OP, you are nothing but a coward. As a matter of fact, you are worse than a prostituting bitch!

You obviously ran to you "Dad" 'cos of his wealth and financial status while disrespecting your Mom's undiluted love and selfless sacrifice.

That man is not your "Dad" in the real sense of the word. He's just a father; a sperm donor. Person wey neglect una when una need am the most.

OP, you are a bitch!

E be like say make I grab you, whozz you one hot slap. Mumu.

IceColdVeins:
Not that bro. I will always be on the side of every loyal woman and will treat them with love as well.
But I have now come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to marriage. During my childhood, I never saw things from the perspective OF my dad, we only kept on listening to mom's wailings(she suffered truthfully) but we never get to hear his own side of the story cos
a man never shows emotions. My reconcilation with dad is not a pat on his head for his wrongdoings but a move to make peace within myself.
You'll understand when you have a disagreement with your wife and your own children start taking sides.
I'm just trying a retrace my steps and lay a good foundation for my unborn children.

You get sense sha, thats why. I married from a family like that. The wife of the man kept wailing what the man did to her, complaining, nagging, but the man will never tell you she had issues with the wife. The mother brain washed the children how there father chased women and bla bla bla. Inside me, i knew it could be true but was hyped. Now the man is gone, the woman will sometimes say, well there dad had his good side bla bla bla. I ve learned not to trust or believe women hook line and sinker.

You need this healing this boy is searching for. Given, he shouldn't blame the mum because he wants to fix himself. He needs to fix the family. Its doable. No one is perfect. Mind you, also, I have a woman who painted her children father wrongly. But when the truth showed with time, the table was turned. We shouldn't allow our inability to fix a healthy adult relationship with our partners affect our children's perception of each other. With time everything will gas.

Chi59:
Forgive if you want to forgive, but never blame your mom. Women usually know the inside scoop of the happenings in the family. For long, my mom lied to us that our father was providing for us. When we grew older, we found out on our own, that he lives like a bachelor. Doesn't give a damn about us. If I tell you how that still affects how I see men, you won't believe.
Like someone here said, many men misbehave and abandon their kids, cos they know that in a few years those kids will come looking for them.
Not me.

You need healing.

PataAlhaja:
OP, you are nothing but a coward. As a matter of fact, you are worse than a prostituting bitch!

You obviously ran to you "Dad" 'cos of his wealth and financial status while disrespecting your Mom's undiluted love and selfless sacrifice.

That man is not your "Dad" in the real sense of the word. He's just a father; a sperm donor. Person wey neglect una when una need am the most.

OP, you are a bitch!

E be like say make I grab you, whozz you one hot slap. Mumu.

chriskosherbal:
Easier Said than done, op first of all I want to use this medium to say you are a man, for trying to make peace with your Dad, there is a particular blessing that biological father's carry that NO man on earth no matter how highly placed in any field can give to you..Am quoting you because you are still trying to condemn and Judge his Dad, the OP said we never listened to his own side of the story cos men just know how to suck in emotions.

Being the last male in the family I stayed with family for a longtime before I left, and I must say mother's are wonderful but can choke a man to death sometimes if that man lack emotional shockabsolver when things start to fall apart especially finance, Seeing my mum cry complaining to me sometimes you will think Dad is just heartless until I grew to understand that mum most times just want things to go her way always forgetting Dad feelings, and the fact he still the head of the home, irrespective of finance and mum sometimes couldn't just be submissive.

You see when you grow older in life you will definitely love your mum but tend to appreciate your Dad's effort so far in trying to raise a family ( we were 8 in number, even though we lost 2), providing for everyone's need, food, academics, name it, and coping with mums constant nagging sometimes can be really frustrating and unbearable, you will see it practically clear when you start to have kids..

It takes God and a man that is determine to keep his family together irrespective of trials/temptation to still keep going, sincerely I love my mum no doubt but my RESPECT for my Dad have skyrocked when I came face to face with real life ...I love you DAD.

lol, you even had a dad that provided for the family, your own good. My dad never contributed anything, I grew up to know he always tell us to go and meet our mum when ever we ask for anything even to our school fees. He was a womanizer (six wives), had fourteen children (he didn't cater for any of them). When I was 8, mum got fed up ( due to continuous beatings that sometimes lands her in the hospital) and moved out with us. He never looked for us till I was in js2. He tried forming a bond with us but wasn't successful because he was staying in another town. He died just before I could resume js3. How exactly do I forgive? Where do I start from? I try to act like it doesn't matter, peharps my mum did a good job, hustled for me and my sisters to the point where we are today but I know how difficult it was, I know how we go somedays without food, how we a were sent away from school because of books or exam fees, how we do trek long distance because we dont have t.fair and we couldn't afford a house in town hence we stayed in villages without schools, how we sometimes dont eat rice on Christmas day, how we dont usually wear Christmas clothes, how we depend on others to outgrown their clothes so we could have them. I try to forget those stuffs cause now we live more comfortably thank God mummy did her best to educate us so we could have jobs, I just can't lie to myself that I have forgiven him. It hurts, still hurts badly cc Luminouz

