₦airaland Forum

Nice write up.@ Op are you sure you are the husband, cause you bring shame here, how can you allow this from your wife,from ur write up ur wife is wrong, u shouldn't allow for ur mom to be disrespected not even by ur wife. U have a responsibility to address your wife( are you afraid of her?). Be a man!!!!!!!!!, Tell ur wife to be the bigger person and swallow her pride....

I will try my best to honestly advise you.

First, I don't think you have a good wife, she is one of those wife's who wants to conquer their mother in-laws to take total control of the man.

No matter how bad your mother is, the fact remains that she is your mother, no matter how much your wife can claim to love you she can never love you more than your mother.

Her own mother may be far worse than yours but can she possibly get done with her own mother? It is reasonable to hear that your mother is treating your wife badly and you as the husband can't take it anymore, this is when you have a good wife and a bad mother then you need to give such mother some distance from your home.

We have worse mother in-laws from both sides, your mother may have some bad characters but the fact remains that she is your mother and must be tolorated by your wife. If your wife can't tolorate her then distance your mother from your home while you make sure you visit her often to take care of her, afterall she has no business in your home.

Explain to your mom that you need time to allow your wife grow up but make sure you don't neglect your mom, if your wife still has problems with the attention you are giving your mom away from your home then it should be clear to you that you do not have a wife but a knife. Traits of evil doers is to chase away the loved ones they met with you and take over your life to ruin it so there will be no one to advise or fight for you. Beware.

I wish you all the best.

I think there should be lines of a mother and a wife, which should be maintained. Unfortunately, you see some people crossing the lines undeterred.
Any action Op is making is only for a temporary solution, until another lane crossing comes up.
Just talk to your mum to see her self as your mother, an elder who shouldn't be having fights or whatever with someone young to be her daughter(just sweet mouth her to stay and enjoy her throne), do same for your wife and tell her to be patient with your mum(because she's getting old....blah blah)
With all said, if they still continue, PARA, AS IN PARA.
Shebi dem like wahala, u self create another, they should calm down. There are different ways to approach it tho, I hope you find a way
I hate it when people compound my worries(with all natural worries, somebody come dey add join)
With the few lines I read from Ops story, you ought to be a writer, see as you scribed the story

Making sense. Exclude all extended family both from visits and visitations. She can go see her people, and he can go see his. Bullfrikincrap.

henribj:
op stop bothering yourself. What is good for the goose is also good for the gander. If your wife does not want the inclusion of your mom then you should let your wife know you don't want the inclusion of her family. It appears your wife has nothing to gain from your mom and you have something your gaining from her family. Oga stamp your feet and either let your wife include all or she exclude all.

I don't give a crap what your mother did, talk to your wife and let her get sense.

A woman who can't show the spirit of humility to her husband's mother is not a good wife.

Your mother may have her issues but if she's raised you to be a decent man whose wife is enjoying today then she should get some common sense and show some respect to your mother.

You've known her now for 8 years out of thirty, your mother has known you for 30 years and 9 months.

Let your wife know that you wont accept any disrespect to your mom from any quarters, starting from you.

Imagine your son's wife behaving like your wife to you when you've reached old age. Will you like it?

If she has to pretend to love your mother then she should start honing her acting skills.

Your wife can stop being your wife, but your mother will always continue to be your mother or have you heard the term "ex-mother" before?

Let's be guided here, please.

addictiv:
Op put your feet down and take control of your home. Read out the riot act to ur wife and your mum... Both of them should fall in line and behave or feel ur wrath, do not try to tolerate any bullshit talks for attitude from both of them Be firm and stand ur ground as a man. Consult your wife in decision making but be the decision maker.

straight up!!

What kind of man are you ? You're too soft and your wife will be the one to kill you cause i don't see any reason why she can't let go of the past. These are the type of women that will be praying for their mother- in law to die, so they can take control of the man's life and be pushing the man around like dummy. She even have the audacity to say she can't pretend to love your mother RadaRada. If i were you, that day will be the day she will pack her bags and go back to her parent house because she lacks home training. What if, someone doing something like that to her mother, how will she react? Sir,your mum is your mum , you can't trade that for anyone. You can only have one mum. How will you react if your wife slap your mom in front of you ? You will call your mom one side and still tell her she's the one at fault, that she deserve the slap .You better man up and stop letting that yeye love thing make you lose your sanity and everything you work for . Arghhh

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

.This thing that you called a wife will lead to your ruins.

Can she treat her own mother that way?

