₦airaland Forum

richie240:
Dhur!
She has already commented/responded. Whether she wants a wider coverage is what were talking here; and moreover, this is a faceless forum. No one knows either of them.....neither of the 2 has mentioned their names.

I mean the husband shouldn’t give a rejoinder to his wife’s post.

Ilekokonit:
That's why Naija men ned to start borrowing a leaf from Jamaican men who NEVER live with 1 woman but have variuos babymama's who dare not turn the kids from different mothers against one another or against the man.

The Jamaican man is a study in how the Alpha male rules his Harem even though he doesn't live with any of them and they know he has many women but they dare not cheat on him.

Lol! Do you also know that Caribbean men are EXTREMELY domesticated As in they cook, clean, iron and do all without anybody asking them to do so?

Will you people also "borrow" that leaf? Smh very unserious creatures in this thread.

maak400:
Sorry about your predicament sir, I can only imagine what you’re going through. That’s the nature of women who suddenly become richer than their husband, similar cases like yours abound everywhere. God did not create women to be the provider of the house, so anytime circumstances happen to make a woman the provider, they simply become proud and treat the husband like shit. Just keep praying and hoping that your business bounces back. Also, ensure that you still put your foot down as the head of your home no matter what attitude your wife is displaying.

So true..make woman touch small change...you wee no know her true colour. Only maybe 2.5% of 9ja women that can have money more than husband and still be ĺevel headed and treat him with respect...this tendency of most 9ja women explains why most guys often don't want to marry a lady more loaded than they are because it often goes south as the lady become more arrogant and disrespectful to him..and I won't blame them...

Women don't know how to manage power, money especially when they are in an advantage position .etc..it often enters their head..its a fact that female bosses are often more mean than male bosses..

uninspired07:
This is an issue to be settled at home.

The divergent views that will be gotten from anonymous bachelors & spinsters will likely tear their marriage apart. Both parties will do well to settle the matter through clergy & elders in their respective families.

She has a right to answer for herself because people are giving him advice based on what he has told us.

Dont you think its weird that somebody should lie about another person buying a parcel of land?

Some people are crazy!

Cadillac15:
They don't o. But it happens time and again.

Na wa o

How can somebody say his wife had nothing upon marriage when actually she had something? Who is the person deceiving lmao

And do her siblings have a hand in it or not? How can 2 people be saying something totally different lol what are we supposed to do now after reading it

Zeewirld:
..That doesn't change anything.If she was doing it when the man was financially capable, I don't see what should stop her from doing it now, worst case scenario, she could employ a maid for that purpose.

It is not when your partner is down that you trash them,you are meant to cover their unclothedness at that point.

Money is an enabler. I don't know how the man treated his family, most especially the wife when he was the breadwinner because this might be part of the reasons why she is behaving that one.Women are generally very loyal.

Going by your logic, the man was doing the above for himself before he got married,wasn’t he? Why then did he stop doing them after he got married

Truthwillout:
I am Strungup79's wife and I have watched the drama here unfold in silence. Here is a copy of a message I just sent my husband on WhatsApp. I hope it will put things in clearer light.

I'll try to keep this brief. I started this year on a sour note, crying bitterly. Because of you total strangers called me bitch and all sorts of unprintable names. Some even went as far as saying I was diabolical and ¹reversed your fortunes with juju, and you basked in it all, all because of the lies you told them. You have repeatedly told your siblings the same lies. I emasculate you. Really? I emaaculate you yet i led my colleagues, our neighbours and practically everyone I know to believe that you are the breadwinner and doing a marvellous job. I emasculate you, yet when the rent needs to be paid, I pay it into your account first just so no one will know. I earn good money but no one knows it because everything goes into running this family. I don't save a dime. I NEVER complained about you not working these past 4 or 5 years. You complained about me spending a lot of time at my mum's place. I do that so that I can avoid the endless streams of alterations with you, and for other reasons I'll spare everyone here.

Every single time you bring this up, I reassure you that all I want is the best for you. I encourage you, fast and pray for you, yet I'm a bad wife. You actually called our daughter and told her I am a bad wife. She cried her eyes out when she told me all the nasty things you told her. I have never in the 10 years we've been married said anything disparaging to her about you despite your many short comings. You put me through hell and I just take in stride.

You also told your fans I had nothing when you married me. I had a job and I wasn't doing badly. In fact I practically funded our wedding with the help of my family. I could go on forever. Or is it the fact that you used to leave the house for days on end without communication, leaving me to wonder if you met with some misfortune or something. How many times did i show up at your office haggard and scared early in the morning just to confirm you are alright? I actually wear my younger sister's hand me downs just to save enough to keep this family going.

