U and your hubby need to handle this matter carefully and yet seriously esle this lady WILL ruin your marriage and that's a very big will.. Taking the child is a game by her but if u play that game well, u will laugh last. I will advice u take the child and bury any form of annoyance and see her as yours. I know this is very difficult but u just need to make up your mind on it and u will begin to like him. After that, look for someone in that girl's family. Most of the time, this type of lady are usually bone in the neck to her own family but there will be someone she respect nevertheless. Sit her down in a meeting with some key family and explain in CLEAR TERMS what she wants and what u CAN do. Do not agree to something u ultimately know u cannot fufil. Set rules that separates both boundaries because trust me, she will want to invade you and your husband's privacy on the premise that her son is living with u. After this pray to God to take control and love your husband more.

Most people have already said it all.

Your husband is remorseful for the way he treated you, that should count for something. At least he’s not the type that claims he has the right be a horrible husband.
As is “we are in Africa” levels.

However he shouldn’t feel as if him ignoring the child he possibly fathered is a way to show you that he doesn’t care about that woman anymore. The two don’t have to go hand in hand. He can be over it/her and still be a responsible father.

Don’t feel apologetic for him because you think not having a child makes you deserve less. It doesn’t.
For one the child may not even be his and he might be the cause of you guys’ childlessness. Sometimes defective sperm cells can cause non-viable pregnancies that can’t be carried full term and the body just spontaneously aborts them. Go to a competent health center/hospital and figure this out together.

DNA testing has already been mentioned. Do that.

And after all the dust is settled you both need counseling from a professional to be able to put this behind you and move forward. You’re going to feel resentful. Don’t bury it and just hope it goes away.

Hmmn, they have all spoken well, I won't be adding to it.

heavenlychy:
I see you really love this man and I'm not here to tell you to love him less but can you please tune it down with your constant calling him a 'Good man'. This man cheated on you for months. He had 'Unprotected sex' with a stranger and covered it all up. Pretended right down to his balls. What if he contacted Hiv or any of these deadly diseases? Mehn, if I were you, I would be very afraid of such a man. I know it is the childlessness that is making you cope with all this bullshit. I pray the Good Lord gives you your own child. As for him, he did the crime, let him do the time.

Thank you so much. I think using the word good makes him look like a saint. And I apologise for that.

I would have contracted a deadly illness. I agree and i still have an unforgiveness in my heart towards him because of that. I keep going for test every month. Knowing the kind of life the lady in question lives and I was put at risk.

I didn't stay because of the childlessness. I stayed because I found more than 80% of what I wanted in a man. And he is sorry, he has shown he is. I don't need a Prophet telling me.

You won't understand what I made him go through because of his betrayal. And he actually went through alot.

And the truth is even his family and people close to us were surprised he did what he did. He is not known with that.

In as much as he betrayed me , I don't want the iniquity of the sin committed to linger. He should do right by his child. It hurts me talking about it and wanting him involved in the child's life but I no want old age wahala from any pickin that will raise up one day and start causing problems for me because he was neglected.

Thank you again for your advice.

Madam I am sorry to say this but you sound very naive.
You need to start trusting less and start protecting your yourself more.
Stop this "me and my husband against the world" shit you are doing and get realistic.
This your husband's family may still go behind you and collect the child.
For the woman to boldly change her name to your husband's, something is giving her mind
Instead of you to go and thank the person that told your family with a bag of rice and big fowl, you are angry with him. For what exactly?
Be grateful to God for revealing these things to on time.
Some women have found out about their husbands other
family during his burial.
Turn this situation around and be in charge.
You are one that is wronged. Not you and your husband.
This is the best time to make your demands on how you want this arrangement to turn out.
If you don't control things, your husband will keep having kids with her and by then, there would be nothing you can do about it.
Your husband was not forced to sleep with her. He did so repeatedly without protection.
I wonder why you are still blaming the friend for telling you.
Abeg take control of the matter o. E don happen be say e don happen.
You can bring up the idea of surrogacy to him if you people can afford it.

