₦airaland Forum

KanuSE:
Attack kwa

I was being more metaphorical than literal, hence the use of parenthesis ("".

ibkayee:
To keep such hostility and go without talking for 6 years, only to suddenly be convinced of a reconciliation by that small, two sentence quote on Nairaland is kind of weird lol. I am also interested in the full story

Obviously, he already wanted reconciliation.. he was just looking for justification. Your dad would wrong you and then you would apologize just because he is your dad?

I wonder if orphans don’t make it in life

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

He must have gotten over that and maybe needs time to completely get over it.. I can bet he smiles whenever he reads through your texts and smiles when he sees your call. I can bet he looks through his side mirror at your reactions whenever he drives off on you. He only wants you to grow tougher than he sees you to be.
My one piece, don't stop texting him, He'll come around.
When you go to his place or office, send in the gift with a note, I bet he'll smile while he reads through and jejely sip his wine.
I live your spirit, do not relent.
Even his conscience pricks him when he sees you.
It's his shakara time, one day the PURSUER WILL BE PURSUED

IceColdVeins:
Nigga use your head.
I didnt run to him when I was suffering, why would your infitessimally loaded head think I need his money now that I am financially dependent?
Once again, use your head

Sharrap dia!

Even Dangote still dey find money. Money get level. How much you get sef?

The man was not there when you guys needed him the most. He neglected you guys with reckless abandon without looking back. If I were you, I for don disown the man tey tey, but you mumuishly apologized to him while he seemed not to give a fucck about your return to him. What exactly did you apologize for sef?

Guy, you no get sense. I pray make the man neglect you for him will just like he neglected you your whole childhood life. Mumu.

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

I suggest you get to him through the following
1. Feverent prayers
2. Your Pastor/Reverend or Imam
3. His favourite family member or elder (his favorite sibling, female)

It may take a long while, but patiently stay the course. Avoid physical contacts for now until his heart softens. Send him text messages on birthdays and at distant intervals. Let him know you're praying for him.......

IceColdVeins:
Dont be quick to judge.
I am the only one at loggerheads with my dad, my other siblings are not. And I neevr demonised my mom, I love her and I have showered my care on her. I'm just trying to make peace within myself and make the family balanced. MY mom and dad are still together and happier than before. But the wounds dont ever heal.

ibkayee this was what I saw ooo and why I said what I said.

Omakraid:
ibkayee this was what I saw ooo and why I said what I said.

Ok I see, thanks for clearing the part about the parents up

KanuSE:
Calm down madam, no be fight na...so you can't even handle banter.

the talk of a treat was banter. The other was bordering on something else

ibkayee:
Ok I see, thanks for clearing the part about the parents up

With the lots of comment up there ehn, if I hadn't gone through the pages viewing interesting comments I would have jumped on as well. To imagine the people vexing are vexing on something like this?.?

Baba you are already sounding frustrated untop matter wey no concern you.
Sorry oo.

PataAlhaja:
Sharrap dia!

Even Dangote still dey find money. Money get level. How much you get sef?

The man was not there when you guys needed him the most. He neglected you guys with reckless abandon without looking back. If I were you, I for don disown the man tey tey, but you mumuishly apologized to him while he seemed not to give a fucck about your return to him. What exactly did you apologize for sef?

Guy, you no get sense. I pray make the man neglect you for him will just like he neglected you your whole childhood life. Mumu.

BRATISLAVA:
Honestly wondering at the strangeness of it all. It's like a ticket to evil and they endorse it. Imagine neglecting you and then you running after the man. Men suck in emotions they say. Rubbish. If he valued his family he would put aside baseless pride and stoop to conquer. Rather they now demonize their mothers and sympathize with the fathers. Some form of Stockholm syndrome. The oppressor deserves some love, eh?

I wish the feminists would just give up already! Honour your father and mother - unconditional! Congratulations OP for finding peace! If there's to be any further judgement be sure that God will see to it!

BRATISLAVA:
the talk of a treat was banter. The other was bordering on something else

What other thing if I may ask?

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

Why are you begging him? What is that thing that you are hoping to learn from him? Why are you mortgaging your happiness and peace just to remain a son to such a father? Keep begging until he finally waste you.