Your siblings all believe I am a bad person thanks to the endless lies you've told them and I've borne it all. During your last visit, you complained about the fact that I always seemed unhappy and heckled and I explained to you the stress I am under. Our rent is due. Our daughter's fees of over a hundred thousand needs to be paid. Utility bills, feeding...these are some of the burdens I have to deal with. I explained how burdened I felt. I also explained that having to clean up after you constantly worsens my stress. While you were here, I battled insomnia for almost two weeks straight, without compassion or help. I could fill a page with all that is wrong with this marriage. It's never you. You are perfect and righteous and I am a wicked woman. We quarrel like every husband and wife and regardless of whether it's my fault or not, I apologise so that peace will reign. I have suffered humiliation at your hands but you go around damaging my character so people will pity you. Guess what? The truth cannot be hidden. It may take time, but it will come out. I take solace in that.

I will beat my chest and tell you that no woman on this earth will bear what I bore at your hands or care for you like I have. Since you are so unhappy, I think you should take out time and find yourself. I also need time to pray and to heal from this emotional trauma, so please let's give ourselves a year at least to decide what to do next. I wish you the best.

Funmisticqueen wehdone ooo..

Sincerely I feel sorry for you guy.... But I found some replies here very funny and caused me to laugh....

Just be strong and my prayer for you this new year is supernatural assistance.... Don't give up.... It's going to be okay.

strungup79:
I'm always out of town looking for one job or business. I've just been unfortunate that all my efforts have yielded little or no fruit. It's almost as if there's a curse working against me.

Do you know from scriptures God said if you and your wife dey quarell he won't answer your prayers which means your hustle will not produce anything. I Peter 3:7...

As much as i dont like how this is happening between you and your wife..but she is the cause of your downfall....Take this counsel..reconcile with your wife..buy her a present and do stuff to make her happy and see if there wont be changes in 2 week.Many men don't know this that their wife happiness is key to their success..so they hustle and hustle and nothing comes out...because madame is not happy.

I don't know why God did it that way..but it's a spiritual law that control forces of the Spirit.

Truthwillout:
I am Strungup79's wife and I have watched the drama here unfold in silence. Here is a copy of a message I just sent my husband on WhatsApp. I hope it will put things in clearer light.

I'll try to keep this brief. I started this year on a sour note, crying bitterly. Because of you total strangers called me bitch and all sorts of unprintable names. Some even went as far as saying I was diabolical and ¹reversed your fortunes with juju, and you basked in it all, all because of the lies you told them. You have repeatedly told your siblings the same lies. I emasculate you. Really? I emaaculate you yet i led my colleagues, our neighbours and practically everyone I know to believe that you are the breadwinner and doing a marvellous job. I emasculate you, yet when the rent needs to be paid, I pay it into your account first just so no one will know. I earn good money but no one knows it because everything goes into running this family. I don't save a dime. I NEVER complained about you not working these past 4 or 5 years. You complained about me spending a lot of time at my mum's place. I do that so that I can avoid the endless streams of alterations with you, and for other reasons I'll spare everyone here.

Every single time you bring this up, I reassure you that all I want is the best for you. I encourage you, fast and pray for you, yet I'm a bad wife. You actually called our daughter and told her I am a bad wife. She cried her eyes out when she told me all the nasty things you told her. I have never in the 10 years we've been married said anything disparaging to her about you despite your many short comings. You put me through hell and I just take in stride.

You also told your fans I had nothing when you married me. I had a job and I wasn't doing badly. In fact I practically funded our wedding with the help of my family. I could go on forever. Or is it the fact that you used to leave the house for days on end without communication, leaving me to wonder if you met with some misfortune or something. How many times did i show up at your office haggard and scared early in the morning just to confirm you are alright? I actually wear my younger sister's hand me downs just to save enough to keep this family going.

Your siblings all believe I am a bad person thanks to the endless lies you've told them and I've borne it all. During your last visit, you complained about the fact that I always seemed unhappy and heckled and I explained to you the stress I am under. Our rent is due. Our daughter's fees of over a hundred thousand needs to be paid. Utility bills, feeding...these are some of the burdens I have to deal with. I explained how burdened I felt. I also explained that having to clean up after you constantly worsens my stress. While you were here, I battled insomnia for almost two weeks straight, without compassion or help. I could fill a page with all that is wrong with this marriage. It's never you. You are perfect and righteous and I am a wicked woman. We quarrel like every husband and wife and regardless of whether it's my fault or not, I apologise so that peace will reign. I have suffered humiliation at your hands but you go around damaging my character so people will pity you. Guess what? The truth cannot be hidden. It may take time, but it will come out. I take solace in that.