tenmariner:
U and your hubby need to handle this matter carefully and yet seriously esle this lady WILL ruin your marriage and that's a very big will.. Taking the child is a game by her but if u play that game well, u will laugh last. I will advice u take the child and bury any form of annoyance and see her as yours. I know this is very difficult but u just need to make up your mind on it and u will begin to like him. After that, look for someone in that girl's family. Most of the time, this type of lady are usually bone in the neck to her own family but there will be someone she respect nevertheless. Sit her down in a meeting with some key family and explain in CLEAR TERMS what she wants and what u CAN do. Do not agree to something u ultimately know u cannot fufil. Set rules that separates both boundaries because trust me, she will want to invade you and your husband's privacy on the premise that her son is living with u. After this pray to God to take control and love your husband more.

Exactly!

heavenlychy:
I see you really love this man and I'm not here to tell you to love him less but can you please tune it down with your constant calling him a 'Good man'. This man cheated on you for months. He had 'Unprotected sex' with a stranger and covered it all up. Pretended right down to his balls. What if he contacted Hiv or any of these deadly diseases? Mehn, if I were you, I would be very afraid of such a man. I know it is the childlessness that is making you cope with all this bullshit. I pray the Good Lord gives you your own child. As for him, he did the crime, let him do the time.

Ahh! Eniyan! Eniyan Pelu Asotan Oro.. SMH

Try to explore the option of a surrogate for children if you can afford it. It will be your egg and your hubby’s sperm. The surrogate will just carry the baby to full term. As for that woman outside, the only condition for your hubby to accept the child is DNA test. Ensure he communicates that very clearly to her. In the mean time ignore her and all her activities on line. She seems to crave attention and drama. When she’s ignored she will beg for help.

As for the child, you don’t have to accept and embrace the child. It’s up to your hubby to take care of his child if it is his. I see you have decided to stick with your marriage, go for counseling and if you truly forgive, let it go with very strong assurances from your hubby. If you can’t forgive this, then leave the marriage.

I suggest you try to work it out because let me be blunt with you, not a lot of Nigerian men will accept to marry or date a woman with issues conceiving. Or even stay this long to work through it with her. Sadly...

Brazenbabe:
Madam I am sorry to say this but you sound very naive.
You need to start trusting less and start protecting your yourself more.
Stop this "me and my husband against the world" shit you are doing and get realistic.
This your husband's family may still go behind you and collect the child.
For the woman to boldly change her name to your husband's, something is giving her mind
Instead of you to go and thank the person that told your family with a bag of rice and big fowl, you are angry with him. For what exactly?
Be grateful to God for revealing these things to on time.
Some women have found out about their husbands other
family during his burial.
Turn this situation around and be in charge.
You are one that is wronged. Not you and your husband.
This is the best time to make your demands on how you want this arrangement to turn out.
If you don't control things, your husband will keep having kids with her and by then, there would be nothing you can do about it.
Your husband was not forced to sleep with her. He did so repeatedly without protection.
I wonder why you are still blaming the friend for telling you.
Abeg take control of the matter o. E don happen be say e don happen.
You can bring up the idea of surrogacy to him if you people can afford it.

If you read her other posts, you would understand why? He apparently set up the husband with the lady and still went to report him. He isn't actually a saint but the demon himself

ImaIma1:


If you read her other posts, you would understand why? He apparently set up the husband with the lady and still went to report him. He isn't actually a saint but the demon himself

Lol. Sis shebi na the friend drag two of them enter room.
If oga did not want to do, he would have just ended the introduction at "pleased to meet you"
Abeg leave matter, guilty men blame everyone but themselves.

Massey27, anyone who tries to convince you that you won't be able to love that child as your own is only trying to infect you with their own negativity... Please stay true to yourself because your posts here depict you as a person capable of forgiveness, empathy, with a healthy dose of emotional & mental stability.

You already made attempts to get your husband to accept the child, keep doing that. For a woman who has three other kids for another man, it is IMPOSSIBLE for your husband to bring her into your home to usurp you just because he has one child with her, so your place and position is safe. Don't fret.

Sometimes, loving another person doesn't always mean they are the direct object of your affections - it could very well mean they are just an extension of another person whom you love completely.
In this case, you still love your husband despite & inspite, and as such, you will be able to love his child as if it was yours if you set your mind to it.