BRATISLAVA:


Men only love their fathers because of red pill movements and because they usually become the monster of their childhood in later life.
So you think mother's only nag? Do you know if fathers nag? With the way men complain about almost everything about women from coming to cleaning, who do you think nags most? Even when mother's are bread winners, at the end of the day comes underserved love and respect for a man who prioritized other things over his family. Because people need to recognize fathers. Whatever that means.
I've noticed a lot of hatred for dead beat mother's and love for dead beat fathers. Why? Sexual bigotry. Nothing less. Nothing more. All I see are ungrateful kids. They always think their mothers are evil when they've grown up and swallowed the pills, and that they need to see things from his side, even when he abandoned them or abused them. Men don't suck in emotions; they are downright bitchy too. That is why they take it out on their families by being absentee fathers. If women dared to try this...! And yet, the children always look for them. Not because they are good. But because society has made even evil men have a side. Even murderous men have a side. As if evil is justified simply by fatherhood because if you don't apologize to him you will suffer. Fear.

This is a simple thread on a man forgiving his father. Seems like you are on a mission of your own... Why not start your own thread?

It is already a generational problem.

There are many fathers and mothers that abandon their children. Some seek for forgiveness and others merely act entitled.

Sooner or later, no one would care about being a parent.

Sunsets:
You are dead wrong. The young man wants to fix what would become a generational problem and all you see is this. I think you need to fix yourself. You need healing before you can advise someone.

luminouz:



Now you see why I most times ignore some comments? Most People here are incapable of well grounded logic. Is it frustration,bile,anger or some emotional bullcrap that drive their thoughts,I dont know. But they just can't reason without clouding their judgement with emotions.

You and the Mia bloke can see well. I'm glad people like us are not extinct on NL.

It's astounding

You just have to forgive and move on. I have found myself in such situation for 19yrs. I have become who I am today by limited resources of my Mum and by my effort. After 19yrs of not seeing my dad,when the idea of getting married set in,I looked for him everywhere till I found him in state i have never imagined. The first day I met him after 19yrs,he was shocked to see a man I have become. He couldn’t hide his excitement but the reflection of the past was seen on his face so his excitement didn’t last long. I couldn’t say much but listened to his stuttering voice explaining what led to the separation between him and my mum.
Within me,I have already forgiven him so I never gave attention to his explanation because no excuse could justify his action toward me and my brother.
It is over 7yrs own, things are moving well between us. Though my mum still finding it very hard to let go but I never let that affect my relationship with him.

Late reply but i've got to say op did the right thing by reaching out to his dad, for how long will father n son be in enmity...when op finally gets married will he also elongate the family feud by keeping away his kids from having a relationship with their grandpa, I've seen separated couple coming bk together n living in peace, time healeth all wounds, his actions can also be a yardstick for his parents reconciliation.

OP Nice of you to reconcile with your dad. My father absconded when I was just nine years old and was absent for well over 19 years. My mum had to work her fingers to the bone raising four young boys; we literally lived from hand-to-mouth. Sadly she passed before she could reap the fruits of her labour.

True, I know my mother could be headstrong and impossible to get along with, but that in no way justifies my father for abandoning us for 19years. Well he came back begging a couple of years ago and I forgave him but that is where it ended. He lost all rights to a father-son relationship years ago.

Would I have forgiven him were mother still alive? Certainly not without her forgiving first; I owe her that that much. There was a time he tried flexing and claiming rights, I blocked him out completely. Now he has realised that I do not owe him a thing (well maybe a little for sending us to one of best primary schools in Ejigbo then) and stays in his lane while I say in mine. I call him once every couple of months and that's where it ends; He doesn't know where I live, he has seen my son only once and knows not to call me unnecessarily.

One thing I have learnt though is to Never be the man my father was. Once again, OP I salute your courage for trying to reconcile with him but never-ever let your mother feel betrayed considering all she sacrificed for you guys.

Cheers.

Hmmmmmm... Its pretty difficult for some of us

Mad people everywhere....most especially the ladies here.
Fish brains

It's a good thing op reconciled with his father...
You'll never realise how difficult it is to be a father unless you become one!!

