₦airaland Forum

Chi59:
Now I see where your problem lies. Now if your wife feels that her blood relatives are more important to her than you are, how would you feel?
You expect her to leave to cleave, to make you her number one priority yet you'd easily choose your blood relatives over her. You need to reset your mindset.

Reset my mindset? Hahahaha. I do not care if my wife makes me the number or not, what I value most is respect. Everyone in the house has to respect one another. Are you single or married?

ZIMDRILL:
which post did you read?

you are replying to your own version of the story

1 her own mum came to look after the child and that move the sisters took it as "her own mum has influence in her daughter's marriage"

2 so since that incident they have never liked her mum

3 %Love for your sister/s and wife are totally different things, they cant be grouped into the same basket

Her mum should have seen that from the day one, and guide her daughter on the right track.


They did not like her bc of that, The husband should have looked into it then.

Do not dictate for people how they share love between wife and family bc you do not know how they grew up(
Some were trained solely by their elder sister, some gave their kidney to their junior bro, some sacrifice something for their brothers, some grew up fighting for each other, So even after they got married it is difficult to separate them from their mother or siblings.

Let me ask, Why is it that most Married Women tend to love and care for their own mother, siblings more than even their husband? That's it.

Are they not supposed to love the husband more?

innobarca:
Her mum should have seen that from the day one, and guide her daughter on the right track.


They did not like her bc of that, The husband should have looked into it then.

Do not dictate for people how they share love between wife and family bc you do not know how they grew up(
Some were trained solely by their elder sister, some gave their kidney to their junior bro, some sacrifice something for their brothers, some grew up fighting for each other, So even after they got married it is difficult to separate them from their mother or siblings.

Let me ask, Why is it that most Married Women tend to love and care for their own mother, siblings more than even their husband? That's it.

Are they not supposed to love the husband more?

What will you say in the case where this is opposite biko
What if this story was of the wife misbehaving to her own family and over loving her husband's family,giving no respect to hers,what will the men supporters here say then

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

You're being too biased and sentimental here Sir
What if the story is just as she said it is and what if it's not?
Aren't you meant to talk based on these two scenario's?
Don't be too quick to judge,you're not in her House

Gforce2015:
You sound like a deluded and wounded single woman. .may God quickly heal your wound.

How old are you? You need some spanking else you wouldn't be spewing trash.

jagojunior:
So you didn't read where she took the baby to stay with her Mom after taking in?

�

still it doesnt change the narrative of the story


what you are failing to capture in this story is

1 there is no mentioning of mother-in-law, who would have stepped in to help her daughter with the new baby? hence we hear that her own mum stepped in which makes sense to me

2 in most african cultures (am to hear of one ) it not the cultural role of your husband's sister's to help you when you have gave birth especially the married ones, they got their homes to run

3 my assumption these are the type of sister that act as if their are there to help but know its a move that benefits them financially eg them having the child would mean getting extra cash in the name of baby food etc

Nigeria's culture has really promoted elders being really biased
Someone will ask for advice on how thing's hurts
Everyone hurts from different shoe's, you'll never see it from their own point of view
Since we can't know if the story is true biko just go with logic and give two scenario's
Be a logical elder and not a sentimental one

Are his sisters not women like the wife? Why do women hate themselves and make men's lives miserable?

ImaIma1:
Your husband is the problem. He cannot throw you to the dogs (his sisters). He needs to protect you from their fangs. If he cannot condition how they treat you with the way he himself treats you, there's really nothing you can do.

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

from the little I have seen, the same way she would treat her hubby's mother she should treat them as such, even if their ways are not upright she shouldn't change keep treating them well one day things would change for good and if it doesn't keep being good to them they are your husband's mother

Fountainofyouth:
Did you not see where she said she tried making peace with them by giving gifts etc? She tried everything she could to be the better person but they gave her cold shoulder, just because he's the only son and the most successful, did you not see that? Don't you think they envy the fact that she the wife is benefiting from the riches? If she is alienating the husband from them, will the husband join in the cold shoulder and with holding sex like a child? Doesn't that show immaturity in his part?

You see one thing with some so called men here, in their quest to sound unbiased and intelligent, they just couldn't help the fact that supporting the man is their sole aim, regardless of what is glaring, then if they can't avoid blaming the man, the come up with their famous words "we don't know the fact or the whole story" SMH!!!

The lady is jealous of their coming to their house
. she also complained that it's only when they are around,that was when the hubby will take the kids and her in-laws out. She's just being selfish if you ask me

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

I've been married for 15year and I can categorically state your advice is trash!
Even the bible said a man will leave his family and clef to his wife.
Why should a wife be forced to like people who hate her?