Cheers...

donstan18:
Ten to eleven years of marriage without a child?


Mehn! I can't help but say that a childless marriage can make the woman accept and tolerate all sorts of infidelity and fvckery from the husband.

Where’s the lie?

Brazenbabe:


Lol. Sis shebi na the friend drag two of them enter room.
If oga did not want to do, he would have just ended the introduction at "pleased to meet you"
Abeg leave matter, guilty men blame everyone but themselves.

Regardless, he and his wife are not the kind of people you call friends. They set you up for downfall and then take the glory for it

Massey27:


Thank you so much..we are no longer friends with the man and his family. When hubby learnt it was his friend that blew the whistle and went to tell my family, he almost had a heart attack. He couldn't believe it. Not until he listened to the recordings my brothers made anytime he called them.

You should be thanking this friend, if not how would you have known? Also, you seem to have absolved your husband who broke his vow, it’s his friend that is now you people’s common enemy.

As for the child, your irresponsible horse-band should own up to the result of his actions. He can do a DNA test if he wants, but that child has a father and shouldn’t be denied that.

You on the other hand don’t have to love this child and that doesn’t make you a bad person, he’ll just be a physical reminder of your husband‘s infidelity. But don’t be the typical evil stepmother either, as the child is innocent of the circumstances surrounding his birth.

Brazenbabe:
Madam I am sorry to say this but you sound very naive.
You need to start trusting less and start protecting your yourself more.
Stop this "me and my husband against the world" shit you are doing and get realistic.
This your husband's family may still go behind you and collect the child.
For the woman to boldly change her name to your husband's, something is giving her mind
Instead of you to go and thank the person that told your family with a bag of rice and big fowl, you are angry with him. For what exactly?
Be grateful to God for revealing these things to on time.
Some women have found out about their husbands other
family during his burial.
Turn this situation around and be in charge.
You are one that is wronged. Not you and your husband.
This is the best time to make your demands on how you want this arrangement to turn out.
If you don't control things, your husband will keep having kids with her and by then, there would be nothing you can do about it.
Your husband was not forced to sleep with her. He did so repeatedly without protection.
I wonder why you are still blaming the friend for telling you.
Abeg take control of the matter o. E don happen be say e don happen.
You can bring up the idea of surrogacy to him if you people can afford it.

Thank you for the advice.
If you read my earlier comment you will see that I don't blame his ex friend. Neither have I blamed the woman in question.
I not vexing for the man o, but I don't want them as friends again.
My vex na with my husband.

Concerning my husband's family going round and taking the child, I am even the one talking about the child.
His parents are still alive and his father has eight sons and a daughter. All are married. And my father in law called a family meeting with his brothers, uncles etc,to tell them and he said unless I give permission to bring in the child or have anything to do with the child, he forbids anyone to have anything to do with the lady and the child, now that he is alive and even when he is gone. He went ahead to place a curse on anyone that will do contrary.
My father in law loves us his daughters in law and treats us nice. Just like my Mum in law.

Concerning my husband going back to have other kids with her, I have nothing to say to this because I am not in control of a Man's actions. But I pray it doesn't happen Sha ... Because e go pain me pass this one .
The issue here is hubby not wanting to accept this child and having anything to do with the child. And me, I no want future wahala of a child that bears a grudge.
Thank you for all your input. You spoke well.

cococandy:
Most people have already said it all.

Your husband is remorseful for the way he treated you, that should count for something. At least he’s not the type that claims he has the right be a horrible husband.
As is “we are in Africa” levels.

However he shouldn’t feel as if him ignoring the child he possibly fathered is a way to show you that he doesn’t care about that woman anymore. The two don’t have to go hand in hand. He can be over it/her and still be a responsible father.

Don’t feel apologetic for him because you think not having a child makes you deserve less. It doesn’t.
For one the child may not even be his and he might be the cause of you guys’ childlessness. Sometimes defective sperm cells can cause non-viable pregnancies that can’t be carried full term and the body just spontaneously aborts them. Go to a competent health center/hospital and figure this out together.