My own father neglected me(not at my child hood)... He said some bad stuff to me... I decided to abandon him for life and probably change my surname sef.

I wanted him to apologize but mum will always tell me there's no way on earth my father will apologize to me cos it's not right. She wanted me to call him and probably apologize myself, I was adamant.

Long story short, dad finally called... Funny enough he called to tell me he has forgiven me...(not apology)

We met and we settled things...it feels good really!!

We all know it's hard for a man to hate his fellow man... We men are not wired that way unlike women that nag about everything. Look how they are nagging cos a guy wants to make peace with his dad.

Just like me I think the issue with the op and his father is personal...

kallmemrB:
is it ur parents??!! .. Must u have a relationship with the deadbeat father...forgiving him and having a relationship are 2 different things.. I believe u are educated na

I'm sorry, sense is far from you.

Have a good day

Sterope:
Do you know that most women also voice this concern when you ask them to leave abusive men/toxic relationship?

They will tell you they cannot train their child alone only for their father to enjoy the benefits. The reason doesn't hold water where lives and emotional well-being are at stake but still taking care of child is not an easy task even for two people.

Its a valid concern that's just the truth and its because of situations like this, its not right but lots of women would endure all what not just for him to do his rights as a father, some even die in the process. Some are smart enough to take a decision and flee.


In this case some are already stating it was just for few years he was absent what a lot dont understand is that the mum was both mother and father during those years , during those times he failed as a dad and thats it.

My grouse is the OP saying he didnt get to hear his fathers side of the story for leaving them for those years, thats not fair. Theres no excuse for that abeg.

Let him reconcile if he wants to he should leave his mum's suffering out of it.

U think say i know no your sense.Life don had u,now you want to reconcile with your old man,so that you go enjoy some of him money.

CHoccolaTE:


This is exactly what I was thinking while going through this thread,
See how I felt cold while reading the justification these people gave for their fathers behaviour, they cannot control their urge to blame women for everything.
They agree that the father maltreated mom but are now twisting it by saying their mother manipulated them into being on her side, she nagged, she did so and so
Can you imagine the ungratefulness to the only parent who was there for you through thick and thin?
Go back to your dad if you want but dont be unfortunate by bad mouthing your mother for your dads bad behaviour, even if she did the nagging and emotional whatever you people are claiming THAT DOES NOT JUSTIFY your dad abandoning you. He could have gotten family to mediate, he could have separated from her but continued to show interest and concern for you.

But here you ungrateful brats are, after your mother raised you you want to still blame her for your dad abandoning you.


I really pity single moms raising boys, if they know what is good for them they will try as much as possible to get support from their sperm donor because men will always support each other over women no matter the rubbish the other party does.

I am very sure Op's dad is rich because he mentioned the man building houses everywhere. Maybe he wants to have a taste of his dads wealth that's what is really fueling this reconciliation and bad mouthing his mother.

Can you quote the exact place where he actually bad mouthed his mother??

Why are some people here bitter that the young man is reconciling with his Father?

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

You see the Nigerian man knows no matter how much of a dead beat he is "the child always looks for his father ,male or female ,its even worse for a female cos they she will get married.,las las as a single mother ,you are wasting your time cos one dead beat father will be somewhere waiting to reap where he did not sow after years of you as a single mother toiling for the kids.

Which is why the society has be more liberal on who collects bride price . Its just absurd that all the years of suffering for a child is erased because one dead beat decides to show up for a day.

Why would any man even want to be a father to their kids when they can live their best life and still be rewarded with love from the children they abandoned all in the name of reconcilaiton lol. I wouldn't if i was man,and i am sure many men know this and have taken the liberty to as they like hence so many dead beats liter the streets of Nigeria.

He is even the one apologizing for being abandoned lol .Dont be surprised that op might even accuse his mother of being the reason he had no relationship with his father ,he has already described his mother as a wailer and a nagger ,lol .

Cyberleets:
Look how they are nagging cos a guy wants to make peace with his dad.

I swear I'm also baffled. I thought I saw a happy ending story, these lots just had to turn it into men vs women thread.

He is already questioning his mum's story. He hasn't told us whether he has affirmed her story before undermining it.

NoToPile:



Its a valid concern that's just the truth and its because of situations like this, its not right but lots of women would endure all what not just for him to do his rights as a father, some even die in the process. Some are smart enough to take a decision and flee.


In this case some are already stating it was just for few years he was absent what a lot dont understand is that the mum was both mother and father during those years , during those times he failed as a dad and thats it.