There is no big deal here. He cant force the woman to have relationship with his mother. She cant also not want both the son and grandson not to have a relationship with her. He can be seeing the woman when he wants with the child. That solves the problem. She can go see her people with the child. No problem. Since she is excluding his mum from all family activities, he should also exclude himself from all their family activities. No hard feelings. Just returning the insensitivity and favor.

abdullkabar:
I think there should be lines of a mother and a wife, which should be maintained. Unfortunately, you see some people crossing the lines undeterred.
Any action Op is making is only for a temporary solution, until another lane crossing comes up.
Just talk to your mum to see her self as your mother, an elder who shouldn't be having fights or whatever with someone young to be her daughter(just sweet mouth her to stay and enjoy her throne), do same for your wife and tell her to be patient with your mum(because she's getting old....blah blah)
With all said, if they still continue, PARA, AS IN PARA.
Shebi dem like wahala, u self create another, they should calm down. There are different ways to approach it tho, I hope you find a way
I hate it when people compound my worries(with all natural worries, somebody come dey add join)
With the few lines I read from Ops story, you ought to be a writer, see as you scribed the story

the easiest thing is ...
call the both of them,
be very serious..
then threaten them that you'll take your own life if they continue like that, and then let them know that you are depressed (pls don't be, jst act like it).. be very very serious.. Trust me .. both of them will correspond!.. if you have a doctor frnd .. fake an attempted suicide.. trust me things will improve.

Bros, from what you wrote , it is clear your mum is lonely. She's divorced your dad and you're one of the most important reasons she's alive, pls show poor old woman so love. From your write up it is clear you're a jelly and you can't dictate what you want as the head of the family. Is your wife feeding you? Even if she is ,it's so appalling your wife is radiating so much hatred to your mum because of your jelly like approach you're seeing as diplomacy. Bro pls man up and out your wife where she belongs. Sometimes the more you try to make peace, the more the warring factions get irritated. Kindly stop all discussions relating to your mother with her and show your mum much love[sub][/sub]. Thanks you and pardon the few strong lines I used. I got emotional.

mikezuruki:
That the issue has deteriorated to this level is your fault. You have failed to take a firm stand against your wife. Acting the jeje guy! Your indecisiveness will ruin everything! How can your wife hate your mother and often openly disagrees with her?

Guy step up your firm game

I guess he is trying to be woke ���

babyfaceafrica:
I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it.


Mistake of the century.. Your mom and your wife had issues and you chose your wife side, are you okay?.. Cant you be neutral!!

leave am
na stupid man him be

nlPoster:
Not again.

Is it the same person behind all these threads, epistles and posts?

looking lik. same style of writing

georgeiyke009:
There is no big deal here. He cant force the woman to have relationship with his mother. She cant also not want both the son and grandson not to have a relationship with her. He can be seeing the woman when he wants with the child. That solves the problem. She can go see her people with the child. No problem. Since she is excluding his mum from all family activities, he should also exclude himself from all their family activities. No hard feelings. Just returning the insensitivity and favor.

OK, I didn't even read the story halfway, but as you said, there isn't a big deal.
He should just decide on which to follow and bear the consequences.









But seriously, did you really read the whole story!!!
You deserve a medal. Really

Candiesramah:
It's this your wife that will kill you. It's like once some of you men get married, you trade your sense of reasoning along the way. Just imagine the nonsense you defended. What was wrong in your mum requesting an addition in your wedding guest list? Would that your wife have rejected it if it had come from her mother? She should be happy she got a good mother-in-law willing to make things work out, else, she would have been shown what's like to have issues with mothers-in-law. I don't blame her sha, it's you I blame.

In addition to this l feels men should study the temperament of the person they plan to marry before blindly saying l DO. Don't choose the wrong character of a woman when you already know who your Mum is.
You didn't choose mum with her limitations but you can choose a more tolerating wife.

georgeiyke009:
Best Advice.
I would add distancing yourself from her people also. She cant be forming I dont give a ahit about your mum why she wants to include you in their own family stuffs. She made the bed. She should lie on it.

.. May be the wife's family is the one feeding the op.If not,I can't see why he should not call his wife to order since the mother wanted peace.Make Una no go tell op wetin him go do and lose his meal ticket.

Lucid1:
Some mothers don't know where to draw the line, it's rather unfortunate that it has come to this.

I feel for you bro, you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings by putting her in her place but you gotta find a way to do it. Let her allow your wife to run her home, too much interference is the major issue here.

But truly who owns the man, his wife or mother?

@E685 I'm sure you are the cause of your wife's obvious disregard for your mom. Heaven knows what you've told her about ur mom. Ur wife is childish and petty.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. May be the wife's family is the one feeding the op.If not,I can't see why he should not call his wife to order since the mother wanted peace.Make Una no go tell op wetin him go do and lose his meal ticket.