DNA testing has already been mentioned. Do that.

And after all the dust is settled you both need counseling from a professional to be able to put this behind you and move forward. You’re going to feel resentful. Don’t bury it and just hope it goes away.

Thank you so much. We are already discussing surrogacy and have eve.n contacted some agencies. And the process will start next year hopefully.
The reason I brought this here is to know the best way to get him involved in the boy's life if he is the father. And I no want carry load enter 2020.

It's not a pleasant thing for me and even talking about it makes me angry. And the pain and hurt comes back at him.
I never believed I can even bring it up and talk to him about the child. But just like they say, time heals.

I know the emotional and psychological trauma I went through. And the anger still pops up once in a while.
I talk about him the way I do cos it's natural and he has gone through a lot too. That does not make what he did right, but everyone deserves a second chance especially if they are working hard for it.

I appreciate your advice. Thank you. Oh concerning a counsellor, we had a one month session with a marriage counselor.
I was not meeting up cos of the nature of my job. That was in August this year. I guess we have to schedule another.

Thanks allot.

CanadianNaija:


You should be thanking this friend, if not how would you have known? Also, you seem to have absolved your husband who broke his vow, it’s now his friend that is now you people’s common enemy.

As for the child, your irresponsible horse-band should own up to the result of his actions. He can do a DNA test if he wants, but that child has a father and shouldn’t be denied that.

You on the other hand don’t have to love this child and that doesn’t make you a bad person, he’ll just be a physical reminder of your husband‘s infidelity. But don’t be the typical evil stepmother either, as the child is innocent of the circumstances surrounding his birth.

The reason I am not planning on taking him away from the mother. She will love and take care of him better.

Concerning his ex friend, his reason for telling the family was not because he loved me. I can't start writing all that. But I don't regret unfriending him and his wife.

For my Oga(husband)Trust me, he is strong to still be alive after everything came out.
I know what I am saying. He saw hell, and he is still paying for that six months.
But I am not the one making him pay Sha.

Okay.

Well as for how he can get involved in the child’s life. Small steps first and let it grow from there.
Once paternity is no longer in question, he can start by taking up some financial responsibility that goes directly to the child’s care.

They( him and the child’s mom) can discuss custody. Who gets him? When? Where? Holidays, school etc. a mediator might be needed to be the process more smooth and professional. It’s hard to detach emotions from things like this which is why a third party who has no stake in it should be involved.

Boundaries should be discussed and clearly spelled out because if he’s the father, that woman is going to be forever in your lives. That’s where boundaries need to be clearly laid down so no one is confused as to what their role is. This is usually the part that causes the most troubles with extended family settings.
However with maturity and the way you described your husband, hopefully that won’t be an issue.

Small steps first.

Massey27:


Thank you so much. We are already discussing surrogacy and have eve.n contacted some agencies. And the process will start next year hopefully.
The reason I brought this here is to know the best way to get him involved in the boy's life if he is the father. And I no want carry load enter 2020.

It's not a pleasant thing for me and even talking about it makes me angry. And the pain and hurt comes back at him.
I never believed I can even bring it up and talk to him about the child. But just like they say, time heals.

I know the emotional and psychological trauma I went through. And the anger still pops up once in a while.
I talk about him the way I do cos it's natural and he has gone through a lot too. That does not make what he did right, but everyone deserves a second chance especially if they are working hard for it.

I appreciate your advice. Thank you. Oh concerning a counsellor, we had a one month session with a marriage counselor.
I was not meeting up cos of the nature of my job. That was in August this year. I guess we have to schedule another.

Thanks allot.

Massey27:


Yes I have. Results shows fibroid and weak cervix.

Pls u should consider doing a cerclage when next u are pregnant. And also find out if d fibroid is in anyway obstructive. If it's in d way then it has to be taken out. All d best sis

cococandy:
Okay.

Well as for how he can get involved in the child’s life. Small steps first and let it grow from there.
Once paternity is no longer in question, he can start by taking up some financial responsibility that goes directly to the child’s care.

They( him and the child’s mom) can discuss custody. Who gets him? When? Where? Holidays, school etc. a mediator might be needed to be the process more smooth and professional. It’s hard to detach emotions from things like this which is why a third party who has no stake in it should be involved.

