwarrior: 7:25am On Dec 08, 2019
lilwetdick:
soon the AFC(average frustrated chumps of nairaland) will soon show up here with their stupidity telling you to go and hustle and stop thinking about women.

no woman is going to understand who you are because they gat no time and have their own problem

and you arent going to meet any girl that has the same interest like you do, most women will just pretend that they love what you love to make you happy

just because you are a stunt introvert does not stop you from having fun in life, you just have to come out from your shell and meet with people to improve your communication skills, understand small talk, build up your confidence by not giving a fucck, read a little bits of things and it not compulsory that you must talk with a woman on phone for 2 hours and stop comparing yourself with your ex present bf.



Lol. Talk on phone for 2 hours when its not a business negotiation?

You will be surprised its small talks and the girl will be laughing like crayfish just to keep the bonzona going on and MTN smiling to the banks.

Kile big deal? Op being an introvert is not a disease. Just be happy. There's a woman for you.

Find a woman who shares your common interest and communication will flow.

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Staru1(m): 7:34am On Dec 08, 2019
fun but true.
most time you run out of speech ,maybe bcz ur environment is not conducive or u are finding it difficulty to let go d past.
Bro, u need to be jovial to urself first b4 u can be described as a Jovian.....lack of concentration is d cause of no contents... absent of concentration shows that you're not a caring person......take more responsibilities, you will see urself being responsible.. even action they say,speak louder than voice(call)...managing 2mins for a start can be more like it......at least; u can ask some silly questions to get ur airtime exhausted.
you can contact me to get the type of silly questions you can ask.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by mechanics(m): 7:38am On Dec 08, 2019
Just learn to communicate with people freely, if you don't trash this issue now, it will affect you when you eventually get married, and you know communication is very important in marriage.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Sike(m): 7:47am On Dec 08, 2019
I WAS ONCE LIKE THE OP
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by kollysnut(m): 7:52am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Oga go get beer palour frnds, those guys dey over get gist. Had the same isssue when i was in first year at school, but not i can go 4hours or more gisting from one topic to another,..... Advantage of beer palour frnds to me. Man up joor.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by soleexx(m): 8:02am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

Really. It's like you speaking through me. I always run away when I see people to avoid small talks. My room is locked 247 to worsen things am into freelance I.T so I work from home


To be an Extrovert is not a priority is just a way to make you make friends and enjoy urself with guys..

But now that you busy with IT its a very good thing
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by soleexx(m): 8:08am On Dec 08, 2019
Davidzy23:
I am an introvert myself... tried coming out of my shell by talking to a girl.. oh I was turned down tho not disgraced.. I jejely crawled back to my hole of introvercy..


Turn down is normal...

Ask 10 gals out and 6 we give u a chance...


Tho the remaining 4 are just playing hard to get... They secretly want more pressure for you...

And make sure you don't ask any gal above your level out unless u worthy of it...

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by soleexx(m): 8:14am On Dec 08, 2019
Back in the days I was Introvert but the funniest thing is that people doesn't seee as one because if I'm within a gathering of frnd or mate

If I spent just an 1hour with them all they will be doing is LAFFING like a comedian is among sittings

Everything I said or comment to is just funny the way I say it... So they laff and they always belive I'm open

Not knowing I'm an introvert


It helps me gain lot of relationship from ladies...
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Lugianostar(m): 8:17am On Dec 08, 2019
Some block headed nairalanders are out on rampage to showcase their level of frustration in their ill fated comments...!

You have to learn to show yourself approved. They are books that will help you be a good talker and to be outspoken in every field of your endeavor starts with practice.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Egoveen: 8:18am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?
This is exactly what I'm passing through
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by tonysunkan: 8:22am On Dec 08, 2019
Communication is always key to building and sustaining any relationship. One must learn the rudiments of communication.


Meanwhile, for good romantic reading:

Heart of Seduction
https://publish.okadabooks.com/book/about/heart_of_seduction/30375
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Emotionss: 8:28am On Dec 08, 2019
[color=#006600][/color]
Loladearewa01:

That's very true. Honestly I hate interacting with people but am getting really lonely

Op what you need is a girlfriend that is Introverted.

I am more Introverted than you.
I can stay indoors for weeks. I don't have friends and I don't talk much especially to people I am not familiar with. But whenever I talk, people listen.

Thanks to my introverted girl we spent most of our free times indoors doing most of the following things.

Reading Books

Playing ( introverts can play a lot especially
when we meet people that think like us)

Planing for our future

#Having small but intelligent discussions#

Playing Games (ps4 and Xbox one)

Watching movies

Browsing the Internet

Intimacy and so on..........

Being an introvert is more of a blessing than most people realize.

GO AND GET YOURSELF AN INTROVERTED GIRLFRIEND.

4 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by DTC2(m): 8:55am On Dec 08, 2019
I have exactly same problem as Op, and it really killing me.

I've read many books, gone for counseling and even prayed many times over it but still nothing has changed.