Ryan03:
lol, you even had a dad that provided for the family, your own good. My dad never contributed anything, I grew up to know he always tell us to go and meet our mum when ever we ask for anything even to our school fees. He was a womanizer (six wives), had fourteen children (he didn't cater for any of them). When I was 8, mum got fed up ( due to continuous beatings that sometimes lands her in the hospital) and moved out with us. He never looked for us till I was in js2. He tried forming a bond with us but wasn't successful because he was staying in another town. He died just before I could resume js3. How exactly do I forgive? Where do I start from? I try to act like it doesn't matter, peharps my mum did a good job, hustled for me and my sisters to the point where we are today but I know how difficult it was, I know how we go somedays without food, how we a were sent away from school because of books or exam fees, how we do trek long distance because we dont have t.fair and we couldn't afford a house in town hence we stayed in villages without schools, how we sometimes dont eat rice on Christmas day, how we dont usually wear Christmas clothes, how we depend on others to outgrown their clothes so we could have them. I try to forget those stuffs cause now we live more comfortably thank God mummy did her best to educate us so we could have jobs, I just can't lie to myself that I have forgiven him. It hurts, still hurts badly cc Luminouz

Bros,

You case is even more complex and required a higher level of understanding. Let me cite an example (at the risk of you hating me for this.....); Your mum is wife number what? Anything aside from the first wife, logic tells me women should know the risky terrain a polygamous home is. Conventional wisdom tells us that in most cases, it is the wives in Polygamous homes that get to raise their children. As the number of wives increase, the input from the man reduces, except his wealth is that stupendous.......

Omakraid:
With the lots of comment up there ehn, if I hadn't gone through the pages viewing interesting comments I would have jumped on as well. To imagine the people vexing are vexing on something like this?.?

He’s answered some questions but we still don’t have the full story in my opinion, all the best to him though, he’s the most familiar with his family dynamic so I guess he’s just doing what he needs to do for his own personal reasons

Emmanuelcann:
I wish the feminists would just give up already! Honour your father and mother - unconditional! Congratulations OP for finding peace! If there's to be any further judgement be sure that God will see to it!

how sure are you that we are feminists, either male or female?

edydeyemi:
OP Nice of you to reconcile with your dad. My father absconded when I was just nine years old and was absent for well over 19 years. My mum had to work her fingers to the bone raising four young boys; we literally lived from hand-to-mouth. Sadly she passed before she could reap the fruits of her labour.

True, I know my mother could be headstrong and impossible to get along with, but that in no way justifies my father for abandoning us for 19years. Well he came back begging a couple of years ago and I forgave him but that is where it ended. He lost all rights to a father-son relationship years ago.

Would I have forgiven him were mother still alive? Certainly not without her forgiving first; I owe her that that much. There was a time he tried flexing and claiming rights, I blocked him out completely. Now he has realised that I do not owe him a thing (well maybe a little for sending us to one of best primary schools in Ejigbo then) and stays in his lane while I say in mine. I call him once every couple of months and that's where it ends; He doesn't know where I live, he has seen my son only once and knows not to call me unnecessarily.

One thing I have learnt though is to Never be the man my father was. Once again, OP I salute your courage for trying to reconcile with him but never-ever let your mother feel betrayed considering all she sacrificed for you guys.

Cheers.

I respect you position....

My take....
You are yet to Forgive him

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

leave the reply and get what the op is saying

IceColdVeins:
Baba you are already sounding frustrated untop matter wey no concern you.
Sorry oo.

Frustrated ke? . See this mumu wey wan use watch and wine enter him papa will. Yahoo boy like you.

Your papa sef suppose don see through your ruse. He'd be like, "How can this boy who I abandoned for years be coming back now that I am getting old? Something must be fishy. Barrister Festus, I hope my will is still intact.".

The matter concern me o. Na you carry your family matter come Nairaland and we must talk sense into your nonsense head.

Cyberleets:
Mad people everywhere....most especially the ladies here.
Fish brains

It's a good thing op reconciled with his father...
You'll never realise how difficult it is to be a father unless you become one!!

My own father neglected me(not at my child hood)... He said some bad stuff to me... I decided to abandon him for life and probably change my surname sef.

I wanted him to apologize but mum will always tell me there's no way on earth my father will apologize to me cos it's not right. She wanted me to call him and probably apologize myself, I was adamant.

Long story short, dad finally called... Funny enough he called to tell me he has forgiven me...(not apology)

We met and we settled things...it feels good really!!

We all know it's hard for a man to hate his fellow man... We men are not wired that way unlike women that nag about everything. Look how they are nagging cos a guy wants to make peace with his dad.

Just like me I think the issue with the op and his father is personal...

Bros,

that his African Father's ways of apologizing..

IceColdVeins:
Baba you are already sounding frustrated untop matter wey no concern you.
Sorry oo.

PataAlhaja won't like this...lol

ibkayee:
He’s answered some questions but we still don’t have the full story in my opinion, all the best to him though, he’s the most familiar with his family dynamic so I guess he’s just doing what he needs to do for his own personal reasons

Yes o, I also asked that he modifies his post so people are not misguided.. He can do whatever so long he gets peace, and he knows his family better. It is well

Belafonte:
So, IceColdVeins, did you have the talk with your dad about why things ended the way they did and why he took the decision he did?

.....and what will that achieve or change in the grand scheme of things? What will be the objective of that? Freshen old wounds?