Boundaries should be discussed and clearly spelled out because if he’s the father, that woman is going to be forever in your lives. That’s where boundaries need to be clearly laid down so no one is confused as to what their role is. This is usually the part that causes the most troubles with extended family settings.
However with maturity and the way you described your husband, hopefully that won’t be an issue.

Small steps first.

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.

Bunny19:
Pls u should consider doing a cerclage when next u are pregnant. And also find out if d fibroid is in anyway obstructive. If it's in d way then it has to be taken out. All d best sis

Thank you. I appreciate you.

@ Massey27

Have you ever had your thyroid examined by a doctor? If not, have it checked. You may not be aware you have a dysfunction and it may cause miscarriage. I am not a doctor but I know someone who had a similar problem to yours.

After your husband decides to see his son and take responsibility he must decide with the mother on the arrangement like regular visits, e.g. every second week or weekend and half of the holidays to avoid unnecessary discussions with the mother.

My best wishes dear.

Massey27:
Hello Nairalanders.
I have been following the forum and have seen how problems are shared.

I need advice for this and please from matured married people on this forum. This will be lengthy but please read to the end.

I am married for ten years now going to eleven and I will say all this year's, Hubby has been my best friend and closest ally.

We got married when we were in the University and I would say it has been beautiful . Of course we have had the normal quarrels in our relationship. But it has never gotten out of hand. We settle it just the two of us without family interference.
My husband is very supportive and very loving and I have been told by different people that I am lucky to have a husband like him and I totally agree with them.

Fast forward to years after our marriage, I suffered three miscarriages which the last one was bad. And my husband has been supportive all the way. Even though I have not been able to carry all pregnancy full term and we don't have children of our own I have never had course to doubt his love for me.

Two years back, I started getting text messages and strange calls form unknown numbers telling me my husband was seeing another lady. I didn't allow that bother me because I never believed them until his close friend went and informed my family about it.
My family kept it a secret from me and they didn't let my husband know. But they carried out their investigations and it happened to be true. Still no of them told me. They were afraid of what that kind of revelation would cause to our marriage.

I also noticed that my husband was no longer the happy and lively man he used to be. He was getting lean and older than his age of 40. He was looking drained. He still showed love and affection but I knew he was not happy. And if I ask, he keeps saying he is going through a process and it's nothing.


But it wasn't long I got to know, not from my family but from a sister to that same friend of his.
I never for once saw anything incriminating in his phone. So I decided to ask him. Coupled with all the strange messages and calls i was getting and that he was aware of.

I was given the name and every detail of the girl from his friend sister. So I confronted him with that.
He broke down and admitted to it and also told me he didn't like what he was doing and wanted to stop but the girl keeps telling him she will come to the house and make sure I get to know if he stops picking her calls and seeing her.
So he was between the red blue sea and the devil.

I was devastated because I love and trust him with all I have.
He knelt down and wept and he was begging me not to leave him but help him.

He explained that was the reason for his sadness and he really regrets everything and didn't know what he started the affair.
The girl in question was introduced to him by that same friend that went and told my family about his affair.
Even at that point , my family never told me anything.
I left the house with some of my things because the wouldn't let me take everything, with pain and went to my family house.
After telling my mom and elder brothers, I was advised to go back to my house and settle with him. That he is a good man that made a mistake. My elder brothers took me back to his own family house and met with my father in law and all that was settled.
The relationship with the lady ended for it was already shaky at that time. And she called him again when he was trying to settle his home. Telling him if she doesn't see him she is coming to his house because he has been avoiding her. His phone was on speaker and I heard it myself. So he told her she is free to come because his worst fear has happened. That she has no hold over him again and that his wife knows everything now. She immediately ended the call.

I went back home and he has been remorseful and doing everything to make me happy again and to show me how sorry he is.

Early this year, same lady sent him a text to tell him that, when he ended the relationship with her, she was already pregnant for him and she has put to bed a baby boy. And the child is his. This was March this year.

Another drama started.