My grouse is the OP saying he didnt get to hear his fathers side of the story for leaving them for those years, thats not fair. Theres no excuse for that abeg.

Let him reconcile if he wants to he should leave his mum's suffering out of it.

All your posts on this thread. Especially this. Perfect.

BRATISLAVA:


Men only love their fathers because of red pill movements and because they usually become the monster of their childhood in later life.
So you think mother's only nag? Do you know if fathers nag? With the way men complain about almost everything about women from coming to cleaning, who do you think nags most? Even when mother's are bread winners, at the end of the day comes underserved love and respect for a man who prioritized other things over his family. Because people need to recognize fathers. Whatever that means.
I've noticed a lot of hatred for dead beat mother's and love for dead beat fathers. Why? Sexual bigotry. Nothing less. Nothing more. All I see are ungrateful kids. They always think their mothers are evil when they've grown up and swallowed the pills, and that they need to see things from his side, even when he abandoned them or abused them. Men don't suck in emotions; they are downright bitchy too. That is why they take it out on their families by being absentee fathers. If women dared to try this...! And yet, the children always look for them. Not because they are good. But because society has made even evil men have a side. Even murderous men have a side. As if evil is justified simply by fatherhood because if you don't apologize to him you will suffer. Fear.

IceColdVeins:
"How could we not talk about family, when family's all that we got?"
Charlie Otto Puth (2015)
CC: KanuSE thanks bro

This write up was inspired by a random thread https://www.nairaland.com/5396187/children-deadbeat-fathers-time-think/4#82028618 that was created about a couple of months ago. Its was based on the effects of parents exhibiting apathetic attitudes towards their wards. Lugubriously, I was a victim of that on the father's part. I had lots of rifts with my dad owing to constant loggerheads and maltreatments that I could percieve my mother received from him(I was only acting on my mother's emotions). I suffered a lot due to paternal negligence........If I start penning down my chronicles, it would be easier stopping a herd of stampeding wildebeestes on the Serengeti than making me stop typing.

Without further Ado, I saw the thread and I decided to make my own opinions known as attached below, then a guy quoted me and that changed everything. I started seeing things in the other perspective and I decided to initiate a communication with my dad that I had gone incommunicado on for over six years (200 level in the unversity). Good heavens, it felt like dreams came through when he replied(photos attached). Now I'd be going home this December for the christmas break, I'm thinking of buying him a very fine wine and an exquisite wristwatch, which his colleagues would ask about it and he would reply ''My son got it''.

Finally, I can say I had gone through thick-thin of life and still moving. I'm an independent 26 years old bloke now and I was able to get here with the help of the very limited finances from my mother, while my father kept buying cars and building houses. I'd implore fellow nairalanders with similar backgrounds with mine to take a clue from this thread and let the old things pass away. Forgive your parents and move on.

"Children begin by loving their parents, as they grow older they judge them, sometimes they forgive them"
Oscar Wilde

Regards.
Mynd44 lalasticlala

Dad once hurt me. Im happy I forgave him. We are in wonderful terms now

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

These words are deep! I have seen this happen both in real life and in movies. In movies, it always happen!

forgive but don't forget
Reconcile all you want, Karma is waiting for him if he doesn't apologise to your mother or seek for forgiveness from God.
Me and my Dad have a good relationship cos mum taught us to be tolerant, but sometimes I will just look at the mahn and shake my head cos I know it's either he apologise or karma will catch up with him.

This life is a bitch
Op seeing things from another point of view
Believe me yours is nothing compared to the negligence, pain, suffering inflicted on others.
Men are getting irresponsible by the day, our legal system makes it go unchecked.. So many just doing what they like with the stupid thing dangling btw their thighs.

Like someone said, if you get too close to him, you might not see anything bad with what he did to your mum and consider it's easily forgivable.

But mahn, nothing is easily forgivable, that's why you just have to forgive and not forget .

BRATISLAVA:

So now that you heard his side it has justified the cruel treatment to your mother that you said made her to suffer? What do your unborn children have to do with his unkindness to your mother?. Problem is that many men do evil to their wives not knowing that the people who will never forgive them are the children. The way your unborn children will have nothing to do with this is if you treat your future wife well. I have no pity for men who do evil and get abandoned by their kids. This is why abuse in any form is foolishness, because it is the children who will suffer it not even the spouse you want to hurt. His side means nothing. The oppressors do not need sympathy except from fellow oppressors. And yes, it will be taken as a pat on the back. Loyal or disloyal, nobody deserves to be abused . Just divorce. Don't torture yourself and kids.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

These are the malicious and wicked souls who insist, subtly, that op maintain the discord between him and his father. Even though IceColdVeins never mentioned specifically what his mum suffered in the hands of his father, they readily assumed his father was a cold-hearted beast who meted cruel and grievous treatments to his wife. Of course, these three women, in typical fashion, act like women can do no wrong and men are beasts. IceColdVeins, I congratulate you on bonding with your father. Do not let these three demons and their kind sway you from what you have done. It's a shame that they cherish the discord in family because of their "women are angels, men are beast that should be hated and punished" mentality.