Choi

LyfeJennings:
& Is there anything wrong in that
The OP is a baby
He isn't mentally ripe for marriage
He needs a counsellor
Someone to guide him thru life
I wonder where his father is

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be involved in events. I just posted that quickly.

Op E685, all I will say is that you must always remember that your wife can leave and even divorce you one day (and become another person's wife), but your mother will always be your mother no matter what.

Be a man and be more assertive in your marriage lest your wife walk all over you the way she is apparently doing.

You have to manage your mother. You doesn't have any other mother than her if she doesn't want the marriage I advice you to follow her wish.

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Op,
Just tell.her that what she does to your mom, you will also do it to her mom and see her reaction...

Op, you're.a foooooool. Your own foolish enter Guinness book of record...the marriage you don't want to lose will soon end. Do you know the sacrifice of a mother on a child...? A lady can know marry a guy if hes not gainfully employed..but the mother will continue to take your responsibility even in your unemployment state. A lady will run away, we there are too much trouble in the family..but the mother we want to sacrifice herself to end the trouble so that you can have a good life..

God punish that your wife 10x .

I can't just imagine the wife that just came in the process 8 years ago and.compare to your mom from the womb wrecking serious havoc in your relationship btw you and your mom

Let it be know to you that a lady can separate or abscond but there's no place your my mom is going even though you are in the deepest mess.



Lack of home training in the highest order. My advice to you is that you should caution.your wife or paraventure , both of you should go for marriage counseling. Your family is sitting on a keg of.gun powder...in order not for it to explode, go for marriage counseling..

Why not shot off your wife parents and see how painful it will be for her?
I have always been an advocate of father moses who said an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
I believe mother's should be tolerated for the simple reason that they are mother's.

georgeiyke009:
There is no big deal here. He cant force the woman to have relationship with his mother. She cant also not want both the son and grandson not to have a relationship with her. He can be seeing the woman when he wants with the child. That solves the problem. She can go see her people with the child. No problem. Since she is excluding his mum from all family activities, he should also exclude himself from all their family activities. No hard feelings. Just returning the insensitivity and favor.

N

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I need summary

Op, you started intelligently but began to sound more like a clown and less a man from the paragraph you mentioned your mother.. Man up to your wife and show her why she should accept and respect your mother as her parents and you are there dulling like pussygum

atctech:
This is a very sensitive issue, you need to Man up, and also be prayerful.....if care is not taken you are threading the way to divorce.
I am a Pastor, I'm married too, I have a mother,
so I have the moral standard to advise you.
The role of your wife in your marriage is different from the the role of your mother. the Bible says the man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one. The problem is, you haven't leave your mother.
things like this happens when parents are still contributing to marriage, like money, foods, business or housing.
sorry to say this, if your mum is that right and knows the form a marriage should take "she would still be with your father she wouldn't have divorced your father or vice versa" that is a signal that something is wrong. let her use her ways on her marriage and not your marriage.

OP pls ignore this man. He will mislead you. If you know this so called man of God telling you to discard your mother, he is holding his close to his heart. Ignore! Ignore!!

This will only make the situation worse, and don't dare say this to your mother pls

Candiesramah:
It's this your wife that will kill you. It's like once some of you men get married, you trade your sense of reasoning along the way. Just imagine the nonsense you defended. What was wrong in your mum requesting an addition in your wedding guest list? Would that your wife have rejected it if it had come from her mother? She should be happy she got a good mother-in-law willing to make things work out, else, she would have been shown what's like to have issues with mothers-in-law. I don't blame her sha, it's you I blame.

God bless you sir/ma for this wonderful post

Op, you started intelligently but began to sound more like a clown and less a man from the paragraph you mentioned your mother.. Man up to your wife and show her why she should accept and respect your mother as her parents and you are there dulling like pus*ygum

Your wife needs to understand she can't treat your mom the way she treats hers. In-laws are meant to be respected for peace to return to your home. You the hubby need to talk to your wife to learn to see your mom as her mom too and stop acting like they are age mates having differences. Both women are Paramount to you and non can be cut out. Just that your wife needs to step up her tolerance.

poik:
A man leaves father and mother, and cleaves to his wife. There is a reason for this. You as the man need to put your foot down and state your boundaries of how you want things to be, since it has come to that. Truth is you have to choose a side, and it is with your wife. and this is not your wife manipulating you against your mother. Its the way it 'post to be.

However, be sure that your wife's ,manipulative tendencies do not creep into other artea of things. Thats why it is expedient you state unequivocally how you want things to be, and take charge. Sentiment does not always solve issues.

You see it in a childish way.

The Mum is an elder and as such the wife lacks respect and understanding.

From the write-ups, the mum is not interfering in the marriage rather begging to be loves (her birthright).