According to her, she had the baby last year 2018 November and the child is a year now. Her affair with my husband lasted for six months and ended early 2018.

My husband has not seen the child except the picture she posted on Facebook of her and the baby and she has gone ahead to change her profile on Facebook bearing the name of my husband.

Since the news of her having a child for him came, I have been really really sad and hubby has been trying all he can to salvage the situation but I am still not happy.
He has not contacted her and has refused picking her calls or going to see the child and the child by calculating when she said she had him, is a year already.

Now my pan is I have tried to accept this and has even told hubby to go see the child and take responsibility. But he said he is not ready.
Deep down inside me, I don't think I can love this child as my own. Am I a devil for feeling this way?
And i have alot of trust issue going on now in as much as hubby makes sure I am in the know of everything.
He has refused to see the child and I don't want the child growing up to feel his father is irresponsible.
How do hubby i get to know this child more and take care of his needs without having the mother come too close to my home?

The lady in question already has three kids for another man who didn't marry her before hubby met her. But hubby didn't know even when he was with her. He got to know after the whole affair ended.

Although she is more younger than hubby and I. She is In her late twenties.
I am 36 and hubby is 40.

Please your advice are welcome. Married.and matured people here, I will be following. Thank you all for your patience in reading this.

What your hubby did, is what pressure can push a man to do

But am glad he is loving and even showing signs of being remorseful

That child you are contemplating loving or not loving, his mother will not allow you to have a firm grip of that child

She will continue to use the child as a bait with your husband

I advice you discuss the issues of adoption with him and if he approves, you can go ahead and get an adopted child

That will make you happy and kerp you busy not to start killing yourself for not having your biological

May be, the child can oped doors for you to become pregnant

Keep loving your hubby as he too loves you and your family will be stronger that no one can penetrate

The other woman wants to come in, how are you even sure, the boy belongs to him

He can do a DNA test to put his mind at rest and take responsibilities of the child

Ma, let your husband perform a DNA test to confirm if indeed he is the Father, if positive make your husband fulfil his duties to his son otherwise someday you might be to blame. I said that because your husband seem like one who likes to blame everyone except himself for his action( pardon me I could be wrong). Am also sorry to say you can hardly avoid the baby mama trouble because with her recent gimmicks she looks like a trouble maker. You would have to wear the garment of patience and wisdom to keep your home because with his relationship with the child would give the baby mama a lot of access. No one request you love the child as your own but a word is enough for the wise if you need your husband in your life you would have to accommodate that child as much as possible

After a long famine villagers would bring basins out even if it is an eagle that peed from the heavens.

Massey27:


I don't have plans of hubby and I taking the child. I only want him to do good by his son if the baby is truly his. Number 4 which is the baby mama drama is what I am not ready for.
And the lady going all out to change her name's on Facebook and adding hubby's name even changing her relationship status to recently married to husband makes me certain she will cause a lot of drama. She has been called by my brother in law with hubby's directive to take down his/ their family name because she is not a wife and has never been, but she has not done that.

U have fibroid and weak cervix.
As u are trying for a child since u already know what the problem is, why not go for adoption or surrogacy?
Why do u ladies make things very difficult for yourselves?

At the end of the day, the man did what more than 95% of men sympathizing with you here will do behind their wives back and then strike at the right time.

He may tell u some pity party story but the truth is he want a child. He hasn't stopped loving u o, but he want a child. So u should have started using your sixth sense from yr 3 of your marriage.

The only man that will stick to a woman come rain come sunshine without a child is a man one who the problem is from his side. That is when u will see him.professing love here and there.

Go for adoption.

U have nothing to do with the child.

Let love and emotions not rule and control you. Day is still far. More children may still pop out.

Update on this.

I opened up the discussion again today after morning devotion and I had to show him the post and suggestions.

After a long discussion which I must say helped in addressing our fears and pain, we concluded on the following;

1. He will make contact and get to meet the child for the first time and discuss a paternity test with the mum.
( The call was put through around 9am today to her and the conversation was not pleasant. She insult am tight; Oh boy I hear insult this morning I fear. Hubby too was insulting her and they were just insulting each other She told him that he is a joke for asking after a son he has refused to see since he was born. She told him never to call her number again. Hubby too said very nasty words to her. The insults from both side Sha ugly. She told him to do the needful if he wants to see the son and ended the call)

Me I just siddon the hear from speaker and I no talk Sha. I don't know what doing the needful means Sha. That one no be my wahala again.