Notice how Graxie disdains the fact that children try to establish connections with their fathers (to hear their own side of the story and, possibly, reconcile) even though the mother brought them up. To her, the children distancing themselves from their fathers is an apt reward to a mother who brought them up. Notice how she typed "some will even claim you manipulated them" as though this is a misapprehension in all cases of parental alienation. To her, bringing up children is not worth it if they would try to make up with fathers in future. This mindset of Graxie is shared by all women, especially feminists. Also notice her utter disregard for men, hubris, and toxicity as she uses "sperm donor" to refer to fathers.

No human is perfect. If a human being own up to their offences and past misdeeds and are sincerely willing to make things right, who is to say they do not deserve a second chance? IceColdVeins, carry go.


CAPSLOCKED, Ubunja, emmaodet, JONNYSPUTE, AstroG, Omar09

luminouz:


I feel your points.
The scenario you described happens more than often. I had to be very logical too while young or I would have resented my dad. I opened my eyes,saw things from his perspectives and knew that man would sell his soul to make his children prosper. He proved it to us all. Financial downturns sometimes make women very unruly at home and I understood that too. They are still together and waxing strong and I have learnt a valuable lesson.

Leave Bratislava alone. Dude or chick is running on emotional fumes and I totally get that.

the fact they most of you had/have dads who will move mountains for them doesn't mean it was same for everyone. I will quote you in a post so you tell me how to forgive such simply because he is a DAD.

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

wicked girl

BRATISLAVA:


Men only love their fathers because of red pill movements and because they usually become the monster of their childhood in later life.
So you think mother's only nag? Do you know if fathers nag? With the way men complain about almost everything about women from coming to cleaning, who do you think nags most? Even when mother's are bread winners, at the end of the day comes underserved love and respect for a man who prioritized other things over his family. Because people need to recognize fathers. Whatever that means.
I've noticed a lot of hatred for dead beat mother's and love for dead beat fathers. Why? Sexual bigotry. Nothing less. Nothing more. All I see are ungrateful kids. They always think their mothers are evil when they've grown up and swallowed the pills, and that they need to see things from his side, even when he abandoned them or abused them. Men don't suck in emotions; they are downright bitchy too. That is why they take it out on their families by being absentee fathers. If women dared to try this...! And yet, the children always look for them. Not because they are good. But because society has made even evil men have a side. Even murderous men have a side. As if evil is justified simply by fatherhood because if you don't apologize to him you will suffer. Fear.

What are you bitching about?
Are you angry that he made peace with his father? So you want him to keep hating his father despite now seeing things clearer? Nawaaa o
@op never listen to any negative opinion, one thing I always tell all boys/men is no matter the relationship you had with your father while growing up, never ever fail to find out why your father acted the way he did, hear him out before passing judgment, no matter what your mother may have told you about him, when you have come of age. Because what goes around definitely comes around.

BRATISLAVA:
When will he apologize to your mum? Or have you forgotten that part? You've forgotten why you didn't care about him? Another bro code moment. Maybe you've found yourself maltreating women, too, so now it's okay.

Thanks jari

Money is not love.

Its good that you have forgiven him.

I hope you people talked about the issue, I hope its not because of his money you forgave him.

That money may vanish any day, I pray you will not remember when he was intimidating you and your mum with his money.

Most times women carry a lot. They stay in some very bad marriages because of their children.

Let me ask you.
Was your mum appologised to?
Who knows the kind of emotional trauma she has been through. While the man was busy changing cars

Omo, see wailing and gnashing of teeth by some people on this thread. They are suddenly realising that emotional blackmail hardly works and if it does lasts only for a while. Una never cry reach.

Women that will always lie to you about something that you know and can see that you will be shocked are now sad that a man is giving his father the benefit of the doubt? F*ck y'all, really.

If genders were reversed. They would still justify themselves and demonise fathers. One even said a child of hers would be dead to her if they went seeking their father . It is always about you, that is why children go to seek out their fathers years after. Something tells them the story you tell them is not complete, so they go to find the missing piece of the puzzle. Una go still cry blood.