Moboj:
What will you say in the case where this is opposite biko
What if this story was of the wife misbehaving to her own family and over loving her husband's family,giving no respect to hers,what will the men supporters here say then

It is not about men.

The husband will find it difficult to just forget his own family.

Rare to see a married woman hate her own family, very rare.

It's always wife quarrelling with the husband family, difficult to hear wife neglecting her own family unless the husband is not financially okay.

The woman is not a bad wife, She should try to make peace as the husband suggested?

My own woman came into my life and family, heard about how my eldest sister helped me.... She went close to her and they became very good friends, till today they are very close.

Some women knows how to make their men love them.

debbydee:
How old are you? You need some spanking else you wouldn't be spewing trash.

I'm old enough to pay your bride price and also keep you at home as housewife.

Oyiboman69:
The lady is jealous of their coming to their house
. she also complained that it's only when they are around,that was when the hubby will take the kids and her in-laws out. She's just being selfish if you ask me

So what is wrong with complaining about that? How can you neglect to treat your kids but be doing eye-service when your siblings are around?

Is it not total stupidity?

And how can they come to their house every weekend? Dont they know that theyre supposed to give their darling brother some space for crying out loud?

When I see how some of you people reason I am forced to assume that some of these monickers are being operated by masquerade spirits and not humans.

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

So sorry madam, i truly believe ur story and for u to hv brought this matter, ure truly worried and frustrated. May God grant u wisdom and strength to handle ds properly. Goodluck.

Madam, you just missed your way. Dont take anybody's advice here. I am woman though not married and I know what you are going through.. You better talk to your husband so that he holds a meeting BTW all of you. Marriage no be beans o. I pray God brings peace between all of you..

innobarca:
It is not about men.

The husband will find it difficult to just forget his own family.

Rare to see a married woman hate her own family, very rare.

It's always wife quarrelling with the husband family, difficult to hear wife neglecting her own family unless the husband is not financially okay.

The woman is not a bad wife, She should try to make peace as the husband suggested?

My own woman came into my life and family, heard about how my eldest sister helped me.... She went close to her and they became very good friends, till today they are very close.

Some women knows how to make their men love them.

People let's still understand that life doesn't have a standard ratio
Some people are just insatiable
What if that's the case and what if that's not the case?
I'm more after people talking from one point of view
"It is rare" doesn't mean it doesn't exist,this is just life mehnn
I'm just saying if people want to advice her let them do it from 2 scenario's, let's judge fairly

Can u ask a man to be begging his in-laws like a wretched person ? U people always think women are subhuman ! They come into her house and give her no peace yet she is still supposed to be begging them ? I don’t blame them - it’s her I blame - u start begging useless never do well hags for no reason then u must continue begging them ! Can never be me !

dawnomike:
I understand what you're going through dear. But please, If begging will save your marriage- please beg.
You are not a foolish wife, you're just been wise!
At the long run, you, your children and husband is all that matters. Others are extended family members.

NB:Your husband ought to protect you but sonce he in not doing that kindly play the fool for the sake of your children and to keep the love of the man you care so much about.

#Myopinion

Gforce2015:
I'm old enough to pay your bride price and also keep you at home as housewife.

Story for the gods you that just joined nl. Anyways I gat no time for rotten mangoes like you. Na your mama I be okay. Make you go sleep time don go.

But his sisters can claim to love him without loving his wife ? Na so !

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

midnighter:
Thats if your husband is the type that will push you in front and avoid asserting himself with his siblings even when they hurt his feelings.

Taking her story on face value, if her Husband was the type of man that asserts himself, she wont be in this situation in the 1st place because he would have put them in their places.

[quote author=midnighter post=85059703]So what is wrong with complaining about that? How can you neglect to treat your kids but be doing eye-service when your siblings are around?

Is it not total stupidity?

And how can they come to their house every weekend? Dont they know that theyre supposed to give their darling brother some space for crying out loud?

When I see how some of you people reason I am forced to assume that some of these monickers are being operated by masquerade spirits and not humans.
I really don't want to argue with you cos you're a man. I can picture how you'll be treating your in-laws, is your wife treating yours the same way? Women always plays victim in such situation. When it is the other way round,you won't see any complaints from them. If you can't see beyond your shallow way of reasoning then,I don't have time debating the futility of this issue

Fountainofyouth:
What a manboy your husband is, how can his sisters have so much influence on him? Not even his mother? SMH!!! Ignore all of them, you don't need anyone's validation to exist in life, not even your husband, if he continues to side his sisters, pretend he doesn't exist and focus on your children.