Plan B after the unpleasant conversation, is for him to have a face to face meeting with her. Since we don't stay in same town again, it will be when he is chanced to visit the other town where she is. Our sponsors during our wedding is going with him on that one. Oga don make the call too. And we don talk

2. After she calm body and them fit see talk, paternity test will be discussed, welfare of the child and the child Making visits to the family house will be discussed. We don't stay in same town anymore. My husband,s sister will be responsible for doing that. Going to take the child and returning the child to the mother after the visit. His sister is my bestie so I specifically choose her. I called to tell her today too, sounded not too excited about it but she will do it when it's time.

3. Talk to my father in law about what we have decided and involve him how it's going. We never call Baba yet. We will do that this evening.

4. Child is not coming to stay with us or live with us. I don't want that. And child is not visiting his daddy in my home for now. I don't know when that will be lifted Sha. I never ready to start seeing him in my house. The visits remain in the town we were before because that's our state and our extended families are all there , so is the baby mama. Child will get to know where he is from.

5. We discussed adoption and surrogacy again. The plan remains the same

We are seeing our Parish Priest later to let him know our decision. He has been with us all the way.


God bless you all for all your advice it helped us in reaching this.
Happy prosperous new year everyone.❤️

Your husband is a good guy, yea. But he doesn’t have street credibility.. he’s somehow weak, that’s why the lady has been able to manipulate him.

When I sey ‘weak’ it’s not to insult him, but what kinda guy does runs outside his marriage and still keep the thing on Facebook? How on earth did the he add the lady on Facebook knowing anything is possible? Does he not know that Facebook is more like a gutter? He isn’t aware of the guy code at all. Having extramarital affair is wrong yea, but if one must do, u do it well. He hasn’t done it well at all.

I’m still coming to u ohh.. but I must let u know that your husband fall my hand big time. He listened to the advice of the so called friend. Mind u, dey must have discussed about the several miscarriages you’ve had, using that to lure him into that yeye lady. He couldn’t even look for a fresh girl, one that’s given birth 3 times before.. ahh.. him no get game at all!!!

Ehn ehn, back to u.. you cannot love that boy like your own. It’s not becos u wouldn’t want to, but becos of the mother who’s got lots of drama. If your husband doesn’t want to be responsible, abeg leave him. He doesn’t want further problems cos that lady would bring more to him.

Lastly, I think you should seek the face of God concerning what’s been happening to u. There’s something unpleasant causing the miscarriages. Ohio not talking medical here, I’m talking spiritual. Prayers can change anything.

Meanwhile, please, continue to love that man. It may not be easy, but continue to do so. There’s still a lot of battle for u guys to fight, and your togetherness is key in conquering.. I wish u all the best.

No forget to tell your husband, he needs the red pill.

For more information on the red pill let him read ubunja’s miseducation.

elmagnifico411:
Your husband is a good guy, yea. But he doesn’t have street credibility.. he’s somehow weak, that’s why the lady has been able to manipulate him.

When I sey ‘weak’ it’s not to insult him, but what kinda guy does runs outside his marriage and still keep the thing on Facebook? How on earth did the he add the lady on Facebook knowing anything is possible? Does he not know that Facebook is more like a gutter? He isn’t aware of the guy code at all. Having extramarital affair is wrong yea, but if one must do, u do it well. He hasn’t done it well at all.

I’m still coming to u ohh.. but I must let u know that your husband fall my hand big time. He listened to the advice of the so called friend. Mind u, dey must have discussed about the several miscarriages you’ve had, using that to lure him into that yeye lady. He couldn’t even look for a fresh girl, one that’s given birth 3 times before.. ahh.. him no get game at all!!!

Ehn ehn, back to u.. you cannot love that boy like your own. It’s not becos u wouldn’t want to, but becos of the mother who’s got lots of drama. If your husband doesn’t want to be responsible, abeg leave him. He doesn’t want further problems cos that lady would bring more to him.