I will beat my chest and tell you that no woman on this earth will bear what I bore at your hands or care for you like I have. Since you are so unhappy, I think you should take out time and find yourself. I also need time to pray and to heal from this emotional trauma, so please let's give ourselves a year at least to decide what to do next. I wish you the best.

We know who this is. And it is that person that has been attached for a silly comment they made earlier on this thread.

If you know you know

Awon "I cannot comment until I hear from the other person" crew oya ooo!

midnighter:
Na wa o

How can somebody say his wife had nothing upon marriage when actually she had something? Who is the person deceiving lmao

And do her siblings have a hand in it or not? How can 2 people be saying something totally different lol what are we supposed to do now after reading it

I have a funny feeling that the OP and the woman claiming to be his wife are not related in reality.

This forum is anonymous and there are thousands if not millions of issues bearing similar background in Nigerian marriages today.

This might just be a case of mistaken identity.

912:
We know who this is. And it is that person that has been attached for a silly comment they made earlier on this thread.

If you know you know

Very possible. The account was registered after those banters.

rs172:
Funmisticqueen wehdone ooo..

Please leave her out of this. Ask strungup79 directly to come here and validate who I am. He claims to be an up and up Christian. I'll not say anything further for now. I have been called all sorts of vile names and I am still trying to heal from that. I will not allow the comments here hurt me further. What a way to start the year.

Let me explain s few things. Yes my moniker is new because i just created a new account for this purpose. I am an active nairalander. My colleagues know my moniker and I want to spare myself and husband the embarrassment. I have always presented my husband as the breadwinner and in spite of everything, I do not wish to expose the truth to outsiders, especially friends and colleagues who know him as well.

I don't necessarily care if people here believe me or not. I have passed my message and that is that. Like I said the truth will come out someday. It never stays hidden. I wish you all a pain free 2020. May none of you go through the things I have been through.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

You're vile and filled with hatred in your heart.

RisenPhoenix:
I assume that the downturn did not take place in one day, it is easier to reduce expenses overtime.

I myself have experienced just such a situation quite early in my marriage, so I am not just talking arbitrarily. Along the line, you find ways to reduce expenses one step at a time; but only if your wife is supportive of the plan. She did supplement once in a while, but never to the point where her contribution was essential; and we agreed that my permission would always be sought and any contribution would always be a strictly documented loan. With greater peace of mind, I was able to quickly diversify my business, get out of my situation and pay back the few loans I took from her and other family members in full.

Now this is reasonable. I dont see why people are arguing with you about saying that somebody should cut his coat according to his cloth.

Whats wrong with taking garri for a while if thats what you can afford? At least its food, isnt it? Should they keep eating themselves out of their house?

I dont get it; how can you be reasonable in some things and totally out of the point in others? Youre an enigmatic fellow..hmm...

Preshy561:
This is so sad.
I understand your plight. If there's how you can search for a greener pasture by moving away from her for the main time, please do.
She might think you aren't doing good enough by seeing you home everytime.

Sorry about the situation.

God bless you, may your home be filled with love, Amen.

Cadillac15:
I have a funny feeling that the OP and the woman claiming to be his wife are not related in reality.

This forum is anonymous and there are thousands if not millions of issues bearing similar background in Nigerian marriages today.

This might just be a case of mistaken identity.

Well, she seems sure that OP is her husband.

I have heard and read so many things without them really affecting me. But truly, this thread has made me agree with the statement "you are making me to become afraid of marriage".

See divergent stories! Ha!!

912:
Lwkmd hahahahahaha come on you can do better than this pathetic excuse

Even me sef, I taya for the excuse... Like, really??

midnighter:
Well, she seems sure that OP is her husband.

I have heard and read so many things without them really affecting me. But truly, this thread has made me agree with the statement "you are making me to become afraid of marriage".

See divergent stories! Ha!!

The institution is fast losing its relevance and its simply because we humans are trying to challenge nature.

It started with men emasculating women, then proceeded to women fighting for emancipation and empowerment. Having being emancipated, women are now fighting to emasculate men as a revenge of men's previous emasculation and men have started fighting against women emasculating them.