I agree with you 10/10

TonyeBarcanista:
I don't expect her to say FULL TRUTH because humans are fond of saying half truths to make them appear as oppressed and garner public sympathy. I know that her in-laws aren't mad people to be taking gifts when she didn't err.

What did she do? What has she done? What is the recurring issue? Saying it is envy is the most FOOLISH assumption! Why should her SIL envy her? Is she their mate? Is she the one feeding their brother? Use your brain


You can go hit your head on the wall if you are pained by that assertion!

Only those that don't know manipulating style of women will fall for this nonsense nag

BTW Are you married?

Mumu SO you don't know that it is in the adamic nature of Sister in laws will hate their brothers wife especially if he is successful than their husbands or boyfriends...Nothing you do pleases them, they'll always see you as an intruder... Rubbish and ingredient

You talk about culture... Bringing your own culture to bear on your husband's family will not bear good fruit for you. They married you too their house... Please go and learn and adopt their culture

If his is not done, you may continue to have issues with your husband's family

Oyiboman69:
I really don't want to argue with you cos you're a man. I can picture how you'll be treating your in-laws, is your wife treating yours the same way? Women always plays victim in such situation. When it is the other way round,you won't see any complaints from them. If you can't see beyond your shallow way of reasoning then, I don't have time debating the futility of this issue

You dont have time debating the futility of this issue but you have time to call somebody selfish for standing up for her kids. I pity your wife

You must be one of those guys who turns their wife and kids to slaves in the name of "my brother my sister" smh

innobarca:
Her mum should have seen that from the day one, and guide her daughter on the right track.


They did not like her bc of that, The husband should have looked into it then.

Do not dictate for people how they share love between wife and family bc you do not know how they grew up(
Some were trained solely by their elder sister, some gave their kidney to their junior bro, some sacrifice something for their brothers, some grew up fighting for each other, So even after they got married it is difficult to separate them from their mother or siblings.

Let me ask, Why is it that most Married Women tend to love and care for their own mother, siblings more than even their husband? That's it.

Are they not supposed to love the husband more?

guide her to which right track? based on what she said it is the sister-in-law manipulating the husband

remember the dislike of the mum started the moment she stepped in to help her daughter so from there she was disliked so whatever she said to her daughter as guidance would be said she is interfering with marriage

TonyeBarcanista:
You want him to stand up to his sisters and at same time expect amicable solution? Jesus!

And yes, the husband has a loving family that is as important as life itself. The wife has to blend by making peace with her husband's siblings. There is no ambiguity here!

I am saying this because I have loving family, I will never separate from my family because I married someone. She should be seeking true reconciliation with her SILs instead of seeking her husband "support".

I hope when ure sick and close to death, na those your sisters go leave their husband's house come take care of you you hear......

isthatso:
Taking her story on face value, if her Husband was the type of man that asserts himself, she wont be in this situation in the 1st place because he would have put them in their places.

Yes

I'm not her to judge you, but something must have gone wrong, they cannot wake up one morning and decide to hate you.
I know your in-laws may not be of the best behaviour but try and sort out things with them.

I have a similar case in my family with my eldest brothers wife, my brother told her how he took care of the family and all that, which are all lies
Infact my parents supported him in his business so many times, so she decided to make herself lord over us, no way to please her, she sent my 4 siblings out of my brothers house.
After a while, My sisters got married to better husbands and the guys married better wives, all comfortable, we have never seen or visited her and the husband for the past 8years, yet we all stay in the same city.
I met him in traffic last week and he asked me to call him so he can get my number! Honestly I don't even have his.
So relax, that privacy and everything you seek, you will find it and even get tired
Make peace with them, there is nothing in this world oh

Adedayobusayo12:
Single ladies, shine your eyes before you marry. Some men are not worth it. A man will leave his family and cleave to his wife. They are one! If I like I will carry my child and give my parents to look after if that's what will give me peace of mind. A husband that cannot mediate between his siblings and wife and also draw a line so as each will not cross is a fool. Get a job and do what you enjoy. Let the fool marry his sisters. One idiot will come and stay in my house for five years, come dey spoil my name again, Ogun go kiiii am. I have a brother and I will never go and intimidate his wife or pokenose in his marriage. When you marry into a lowlife family where they all depend on kobo from the man, this is the results. Poor and aggressive siblings.

Most of these guys are single and don't even know what they are talking about. They are still running with an archaic idea of marriage.