Lastly, I think you should seek the face of God concerning what’s been happening to u. There’s something unpleasant causing the miscarriages. Ohio not talking medical here, I’m talking spiritual. Prayers can change anything.

Meanwhile, please, continue to love that man. It may not be easy, but continue to do so. There’s still a lot of battle for u guys to fight, and your togetherness is key in conquering.. I wish u all the best.

No forget to tell your husband, he needs the red pill.

For more information on the red pill let him read ubunja’s miseducation.

Thank you so much. I couldn't help smiling reading your comment. You sound so like my Uncle. Treating your mistake and telling you the truth in a manner that is good but way the pinch and pain belle and heart.��

Thank you.

This is what I have been saying, after reading your update, some of this single mothers are terrible. Please stop your husband from going, avoid her, let her raise the child by herself. She obviously wants to use that child to destroy your family. Don't force it!!!

Where are the older three children of the woman? I am asking because if she has dumped them somewhere she will one day return this to your husband's.

My main fear is let it not be you getting your fingers burnt by yourself. I won't be surprised if that friend is still giving the lady support. Even though you want to do right be very careful because that lady has found a very fertile ground for her plans. Are you surprised she still has mouth? She feels because you guys don't have kids your husband can't do without her. She feels he is coming now because he doesn't have kids so if she doesn't use the opportunity of marriage now where else will she go? Which is why she said he knows the right thing to do.

Please, please, shock this lady. If she rebuff this next attempt by your marriage sponsors please don't ever again think about the child till a good number of years when she would have seen that you guys can do without her that's is if she has not come to dump him due to financial challenges.

Please let sleeping dogs lie. You are already waking so many people's attention to the need for your husband to have his own child, it may only be a matter of time before some of these people take it further with your husband behind your back. Forget she doesn't have a good record of wife material, the one she has now which is trusted ability to birth kids is the one they will request. The lady knows your husband is weak willed, try as much as possible to even avoid him meeting her before she spin things out of proportion using the child as a bait.

Focus on getting your surrogate child, then you can see how to bring up the other one. Even if she agrees to DNA now, and it is your husband's don't be hasty to bring him to the family house. Monthly allowance can be sent until the boy is a little bit grown. My own is don't by yourself worsen things.

Graxie:
This is what I have been saying, after reading your update, some of this single mothers are terrible. Please stop your husband from going, avoid her, let her raise the child by herself. She obviously wants to use that child to destroy your family. Don't force it!!!

Thank you Graxie. This is noted.

GHoJes:
Where are the older three children of the woman? I am asking because if she has dumped them somewhere she will one day return this to your husband's.

My main fear is let it not be you getting your fingers burnt by yourself. I won't be surprised if that friend is still giving the lady support. Even though you want to do right be very careful because that lady has found a very fertile ground for her plans. Are you surprised she still has mouth? She feels because you guys don't have kids your husband can't do without her. She feels he is coming now because he doesn't have kids so if she doesn't use the opportunity of marriage now where else will she go? Which is why she said he knows the right thing to do.

Please, please, shock this lady. If she rebuff this next attempt by your marriage sponsors please don't ever again think about the child till a good number of years when she would have seen that you guys can do without her that's is if she has not come to dump him due to financial challenges.

Please let sleeping dogs lie. You are already waking so many people's attention to the need for your husband to have his own child, it may only be a matter of time before some of these people take it further with your husband behind your back. Forget she doesn't have a good record of wife material, the one she has now which is trusted ability to birth kids is the one they will request. The lady knows your husband is weak willed, try as much as possible to even avoid him meeting her before she spin things out of proportion using the child as a bait.

Focus on getting your surrogate child, then you can see how to bring up the other one. Even if she agrees to DNA now, and it is your husband's don't be hasty to bring him to the family house. Monthly allowance can be sent until the boy is a little bit grown. My own is don't by yourself worsen things.

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. You know when you find yourself in this kind of situation, you become an FBI agent. The three kids she had where taken by the man she had them for. They were not legally married. She had them for same man. The eldest being nine and the youngest five.