In the end, there will be nothing like marriage and family values will be lost., forever.

Paentera:
She is telling you the absolute truth.

Marriages are economic relationships & for centuries, males who gained economic success used this to dominate the females.

Economic dominance is the only reason males have control of a marriage. Once that economic dominance is lost to the female, what will follow is a change in power dynamics.

The only way males without economic dominance in a marriage will have power dynamics in their favour, is because the female wishes for it to be so. Nothing spiritual here.

Be smart, go get your economic earning power multiplied manifold. The other option is to give up on the economic relationship.

You are wise

I'm reading chats n people saying they don't believe the op. Bla bla bla. Lol. I laugh y'all. I've seen this things happen in my home. Don't just pray to be a victim of a competitive woman. It's good to be motivated n driven. Just don't pray to get marriage wrongly.
And for those men or women treating their partner wrongly because of finance, remember your marital vows. No one knows tomorrow. Tomorrow is pregnant.
Op better pull out from that marriage. Separation for the main time. A family friend of mine is a victim. His own sef, he pays the bill n does all the financial work. But she made him loose two sources of income. We talked when it started initially. Friends n family advicing him. But for fear of broken home for his kids, he tolerated her. This Dec I arrived yen for the festival n asked after him. I was told he'd relocated to lag to live with his mom n dad with the kids. His wife is in Yen. He lost his job again. The marriage he was trying to secure even knowing fully well that the woman cheats on him af pack up.
Home wey go break go break. Don't try to work it out alone. It takes two to tango.

strungup79:
You are just like my wife. If marriage is about control, why marry? Why not stay on your own? Making money is not about hustling, if it was i'd be earning over three times what my wife earns. Luck, favour also plays a role. Maybe God just wants to show me who I married.

True

This is indeed deep.

LordKO:
If you're a Mech. Engr. with at least 2 years previous work experience in the petroleum industry, send me a PM immediately.

As for your wife and her recent attitude, it's obvious that you've been living with a frenemy all this while. Only few men are lucky, and can be lucky, to marry virtuous/submissive women. Since she's of the small-minded stock, you've to master the art of treating small-minded people and mete out same to her - if you aren't small-minded like her too.

God will bless you..You have a good heart...I pray he has the qualifications.

simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

True....

funmisticqueen:
marriage is not about control. Money is what gives control. Stop misquoting me from your place of pain.

Also stop this 'poor me' 'boohoo' victim mentality, it is irritating and pathetic. You are the one emasculating yourself, by allowing yourself to be emasculated.

Most likely money was all you had to offer in the marriage and now that you have lost that, you are just like an appendix in your marriage. Existing without function, but capable of causing hell because no one cares about it anymore.

It is not about bringing more money but showing that you are a leader, and being her support. Give her a reason to trust you by showing initiative. Do you think women like to be bread winners? She is picking up your slack.Of course She will be pissed at you subconsciously.

Be proactive, anticipate needs in the marriage that you can provide and meet them without being told or nagged. Convince her that you are still necessary in your marriage. Get your head out of your asshole and be man.


This is the most candid advice you will get from me or on your thread

I love u..

So sorry bro. such is life. I just hope she is not seeing any man behind your back. Some women are not fit to be wives

simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

Sense will nor kill you. Lol

funmisticqueen:
Men live longer married to women. Research backs it up

BULLSHIT!!!

midnighter:
Now this is reasonable. I dont see why people are arguing with you about saying that somebody should cut his coat according to his cloth.

Whats wrong with taking garri for a while if thats what you can afford? At least its food, isnt it? Should they keep eating themselves out of their house?

I dont get it; how can you be reasonable in some things and totally out of the point in others? Youre an enigmatic fellow..hmm...

I'm always reasonable. However, my observations may seem out of point for two reasons; one is that they may go contrary to some people's long held beliefs, so they resist accepting them. Changing one's beliefs is extremely difficult. The other is that the vast majority of people; while they could be actually smart; are mentally lazy. They do not take time to comprehend and analyze what other people are saying. They just react without thinking. Because of the very short attention span of a lot of people, they read only for the purpose of answering, not to understand. I notice that you do that often as well; contrary to your monicker; though you seem to be somewhat smarter than average.

internationalman:
so women don't divorce rich dude..

ubunja write and i quote ''the less worthy a man feels about himself the more he uses money to chase girls to compensate for his low self esteem.

How can I get this Ubunja book? Pls send it to my email- angelezeus@yahoo.com