Trust me Op, I know how painful it can be

I wish you find solution to this
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Kingsley121(m): 8:58am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

first off op, Are u trying to learn how to communicate effectively in every aspect or just to hold up a good conversation with a lady?
Learning how to communicate comes easy and natural like me urine, i could call myself an introvert if i’m to go by traits called up by other commenters.. Everyone loves their space for sure, I could stay all day locked up in my room so far there’s light and food, but that does not mean i can’t hold up a conversation.. one of the above commenters said u should read books, see movies and listen more, yes that helps alot and it improves ur knowledge about so many things.. I’m someone that knows a lil about almost everything, having an encyclopaedic mind.
Forget about the hogwash some people are telling u about making money that the ladies would all drool at u, make that money and u’d still not be able to approach that one person u so crave to have.. u might get beautiful ladies at ur beck and call, but not that lady ur heart desires.
If u can’t talk with ur partner for more than 30 minutes on phone, i can imagine how awkward it’d be when y’all ar together under one roof. If u love someone, there’s this excitement and happiness u feel whenever he/she calls.. Yes everyone feels that and it only gets boring when both of u are bad conversationists. Learn to know her interests and all, be versatile too.. Lemme give u a conversations starter.
U’re on a date with a lady and she’s looking all beautiful, then after the pleasantries and ordering of meals, u get piqued by her atunning hair
You: ur hair’s lovely, is this what y’all call a weavon or a wig?
She: *smiles* it’s a wig
You: could u tell me the difference?
She starts to explain, people get interested and feel knowledgeable when u ask them a certain question they know so much about, they feel they’re about schooling u and they assume a position of being intelligent.
U could digress a little, probably u see a car drive by, u wow at it, ask her about her preference for cars, then lecture her why ur preferred benz is better that her preferred Toyota.. it all boils down to u being knowledgeable.
If u’re good conversationist and u’re on a date with me, I promise u, u’d never be bored.
Mind u, know when the conversation is one sided, that means she’s just not that into u

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by womenareapes: 9:25am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?
hey! Never you change yourself for those bitches called Naija women!

You will regret it later on!


Instead see women as worthless piece of creature and you will see then coming your way.

By the way! Only change yourself for God and not for woman!

Apart from pusssssy women got nothing to offer

2 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by brainbox80: 9:32am On Dec 08, 2019
GOOD YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED YOUR WEAKNESS. ALL YOU NEED NOW IS TO GO OUT AND WORK ON YOURSELF, PERIOD. EVERYTHING IS ACHIEVEABLE BRO, JUST WORK IT OUT
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Deepthoughts: 9:32am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?
I have personally observe that most people that chat at length with ladies hardly keep secrets n can easily be manipulated by girls,so don't worry about not talking at length just develop the ability for frank friendly n humourous discussion not just with ladies but everyone.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Slimzybeey: 9:53am On Dec 08, 2019
Fairview1:


Bros, we are in this together, hence my signature below...but mine isn't as bad as you described yours. I am an introvert, a meclancholy with a reclusive personality as well.

Initially, I finds it very difficult to engage people in a long convo, even when I manage and successfully start one, sometime along the line I end up not knowing what next to talk about, or probably end up shooting myself on the leg.

It may be because English wasn't my primary language, I was born and bred in a remote village, where english as a means of communication is an alien stuff. We revere and diginify anyone who speaks english effortless until when I stepped outside of my comfort zone.

Now these were what I did which I believe boosted my communication skills and that also make me a better conversation holder, at least to some considerable extent....not that I am in anyway a good speaker or conversationist but I am better off today and I have this strong hope i will keep on getting better in time to come.


Being that I had discovered my weakness on the area of communication and speaking skill, I made sure that I am going to make friends with whoever that speaks, writes and converses well...both here on Nairaland, Facebook, LinkedIn, Offline; at the Workplace, School, in the Church, YouTube, in a Cab, anywhere!

The world is like a world unto another, it didn't take time I began making friends with my friend's friends. That alone opened a whole lot of other opportunities for me...and that was how I managed to broaden my vocabulary, grammar, syntax etcetera.

The yardstick to which I use to measure my progress is when people call, tag, quote or mention me on a post, to seek for my opinion on any topic of discourse. I wasn't that way before. I practically built myself in that direction with a conscious and tireless effort to get better.


Through the people whom I have met and discussed my challenge with, some suggested that I should enroll for Toastmasters Club which I did and also engaged myself in so many other different social gatherings. Don't forget, that I always listen with a rapt attention, to learn why they act and talk the way they do.


In a nutshell, to get bettet at communication, there are only two guaranteed ways;

~Learn to become knowledgeable about few things and talk about them always.

Or

~Learn to know little about too many topics and talk about them always with steady questions and inquiries.

If you can master the act of doing this very well, you wlll make yourself good friends and opportunities with preceeds them afterwards.

Hope this helped?
Many thanks for this piece

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by naijacentric(m): 10:03am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

I hardly talk to these people. I have quite a muscular body and a no nonsense face that makes people serious around me
lol so make we dey run ni grin
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by gregyboy(m): 10:26am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

Mmmm 1 bottle of beer for you. I have started forcing myself to go out

Ladies would come who like you just the way you're ....
And they will try to gain your attention and even raise conversation with you without you starting it ....

But i still will tell anybody try to improve on your imperfections it will give you a wider range of ladies
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Vibesvbs(m): 10:37am On Dec 08, 2019
Soooooooooo me cry cry
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by excessmon(m): 10:45am On Dec 08, 2019
Let me type the meaning of your statement
It means hustle so you won’t have fun in life
First order poor man advice
SenecaTheYonger:
Hustle so you won't have to spend 2 hours talking on phone.

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