You just dey talk like say you sabi my situation pass me. Baba channel your frustration enter another side.

PataAlhaja:
Frustrated ke? . See this mumu wey wan use watch and wine enter him papa will. Yahoo boy like you.

Your papa sef suppose don see through your ruse. He'd be like, "How can this boy who I abandoned for years be coming back now that I am getting old? Something must be fishy. Barrister Festus, I hope my will is still intact.".

The matter concern me o. Na you carry your family matter come Nairaland and we must talk sense into your nonsense head.

midnighter:
I am not trying to trivialise or dismiss the pain of mothers but the truth is that at times, they complain too much to the child and put them in the middle of things when that child doesnt even understand how the quarrel started.

Its not the child's fault that you are unhappy in your marriage; its not fair to keep lamenting and saddling them with unnecessary emotional baggage.

If you need somebody to confide in, to talk an adult who can properly console and advise you and dont keep dumping your emotions on your child

Your mother had a right to feel upset BUT shouldnt have put her tears on your shoulders; it just ended up pushing you away at the end

Its not a good behaviour at all; people should find the proper channels to field their emotions and not use their children... children are fragile to emotional stressors already without you adding your own

Madam,

I always salute when I find submissions from Emotionally Intelligent women. (No chauvinism intended)

IceColdVeins:
You just dey talk like say you sabi my situation pass me. Baba channel your frustration enter another side.

PHIPEX:
@ All these women badmouthing the OP's decision. None of you have bothered to ask the OP how his mother felt by his decision to forgive, you all are herding in gender solidarity. What has the OP gained all these years they were enemies?

@OP, you alone knew the burden you carried all these years, nothing beats forgiveness and peace. Forgiving your father does not imply taking sides with him against your mother. Your mother has played a role in your life and deserves all her due, your father has been assent and equally deserves to be heard and forgiven. Make him a prodigal father and God will bless your hustle.

You better don't vent too much about this immature and thoughtless little girls.

mapet:
Unfortunately this is what children of nowadays are yet to learn. Parents love each other both in strength and weaknesses. My fear for my own aged parents (Dad 84, Mum 79) with the way they "carry-each-other" even at old age is that if either one "caputs" today, expect the other to follow the next..

Lol@ captioned.

Naso e suppose be jare. Together in strength and weakness

Bro I don't think I need that. There is almost no valid reason for treating one's wife and children badly.
He's an a$$hole yeah, I just want peace and nothing but peace since my mom is still with him

Belafonte:
So, IceColdVeins, did you have the talk with your dad about why things ended the way they did and why he took the decision he did?

Joekisses:
I had taken my time to go through the view of each and everyone one of you about this thread, each persons view is totally plausible but, if only all these opinions could be merged as one then we all would live a better life. The truth is I took interest in this thread and it's the first ever am to reply to since I became a nairalander why? Because am 30+ now and reading yet I just made peace with my dad about two months ago because my mum always made sure I avoided him, even while she prayed for me most times all she ever wanted was a promise that I never entertain anything from my dads side.my dad was given the option the chose between getting married or going to school, he chose school, then he and my mum were both secondarians when he got mum pregnant. My mum has suffered a lot and dropped out of school as a result. As a result, just last month my mum threatened to disown me when she found out I had been communicating with dad n family, I also got to realise that she had sworn that it won't never be well with him until he comes to plead with her and from the look of it all's not well with him. To cut it short, after her threat to me I summoned the courage to tell her that even if he is a mad man he remains my dad, one thing I promised her is he definitely would come to beg her forgiveness and then she remained mute since then and we are cool now. It's up to me to fix my dad and mum up now. My dad had is options and a young lad and made a choice that am sure almost every young man would make same and my mum felt betrayed and has suffered as a result of my pregnancy but, with God and a determined son this two could be settled someday. Point to take my dad has nothing to offer me financially but, where am from, your originality could affect you a long way, so I need that name.

My guess, Your mum is still in love with your Dad. She's just very angry..........

mapet:
Bros,

You case is even more complex and required a higher level of understanding. Let me cite an example (at the risk of you hating me for this.....); Your mum is wife number what? Anything aside from the first wife, logic tells me women should know the risky terrain a polygamous home is. Conventional wisdom tells us that in most cases, it is the wives in Polygamous homes that get to raise their children. As the number of wives increase, the input from the man reduces, except his wealth is that stupendous.......

lol, nothing to forgive bro, she was the first wife. He didn't even marry the others, they were all concubines but we refer to them as wives out of respect.

Graxie:
Why are you begging him? What is that thing that you are hoping to learn from him? Why are you mortgaging your happiness and peace just to remain a son to such a father? Keep begging until he finally waste you.

Stop with your negativity biko...if you can't advise without your emotions clouding ur ass, read and pass.
I'm sure you love your parents while advising another to forego his!